_Hal._ "Is there anything the matter with this egg, Martha?"

_Martha._ "Oh no, it's only a little cracked."

_Hal._ "Oh! Then would the chicken that came out of it be a little mad?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: NATURAL HISTORY.--"Oh, _look_, mummie! Now it's left off raining, he's come out of his kennel!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SENSIBLE CHILD.--"Well, Jacky, and did you hang up your stocking for Santa Claus to fill?"

"No. I hanged up muvver's!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Look what I've bought you for a Christmas box!"]

HAD HIM THERE.--_Uncle Jim._ Here's half a mince pie for you, Tommy. I need hardly remind a person of your cla.s.sical culture that "_the half is greater than the whole_!"

_Tommy._ Quite so, uncle. But, as I'm not very hungry, I'll only take a whole one.

AN EYE TO THE MAIN CHANCE.--_The Major._ You're a very nice fellow, Tommy! Don't most people tell you so?

_Tommy._ Yes, they does. And they often gives me something!

[Ill.u.s.tration: LOST, OR, LUCID INFORMATION

_Kind-hearted Old Gent._ "There, there, don't cry! What's your name and where do you live!"

_Chorus._ "Boohoo! We'se Doolie's twins."]

"SANCTA SIMPLICITAS."--"Auntie, ought Bertie Wilson to have _smiled_ so often at me in church?"

"No, dear. Where was he sitting?"

"Behind me."

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Philanthropic Old Lady_ (_to little boy caressing dog_).

"That is right, little boy, always be kind to animals."

_Little Boy._ "Yes, 'm. I'll have this tin can tied to his tail soon's I've got him quiet."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Poor likkle doggie--hasn't got any fevvers on!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Master Tom._ "Wish I could catch a cold just before Christmas."

_Effie._ "Why?"

_Master Tom._ "Well, ma's always sayin', 'feed a cold.' Wouldn't I?

_Just!_"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "_Please_, auntie, _may_ I have the fairy off the Christmas tree--_if I don't ask you for it_?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Shocked Mother._ "Oh, Tommy! What have you been doing?"

_Tommy_ (_who has just returned from the first day of a preliminary course at the village school_). "Fighting with Billy Brown."

_Mother._ "That horrid boy at the farm? Don't you _ever_ quarrel with him again!"

_Tommy._ "I ain't likely to. He can _lick_ me!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: RUDIMENTS OF ECONOMY

"May I _leave_ this piece of bread, nurse?"

"Certainly not, Miss May. It's dreadful wasteful! and the day may come when you'll _want_ a piece of bread!"

"Then I'd better _keep_ this piece of bread till I _do_ want it, nurse.

Hadn't I?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BLUE FEVER.--_Visitor_ (_after a long discourse on the virtues of temperance_). "I'm glad to see a little boy here wearing the blue ribbon. That's a good little fellow. Persevere in your good----"

_Billie Groggins._ "Please, sir, I'm _Hoxford_!"]