"No," she whispered. Alyssa didn't love Ben. She liked Ben, lusted after him even though she shouldn't considering how he treated her at times. But love? No, Alyssa didn't love Ben.

Striding over to the bed, John climbed up and placed his hands on her jean covered knees. Looking deep into her eyes for a right answer, he asked, "But if you don't love Ben, why are you with him? Please explain it to me."

She looked down. "It's complicated."

"It's complicated," John repeated between a huff and a laugh. "Try me."

Alyssa raised her head and looked deep into John's dark green eyes. God, how she wanted to open up to John. She wanted to tell him the truth, but she couldn't take the chance. In just a few short days he would be leaving again, and she'd be stuck in South Fork with Ben and no one to turn to.

Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, Alyssa was apprehensive. But it wasn't about her now. It was about the baby she was carrying. So she did what she needed to protect her baby.

"I can't. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm sorry. Please try to understand me."

John's jaw was set tight. "You can't? Or you won't? How can I understand you if you won't tell me anything."

Alyssa shook her head.

"I'm going to ask you a question, and Alyssa, for both our sakes, you better tell me the truth. Okay?"

Alyssa's eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you promise to tell me the truth?"

"I can't promise, but I'll promise to try. You've been gone for months, Johnny. I'm sorry, but things have changed." She pleaded with her eyes praying he would understand.

"Alright . . . I'll take it. How did you get that bruise on your leg?"

Alyssa's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. She averted her gaze. Of all questions, why did he have to ask that? She should have been more careful with covering the marks up.

Staring at the floor, she said in a broken whisper, "I fell."

John leaned back. "Fuck," he mumbled under his breath.

She was lying. He knew she was.

"Please don't lie to me," he said, staring at his comforter. "I know you didn't fall. What could you have possibly fallen on to get that mark? Is that why you're wearing jeans today? To cover up the bruise?"

"I fell," she repeated.

"Right," he drawled.

"You don't get to ask me questions after you disappeared, John. That's not how it works."

"Yes the fuck it does if you're being abused. Especially if you're pregnant."

"What does it matter to you," she yelled. "You're going to leave again anyway!"

Alyssa scooted off his bed and began pacing John's bedroom, the carpet so soft and cool against her feet. Her belly felt tight, the stress of her life now weighing on her stomach.

"How long will you be gone this time?"

John's head popped up. "It's hard to give an exact timeline for you. I have Marine Combat Training for the next month in South Carolina, and then after that I'll start aviation training for two months. Once I'm finished, I just don't know."

"Well let's see how the next month goes then."

"So that's how it's going to be?" he asked with a bite.

"Yes, it is. I can't afford to open up to you if you won't be here. I have no one to fall back on."

Standing up, he crossed the distance to Alyssa. "And I can't afford for you to be abused, pregnant or not. Why, Alyssa, why can't you open up to me? You always did before when we were friends."

"Things have changed, Johnny. I'm sorry."

"Alyssa," he pleaded gently, looking into her sullen blue eyes. Cupping her face, he said, "If he's hurting you, please tell me. I'll get you help immediately. You don't have to live in that kind of environment."

A sad, half-smile broke across her face. "If only it were that easy . . ." Alyssa's heart ached knowing his words held truth. It wasn't easy in the least.

John squared his shoulders back. Dropping his hands, he said, "You don't have to say it for me to know the answer. I know you didn't fall." She couldn't deny it, her miserable eyes said it all. "Does he even know you're here?"

"No," rolled off her lips.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

She gulped. "I don't know, Johnny. It's hard for me to get away . . ."

"Can you try?"

She nodded. "I'll try, just don't call me. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know. Okay?"

"Okay. I'll take it."

Tension swirled around them, yearning permeated the air. So many words were about to go unsaid, and there was nothing they could do about it.

"Let me drive you back home. I'll stop a few blocks away so no one will be able to say anything. There's no way I'm letting you walk in this heat."

Alyssa nodded, agreeing with Johnny. The last thing she wanted to do was walk in the scorching heat anyway.

Not thinking about his actions, John leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I hate that you left me," she murmured.

Slamming the driver's side door shut, John asked. "So, how long does it take to find out the DNA?"

Alyssa swallowed the knot that had been forming in the back of her throat. "There are a few tests that can be performed now, but they're invasive. Or we wait until the baby is born."

"What do you mean invasive? Like it could hurt you and the baby?" He asked with genuine care. The last thing he wanted to do was harm her and her unborn baby.

"Yes. The chance of a miscarriage is high, so it's not usually recommended depending on the circumstances. I think there's a newer test out, but I'm not positive. I'd have to ask the next time I go in."

John muttered under his breath. "I don't want to take any chances with you or the baby. Maybe we should wait. Does Ben have to know about the tests?"

"I don't think so . . . I honestly don't know, Johnny." This whole conversation was giving Alyssa hives. If she could have a DNA test performed without Ben knowing, she would. "Maybe I can find a clinic outside of South Fork?"

John's eyes perked up. "I can ask Livy to see if she knows of any. She's in Savannah. This isn't her field of medicine, but it can't hurt to ask."

"Livy?" Alyssa was suddenly jealous of the woman's name on John's lips even though she had no right to be.

"Livy is Luke's girlfriend. Do you remember the night at Rum-" he stopped himself before he could finish. "Of course you do. I'm, ah, sorry . . . Anyway, the woman I kissed in front of you? She's actually my brother's girlfriend."

Alyssa's face scrunched up. "You kissed your brother's girlfriend?" she shrieked.

Chuckling, John said, "Well at the time she wasn't his girlfriend! Geeze Alyssa, what kind of guy do you take me for," he joked as if he was hurt. "They actually hadn't seen each other in almost ten years and they weren't together at that time. Long story . . . but she's a doctor so she may be able to help. At least maybe find the resources for us."

"She's the one he writes his music about."

He looked at her. "You remember?"

"I do. Can I ask you a question?"

John nodded.

"If this baby doesn't come back to be yours, you're just going to up and leave again, aren't you?" Just asking the question had her jaw quivering. Her heart ached with the realization that John may not come back to her. She wasn't sure if she could handle it again.

"It's hard to say, Alyssa. That's the God's honest truth. I don't want to lie to you and say no and then not be here for months."

She glanced at the truck floor, not wanting to see that he was actually telling her the truth. Sometimes lies were much easier to accept than reality. Alyssa respected John and the fact that he was honest with her, but she almost wished he hadn't been. Then at least she'd have something to hold on to.

"Let's just see what we can do and go from there, okay?"

Alyssa shook her head, wiping the tear that slid down her cheek. Damn pregnancy hormones.

"Hey," he said softly, placing a finger under her chin, "Don't cry. We'll figure this out. Okay? It might take some time, but we will. Promise."

John had no fucking clue how he was going to make this happen, but he was going to try his damndest to. This wasn't where it ended for them.

"Now let me ask you what you asked me. If this baby isn't mine, are you going to stay with Ben?"

Alyssa stared into John's ivy green eyes, wishing to God that she could take back that night and the ones after with Ben. She'd been so weak, just like her mother, the one person she didn't want to end up like.

The next thirty days were going to be the longest of her life. John had left early yesterday morning, but she didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

Even so, she shouldn't be counting on much once Johnny returned. At nineteen years old, her life was a colossal mess. She should've been starting her third year of college, meeting new friends, going to parties, having the time of her life.

But nope. Here she was, unhappy, pregnant, and so, so alone in small town USA. If walls could talk . . . well right now they'd have nothing to say because she was always alone. The only time they could talk was if Ben was home, but they'd be too scared to pipe in then. Alyssa rubbed her growing tummy. How on earth could she have gotten pregnant? Well, she knew how, but it was still so shocking even after five months. She couldn't believe she was pregnant at nineteen.

What a predicament she was in.

In two short weeks she would find out the baby's sex. It was the one thing she was looking forward to. Ben didn't want to know, but she did. Hell, Ben didn't even seem to want to know her at times.

Ben. Alyssa sighed inwardly. What happened to him?

At first he played dirty for her and she fell for it like so many other girls had. He was the typical bad boy girls wanted. The one they were told to stay away from: Dangerous, with a dark air of control and sensuality. The one that didn't give a fuck and did what he wanted. The one that was edgy and reckless, but hot as hell that beckoned girls with a sideways glance. She liked that he wanted her, but also that John wanted her. She liked feeling wanted. It was all fun and games until one of them got hurt.

But it wasn't just one.

Two were hurt and feeling the repercussions of each other's actions.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Another loud sigh erupted from her throat. Glancing down at her watch, she saw it was getting close to dinner time. The last thing she wanted to do was make dinner for Ben, who seemed to either love what she made or hate it with a passion. It was rare she did much right. But what did he expect from someone her age? Shaking her head, she stood from the couch and made her way to the kitchen.

She might not be far in her pregnancy, but her feet were aching. So she tried to make her night easy and just made pasta with some jar sauce . . .

Which is what she regretted cooking the moment Ben walked in the front door.

"What's that smell?" he asked with a scowl.

Playing nicely, Alyssa walked up and kissed his scruffy cheek. The stale stench of Marlboro cigarettes made her cringe. "Pasta," she said with a faux smile. "I put some garlic bread in the oven, too."

Ben glanced down at her with almost hostile eyes. She flinched, her smiling fading. What had she done wrong now?

"You don't want pasta?"

"Meat. I need some meat, girl. You didn't cook any meat?"

"I didn't . . ." she shuddered "I didn't but I can see if we have some in the freezer and cook it up real quick in the sauce."

Please dear God let her have something.

Ben worked his jaw back and forth. Between gritted teeth he said, "That's goin' to take too damn long. I want to eat when I walk in, not an hour later."

She nodded, rolling her bottom lip between her teeth. "Next time I'll make sure to have some protein for you. I'm sorry, Ben," she said earnestly, "I didn't know, but it won't happen again. I promise. I just want to make you happy."

A happy Ben meant a happy hand. That's what she told herself at least.

"I'll let it slide this time, but don't let it happen again. Got it?"

Alyssa nodded her head vehemently. She wouldn't make the mistake again. Even though Ben was scolding her for something she didn't know she did wrong, Alyssa looked into his deep brown eyes, eyes that were almost black and she felt her stomach doing summersaults.

Why was it, even when he was being a straight up asshole that she needed to steer clear of, she wanted him? It wasn't normal. Maybe she wasn't normal.

Ben's heated glance was messing with her pregnant emotions. It was the half-smile kind of smirk that melted her inside and made her want him. She should be pushing him away, but she couldn't help herself when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She nestled her face in his neck, pressing a kiss lightly to his sunburned skin. Ben reciprocated and wrapped his arms around Alyssa's growing waist, the strength in his arms warming her sad heart.

"Love you, Lyss," he whispered near her ear.

Her heart splintered. How could he love her but hurt her at the same time? That wasn't love.

"I know I'm a mean asshole at times, but I don't mean it, girl. I swear it."

"I know you don't," she whispered softly.