[Ill.u.s.tration: _Kitty._ "Is your wound sore, Mr. Pup?"

_Mr. Pup._ "Wound! What wound?"

_Kitty._ "Why, sister said she cut you at the dinner last night!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Little Boy._ "How many steps can you jump, grandma? I can jump _four_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: INDUCTION

"Is this the _new_ baby, daddy?"--"Yes, dear."

"Why, he's got no teeth!"--"No, dear."

"And he's got no hair!"--"No, dear."

"Oh, daddy, it _must_ be an _old_ baby!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "It's an ill wind blows n.o.body good."]

_Horrified little girl_ (_seeing her mamma in evening dress for the first time_). Oh, mummy, you're _never_ going down like that! You've forgotten to put on your top part!

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Hi, silly! Come 'ere out of the rine!"]

ENGLISH HISTORY.--"And who was the king who had so many wives?"

"Bluebeard!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: HER FIRST WASP

_Poor Effie (who has been stung)._ "First it walked about all over my hand, and it _was_ so nice! But oh!--_when it sat down_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: VERY NATURAL.--"Vell, and vat to you sink t.i.t happen to me at Matame Tussaud's de oder tay? A laty dook me for vun of de vax vickers, and agdually abbollochised vor her misdake!"

"O what fun, Mr. Schmitz! And was it in the Chamber of Horrors?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: TRUE DISTINCTION.--

_Mamma (improving the occasion)._ "I like your new suit immensely, Gerald! But you must recollect that it's not the coat that makes the gentleman!"

_Gerald._ "No, mamma! I know it's the _hat_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration:

_Little Montague._ "I was awake when Santa Claus came, dad!"

_Father._ "Were you? And what was he like, eh?"

_Little Montague._ "Oh, I couldn't see him--it was dark, you know. But when he b.u.mped himself on the washstand he said----"

_Father (hastily)._ "There, that'll do, Monty. Run away and play!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A RARA AVIS.--_Little Girl (finishing her description of the Battle of Cressy)._ "And ever since then the Prince of Wales has been born with feathers!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A HEAD FOR BUSINESS.--

_Mamma._ "I meant to give you a threepenny bit this morning, Bobby, but in my hurry I think I gave you sixpence, so----"

_Bobby._ "Yes, mummy, but I haven't spent it all yet. So will you give it me to-morrow?"

_Mamma._ "Give you what, dear?"

_Bobby._ "The threepenny bit you _meant_ to give me to-day!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE CHILD OF THE PERIOD

"Why did that policeman touch his hat to you, aunty? Have you got one as well as nurse?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BEFORE THE HEAD