PHYSICS.--"Now, George, before you go and play, are you quite sure you know the lesson Professor Borax gave you to learn?"

"O, yes, mamma!"

"Well, now, what causes heat without light?"

"Pickles!"

_Mother._ Well, Dorothy, would you like your egg poached or boiled?

_Dorothy_ (_after weighing the question_). Which is the most, mother?

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE ADVANTAGES OF EDUCATION

_Small Boy._ "Look 'ere, Mawrd! I reckon the chap as keeps this shop ain't bin to school lately; 'e spells '_'all_' with a _haitch_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "GETTING ON."

"Well, Tommy, how are you getting on at school?"

"First-rate. I ain't doing so well as some of the other boys, though I can stand on my head; but I have to put my feet against the wall. I want to do it without the wall at all!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: LAYING DOWN THE LAW.--

_Lady_ (_entertaining friend's little girl_). "Do you take sugar, darling?"

_The Darling._ "Yes, please."

_Lady._ "How many lumps?"

_The Darling._ "Oh, about seven; and when I'm out to tea I start with cake."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Tommy._ "I say, Elsie, if you like, I'll come and see you every day while you are ill."]

"A SOFT ANSWER," &c.--_Mamma_. You are very naughty children, and I am extremely dis-satisfied with you all!

_Tommy._ That _is_ a pity, mamma! We're all so thoroughly satisfied with _you_, you know!

COMPREHENSIVE.--_Preceptor._ Now, can any of you tell me anything remarkable in the life of Moses?

_Boy._ Yes, sir. He was the only man who broke all the commandments at once!

[Ill.u.s.tration: A BARGAIN.

"I say, Bobby, just give us a shove with this 'ere parcel on to this 'ere truck, and next time yer runs me in, _I'll go quiet_!"]

LITTLE MISS LOGIC.--_Little Dot_ (_to Eminent Professor of Chemistry_).

Are you a chemist?

_Eminent Professor._ Yes, my dear.

_L. D._ Have you got a shop with lovely large, coloured bottles in the window?

_E. P._ No, my dear; I don't keep a shop.

_L. D._ Don't you? Then I suppose you don't sell Jones's Jubilee Cough Jujubes?

_E. P._ No, my dear, I certainly do not.

_L. D._ (_decidedly_). I don't think I ought to talk to you any more.

You can't be a respectable chemist.

_E. P._ Why not, my dear?

_L. D._ 'Cos it says on the box, "Sold by all _respectable_ chemists."

AT THE SCHOOL TREAT.--_Lady Helper_ (_to Small Boy_). Will you have some more bread-and-b.u.t.ter?

_Small Boy._ No fear, when there's kike about.

_Lady Helper_ (_trying to be kind_). Cake, certainly! Will you have plum or seed?

_Small Boy._ Plum, in course. D'ye tike me for a canary?

[Ill.u.s.tration: A QUESTION OF HEREDITY