She put her hand on my back and rubbed. I didn't raise my head, just kept slouching and talking into the steering wheel. "This past week has been the best week of my life, the way I feel when I'm with him is indescribable. I know that doesn't makes sense and it sounds crazy. I should have had the worst week of my life after what Rick had confessed, but I didn't. Yes, I was hurt by his revelation, but whatever pain and hurt I felt, Bryce seemed to heal it like magic." I lifted my head and glanced at her expecting a scornful look back, what I got instead was both a concerned and sad expression, but also one of understanding. "Yesterday, Bryce confessed to approaching Rick while I was away with the girls. He told me he had informed Rick that we were in love and that he wanted to spend a week with me alone. Rick apparently told him to af.u.c.k off', but Bryce had pictures of Rick and Claire..."

Finally she interrupted. "Claire, as in Claire Longmire?"

"Yes."

"Geezus." She was shaking her head and looking out the front windscreen.

"Bryce blackmailed Rick with the pictures. You know what? It all makes perfect sense to me now, the little things that made me wonder why Bryce was so guilt ridden during the week, and how Rick just came out of nowhere with his bombsh.e.l.l." She still looked slightly confused, and I didn't blame her. "Don't worry Jen, the light bulb will go off soon." I had progressed from sadness, to slight clarity, and moved on to sarcasm. These emotions were a never ending circle, so I knew I would be back to sadness soon. "I had not spoken to Rick at all, that was until this morning, when he came barging into Bryce's office. I was ready to finally have it out with him, I had the pictures of his affair, and I had my mind set on being with Bryce. I had clarity, sounds weird, but I had somewhat made peace with majority of it." The next stage in my circle of emotions must have been alack of feeling', because I had actually begun to feel quite numb. "Where was I? I can't seem to think anymore."

"I don't blame you, Lex." She rubbed my back again. "Rick had just barged into the office."

"Oh yeah, right. Well, he barged in and said he never had an affair, that he had lied, which didn't make sense. He had a full set of photos showing him fighting Claire's advances, apparently she is a nut case and wanted to sleep with him, so she set him up. Like I said, it didn't make sense. Why would he lie about an affair, essentially driving me directly into Bryce's arms? Why?" Yep, next stage in the circle is anger. "Do you f.u.c.king want to know why?" I shouted. "Because Bryce offered him five million dollars to let me spend a week with him, that's why, and he took it." I burst into tears again, completing my emotional circle back to sadness. Jen gasped and leaned over to hug me. I reciprocated and hugged her back, ignoring the awkwardness of the enclosed s.p.a.ce and the handbrake which was now uncomfortably digging into my thigh.

"Oh, Lex, I can't believe it. Rick accepted the five million dollars?"

"Apparently it's in an account already. Bryce paid for me, Jen, he paid to have me like I'm some kind of wh.o.r.e and Rick was the f.u.c.king pimp." She broke away gently and sat back, still keeping a hold of my hands.

"Are you more upset that Bryce paid for you, Lex? Or that Rick chose money over you?" I had to really think about her question at first, but after deliberating for only a second, then noticing her wise expression, I realised she was not posing a question at all, but more so a statement. I looked down at my fingers, and touched my wedding band then coincidentally touched my aBrylexis' too. I had moved my wedding and engagement rings to the opposite hand, it was my way of signifying the separation, but what I had done, unintentionally, was put Brylexis in their place. I scoffed at my mistake at first but then realised the significance. Jen I think only twigged at the fact I'd switched my wedding rings to the opposite hand.

"That's pretty. Is it from Bryce?" She's smarter than you think, Alexis. I let go of her hands and instinctively rotated Brylexis on my finger.

"Yes, he gave it to me this morning." My eyes grew water logged again. "As a reminder of him when we were apart."

She pulled me in again for another sisterly hug, a sisterly hug I had been blessed with many times in my life, and like now was more blessed than ever to have.

"Right, we are going to get out of this car. I will ring Mum and tell her you are staying here tonight because you have a horrible migraine and cannot drive any further. You Alexis, need some s.p.a.ce and time to think about what you are going to do and more importantly, who you want to be with, if either of them."

"I'm supposed to be at work tomorrow."

She looked at me mockingly. "Alexis, do you really want to go to work tomorrow?"

I glared at her. "No, of course not. It's just there was a lot of work to do, and I feel bad."

"Alexis Summers, you feel bad because your boss, the man who just shattered your heart, is going to have a pile of work to do without your help? Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

Yes, I did. "Yeah, all right I get your point. Forgive me if I'm a little f.u.c.ked in the head at the moment, I think I have every right to be."

"I'm not arguing with you there, Lex, but you need to get your head straightened out first and foremost."

We got out of the car and Jen rang Mum. I'm not sure she bought the excuse as to why I would not be gracing them with my presence-however, Mum did pa.s.s on her aget well' wishes and said she would explain to the kids and see me the next day.

"Thanks Jen, I just don't think I can see them all and hold my s.h.i.t together, not today anyway." My phone rang not long after Jen had hung up. At first I'd a.s.sumed it was Mum checking the validity of Jen's excuse, as she'd had a habit of trying to catch us out when we were kids. I'm glad I checked the caller ID before hitting accept though, because it wasn't Mum, it was Rick. I took in a deep breath and hit decline. Did he seriously think I would want to speak to him today?

"Which one?" Jen was at the bench preparing the twin's bottles.

"The five million dollar husband." I murmured.

"Ah," was all she said. A small cry came from the Nursery, and my face responded automatically with a smile. Jen smiled too, and put the bottle down.

"Come on, you can change the blue one, I'll change the pink one." I laughed. She amazed me having three children under the age of two. I took my hat off to her. It was hard work, but Jen and Steven seemed to function well with each other, and it was really just normal to them. Jack and Elise were now in separate cots, and had now grown accustomed to each other's routines, which was just perfect for Jen. It wasn't like that in the beginning though, she had really struggled at first. Jack and Elise were on opposite ends of the clock, when one was awake the other would sleep, then vice versa, making it nearly impossible for Jen to get much shut eye at all. She had explained to me one night on the phone that pillows did a good job of m.u.f.fling her screams of frustration and pure exhaustion, and that dummies have a good rebound distance when thrown at the wall with force. The thing with Jen though, was she always managed to get her s.h.i.t together and come out on top, she was aSuper Mum' to those two little bundles of pure cuteness, who were now starting to open their eyes and request some tucker for their tummies.

"Good morning, little Jacko," I said, as I beamed down at his gorgeous little chubby face.

"Ugh, I hate it when you call him that."

"What?" Cue my baby voice. "How about Jackster, or Jackaroo? Does Mummy like those?" I picked him up and carried him to the change table to remove his disgustingly soiled nappy, gagging as I did it.

"Stop it, it's not like you've never smelled baby poo before."

"It's tolerable when it's your own baby. This is just rancid, what are you putting in his bottle?"

"Awww, Jacky Boy. Isn't she a nasty Aunty Lexi?"

"Pfft, I can tell you what's nasty, this nappy is freaking nasty." I picked him back up after what could only be described as the nappy from h.e.l.l, and removed myself from the G.o.d-awful stench that had now overtaken the Nursery. We played peek-a-boo in the kitchen while waiting for his sister to have her nappy changed too. Jen walked in holding Elise in the air praising her for keeping her nappy clean, and giving me a asuck s.h.i.t' look at the same time. "That would be right, you knew athe pink one' was clean that's why you changed her."

"Never!" She smiled sweetly at me. I remembered when the twins were about one and a half months old, and watching Jen feed them both at the same time, it was incredible and gave me a new found respect for mothers who had multiple births. Jack was a guzzle-guts, draining his bottle dry. Thankfully, now at age four months he burped without following through. I had fed him when he was one and a half months, and the tidal wave of formula that covered me when he attempted to eject his air bubbles was enormous. I just sat there laced with white smelly liquid from my neck to in between my toes, he seemed to look relieved. I, on the other the hand, appeared to be the complete opposite.

We put them on the floor for some play time, and Jen went to the kitchen to make us a coffee. I had felt my phone buzzing in my pocket while feeding Jack, and pulled it out to see who was ha.s.sling me now. Another missed call from Rick, but there was also a message from Bryce. Do I open or delete it? My finger hovered over the delete b.u.t.ton for a second, but curiosity got the better of me and I hit open instead.

Hunny, I'm sorry.

It killed me to see you in pain today, pain I had caused.

We are not over, we never will be.

I told you that aif I ever broke your heart, I would mend it', and that's exactly what I am going to do. - Bryce I exhaled the breath I had held from the beginning of reading his message. He is going to mend my broken heart. I honestly didn't know if he could. Did I want him to? Deep down, I think I did, and I was glad he was going to try.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

Thank goodness for the serenity that is a rural property, there was no waking to noisy neighbours, no cars doing burnouts in the near distance, and no sirens of any kind blaring their horrible emergency warnings. Instead, I woke to distant mooing from a property down the road, and Jack or Elise's cry for another feed. s.h.i.t what is the time? I felt quite drowsy, like I'd slept for days. G.o.d I hope I didn't sleep for days, surely not. I reached out to the bedside table, fumbling as I attempted to pick up my phone. I had turned it on silent last night with the express purpose of getting some sleep, and with the hope I would wake up with a magical make-over and no evidence of the drama-filled day I experienced the day before. I finally managed to secure the phone with my still half-asleep hands, when I noticed a message from Rick.

Alexis, I am on my way to see the kids today.

I know you don't want to see me, but I haven't seen them for a week, and I have a feeling I won't see them for another.

I would really like to talk to you, just the two of us, but no pressure. - Rick The first thing I noticed after reading the message was the lack of anger that yesterday had raged within. Wow, that must have been a good night's sleep... Holy s.h.i.t, make that night's, morning's, and midday's sleep! It was nearly 2:30 p.m. My goodness, why didn't Jen b.l.o.o.d.y wake me? I pulled on my clothes from the day before and made my way out to the kitchen.

Olivia was sitting up at table eating a bowl of fruit salad while Jen was in a aGraeme Blaxlo' modified seat, for twin feeding.

"Afternoon, Lex, feel better?"

"Why didn't you wake me sooner?"

"Because there was no need, you obviously needed the rest and recoup."

"Yeah, apparently I did, thanks. As usual, my dear, you are my saviour, my confidante and my awesome fuc..." I glanced at Olivia then over to Jen whose eyebrows had nearly hit the roof.

"Fuuhhc...vorite, favourite, my favourite sister." Olivia giggled at my long held auuhhhh' note so I leaned over her bowl and pinched a strawberry.

"Your Mummy is my favourite sister, Miss Olivia." She smiled and offered me her half eaten piece of Banana as well.

"I'm your only sister."

"Well, aren't you lucky?"

"Hmmm," was all she could respond with.

"Well you are my favourite, thanks Jen, thanks for yesterday." I walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead, careful not to interrupt the two milk devouring babies.

"I do have to get going, though. Rick is probably already at Mum and Dad's."

"He is, Mum rang just before you woke up." s.h.i.t. c.r.a.p. b.a.l.l.s. I sighed and turned back for the guest room.

Jen had given me a sandwich, together with a abe strong' hug as I walked out the door. The hug had lasted most of the journey to Mum and Dad's, but when I approached the farm and spied Rick, Nate and Charlotte riding around the paddock on their bikes, the abe strongness' I had possessed, had morphed into abe ridiculously immature'. Rick noticed the Territory pull in and cruised over to open the gate for me. I stupidly locked the doors as I watched him get off his bike. That is going to help you how? Alexis. Thank goodness my sungla.s.ses were on and offered me a slight disguise. I would have much preferred an astronaut's helmet or one of those bio-hazardous suits, but unfortunately they were unavailable. I drove past him as he stood by the open gate, then waved to both the kids and signalled them to follow me to the house. My heart was beating off the Richter scale, I had missed my ratbags terribly and seeing them for the first time in a week made me desperate to get out and have the longest embrace ever, but I also wanted to remain in my securely locked automobile, safely away from any form of deep and meaningful conversation with Rick. Get out of the car, Alexis, and woman-up! Nate was first to the car, grabbing the handle before I had a chance to unlock it. s.h.i.t. I pressed the open-padlock b.u.t.ton, and the door sprung open.

"Hi, Mum, are you feeling better?" he asked excitedly. Feeling better? Oh, yes, migraine!

"Yes, darling, it was just a bad headache." Charli came to a halt, removed her helmet and ran to the pa.s.senger side, hopping in next to me.

"Mum, I missed you so much! So where is it?" I looked at her bemused.

"Where's what?"

"My signed napkin, from Sierra Thomas." s.h.i.t, it's still in the clutch I took to the Tel Vs.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I left it at work." She looked disappointed. Quick Alexis, what is the first rule when accidently disappointing your children out of forgetfulness? Bribe or offer something else! "I do have something else for you, but you'll have to wait till later." The excitement of the unknown had her reeling. Good save! She did her happy-clap, and it dawned on me that I often did the same thing. It was so good to see the two adorable loves of my life, it was the first feeling of joy I'd had since Bryce walked in the morning before with breakfast and aBrylexis'. My rings, c.r.a.p! "Okay you two, out you get." As they exited the car I quickly removed all rings from my fingers and placed them in the glove box. I hopped out of the car and secured both Nate and Charli in my arms, giving them the biggest bear hug in history. They both then ran into the house to get a drink. Rick pulled up moments later, and approached the car offering to help. I instantly turned my back to him and reached for my suitcase "I'll get that." He said.

"I'm fine, I can handle it." I snapped back.

He nodded and stepped back. "Lex, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the pub tonight for a quiet drink and talk, just the two of us."

I moved my sungla.s.ses down my nose and glared at him. "No."

"We need to talk, you can't just shut me out."

"Listen Rick, I will play happy families with you today in front of the kids for their sake and that's it."

"Alexis, I have the next couple of days off work, so I'm staying. We need to talk, if you are not ready today, then perhaps you will be tomorrow."

I glared at him, then instantly had to turn it to a smile when Nate came back outside.

"Dad, Poppa needs me to close the gate in the stock yards, can you come with me?"

"Sure, mate. Come on then, I'll race ya." Nate took off. Rick deliberately gave him a head start so that he could cement the fact he was not leaving with the most stubborn glance I had ever seen. Phew, thank you, Nate. Good, now f.u.c.k off, Rick, and give me some s.p.a.ce.

Mum indicated with her head to follow her into the next room as I walked through the door. Charli was on the sofa watching TV and Mum obviously did not want her to hear what she had to say. I had not even put my suitcase down when she wrapped her arms around me then held me back for the amother inspection'.

"Are you okay, Alexis? I can tell something is terribly wrong, your eyes have evidence of an endurance of crying and now Rick has shown up unannounced and acting very strange. I'm a.s.suming due to that icy reception, that you are still separated?" I need to tell her, but if I do that now I can't be sure I will not break down again. I let go of the suitcase handle and touched her arms.

"Mum, I can't go into it now because if I do, I guarantee you I will lose it. Look, yes we are still separated and no, I am not all right, but he wanted to see the kids, which was fair enough. They probably wanted to see him, too, and I am not about to punish them by keeping their Dad away. He knows I have no intention of going home now, not till the end of the week anyway. Is that all right with you?"

"Of course darling, stay as long as you need. Is Rick staying tonight too?"

I cringed at the thought.

"Yes." s.h.i.t, where is he going to sleep? The kids will notice if he sleeps on the couch.

"Okay, do you want me to put the trundle bed in with you?" She gave me a aMum can fix anything' look.

"Yes, please. Thanks Mum."

Dinner was the most awkward moment I think I have ever endured, more awkward than the time I accidently joined a funeral procession on a hot summer's day with my car windows down, playing ACDC as loud as I could and screaming out Thunderstruck. I had no idea I was behind a hea.r.s.e, until I looked in my rear-view mirror and noticed a good twenty cars lined up behind me with their lights on. This dinner topped that in the awkward stakes, believe it or not. Every time Rick looked up, I looked down, then I would look up and he would look down, then Mum would look up, and we both would look down, Dad, however, just watched the news. Thank goodness for Charli and her ability to never shut up, because she managed to keep the entire dinner conversation focussed on how she was auditioning for the school play of Robin Hood.

The awkwardness after dinner wasn't nearly as bad though, Rick and Dad watched a movie with the kids while Mum and I played cards. It wasn't really that much different from other nights we have spent at the farm, apart from the ma.s.sive elephant, invisible to the kids, standing idly in the corner of the room. I kissed my munchkins goodnight and headed for the bedroom in the hope I would be fast asleep before Rick came in. I'd removed my top when the door opened and he entered. I quickly covered my chest with it and shot daggers at him.

"Do you mind? Get out."

"Lexi, I think I have seen you naked before, in fact I'm positive I have."

"It's different now, get out."

"Okay, Okay. I'll go to the toilet." He left the room and my pulse automatically quickened. He was right, obviously he had seen me naked more times than I could ever count, but it seemed weird now, dirty and horribly wrong. I ravaged through my suitcase, found the nightie I had grabbed from home and quickly put it on without removing my underwear. I jumped into bed making sure the covers were well and truly doing what they suggested.

Rick came back in and atutted' at my modest display, then showed absolutely no sign of the same bashfulness and removed his clothing entirely. He reluctantly climbed into the trundle bed, and over exaggerated his discomfort by rotating like a crocodile doing a death roll for a good minute or two. I knew he was far from impressed at the thought of sleeping on the hugely uncomfortable makeshift bed, but he had more sense than to argue this very generous arrangement on my part. I turned off the lamp making the room completely black and silent. You could have cut the air with a knife, I swear I even heard crickets chirp, but then again we were on a farm, and the chance of crickets actually chirping outside the bedroom window was a high probability.

"Alexis, I'm sorry."

"Don't."

"Don't what? Apologise for f.u.c.king up?"

I lowered my voice, I knew from experience that the voices in this house travelled.

"Just don't even go there, Rick."