I narrowed my eyes and inquired. "Lauren, what are you doing here?"

She didn't ask for clarification. She knew what I meant. She took a sip of wine, then rolled her eyes to the ceiling and shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest."

I pushed further. "Why did you really come to Chicago with me?"

She sighed and stared at the rim of her wine glass and said, "I... I don't know how to explain it... it's complicated."

I straightened and threw back the last swig of my drink, then set the glass on the counter, the ice cubes tinkling as it landed. She wasn't ready to talk. Hell, we'd practically just walked in the door and I didn't want to rush her. That was okay. I could wait.

"I have an idea. I think you should go shopping. Spend the rest of the day out while I catch up on work, I'm way behind. I didn't plan on spending so much time in Granger. I try to make my trips there as short as possible, but this time... let's just say, I got distracted. Then we can go out for a late dinner and then I'll take you to the place I like to go on Saturday nights. It's fun. Would you like that?"

Lauren mirrored my action and straightened before sliding onto a counter stool. "Yes. I'd love to go shopping. That way I'll stay out of your way. I don't want to keep you from anything important." She smiled and stood up. "Where do you want me to put my bag?"

"In the spare bedroom. I'll get it." I walked over to the door where I had dropped her small rolling suitcase. As I laid my hand on the plastic handle, I said, "You need all this for a short visit?" I rolled her bag into the bedroom with Lauren at my heels. "I hope you brought more than jeans for tonight."

"Oh sorry," she said, worrying her lip. "I didn't know what to expect and I was in a hurry. I just threw some clothes in a bag. I wanted to get to your father's house fast... before I changed my mind."

So she'd thought about bailing on me. That's what I'd anticipated she'd do from her past behavior, but something must be different now. A glimmer of hope sparked my excitement. "Well, I'm glad you came." I dug into my pocket and fished out my wallet. "Here," I shoved a hundred dollar bill at her. "Good thing you're going shopping. Get something to wear tonight, maybe a dress, like the kind for a club."

She nodded, but it was only to agree that she needed a dress. "You don't have to do that. I have money."

"No, I insist. Let this weekend be my treat. No worries while you're here. Remember, this get away is supposed to be for you to relax and clear your mind. I don't want you to worry about anything." I smiled at her, holding the money out in my hand, knowing how hot she was going to look in one of those little club dresses and how difficult it was going to be for me to keep my hands off of her. Or keep my dick out of her... shit, I was just asking for trouble now.

"That's very sweet of you. Thank you, Aedyn, but I feel weird taking money from you."

"Nonsense. From one old friend to another." Her face brightened at the suggestion that we were "friends", flattered by the insinuation that I cared about her to some degree. In my mind, however, the label of friendship would be put to the test in a matter of hours.

"All right then." She dropped her head and bit her lip. Mmm, what I could do with that lip... I think she noticed the look on my face because her cheeks got pink. She walked over to the bed to put the money in her purse and my body temperature began to rise. I shouldn't be in here with her. I'd better leave before my uncontrollable cock starts doing the thinking for me. Damn, not only was Lauren in my apartment, now we were alone, together, in a bedroom. It'd be so easy to just lay her back on the bed and...

"Oh shit."

Her head popped up. "What?"

Did I say that out loud? "Just remembered something... gotta work... wait." I opened my wallet again. "Here's another hundred for shoes." Now I was just acting ridiculous. She probably thought I was trying to impress her with my money, but being so close to her was getting me flustered as hell.

Lauren looked down at her feet and a wide smile broke out across her face. "I already have shoes. These heels should be good for tonight." We both laughed. She pushed the bill back at me and said, "Don't worry, and if I need a different pair, I can cover it."

I shoved my wallet back into my pocket and ran my hand through my hair. "I have to go work now; have fun shopping." My mouth felt dry and I rushed out of the room before my hard-on could get the better of me.

The doorbell rang and I clicked "Close" on my computer file. It would be Lauren returning from her shopping trip. As I stood to go answer the door, a visual of her excited face jumped into my mind. I imagined that when the door swung open, she'd be all bubbly and filled with stories about how fantastic the stores are here in Chicago.

Although I was supposed to be working on business while she was out, in reality, I spent the majority of the time drifting off into lusty daydreams about the two of us. I wasted the entire time and didn't get a lick of work done.

I flipped the lock and the door swung open. "Hey, you." Lauren looked radiant. Her face was flush with excitement and her arms were loaded down with shopping bags, just as I'd imagined. I was pleased. Reaching out to unburden her arms, I offered, "Let me take those for you."

"Oh, Aedyn, you were so right. Chicago is the Mecca of shopping." She threw a light laugh on top of her words as she brushed past me. The smell of her perfume lingered in the air and my stomach twisted. Damn it. I wanted to jump her ass right now, but instead I trailed along after her like a lost puppy as she went to the couch. She threw her arms out and landed with a flop on the leather, and even the couch moaned when it felt her body against it.

"That was so much fun. You should've come with me... but I know you had to get some work done and guys don't like shopping anyway. It's really a girl thing." She suddenly pitched forward, eager to recount every detail of her day. "Come here, let me show you what I got. You have to see this. These shoes are fabulous."

She'd dumped the bags on the floor next to her feet and was patting the spot next to her on the couch. I eagerly joined her, her enthusiasm contagious. Once I sat down, she angled her body to face mine, setting me straight in the line of her beautiful eyes. They were deep and alluring, and drove me crazy with desire. For a silent moment-what seemed like one long silent moment-we just sat there, gazing into each other's eyes. I felt the heat radiating off her body and then something else, a different kind of hot vibration crackled between us. This was a signal for sure. I wasn't wrong in bringing her here. Maybe there was hope for us after all.

Finally, she broke our moment with a smile and bent over, reaching for one of the shopping bags at her feet. She retrieved a sleek white one, tastefully designed with the store logo in silver cursive scrolled writing. "Look at these." Her face brightened. She lifted a pair of shoes out of the box, like she was lifting a precious jewel on a velvet pillow. "Aren't they gorgeous?"

I blinked. "They're... white." And obviously meant to wear with a wedding gown. I pulled back, not realizing I'd been slowly leaning closer as we spoke.

"Well of course, silly. They're for my wedding." She continued ripping open boxes and talking about her wedding plans, but I didn't hear most of it. Her words faded into a blur.

"Oh. Of course," I mumbled. My jaw clenched. I tried to cover my disappointment and asked as casually as I could, "Did you get something for tonight?"

I couldn't believe it. She hadn't been thinking of me while shopping. She wasn't picturing the two of us entwined in passionate kisses, tearing at each other with wanton desire. She had been thinking about the wedding and that fucked up, creep of a fiance Chip. What kind of name was that anyway? Chip! She was going to go through with it and marry that prick.

I stood up, trying to act casual while pretending to rearrange the magazines laying on the coffee table under her shoe purchases-let me correct myself-her wedding purchases. Probably everything in the other bags was something for her wedding also. I was so glad I could provide her with a chance to get her fucking wedding shopping done. I wanted to kick something. I was hurt and bitter.

"Oh, yes I did get something for tonight," she chirped in a cheery voice. She let the shoe in her hand drop to her lap. An expression of concern crossed her face for a brief moment and I thought she had a moment of self-realization, but then it vanished. She turned her attention back to her lap and returned the shoe to its box, her excitement picking up again.

"I actually got two pairs for the wedding," she rambled on, "One to wear with my gown and the other for the reception. You know, I can't dance in this high of a heel..." Lauren stopped herself from digging out the second pair when she saw the glazed over look on my face. "Well, never mind. Do you want to see the ones I got for tonight?"

I was already backing away from the living area, trying to get out of her sight before she saw my disappointment. "That's okay, I'll see them in a few minutes. We should probably start getting ready. You can surprise me." Like she hadn't already.

What a dick I am, I thought. I actually believed she came here to be with me and then make a fucking decision. I thought I had a chance to convince her to leave Dip, but it seemed like the true reason she'd come to Chicago was to use me for a damn shopping spree. It just kept happening. It seemed like every time I was with Lauren, she used me. How could she go through with her plans to marry that man? He didn't love her. Not like I could. I was a million times better than that son of a bitch, soon to be wife-beater.

I made it to the kitchen before pounding my fist on the hard surface of the counter, feeling dejected, then pulled open a drawer, looking for the last bit of blow I had tucked away.

No! I slammed it back shut. I needed every brain cell in my head right now. Tonight would be my last chance. Either she'll go back as a single woman, or still engaged. If she decided to go through with the wedding, then I'll give up and get over it. Whatever happens tonight, will tell. If we end up in bed together, so be it.

Maybe it'll help me put this whole thing to rest. And then, if she really goes through with the marriage and Chip ever found out? Well now, wouldn't that be a shame. A blissful marriage-ruined. Was that what it was going to take to make her finally realize they weren't meant to be together? I went to my bedroom to get dressed thinking that destiny's a fickle mistress. She leads you by the nose down one path and then, just when you think you have it all figured out, she throws you a sharp curve, and you're left wondering and unprepared for what's around the next corner.

Chapter Nineteen.

Lauren A hot, sexy twenty-something woman with long brown hair pushed a shoulder through the pulsing crowd at the club Aedyn brought me to. The music was pounding so loud I could feel the deep bass vibrating in my core. The shoulder she led with came attached to a long, slender bare arm, which held a martini glass high in the air.

She was dark-skinned, beautiful and sexy as hell, just like all the women at this Chicago nightspot. Her focus seemed to be aimed directly at Aedyn, who was standing next to me, but looking in the opposite direction. That just annoyed Miss Sexy Cat enough to make her shove harder and raise her voice louder, as she launched herself toward us through the sea of elbows and drinks. No sooner did I take a sip of my mixed drink when I saw another girl right behind her, a blonde this time. Miss Sex Kitten, I named her. I pursed my lips into crooked smile. She was one cough away from falling out of that dress and, although it was difficult to see below anyone's waist in this tightly packed crowd, she also had legs that just wouldn't quit.

Damn, the competition was tough around here. Not that I should even care. Aedyn wasn't my boyfriend, we were 'friends'. Who was I kidding? I felt a pang of jealously rip through me as I saw the look on his face when he spotted them. The two girls were friends, obviously very close ones. I could tell by the way the girls constantly touched each other, laying a delicate hand on each other's bare shoulder or forearm. How cute; bookends. Dark chocolate and white. I snorted to myself and pulled another long draught from my cocktail, emptying my glass.

When they finally managed to part the Red Seas and anchored themselves in front of Aedyn, he stood there beaming and greeted them with a huge smile plastered across his face. The look of recognition in his eyes and the size of the smile on his face said it all. Suddenly, I felt like a ground out cigarette butt.

"Raquel!"

Ugh. He practically gushed all over her. Obviously, she's a... friend. He had the right to date whoever he wanted. Or pay for whoever he wanted. I had no claim on him and until recently, I hadn't even thought of him in years. There was no reason for me to be so territorial.

The other one, Miss Sex Kitten, was practically bouncing up and down with delight at seeing him. "And Lisa. Don't forget me." She was so soft, blonde, and effervescent. I prided myself for naming her "Kitten" and the other one "Cat." The amusing game inside my head didn't matter, these two were on a mission to capture Aedyn's full attention. So far, they were doing a damn good job of it and in the process, managed to turn me invisible.

After they all said their hellos, Raquel's eyes zoomed in on my left hand and she stopped stroking Aedyn's arm long enough to reach for my hand. "Wow, what a beautiful ring. Engagement?" The last word landed on Aedyn as Raquel shot him a questioning glance. "Are you two engaged?" It came out too cheery, the words dripping with such sweetness, I thought I'd go into a sugar coma.

Aedyn answered flatly, "Raquel, Lisa, this is Lauren... a friend visiting from out of town." But his eyes betrayed him as he spoke; blazing holes in Raquel's perfectly smooth, caramel colored skin. He was clearly flustered, perhaps because Raquel gave him a 'yeah, right' look. I was caught off guard too. I had fought my desires, trying to mask them and pretend we really were just friends from high school.

I even bought those stupid wedding shoes, forcing myself to stay on track and keep my feelings for Aedyn at bay. But now that I saw Aedyn with other women, something was stirred up inside of me. It was as if I'd entered a competition, one I shouldn't be involved in, and he was the prize.

"Oh, I get it. Well, guys do like a little danger." Raquel replied. She then poked a well-manicured finger at his chest and winked. "You're such a bad boy, Aedyn."

No sooner had she spoken than Lisa cut in, leaning in close to whisper in his ear, her hands reaching into his pockets. He laughed and grabbed her wrists, shaking his head. She pouted, and perked up again, pleading, "Let's dance."

My eyes followed Raquel's hand as she laid it on Aedyn's shoulder and let it trail down the length of his arm, stopping to hold his wrist. God, they couldn't keep their hands off of him. I shifted my weight and glanced away, biting my lip. I shouldn't blame them; Aedyn was exciting, well-built and just plain gorgeous. He was every girl's dream and these two were spiking my competitive nature. A raging jealousy was simmering under the edge of my emotions, and I knew why. I wanted Aedyn for myself.

Suddenly, the two girls were pulling on Aedyn, one on each arm, bouncing up and down to the beat of the music, begging for a dance. Lisa must have noticed me standing there, one arm folded across my chest and the other one a perch for my empty drink glass. "You too, Lauren. Come dance," she insisted. Her plea was sincere and entirely too bubbly for words. I wanted to gag. A sandwich dance involving those two with Aedyn in the middle jumped into my mind. Not only, "No" but "Hell no."

I politely declined and said, "You guys go ahead." I gave a push on Aedyn's shoulder to go and his feet started moving as the two girls drug him through the crowd. He turned to look back at me and shrugged, giving me a 'what am I supposed to do' look. He continued staring at me as the two girls pulled him to the dance floor and began moving to the music.

Although the place was packed, I could still see them as they danced. They didn't need to go far, the line between the dance floor and the crowd had been lost in a mass of rhythmic bodies. People were dancing pretty much wherever they stood.

I watched as the girls moved closer and Aedyn pulled Raquel into his hips, smiling down and grinding on her. Damn it, he looked so sexy, his hands moving up and down her thighs. Then his expression changed and he looked at me, shooting his gaze through the crowd. It was as if an arrow launched straight into my soul. He was sending me a message, grinding on Raquel, but teasing me, inviting me. My heart jumped and I gasped. Oh god, I would love to feel his hands on me, his hips grinding into me. I spun on my heels and went to order another drink.

I leaned my elbows on the bar and shouted out my drink order, waiting for the song to end. The problem was, in this type of club the music never ended. It was one long seamless barrage of pounding rhythms, pulsing in a way that suggested free sex could be found at every turn. And it was working. How long would I have to endure the torture of Aedyn and Raquel grinding it out with Lisa coming at him from behind?

I tried to put it out of my mind, but my lubricated imagination was running circles in my brain. What if Aedyn was getting turned on by all the grinding? I was struck with an image of his cock expanding in his pants right there on the dance floor. Oh great. Now I was fixating on Aedyn's cock. I began to wonder what it would be like to touch it, to taste it... oh my. Was it the hypnotic music or the drinks, or both? Whatever it was, I didn't want it to stop. I grabbed a fresh drink from the bartender and told him to charge it to Aedyn's tab.

A large hand landed on my shoulder and I whipped around to see Aedyn's smiling face. "I'll have another one too," he said. As he talked over my head to the bartender, his body was so close behind me I nearly gasped, afraid that if he pressed up against me, I'd feel the very thing I had imagined.

I calmed myself and swallowed hard. His dancing was so hot, even if it was with another woman. Was he really sending me a message? Or just goofing off, trying to make me laugh? Either way, it'd sent my pulse racing, again, for the millionth time tonight, reminding me that I didn't like losing Aedyn's attention to the two sex kittens. And with that thought, I was left feeling even more conflicted than ever. Coming to Chicago and being with Aedyn was quickly making my real life seem further away. Not just in miles, but in loyalty as well.

I turned, standing with my back to the bar with Aedyn in front of me. His reach landed his sexy body against mine, face to face, as he leaned over to pay the bartender. I froze, pinned by those deep blue eyes. His look penetrated through me, as if it could reach into every inch of my being. He pulled back slightly after handing the man a tip. His gaze trailed down to where my breasts pushed out of my low cut club dress and then up again, lingering on my lips. I kept steady, not even aware I was holding my breath, not wanting to tear my eyes from his face. He licked his lips. I wanted those lips. He leaned in. My heart stopped. I desperately wanted him to kiss me, but instead, he brushed past and said in my ear, "Let's dance."

I blinked, feeling the edge of the bar digging into my back. I didn't want him to move. I wanted to feel him pressed against me like this. "We're not on the dance floor." The words dribbled out of my mouth in a feeble attempt to resist his offer.

"Over here." He took my arm and motioned in the direction of a small clearing to the side of the bar, near a back wall. After his seduction of me at the bar, I was definitely going to need some extra air to breathe normally again.

As he guided me through the crowd, I felt his hand pressing on the small of my back. The pulsing of the music was like an aphrodisiac and my already racing pulse threatened to hit overdrive as I realized he was maneuvering us into a dark, secluded corner.

He stopped and leaned close, pausing for a sip of his drink. The tension between us was running high. I swore that if I put my hand in what little space was left between our bodies, I'd feel a jolt of electricity. I knew I should resist. I knew I wouldn't.

I could break the spell with just a word. I could have lashed out, told him he was rude for abandoning me to dance with those girls. I could have said Chip's name, or mentioned anything about the wedding. I could have simply said no. I didn't.

All I cared about right now was Aedyn and the question that hung between us. Was he going to kiss me, or not? The mixture of his cologne, the music, the drinks, was swirling inside of me, making me easily susceptible to the erotic pleasure of his lips falling on mine. I was open to anything that could happen next.

He threw back the rest of his Scotch like he was taking a shot, and set it aside. He placed a hand over the one holding my drink. Our eyes locked. He pushed my glass gently up to my mouth until it touched my lips. With his hand still on mine, holding it there, tipping it until I swallowed a large gulp of sweet cranberry and vodka. When the glass was empty, he released his hand and set my glass aside also. I exhaled, giddy with anticipation. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and waited for his next move. Slowly, he took my right hand and positioned his other arm around me, poised in the classic slow dance position as if we were about to waltz, but this was the wrong music.

I pulled my lower lip in as the pounding club mix continued its endless drumming around us. His touch was electrifying and his gaze was searing into me. Breathlessly, barely able to speak in an audible voice I said, "Um...this isn't a slow dance."

His answer was to pull me closer, appearing to be oblivious to the pounding techno beat. I surrendered, too weak to resist, my heart pounding and my knees turning to water at a record pace. All that was left for me to do was to follow along as we became lost in a world of each other, gently swaying to our own imaginary music.

I didn't hear anything but his words when he looked down and said, "I used to think about you all the time... years ago." His voice was smooth and sweet. As we continued to move, my head was swimming with delirious thoughts of the two of us meshed together, feeling all dreamy and wonderful. All I wanted was to be closer to him, not an arm's length away, so I could drink him in, and fulfill my lustful desire.

I slipped my arms around his neck and moved closer, taking a sharp breath in when I felt his solid chest, and imagined the well-defined muscles that must me under the fine linen of his shirt. I was jealous again of those two girls. I bet Raquel had a taste of him... all of him. One single visual of Aedyn's rock hard body, naked in bed, fucking, was all it took and my blood was rushing from my head to my toes.

"Don't tell me that." I whispered with my eyes closed and breathing heavier. Hearing that he'd longed for me all these years cast me more fully under his spell.

He tipped his forehead against mine. "I used to dream about you at night, wrestling with thoughts of kissing your lips and then I'd wake up kissing my pillow instead. But now... here you are. And there they are... the lips I dreamed about, right in front of me, luscious and full, waiting for me."

My lips parted and I sucked in a quick breath. The blood drained from my face and raced to the center of my body. He was torturing me. My arms were snaked around his neck with my hands behind his head. Aedyn's hands were clamped on my waist as he's slowly guided me in the dance, swaying ever so slightly. He slid them up and down my sides, teasing me with his touch, making it unbearable for me to resist as he lured me farther down the slippery slope of the path I was already on.

With my hands still locked at the back of his neck, I twisted off my engagement ring. I had my small evening purse slung diagonally across my body. It had a small outside pouch in which I dropped the ring, and then I returned my hand, lacing my fingers behind his head.

Not sure if he saw what I did, Aedyn continued in a low voice, describing in further detail what he wanted to do with my lips.

"I could put my tongue in your mouth and tease you. Make you wish you'd kissed me years ago. Then you'd know what it feels like and you wouldn't be wondering right now."

Every intimate word drove me crazy with desire. It felt so right, so natural. All I cared about was this incredible feeling charging through my body. It was like time had stood still and in this moment no one else existed. There was no outside world, only our world, with the two of us drowning in this hot fiery lust that felt so deliciously good. I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to fight it. Even if I willed myself to ignore it, it was futile. My body was in control now, pulsing and vibrating, heaving and salivating, leaving me a limp pile of emotional want. And for the first time in a long while, I felt wanted. No, I felt adored. Adored and worshiped by this hot as hell temptation known as Aedyn Cumberland.

It was a powerful feeling, a confirming feeling that I had worth. That's what was missing in my relationship with Chip. With him I felt far from perfect. The way he'd been treating me lately was all part of his manipulation.

"Do you want to know, Lauren? What I want to do to you?"

I didn't say a word, I already knew. My answer was delivered by pressing my hips closer to his.

His lips were almost touching mine, hovering close enough to feel the warm puff of his breath. I felt his muscular chest rise and fall with not an inch of air between our bodies. "Kiss me." I begged him in my mind. Just when I thought he was about to, he veered away and then his breath was in my ear. I practically whimpered, dying to feel his kiss. He pushed a hand up my back, twisting his fingers into the hair at the back of my head, then whispered, "I'm going to take those lips of yours and fill my mouth with them. Then you'll feel my tongue thrusting into you." I let out a moan as he sucked my earlobe into his mouth and then pulled back with a little flick of his tongue.

"Would you like that?" I couldn't answer, my throat was so dry. My head was spinning and all I wanted to do was melt into his strong chest and let him do what he really wanted to do-fuck me.

"I don't think Chip would mind, do you? What's one little kiss between old friends?" My thoughts were lost in the fog in my head. I couldn't pull away. All I could do was press against him again, encouraging him to continue. Even hearing Chip's name didn't break the spell.

His hand traced down my neck and to my collarbone, sparking a trail of tingles as it scratched my skin, all the way down to the low cut neck of my dress. He hooked a finger under its edge and pulled out the fabric for a clear view of my breasts.

"Then I'll run my hands over your breasts and watch your nipples get hard and ready for me to suck. Would you like that too, Lauren?" He released his finger and when the fabric snapped back in place, my knees nearly buckled.

It was difficult to remain standing as his words sparked images in my mind. He was clever with his choice of words, deliciously clever. Our barely visible movement and the tingles of adrenaline racing through my body made it difficult to continue our mockery of the slow dance. We were locked tightly together, body against body, hardly swaying at all. No one in the club cared, or noticed. In their estimation, we were just another drunken couple in the corner, groping each other, needing to get a room.

He ran his hand farther down my side and down for a quick swirl over my butt. As it roamed the lower half of my body, my breath hitched in anticipation of which part of my body he'd touch next.

I chastised myself for wanting this now. I should've gone for Aedyn years ago and then I wouldn't have to make this decision now, with thoughts of cheating stabbing at my mind. I saw the way he looked at me earlier when he was grinding on Raquel. It was sinfully tempting. I shut my eyes briefly, knowing that when I opened them, I'd be facing the choice I was about to make.

With his hands all over me, and my heart pounding out of my chest I knew that if I gave in to my desires, our status would change forever. We wouldn't be friends anymore. We'd be lovers and I'd be a whore.

I pulled back breathlessly, "Aedyn..." It was more of a warning than anything else. His eyes searched mine. "I don't know if I can be held accountable..."

He puts a finger to my lips "Shhh." He pulled me to the side, to a place even further removed from the crowd and pushed me back against the wall.

"I'm not finished," he growled. "I want to fuck you, Lauren. I've wanted to fuck you since high school. I haven't finished telling you how badly that teenage boy wanted to put his cock inside your young little pussy. How much the grown man wants to now."

He covered my body with his. His hand darted under my short skirt and he grabbed my wet panties. He hissed, "I'm going to put my finger in you and then my cock and make you scream my name." He snatched his hand away and trailed his wet finger over my lip. "Would you like that?" He then placed that finger in his mouth.

With my eyes still locked on his all I could do was blink and nod, captivated by his words; his movements. His eyes were dark and hungry; he was hot for me, I could feel it. Or was he angry? I wasn't sure. Was this his unique brand of fiery hot foreplay? Or was this payback for when I turned him down in high school? Whatever it was, I was completely at his mercy now, helpless against his alluring advances. The raging hormones burning through my brain cells were making it too difficult for rational decisions and my scruples had turned to dust. He had teased me to my limit.