_Elder of Twins._ "Yes, indeed! Ethel and I, you know, _we_ always say, 'you be _blown_!'"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: MENS CONSCIA.--_Inspector_ (_who notices a backwardness in history_). "Who signed Magna Charta?" (_No answer._)

_Inspector_ (_more urgently_). "Who signed Magna Charta?" (_No answer_.)

_Inspector_ (_angrily_). "Who signed Magna Charta?"

_Scapegrace_ (_thinking matters are beginning to look serious_).

"Please, sir, 'twasn't me, sir!!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "TROP DE ZELE!"--(_Tommy, a conscientious boy, has been told that he must remain perfectly still, as his mamma wants to take a nap._) (_Tommy in the middle of the nap_). "Mamma! Mamma! what shall I do? _I want to cough!_"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: TENDER CONSIDERATION

"Oh, _don't_ make faces at him, Effie! It might _frighten_ him, you know!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "BY PROXY".

_Humorous Little Boy._ "Plea' sir, will you ring the bottom bell but one, four times, sir?"

_Old Gent_ (_gouty, and a little deaf, but so fond o' children_).

"Bottom bell but one, four times, my boy?" (_Effusively._) "Certainly, that I will!"

[_In the meantime off go the boys, and, at the third peal, the irritable old lady on the ground floor----Tableau!_]

[Ill.u.s.tration: NEWS FROM HOME.--_Aunt Mary._ "I've just had a letter from your papa, Geoffrey. He says you've got a little brother, who'll be a nice companion for you some day!"

_Geoffrey._ "Oh!----does mummy know?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: UTILE c.u.m DULCI

_Arry._ "Ain't yer comin' along with me, Bill?"

_Piscator_ (_the Doctor's Boy_). "No, I _ain't_ a comin' along with you, I tell yer! I'm a runnin' on a errand."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ZOOLOGY. (_It appears to be coming to that at the Board Schools._)--_Examiner_ (_to small aspirant to the twenty-fourth standard_). "Can you tell me anything peculiar about the cuckoo, in regard to nesting?"

_Student._ "Yes, sir. Please, sir, he don't lay his own eggs hisself, sir!!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THEIR FIRST VISIT TO THE ZOO

_Tommy._ "Them ain't donkeys, Billy?"

_Billy._ "Yus, they is! They're donkeys with their football jerseys on!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SPOILT STORY.--_Brown_ (_in the middle of tall shooting story_). "Hardly had I taken aim at the lion on my right, when I heard a rustle in the jungle gra.s.s, and perceived an enormous tiger approaching on my left. I now found myself on the horns of a dilemma!" _Interested Little Boy._ "Oh, and which did you shoot first--the lion, or the tiger, or the d'lemma?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Uncle_ (_about to start for a concert at Marine Pavilion_). "But, my dear Nora, you don't surely propose to go without your shoes and stockings?"

_Nora._ "I'm in evening dress, uncle--only it's the other end."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE TERTIUM QUID.--"Do you know, Mabel, I believe if I weren't here, Captain Spooner would kiss you."

"Leave the room this instant, you impertinent little boy!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A CLINCHER.--"Get up, and see the time, Eva. I don't know how to tell it."

"No more do I."

"O, you horrid story-teller, I taught you myself!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: CIRc.u.mSTANCES ALTER CASES

"What! _all_ that for grandpa."

"No, darling. It's for you."

"Oh! what a little bit!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BRUSHING PA'S NEW HAT