"Where is there? We need to talk, and that's what I'm doing."

I hushed him. "Shhh. I don't want to hear your excuses."

"You need to know why I did it."

"It doesn't matter why, now shut up or you can sleep in the car." I turned over making it obvious that the conversation was over.

In the morning when I woke, he was still asleep on the trundle, although his leg was half on the floor and his neck and back were uncomfortably bent and misshaped. Suffer, I hope you ache like h.e.l.l when you wake up. I tip-toed out of the room, feeling a little better after having seen his obviously unpleasant sleeping position. Mum was in the kitchen, she was always the first to rise and as soon as she saw me approach she turned on the kettle. I walked directly up to her and placed my head on her shoulder, she did what most loving mother's would and embraced her daughter, regardless of her daughter's age.

"How did last night go, darling?"

"Thankfully, sleep means you do not have to communicate with the conscious world and those who are in it."

She kissed my head then broke away to make us both a cup of tea.

"Go and sit out on the porch. We can talk there without unwelcome ears hearing us." I did as instructed and waited for her to join me, which was not long at all.

"Mum, it is such a long and detailed story so I am going to break it down in point form, and I don't want you to say anything until I'm done." She sipped her drink then nodded. "Okay, here goes. I've fallen in love with my boss, Bryce, and he with me. Rick told me he had an affair 5 years ago. I left him to be with Bryce. Yesterday, Rick came to work and told me he lied about having an affair. I asked him why? He said because he thought I needed to be with Bryce to get it off my chest. He also said Bryce gave him five million dollars to let me stay with him." Mum spat the contents of her mouthful back into her mug. So, that's where I get it from? "And that's about it." I looked out over the valley and sipped my tea. She followed suit, but didn't speak straight away.

"Who do you love the most, Alexis?"

"It shouldn't be about choosing, Mum."

"But, darling, it is if they both love and want you." Ah s.h.i.t, she's right, but did I have to choose?

"I don't have to choose either one of them, Mum."

"No, you are quite right, but you will. So, did Rick keep the money?"

"As far as I know, yes." She sipped her drink again, and the child in me thought about backwash. Eeww. The door opened and Dad came out, he wiggled in beside me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"So my princess, do I need to get my gun out?"

I smiled lovingly at my Dad and his tough father act. "No, but I might get it out instead." He pulled me in for a hug. A daughter is never too old for her Daddy's hugs, a Daddy's hug is the most rea.s.suring, precious and secure feeling imaginable, and I loved having one from my dad, even if was 35. He knew without a doubt that something was not right where Rick was concerned, it was like a sixth sense he had when it came to his daughters and the men in their lives. Dad chose not to meddle and not to ask for detailed information, he was content with the fact he had raised strong and capable daughters with level heads on their shoulders, daughters who could handle their problems themselves. He was however, always there, ready, willing and able, if ever we felt we needed him.

We ate breakfast at staggered times, suiting me just fine as another awkward meal together was not something anyone wanted. I headed straight for the shower after breakfast, then got dressed in my jeans, boots and a fitted white shirt. I dilly-dallied, wasting as much time as possible in the bathroom doing my hair, and then re-doing my hair to waste some more time. Alexis, you are being ridiculous, just go and talk to him, get it over and done with. By the time I finally re-emerged from my shower, Rick was outside kicking the football with the kids. I ran up and intercepted a mark praising myself as I did it. They all smiled at me, but their smiles were not ones of praise for my ball marking skills, they were smiles of ridicule at my boasting, well maybe not Charli's.

"Just call me aFletcher', you know you want to." Dustin Fletcher, or aInspector Gadget' as he was known, was my favourite Essendon Football Player, the man could intercept a fly if need be.

"You wish, Mum," said Nate.

I poked my tongue out, and hand balled to Charli who looked like she needed all the help she could get in this unfair compet.i.tion.

"Your Dad and I need to go for a ride," I said to the kids. "We'll be back soon." Rick walked towards me showing a glimmer of hope. "I'll take the quad, you get your bike and meet me up the top of the hill." I sat on top of the quad bike, switched it on and pressed the throttle, speeding off through the gate and accelerating up the hill. The wind sailed past me with force and completely ruined my atime-wasting' hair style. At least I'll have an excuse to do it again if I need to. Rick wasn't far behind as I turned off the engine, I swung my leg around and remained on top of the quad. He got off his bike, and I didn't bother easing us into it.

"First things first, Rick. Are you keeping the money?"

"Yes."

I figured as much. "If this was not about the money, then why keep it?"

He leaned up against the quad and held his helmet against his abdomen. "Honestly?"

"Yes f.u.c.king honestly. Do you think I need to listen to anymore lies?"

"No, of course not. Look, I'm keeping the money because I need to at least get something out of all this." He sounded angry. Why is he allowed to be angry? I shook my head and annoyance started to fester.

"You need to get something out of this? Was I nothing? Was I not good enough?"

"Of course you are good enough. Before you get all fired up, Alexis, I want you tell me something, honestly."

"What?" I glared at him.

"I want you to sit there, look me in the eyes, and honestly tell me that you would never have slept with Bryce if I hadn't taken his deal. I don't think you can, can you? I could see you needed to experience what it was like to be with someone else, it was obvious."

"f.u.c.k you, Rick. I sure as h.e.l.l can tell you I would never have slept with him while we were still together."

"While we were still together? Well which one is it? You either would have or not? In case you have forgotten, Alexis, we are still technically married, thus still being together." Hang on just a minute, when did this become blame Alexis?

"Don't f.u.c.king blame me for all this, you deliberately pushed me into another man's arms so that you could profit from it."

"I'm not blaming you, I'm just trying to be realistic here, and for the record, I didn't do it so I would profit, I did it so this family could profit. Anyway, did you think I did not notice you flirting with Bryce?"

I lowered my anger levels just a little; I was definitely not blameless in this whole debacle. "Yes, I flirted with him, he turned me on and made me feel things I had never felt before. Was I curious? Of course I was. I'm only human, and by the way I hope you realise this family has profited because you saw it fit to apimp' your wife. How does that make you feel? "

"I didn't see it as pimping you, I saw it as giving you an out, to get this flirting s.h.i.t off your chest. You admitted, yourself, that you had already crossed the line with him." I had admitted to kissing Bryce, but that was it. I never told Rick about the naked exposures and finger f.u.c.k I experienced. I began to feel less angry and accusatory towards Rick, I was as much to blame as the both of them in all this, really. Well, maybe not as much to blame. Let's put it this way, I was not an angel, that's for sure.

"Okay Rick, yes, it was probably inevitable that Bryce and I would have f.u.c.ked at some point, but that does not give you the right, nor is it moral, to a.s.sume this scenario and strike yourself a deal where you could benefit if it did in fact pan out that way. It's just so wrong, on so many levels." He shrugged his shoulders, and for the first time seemed sad and remorseful for his decision. "And again, I would not have slept with him without breaking it off first, let's just get that straight."

"You say sleeping with Bryce was probably inevitable, but you also say you would have never have done it without breaking it off first. Does that mean we were headed for a break up anyway?" I thought about what he just asked and prior to finding out about his make believe affair and monetary arrangement, I concluded that yes, we were headed in that direction.

"Yes, Rick, I think we were."

"So he isn't lying when he says you have fallen in love with him?"

I looked at my hands and the absence of jewellery that once occupied my fingers.

"No, Rick, he is not lying." I started to cry. "I'm sorry, it just happened. I had no control over it, I didn't set out looking for it. I even tried to bury it, ignore it, but you can't dismiss love." I fortunately found a crumpled tissue in my jeans pocket and unclogged my now congested head. He looked miserably at me.

"Do you still love him? Do you still love me?" The now calm, soft but a.s.sertive man I had married was standing before me. Do I still love Bryce? Yes. Do I still love Rick? Yes, I think I do, but it is different now.

"Yes, I love you both, but what happened had changed everything. I don't know where I stand anymore. Do I stand with the man I married, and have shared a lifetime with but who chose to give his wife up for money therefore losing a great deal of what made us special? Or, do I stand with a new man, one who has made me feel something I did not think was possible, but has hurt me very deeply by going behind my back, paying for me as if I was a wh.o.r.e?"

"Alexis, if I had known for one minute you had or would fall in love with him, I would never have lied to you or accepted the money." I believed him, but would it have mattered? I didn't know anymore.

"But you did, Rick. You not only lied to me, you also accepted the money. None of us can undo what we have done."

"So where do we go from here?"

"I don't know, but you need to leave and go home, give me some s.p.a.ce."

"I don't want to leave, being away from you this past week was bad enough."

"Rick, you don't have a choice. I'm not saying we have a chance of reuniting or rekindling what we had, but I'm also not saying we can't. I need time to think. So, do the right thing and give me the s.p.a.ce I need, please."

After lunch, Rick took my advice and said his goodbyes to the kids.

"I'll call you tomorrow." He said with a hopeful spark in his voice, then drove away.

"Mum, why is Daddy leaving again?"

"Because he has to work, Charli Bear." I'm not a fan of lying, but there are times in life when a lie is needed, whether we like it or not, and I was slowly coming to terms with that.

"Right, sweetheart, I think we have a shopping date, don't you?"

"Yes, can I get some new shoes?" Don't look into her eyes Alexis, it's the Charli Jedi mind trick.

"Yes." d.a.m.n it, I looked into her eyes. She happy-clapped, then ran through the front door to get her purse. Nate decided he would stay and help my Dad with some fencing maintenance, making the trip into Shepparton a girly affair. During the drive into town, my Mum looked like she wanted to say something to me, but she didn't.

"What Mum?"

"Hang on a minute, give me a second." She appeared to deliberate something in her head. "Okay, so, how did the exchange of dialogue go with the male spouse?" I looked at her strangely then figured out she was trying to use long and difficult words to disguise our conversation so that Charli could not decipher it. I smiled at her cleverness, then contemplated my choice of words in response.

"The oral exchange proved to be somewhat explicatory, not concluded by any means, but un.o.bjectionable for the time being." I could see her figuring it out in her head, like she was counting. A smile appeared on her face indicating she had.

"Oh, well, I guess that's a start?'

"It is."

We pulled into Shepparton Plaza and began browsing the shops. Charli picked out a pair of pink and purple high tops and a matching pair of shorts, while I looked at some books and a CD. Mum had nothing in particular to shop for, so we made our way to the local pub for lunch. Just as we were about to enter the tavern, I spotted a big sign on the wall advertising a local band on Thursday night, I stopped and pointed it out to Mum.

"There's a band playing on Thursday night, I might see if Jen wants to come and reminisce our younger years."

"That's a good idea, I doubt she would have been out since the twins were born, it would be good to get her out of the house." Jen was not one to give herself some time-off, so I thought I would play the sulky, needy sister card to help her and my cause.

"I'll ring her later and grovel, it always works."

"Yes I know, your grovelling skills come from me."

I smiled at Mum and linked her arm with mine as we entered the bistro, while Charli stuck her little head in between the two of us.

"So, what would you like to drink, Mum?"

"I'll have a gla.s.s of Chardonnay. Thanks, darling."

"Charli?"

"Raspberry, please, Mum."

"Okay, I'll be back in a minute." I walked over to the bar and ordered a Chardonnay, Gin, and a Raspberry soft drink. My phone buzzed in my pocket as I paid the bartender, so before attempting to carry the drinks back I pulled it out to see who had messaged me. It was from Bryce.

Alexis, Hunny, I miss you so badly it hurts.

I want to see you again, touch you again. - Bryce I was so angry with him, but the thought of him touching me already had my heart rate up. I desperately wanted what he did, but I was as confused as f.u.c.k, and after speaking to Rick had no idea what my next step was going to be. I bit down on my finger nail, and then messaged him back.

Bryce, I'm hurting too, and I miss you more than you'll ever know, but you crossed the line, and now I'm torn apart. - Alexis A response came through almost instantly.

Do you still love me? - Bryce I didn't need to think about that.

Of course I do. - Alexis My phone beeped again.

That's all I need to know Hunny.

By the way, I like your jeans.

Your a.r.s.e in denim makes me hard? - Bryce I blinked a couple of times while looking at my phone. Cheeky son of a b.i.t.c.h! Then the light bulb inside my head came on. Oh, s.h.i.t! He's here!

CHAPTER NINETEEN.

Do you know that feeling you get, when you are almost certain somebody is watching you and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? Well, I had that feeling now, and spun round, scanning the busy room frantically. Bryce is here, I know he is, I can feel it in my bones, or more so between my legs. The crazy uneven pounding in my chest suggested my heart went spastic when I spotted him in the far corner standing up against the wall. My mouth went dry when our eyes locked, and almost instantly they began their silent discussion. I walked back to the table and placed our drinks down, it was a miracle I had not dropped or spilled them along my way because my hands were trembling with antic.i.p.ation and the fear of not being able to resist him.

"I just have to go to the toilet."

"Are you okay Alexis? You look pale." Mum delved deep into my eyes with her own.

"I'm fine, I just need to pee."

"Okay, do you want me to order for you?"

"Yes, please, I'll have a warm chicken salad." I began my nerve racking journey toward him, weaving in and out of tables, and with each step closer my chest grew tighter. He walked out of the room and into a corridor which joined the bistro to the sports bar. I'd lost sight of him as I approached the exit, but as I rounded the corner he gently grabbed my arm, and pinned me up against the wall behind a rather large fake looking palm plant. My heart pounded like crazy, but even more so now at his desperate need and close proximity. Our bodies were against each other and our faces were only centimetres apart, I don't think I had ever wanted to feel his lips, mouth, and tongue, more than I did at that moment. No, Alexis, you are hurt and angry with him, but you know deep down inside you have forgiven him.

"Hi, Hunny." Oh s.h.i.t, he still sounds so f.u.c.king s.e.xy. Breathe, Alexis.

"Hi."

"I've missed you, my love." Oh G.o.d, I can tell.