_Edith._ "Now, Tommy, you keep turning slowly, till we've done it all round."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mother._ "But, Jacky, I don't think a clock-work engine would be a good toy for you to give baby. He's such a little thing, he'd only break it."

_Jacky._ "Oh, but, mother, I'd _promise_ you I'd never let him even _touch_ it!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE FESTIVE SEASON

_Precocious Infant._ "Help yourself, and pa.s.s the bottle!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW.--_Maud_ (_with much sympathy in her voice_). "Only fancy, mamma, Uncle Jack took us to a picture gallery in Bond Street, and there we saw a picture of a lot of early christians, poor dears, who'd been thrown to a lot of lions and tigers, who were devouring them!"

_Ethel_ (_with still more sympathy_). "Yes, and mamma dear, there was _one_ poor tiger that _hadn't got_ a christian!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mother_ (_to son, who has been growing rather free of speech_). "Tommy, if you promise not to say 'hang it!' again, I'll give you sixpence."

_Tommy._ "All right, ma. But I know another word that's worth half-a-crown!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BETWEEN THE ACTS

_Governess._ "Well, Marjorie, have you done crying?"

_Marjorie._ "No--I haven't. I'm only _resting_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A WISE CHILD.--_Inspector._ "Suppose I lent your father 100 in June, and he promised to pay me back 10 on the first of every month, how much would he owe me at the end of the year? Now think well before you answer."

_Pupil._ "100, sir."

_Inspector._ "You're a very ignorant little girl. You don't know the most elementary rules of arithmetic!"

_Pupil._ "Ah, sir, but you don't know father!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--_Miss Fitzogre._ "Well, good-bye, Percival, and be a good boy!"

_Percival_ (_a very good boy, who has just been specially warned not to make personal remarks about people in their presence_). "Good-bye, I'll not tell nurse what I think of your nose till you're gone!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Porter._ "Why is the little girl crying, missie?"

_Little Girl._ "'Cos' she has put her penny in there, and no choc'late nor nuffing's come'd out!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: NOT UNLIKELY

"Well, well! And was baby frightened of his daddy den!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Dorothy_ (_who has found a broken nest-egg_). "Oh, mummy, what a pity! My black hen will never be able to lay any more eggs. She's broken the pattern!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: WASTED SYMPATHY

_Kind-hearted Lady._ "Poor child! What a dreadfully swollen cheek you have! Is it a tooth?"

_Poor Child_ (_with difficulty_). "No 'm--it's a sweet!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

"I'll tell you something, Miss Bullion. My sister Maud's going to marry your brother d.i.c.k. But don't say anything about it, 'cos he doesn't know it himself yet!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Softly._ "Yes, I was b-b-orn with a s-s-s-ilver s-s-poon in my m-m-m-outh."

_Kitty._ "Oh, Mr. Softly, is that why you stutter?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: WELL UP IN HER MYTHOLOGY.--_Tommy._ "Madge, what's '_necessitas_,' masculine or feminine?"

_Madge._ "Why, feminine, of course."

_Tommy._ "Why?"

_Madge._ "Why, she was the mother of invention."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: WHAT TOMMY OVERHEARD