"f.u.c.k!" I yell and stomp past him.

"Tegan!"

My chest constricts with anger, the cloying scent of hotel cleaning products and stale carpets a huge contrast to the smell of nature I left outside. The quiet drives me nuts. I'm suffocating. After a week of semi-isolation, I can't do this anymore.

Jax follows me to my room. I swipe the card and fling the door open, and turn to him. "Leave me alone."

"Tegan, talk to me!"

"I'm too f.u.c.king angry! I need to clear my head!"

I attempt to close the door, but Jax catches it before I can. "Tough!" He pushes past me into the room and I slam the door, turning to look at him. "Why the att.i.tude?"

"I'm going home!" I shout, surprised at my words. I am?

Jax stares at me, wide-eyed. "What? Why?"

"Because I can't do this." I wave my hand around the room. "Jax, I spent months alone travelling because I didn't want to be stuck in England. I came here because I wanted to experience Europe and a tour. Now I can't go out without permission? This is bulls.h.i.t!"

Jax places the cups on the table and reaches out to me. I step back and cross my arms defensively. "Tegan, please. This will get better. Don't leave the tour."

"I'll come back. I need to go away until I can breathe again."

"You can't! You need to stay." His tone isn't that of a lover wanting me with him, but a demand. Not a good idea, Jax.

"Need to?"

"I don't know what I'd do without you here." Again, the message behind his words isn't romantic, but something else.

I straighten. "You don't know what you'd do?"

"Yeah, I mean, I get drunk and do stupid s.h.i.t, don't I?"

My chest tightens further. Am I hearing him right? "Are you telling me you'll screw other girls if I'm not here?"

"I don't think so, but I -"

"What the f.u.c.k?" I yell. "You don't think so? 'No' was the correct response there, you d.i.c.khead!"

"No. I meant no. f.u.c.k!" He reaches out again but my scowl is enough for him to keep his distance. "Tegan, with you around, I don't behave the same. If you're gone, I'll start hanging with Will and Nate more. Drinking, 'cause I'll miss you."

An image of the Portuguese girl on his lap in the club flashes into my mind. "Your choice, Jax. You can still have fun without getting wasted, and have a great time without s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g the first girl to stick her t.i.ts in your face!"

"I will. Won't. f.u.c.k, you know what I mean but things would be easier with you here. I won't be tempted to do stupid s.h.i.t."

"OhmiG.o.d!" I take a shaky breath and close my eyes. Calm. Now. I don't do this. I don't have slanging matches with guys. I definitely don't let them under my skin. "I think you'd better leave now."

"Tegan..." Jax attempts to take hold of me again and I push him away, close to lashing out. So much for the calm.

"Go!" I shout.

"What are you going to do? Will you leave?"

"What the h.e.l.l does it matter to you? I don't f.u.c.king believe this!"

Jax backs away as my voice continues to rise. "You won't leave."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Fine. There's no point talking to you when you're behaving like this."

I make a derisive noise. "Maybe you should think before you open your big mouth!"

"For f.u.c.k's sake, Tegan. Don't you think you're overreacting?"

Wrong thing to say to a woman. Always. This man has a s.h.i.tload to learn about the opposite s.e.x. Such as not telling someone, who thought she was your girlfriend, you might be unfaithful if she's not around.

"Go." I walk stiffly to the door and yank it open. "I'll let you know when I leave."

He stares at me for a few moments and shakes his head. "Make sure you do."

When Jax leaves, I rest a hand against the closed door, desperately holding together the angry hurt threatening to tear me apart. I put myself through the bulls.h.i.t of not being able to live my life properly, to date a guy who's not sure he can be faithful? I've spent a week stuck inside hotels, seven days away from the whole reason I decided to come on tour.

p.i.s.sed off over how smug Bryn's going to be when I tell him I'm leaving, I head to the shower where I can wash away the stress and make a final decision.

JAX.

I stand outside Tegan's door, dazed by what just happened. Wow. I know Tegan is a determined, pa.s.sionate chick who doesn't take c.r.a.p from people, but I never expected her to be this volatile. Tegan's b.l.o.o.d.y-mindedness sets her apart in her world. In mine, Tegan's att.i.tude causes trouble.

Seriously, what the f.u.c.k was she thinking going out alone? Tina's monitoring everything press related and is convinced we only needed to wait a few days and things will calm. What's wrong with hanging inside for a few extra days? h.e.l.l, I'll take Tegan back to the cities she's missed visiting one day soon.

But spontaneously deciding to leave? Talk about overreaction.

I'm p.i.s.sed off with myself for speaking my mind too. I said those things in a desperate and misguided attempt to persuade Tegan to stay. She's right. I'm a d.i.c.khead who needs to engage brain before opening mouth. When I walked away, I could've smacked myself; I know Tegan wanted to. I wouldn't touch another girl, not while she wanted me. Us.

Would I?

The rest of the day, I search my heart, asking myself that question over and over. I fought for Tegan and told the world. I'm sure drunk Jax would remember this. Surely, Tegan's buried deep enough into my subconscious that I wouldn't forget her when I was out with the guys and my brain was on standby.

Then there's the other possibility. What if Tegan doesn't come back? How long do I wait for her? Is she saying this is over?

28.

JAX.

Evidently, when Tegan makes a decision, she doesn't hang around because she's catching an evening flight back to England. An hour after our argument, Tegan called me and told me her plans. I didn't think she'd actually go, but I half-understand why she is. This conversation was calmer and, when we met to say goodbye, I apologised. Tegan did too, and I told her she was teaching me 'how to adult'. Tegan laughed, and said I had a long way to go yet. Yeah, so does she.

Even though I repeatedly told Tegan how much I would miss her; held and kissed her until I was sure she understood, some of the distance between us remained. Thanks to my idiot comments earlier in the day, the affection in her eyes has retreated.

Watching Tegan walk away flipped my stomach. My obsession with her leads to a fear I've never had around a girl before: will Tegan come back?

I headed to the sound check, dizzied by the events of the day, worrying whether my apology was enough. The distraction led to stupid mistakes as we rehea.r.s.ed. After half an hour, a p.i.s.sed off Ruby pulled me to one side and asked what the h.e.l.l is wrong with me. I mumbled the story to her so the twins couldn't hear, and she shoved me, informing me I should go to the airport and catch Tegan before she leaves.

I'm torn. The band has sound issues, which are taking us longer than usual to fix; I can't go on stage tonight unless I'm sure everything is fixed. Nothing comes before my music. In a blinding jolt to the head, the truth hits. Tegan's up there as equal first right now. How? There's no logic, something unexplainable about this girl consumes me. The decision is made - I can't let Tegan leave thinking s.h.i.t about me.

Tegan waits for her flight in the VIP lounge at Vienna airport. When I arrive, I glance around the lounge at the elderly businessman reading a large newspaper, and a well-dressed couple eating the complimentary sandwiches. n.o.body who'd be interested in the rock star and his girlfriend.

I hesitate in the doorway for a few minutes, the airport announcements echoing around as I watch her. Unsurprisingly, she's on her laptop. Tegan's long brown hair is pulled into a ponytail exposing her long neck, full lips pursed as she focuses, and I catch my breath. This beautiful girl stands out from everybody around her and fills my world. What the h.e.l.l am I thinking? n.o.body else could take her place.

When I sit on the upholstered seat next to Tegan, she looks up. "Jax?"

"Sure is." I curl my fingers around her hand. "Had to say goodbye."

Tegan's surprise turns to the smile I ached for when I said goodbye earlier. She squeezes my fingers. "You already said goodbye at the hotel. I didn't expect you to come down here. I thought you were rehearsing?"

"Yeah, but I wanted one last kiss before you left and to let you know how important you are. I need you to know I'll wait for you."

She sighs. "You're a strange guy. Frustrating the h.e.l.l out of me with your idiot comments one minute, and hitting me with romance the next."

I hook a finger through the leather necklace around Tegan's neck and pull the jade pendant from beneath her t-shirt. "What can I say? You bring out the worst and best in me."

"Jax, do you understand why I need a break from all this?"

"Yes and no. I'm confused." I drop the necklace and run my fingers along her soft cheek. "Do you mean a break from us or a break from the tour?"

"The tour. I'm coming back, probably after the weekend. I need to get my head together."

"Good."

She fights a smile. "Besides, I fought hard enough with Bryn to stay on tour. He was right about how crazy all this is, but he doesn't get rid of me that easily!"

How could I expect any less from her? "So, four days?"

"Yeah, hardly any time."

I stick my bottom lip out. "Too long."

"Well, hopefully you can keep everything in your pants for that long!"

I know Tegan better than she thinks; her nonchalance is surface only, and I'm not surprised after what I said this morning. I take her chin between my thumb and fingers and twist her face to look at me. "Stop that. I told you, it was a d.i.c.khead comment. I was shocked by your behaviour and wasn't thinking. I won't touch another girl."

The doubt in her eyes pains me. "I hope that's true, Jax. Don't humiliate me."

"This is my first go at a real relationship, remember? Help me not f.u.c.k things up."

Tegan pulls her face away. "That's up to you."

"I know. I won't."

"Do you think the press will leave me alone if I'm not with you?" she asks.

"Dunno. Maybe. They'll probably think we've split or something."

"Riley would love that."

"I'm sure she would. But Riley wants me to do a lot of things I won't."

"You, awkward b.a.s.t.a.r.d," she says and digs me in the ribs.

"Oh yeah, totally love myself. Egotistical, b.l.o.o.d.y rock star."

"You think you're joking?"

I grin. "Mostly."

Tegan places the bag on the floor and snuggles into me. Her warm curves relaxes against my chest, and I stroke her hair. Tegan in my arms soothes me, holds my feet on the ground. With Tegan, I remember what it's like to be part of the real world, the one I was sure I wanted to leave behind.

A flight announcement carries across the room and Tegan glances up at the monitor above my head. "I have to go in a few minutes."

The same stomach flipping sensation as earlier hits as Tegan pulls her rucksack onto her lap and tucks away the laptop.

"Call me, text me, Skype me, everything, every day. Don't forget about me because I'm not there," I tell her.

"I should be asking you that."

"Morning and night, okay?"

"Okay." She leans across and presses her mouth on mine.

I hold Tegan's head gently not wanting her to take her lips away again and wrap Tegan tighter in my arms. "I'm gonna miss you. You'd better come back."

"I think I'll miss you too much to stay away."

"You're amazing," I whisper into her hair. "G.o.dd.a.m.n feisty, s.e.xy chick who I can't keep away from."

She shifts her head and nips my earlobe. "Yes, so don't mess with me, Jaxon Lewis."

"s.h.i.t, no way. No idea who scares me the most, you or your brother..."