THE DONKEY-BOYS OF ENGLAND

(_A Song for the Seaside_)

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The Donkey-Boys of England, how merrily they fly, With pleasant chaff upon the tongue and cunning in the eye.

And oh! the donkeys in a ma.s.s how patiently they stand, High on the heath of Hampstead, or down on Ramsgate's sand.

The Donkey-Boys of England, how sternly they reprove The brute that won't "come over", with an impressive shove; And oh! the eel-like animals, how gracefully they swerve From side to side, but won't advance to spoil true beauty's curve.

The Donkey-Boys of England, how manfully they fight, When a probable donkestrian comes suddenly in sight; From nurse's arms the babies are clutch'd with fury wild, And on a donkey carried off the mother sees her child.

The Donkey-Boys of England, how sternly they defy The pleadings of a parent's shriek, the infant's piercing cry; As a four-year-old MAZEPPA is hurried from the spot, Exposed to all the tortures of a donkey's fitful trot.

The Donkey-Boys of England, how l.u.s.tily they scream, When they strive to keep together their donkeys in a team; And the riders who are anxious to be cla.s.s'd among genteels, Have a crowd of ragged Donkey-boys "hallooing" at their heels.

The Donkey-Boys of England, how well they comprehend The animal to whom they act as master, guide, and friend; The understanding that exists between them who'll dispute-- Or that the larger share of it falls sometimes to the brute?

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE JETTY]

SEASIDE ACQUAINTANCES (SCENE--The Shady Side of Pall Mall).--_Sn.o.b._ My Lord, you seem to forget me. Don't you recollect our meeting this summer at Harrogate?

_Swell._ My dear fellow, I do not forget it in the least. I recollect vividly we swore eternal friendship at Harrogate, and should it be my fate to meet you at Harrogate next year, I shall only be too happy to swear it again.

[_Lifts his chapeau, and leaves Sn.o.b in a state of the most speechless amazement._

[Ill.u.s.tration: Portrait of a gentleman who sent his wife and family to the seaside, followed by a later train, and left their address behind.

[_Sketched after five hours' futile search for them._

[Ill.u.s.tration: A VOICE FROM THE SEA

"O let me kiss him for his mother!"]

REASONS FOR GOING TO BRIGHTON

(_By the Cynic who stays in London_)

[Ill.u.s.tration: "HA! RICH!"]

Because "everybody" is there, and it is consequently so pleasant to see St. John's Wood, Bayswater, and even Belgravia, so well represented on the Esplanade.

Because the shops in the King's Road are _nearly_ as good as those to be found in Regent Street.

Because the sea does not _always_ look like the Thames at Greenwich in a fog.

Because some of the perambulating bands play very nearly in tune.

Because the Drive from the Aquarium to the New Pier is quite a mile in length, and only grows monotonous after the tenth turn.

Because watching fish confined in tanks is such rollicking fun.

Because the Hebrews are so numerously represented on the Green.

Because the Clubs are so inexpensive and select.

Because the management of the Grand is so very admirable.

Because it is so pleasant to follow the Harriers on a hired hack in company with other hired hacks.

Because the half-deserted Skating Rinks are so very amusing.

Because it is so nice to hear second-rate scandal about third-rate people.

Because the place is not always being visited by the scarlet fever.

Because it is so cheerful to see the poor invalids taking their morning airing in their bath-chairs.

Because the streets are paraded by so many young gentlemen from the City.

Because the Brighton belles look so ladylike in their quiet Ulsters and unpretending hats.

Because the suburbs are so very cheerful in the winter, particularly when it snows or rains.

Because on every holiday the Railway Company brings down such a very nice a.s.sortment of excursionists to fill the streets.

Because Brighton in November is so very like Margate in July.

Because, if you did not visit Brighton, you might so very easily go farther and fare worse.

[Ill.u.s.tration: WESTON-SUPER-MARE]