[Ill.u.s.tration: A PERFECT DAY IN PETROGRAD]

CHAPTER x.x.xV

RUSSIA

Russia comprises one-sixth of the landscape and snowscape of the Globe.

Formerly the property of a Czar named Nicholas, it is now owned by a Superczar named Lenine.

The princ.i.p.al objects of interest are Samovars, Soviets, Sables, and the Steppes.

The Steppes of Russia, though vast and quite bare, have nothing to do with those of the Russian Dancers.

At the present stage of Russian Affairs they may better be compared to the well-known Steps to Avernus, which are for descent only--and easy at that!

Today almost the only articles of Russian Manufacture are Natural Ice and Press Dispatches.

Of manufacture of the latter, as regards volume at least, there has never been such an enorm----*

* Why go on about Russia?

_The Reader._

Quite right! Russia is too large for such a little Geography as this.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Map of THE BLACK SEA]

We will leave Russia as quickly as possible.

Watch your Steppe!

CHAPTER x.x.xVI

NORWAY AND SWEDEN

It is all very sad about Norway and Sweden! A handsomer country couple--or couple of countries--it would be hard to meet anywhere, and so propinquous! Have they not been next-door neighbours from the infancy of the world?

And everybody knows what Propinquity does.

It is Cupid's middle name; what more natural than that they should get married?

Haven't you heard? Well, it all happened so quickly, they were married in Vienna in 1815, and--well, you know Propinquity is the Devil's middle name, too--they were divorced in 1905 after a brief married life of only ninety years!

What could have been the trouble?

Some say the food, others attribute it to the Domestic Drama. Perhaps it was both. Here is a typical Scandinavian Menu--

Pjkled Ojsters Bjsque of Snajls Frjed Fjsh Natjve Wjne Qujnce Jce-cream Onjons and Bjsqujts

It might almost pa.s.s for an Ibsen Play with the average theatre-goer; it has what the average theatre-goer calls "atmosphere."

[Ill.u.s.tration]

_I once drew Ibsen, looking bored_ _Across a deep Norwegian Fjord,_ _And very nearly everyone_ _Mistook him for the Midnight Sun._

Norway is the home of the Ibsenian or stodgy, as distinguished from the stagey, Drama.

James Huneker, the eminent Lexicographer, as a compliment to that great and hirsutiferous playwright, has re-christened Norway "The Land of the Midnight Whiskers."

The inhabitants of Norway and Sweden are the most Moral and Patriotic People in the World, and they won the World War.

CHAPTER x.x.xVII

AFRICA

"The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.

Africa is the richest "jack-pot" in the game of territorial "freeze-out"

played by the European Powers. The stakes represent diamonds, gold, ivory, rubber and slaves, though the latter are nominally outside the limit.

[Ill.u.s.tration: AN ELEPHANT (From an instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker)]

The game began nearly three centuries ago and now in the early morning of the twentieth century (such a fascinating game is Poker!) it is still in progress, though Germany, who staked all her pile and lost, has dropped out.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A LION (From an instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker)]

The ancient Greek Geographer Strabo (64 B. C.) describes Africa as "the fruitful nurse of large serpents, elephants, antelopes and similar animals; of lions also and panthers." He does not mention the Chimpanzees, who are the most remarkable of all the aboriginal inhabitants, a gentle and peace-loving race, abstemious without being bigoted, and patriotic to a high degree, very few surviving transportation from their native jungle.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

_Children, behold the Chimpanzee!_ _He sits on the ancestral tree_ _From which we sprang in ages gone,_ _I'm glad we sprang--had we held on_ _We might, for all that I can say,_ _Be horrid Chimpanzees to-day._

The inhabitants of Africa are the most Moral and Patriotic in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.