"Soo, it sounds like you've made up your mind."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, but I'm not going there for sex. I'm going there to figure things out. That's all."

"Okay, girl. Whatever you say. Do what you need to do, you know I won't tell."

"Oh god, this makes me so nervous. I have to come up with a lie to tell Chip. I'm going to hell for sure now."

"Don't worry, hon, I'll be there with you."

She laughed, but I groaned. "Yea, you, me and your gardener. Just tell me what I should say to Chip."

"Okay, let's see..." I waited impatiently as her eyes darted to the right and then back as if struck with an idea. "Say that you went with me to Chicago."

"And..."

"And we went to look at wedding dresses."

"That's brilliant, but we have bridal shops here with dresses. Why would I need to go Chicago for a dress?"

"Tell him that you saw a particular dress in an ad in one of those bridal magazines you bought and it's only sold in a store in Chicago. Plus, you have to try it on. These kinds of dresses can't be ordered online from a picture in a magazine. It's a special day and you want the perfect fit for your wedding day." Jules finished with a smile and slapped her palm on the tabletop, quite pleased with herself.

"You think he'll buy it? Chicago is pretty far."

"Sarah Dorchester went all the way to the Mall of Minnesota to find her wedding dress. It was gorgeous. So it's not so strange that you'd go as far as Chicago."

"Okay, I guess that sounds good." I pushed my hands over my face and into my hair, letting out a breath. "This is all so nerve wracking. I hope you won't think poorly of me for this. It's just that... I really need this. I need to get away from this place."

Jules wasn't the type of friend to judge me no matter what stupid things I'd done. I never told her what she should or shouldn't do with the pool guy, or now the gardener. I needed to work through this myself, even if it turned out to be a mistake. Life was meant to be experienced. The good and the bad. If a person doesn't experience the bad, they won't know how good the good is when they find it.

She reached over and patted my hand. "I'd never think poorly of you, hon. Besides, how many men have you slept with in your life? Two?"

I nodded.

She groaned.

"I was always kinda proud of myself for that. You know, after the first time was so... so bad." I shook off the memories. "I met Chip and thought he was the one. It was almost as if I could make up for my past mistakes, be the good girl I wasn't before. Now look at me, set on a path of destruction again."

Jules looked at me with sympathy and patted my hand. "Getting married doesn't make you a good girl, Lauren. It doesn't make the past go away and it doesn't promise a happy future. You have this fairytale picture of what a relationship needs to look like in your head. It isn't like that in real life."

I knew she was right, but had always thought that if I wished on something hard enough, it would come true. I guess I needed to be more careful what I wished for.

"Jules, don't you love Jack? I mean aren't you afraid of losing it all? The house, the nice things, the money, the security?" Jules shrugged with a confidence I envied. She was willing to take a risk and that took guts.

"Sure, I love him, but I think it's because we have given each other permission to see other people. We don't long for anyone else in our bed. We don't fantasize about someone else. We go out and come back sated. It actually helps us be closer."

I stare at her, for the first time really understanding where she was coming from. "Maybe that makes me selfish," she continued. "It's hard to say... anyway, you only live once. He does his thing. I do my thing. And in the end, if nothing else works, I can always get another husband," she replied flippantly and with a laugh, but I could see hint of pain in her eyes.

"What? You seem sad suddenly," I probed gently.

She shrugged. "You know, I had the fairytale in my head too. I thought I knew what love would be like. It isn't that way, not for me at least. So..." she shrugged again.

My best friend in the world had tears in her eyes, the first ones I'd seen in years. She had a husband, children and security, in addition to an open marriage where she could grab all the strangers she every wanted. And yet... she wasn't happy either. Not deep down.

"A ring doesn't guarantee anything, does it?" I asked.

She shook her head.

I pursed my lips, trying to find a way to approach this, and then said, "I'm a terrible person, Jules. I have a confession. When Aedyn came into town for his father's funeral and I saw him for the first time, I got all hot and excited. He stepped out of the limousine and I saw how handsome he was, gorgeously handsome, built like a Greek god. I just thought he was a stranger. I had no idea I knew him, but that doesn't matter. My point was, the moment I saw him, something sparked inside of me. Then, when we talked... we talked for what seemed like hours, and I don't know what happened, but something came over me... like whoosh. Now, I can't stop thinking about him. I know it's crazy, but I feel alive again when I'm around him. My heart pounds, my palms sweat... I feel inspired again about life. Is that wrong of me to feel that way?"

She smiled at me, her eyes still shining but I could see the fun witty Jules coming back to life. "Ah, you're in trouble now, sounds like you've got it bad for him. Do you like him or are you just hot for his ass? I'm telling you, boom, boom boom, get it on with him. Hot guy, big city, yea. You should totally go for it."

"Jules!" I exclaimed.

"Let him pound that shit right out of you" She tossed her head back in laughter and the serious moments between us was broken.

"You're not helping. I'm not you. I can't just give in to my lust like you do. That's all it is... lust. Right?"

"You're preaching to the choir sister. I know exactly what you mean." She tossed her napkin on the table, next to her empty cup and leaned back in her chair.

"God, I don't know what I'm getting myself into."

"When my gardener, Christian, comes on Wednesdays..."

"Oh Jules, doing the gardener, that's so... cliche."

"Who gives a fuck about cliche? The guy's hung like a horse."

I put my head in my hands and shook my head. "Oh please, don't tell me." Despite my efforts to stop her, she continued.

"Once, when he came to the house, Jack was gone out of town on a business trip and we did it right there in the Jacuzzi in the back yard."

"God Jules. What about your children?"

"Oh, please, they were visiting Jack's parents. Give me a little credit, won't you. We did it in practically every room in the house, in the greenhouse, in the yard and the tool shed. Oh, the tool shed... that was hot."

"The yard? Right there out in the open?" I was aghast. "What if the neighbors saw you guys... you know... going at it?"

"I have needs." She flatly retorted.

I closed my eyes and opened them. "Jules, can we get back to my problem? I don't need any more visuals of you and... Christian? That doesn't even sound like a gardener's name."

"Sweetie, I'm sure it's not his real name. That's part of the game."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. Jules was a good friend and always had good advice, but sometimes that advice was only good for Jules. Still, the possibility of breaking my engagement with Chip, like Aedyn suggested, had crept further into my mind. Was I like Jules; bored and looking for some excitement? Or were my feelings for Aedyn real? Getting it out in the open and talking to Jules hadn't brought a decisive conclusion. She was pushing for me to make my own decision, but I was deathly afraid of making the wrong one. I'd done that in the past. Maybe I should leave this one up to destiny and it would make the decision for me.

"If you go, when would you leave?" Jules leaned forward. "Because I gotta get my story straight in case Chip asks questions afterward."

"I still don't know if I should..."

"And don't worry, I'll stay clear of him while you're gone," she added.

I bit my lip and said, "Tomorrow... if I go."

"Damn, girl." Her eyebrows shot up when her phone buzzed. "Hey, I gotta go..."

"I know, I know. The gardener."

"Let me know what you decide about Chicago. It'll be okay, just do what your heart tells you to do." She stood and gave me a quick hug and walked off with her eyes glued to her cell phone screen.

Before I returned to my apartment, I decided to stop in the insurance office and say hello to Chip. My pulse picked up when I walked through the door, knowing I was about to tell him a huge lie-well, maybe-if it felt like the time was right. I needed to see him in person, look at his face to get an accurate reading before I could gauge his mood. I was going with my gut on this one, but wanted to feel out the situation before dropping the idea on him of going out of town. If he appeared agreeable and in a good mood, I might be able to do it. I took a deep breath as I walked past my empty desk. I could hear him shuffling papers and banging drawers in his office in the back. He must not have heard me come in, because when he finally looked up from stuffing folders into a brief case, he looked startled.

"Lauren, what are you doing here?" He froze with one last folder in his hand, then quickly shoved it in the briefcase and slammed the lid shut.

"Hey. Just thought I'd drop in and surprise you." And that's exactly what it appeared I'd done. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw me. "Surprise!" I tried for levity, but couldn't stop my curiosity. "What are you doing?" He shot a glance at the briefcase and set it down on the floor behind his desk. "It looks like I've caught you on your way out. Do you have somewhere to go?"

I took a step forward and he clicked off the computer screen on his desk without shutting it down properly, making it go black. Then he walked around to greet me with a light kiss. "Oh, not right now, but yes, I do have somewhere to go tonight." He took me by the arm and began steering me out of his office while saying, "Let's go out front, I'll tell you all about it."

This was strange. I could see the nerves dancing inside Chip's eyes as he rushed me into the other room. He was clearly absorbed in something urgent related to his work, but that was good, it might soften the blow.

He stopped me at my desk and leaned on the edge of it, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm actually glad you dropped by. I was going to call you and let you know that something's come up and I won't be able to have you over tonight."

Now it was my turn to look surprised. "Oh. I hope everything's okay. That's kind of strange for a Friday night."

He unfolded his arms and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sort of...well, you see I'm afraid I have to go to the city. I need to put in an appearance at this fund raiser event and..."

I furrowed my brow, playing along, when inside I was jumping for joy. He said, "I" not "We". I wasn't expected to go with him. I had the perfect opening now to make my suggestion. Thank you, Lady Luck!

"Tonight? I can't be ready that fast. I don't know if I have anything to wear-"

"No, no, actually I'm going alone," he interrupted. "I didn't think you wanted to tag along to another boring fund raiser. You won't be missing anything. Plus, you still need to rest."

Ha, he beat me to the punch. Now I was in the clear. I shrugged and said, "It's okay, I hope you don't find it too boring." I waited a beat before adding, "Wait, this is actually perfect. I could use this weekend to take Jules up on her suggestion to go shopping for wedding dresses. I have my eye on one from an ad in a magazine, but it's only available in the Chicago store." I watched his face as I let the words fall out as naturally as possible.

I wondered if what I'd said even registered. He seemed to be more interested in watching the clock on the wall, as if getting to his fundraiser was more important than what I'd said.

"So what do you think?" I asked when it became clear he wasn't going to respond.

He stood up and patted my arms. "That's wonderful. You and Jules go do your girl thing. Have a shopping spree."

I peered into his eyes. "I wouldn't be back until Sunday evening."

"What time Sunday?" He paused and I held my breath. I had no idea what time Aedyn's private plane flew into the Des Moines airport. "Never mind, just text me when you figure it out. You deserve to have some fun."

I smiled at him, trying to hide my relief. What a twist of fate for me. Chip's schedule and distraction was working in my favor. I didn't even mind that he rushed me out of the office, cutting our conversation short. I figured it was best to just get the hell out of there as fast as possible before he had a chance to ask any questions.

I dashed back to my apartment, filled with apprehension about going behind Chips' back. Once inside my door, I had second thoughts-for the seventeenth time-and my confidence drained away. Chip was leaving town. I didn't need to go to Chicago to get away from him and think. I could do that at home.

It was time to face reality. The real reason I wanted to go was to be with Aedyn. There! I said it!

I pulled my small suitcase out of the closet and set it on the chair next to my bed. I zipped open the lid and propped it against the back of the chair, staring at it, knowing if I was really going, I should pack. Then I began to worry about all the implications of what I was about to do and my doubts grew larger. Time was running out. I knew I should call Aedyn and tell him I was free to come this weekend, but instead I left the suitcase empty, walked into the kitchen and uncorked a bottle of wine.

I had some soul searching to do.

Chapter Eighteen.

Aedyn I was in shock. Pleasantly shocked. I'd managed to convince Lauren to come to Chicago with me. "I still can't believe you were sitting in my driver's limo this morning."

A big grin crossed Lauren's face and she waved both hands, mimicking the moment I saw her. "Surprise," she said, repeating her exact word.

"Jesus, it was a surprise." I shook my head and laughed. "I thought that when I left Granger, I'd never hear from you again." I pulled my apartment key out of my pocket and turned the lock.

"Aw, no way, Aedyn. It's been wonderful getting to know you again, now that we're all grown up. I'm glad my schedule opened up and we could spend some extra time together."

"Perfect." I smiled and held the door as she walked in. "Do you like it?" I asked, setting our bags down inside the door of my apartment. I felt like the Big Bad Wolf luring Red Riding Hood in. The very moment she stepped over the threshold, my dirty mind was already scheming and hearing the click of her heels on the polished cement floor didn't help. It inspired an immediate visual of long legs, short skirt and tits popping out everywhere. Did girls realize how sexy that sound was to guys?

"It's gorgeous. So elegant and upscale." Lauren said as she perused the living room. She tilted her head toward the large, sweeping floor to ceiling window and exclaimed with delight, "Oh, look at that view." She stepped over to the glass and peered out with amazement.

"That's Lake Michigan."

"A view of the lake. This is fantastic. It's so... opposite of my apartment." She turned and smiled at me. "My place is small and the only view I have out my front window is the crazy neighbor in 2B. I swear he must be stalking me. He's always out there, smoking a cigarette and pacing back and forth. Completely different than this."

Lauren looked radiant standing in my apartment, like she belonged here, surrounded by nice things. This was the lifestyle meant for Lauren Mitchell and I was the one who could give it to her, if she would only let me. I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from giving in to that idea. Fuck that. That was a pipe dream, a teenage fantasy come to life.

I was feeling a little guilty about luring her here under the pretense of a "friends only" visit, but I couldn't help myself. I really wanted to just get in her pants so I could end my torturous obsession with her, otherwise, I'd become the crazy stalker in her life. I had to get her out of my mind, and out of my heart for good. One way to do that would be to fuck the shit out of her, or at least that was my first plan.

I glanced down at her hands. She was fidgeting with her engagement ring, twisting it back and forth, probably unaware she was even doing it.

"How exactly did you convince Chip to let you come here with me?"

She looked down, stopped the twisting and then let her hands fall to her sides. "I told him I was coming to check out wedding dresses... with Jules."

Lauren shrugged and then her eyes fixed on mine and in that moment of silence, I thought I saw a spark in them, a fire. Maybe she'd changed her mind about him. The room suddenly felt very warm and Lauren looked very tempting. She was so beautiful, her hair falling around her shoulders in loose curls, her lips so plump and inviting. When she opened her mouth and darted her tongue out to wet them, my dick twitched. Was she giving me a signal? A visual crashed into my mind of me ripping her clothes off right here, right now. I'd take her in my arms and make her forget all about Chip and that cheap ring he gave her. I knew she was struggling with her feelings and she came here to get some clarity, but maybe she was begging for someone to make the decision for her.

Then again, maybe I should get it over with now, then stick her on a plane and send her packing. Why did she have so much fucking control over my emotions? I was her puppet and she held the strings. My hands balled into nervous fists and then relaxed. Then, before I had the chance to say something stupid, I spun and strode into the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?" I needed it to settle my nerves and think of a way to get my vacillating emotions under control.

"Sure," she called in to the kitchen then came over to the kitchen island. I poured us both a drink and shoved a glass of wine across the black granite counter toward her and I had a Scotch on the rocks.

"Thanks. White is my favorite. How'd you know?" She leaned forward heavily, resting her elbows on the counter and lifting her glass to touch mine.

I smiled and said, "Um, lucky guess." I'd figured Lauren was the type to like white wine, like most of my dates. I was such a player. I always kept a couple bottles chilling in the fridge.

I leaned forward too, our glasses meeting in the middle, our gaze bridging over them in a tantalizing stare. Oh, she was good at this, such a tease, tempting me with those eyes, but this was too close for comfort. Her heady perfume filled my nostrils and the tips of her long curls tickled the sparkling surface of the black counter top. It was intoxicating to be this close to the girl of my dreams, but every second she was here alone with me was torture because she wasn't mine. The silence and seclusion pressed in on me, urging me to take action. No one would know if I kissed her right now. Or fucked her. No one would see. Chip was miles away. She could be my secret love. Could I resist? Should I resist?