[Ill.u.s.tration: "Oh! just ain't people proud what have got pairasoles."]

A DISCUSSION ON DIET.--_Little Chris_ (_to little Kate_.) Does your governess get ill on mince pies?

_Little Kate._ I don't know! Why?

_Little Chris._ 'Cause mine does. At dinner to-day she said, "If you eat any more of that pastry, I know you'll be ill." So she _must_ have been so herself.

[_Conference broken up by arrival of the lady in question._

[Ill.u.s.tration: WHAT IS IT?

_First Boy_ (_loq._). "I tell yer its 'ed's here!--I seen it move!"

_Second Do._ "I say it's at this end, yer stoopid!--I can see 'is ears!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Dolly._ "Auntie, that's what I've done for the cow-drawing compet.i.tion at school."

_Auntie._ "But it is more like a horse than a cow."

_Dolly._ "It _is_ a horse. But, please, don't tell teacher!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "THE GENTLE CRAFT"

_Preceptor_ (_after a lecture_). "Now, what are the princ.i.p.al things that are obtained from the earth?"

_Pupil_ (_and "disciple of Izaak Walton"_). "Worms, sir!"

[_Loses fifty marks!_]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A CONFESSION.--_Day Governess._ "How is it your French exercises are always done so much better than your Latin ones?"

_Tommy_ (_after considering awhile_). "I don't think auntie knows Latin."

[_Auntie, who was about to enter, quickly and quietly retires._]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "What are you doing in that cupboard, Cyril?"

"Hush, auntie! I'm pretending to be a thief!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: RETALIATION

"Tut, tut, my boy! You must not beat that little dog so. Has he bitten you?"

"No, 'e ain't. But 'e's bin an' swallered my fardin!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A REMINISCENCE OF LENT

"And did you both practise a little self-denial, and agree to give up something you were fond of?--_sugar_, for instance,--as I suggested?"

"Well, yes, auntie! Only it wasn't exactly _sugar_, you know! It was _soap_ we agreed to give up!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SUBTLE DISCRIMINATION

_Ethel_ (_to Jack, who has been put into the corner by the new governess_). "I'm so sorry for you, Jack!"

_Jack._ "Bosh! who cares! This ain't a _real_ corner, you know!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A CANDID INQUIRER

"I say, John, is there anything I haven't tasted?"

"No, sir, I think not--except water!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Eva._ "Mother says I am descended from Mary Queen o'

Scots."

_Tom._ "So am I then, Eva."

_Eva._ "Don't be so silly, Tom! You can't be. You're a boy!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Old Gent._ "Is it a _board school_ you go to, my dear?"

_Child._ "No, sir. I believe it be a _brick_ one!"]