She tossed and turned all night long. She couldn't sleep with so much on her mind. Her baby. Ben. John.

Not to mention, Ben's rapid mood swings.

It was all so stressful for her. Some days the stress was so high her stomach ached with anxiety and tightness. She didn't know what mood he was going to be in when he walked through the door each day after work. Some days he'd come in smiling, hugging on her and kissing her neck. Other days he would come in with a scowl on his face, hating everyone around him, including her. That's when Alyssa knew to keep her mouth shut and do whatever Ben demanded. The last thing she wanted to do was piss him off. Her tummy was growing so she could only fight off so much. She had to be careful.

Last night when he walked through the door her heart beat wildly. There was no way he'd find out she saw John, but she didn't want to take the chance either. She'd managed to cook dinner and have it plated just in the nick of time. She played nice and sweet, waited on him hand and foot and gave him what he wanted. If he was happy, then all was good in the world.

Turning on to her right side into a fetal position, Alyssa readjusted her pillow and pulled the blanket to her chest. Glancing at the clock, it was a little after six in the morning.

Ben turned over, his warm body held her tightly to him as he nestled behind her, his nose burrowing in her hair. This was the side of him that she liked. Soft. Sweet. Gentle.

"Mornin' honey," he said groggily, nudging her with his obvious erection.

Her stomach dropped. She wasn't in the mood for sex this early in the morning, especially after a long restless night. In fact, she hadn't been in the mood for a while but that never mattered to Ben. She was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep. Alyssa sighed deeply, pushing all thoughts and emotions from her mind.

Time to put on a happy face.

Alyssa sat up and wrapped the sheet around her chest. Yawning, she watched Ben dash around the room in an effort to get to work on time.

"Damn it, Alyssa. Haven't you done any laundry lately? I can't find any clean work jeans." Walking out of the closet, he said, "They're all in the hamper still."

He was starting to get revved up and it was making her jittery. Why hadn't she just thrown in a load yesterday? Oh, that's right. Her leg was still aching from the day he took his belt off and hit her with the metal buckle.

"I work so you can stay home. I dropped out of college for you. All you have to do is make sure my fuckin' clothes are clean. Can't you even do that?" He growled.

She swallowed. "I'll make sure they're all done today. I promise," she said shakily.

Ben walked around the bed and leaned down into her face. "You will make sure all my clothes are cleaned and put away by the time I get home from work. You ain't got nothin' else to do but sit on your fat ass all damn day. The least you can do is make sure my clothes are clean? Do you understand me?"

She nodded her head furiously. "I do. It will be done, Ben. I just wasn't feeling well and my leg was still hurting."

His lips lifted into a sneer. "Don't fuck up again, or I'll make the other leg hurt, too. Don't try using that pregnancy as an excuse around here. You got me?"

Her eyes widened. "Yes."

"Good." He leaned down and smashed his lips to hers. Pulling back, Ben shoved at her head. Alyssa fell back onto the bed, her head hitting the wooden head board in the process. She flinched, squeezing her eyes and grabbed for her head.

Fuck, that hurt.

The sheet she had been holding dropped from her chest and exposed her enlarged breasts. Ben's eyes turned dark, his tongue slipping from his mouth to lick his lips.

"Damn, you are so beautiful. Even fat and pregnant," he muttered, staring at her chest. Ben readjusted his pants and she prayed that he wouldn't demand sex again.

His eyes softened when they met hers while she lay there in fear of his next move. His knee indented the mattress as Ben crawled over her, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye from the pain throbbing in her head.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to yell at you," he said, using the sheet to wipe her tear away. "Forgive me?" He pleaded with puppy dog eyes. The guy was bipolar.

Alyssa stared into Ben's eyes trying to figure out what caused such a drastic change in him. Or had he always been so ... physical and she just had not known it? He had never really laid a hand on her before she was pregnant. Only a few times playfully, but those didn't really count.

Right?

Alyssa pulled her hand away from her throbbing head. Gently, she cupped his stubbly face and brought her mouth to his.

"Of course, baby," she whispered before she kissed him as if she meant it.

"See you later."

Alyssa breathed a sigh of relief. The next nine hours were the highlight of her day.

John stood under a tree waiting for Alyssa. When he offered to pick her up, she declined saying she'd rather walk because she needed the exercise. Just standing under the tree he was hot. He couldn't imagine her walking miles to his house in this heat. He should've just ignored her plea and went to get her. What would his father have done? Luke?

John stared at the glistening mirage. It looked like gasoline shining on the dirt road. Screw this. He knew where the prick lived. He was going to get her.

Jumping into his truck, John sped out of his driveway and hooked a right onto the street. Not even a half mile up the road, he spotted Alyssa walking . . . in jeans in the midst of an Indian summer? Shaking his head, he pulled to the side of the road and rolled down his window.

"Alyssa," he motioned for her, "hop in."

She looked stunned. For a moment she was paralyzed. "Alyssa, get in," he demanded.

Alyssa pulled the truck door opened and plopped down onto the cushioned leather seat and wiped her forehead. Looking over at John, his grim face worried her.

"Why the hell are you wearing jeans in this heat? Are you out of your mind?"

Alyssa flinched.

"Nothing else fits me right now. Okay, John? I'm in between sizes so I wear what I can at the moment."

John's eyes scanned the length of her swollen belly. "Alright, Alyssa," he said softly, believing her. Shifting the truck out of park, he said, "Let's get you some ice cold water when we get home."

Reaching over, John couldn't control himself when he grabbed her hand lacing his fingers through hers. He caressed Alyssa's palm with his thumb, circling her heated skin. Surprising him, she leaned over and rested her head onto his shoulder, sighing. John let go of her hand and brought it to her face, cupping her face as he drove.

Rubbing her cheek, he said, "You're burnin' up."

"Well, it is hot outside, Johnny."

He loved it when she called him Johnny.

He wanted to argue with her and say that she could've called him or that she should have worn different pants, but he didn't. John remembered what his father said about stressing pregnant women out. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Rolling onto his driveway, John put his truck in park then turned toward Alyssa. "How long do you have with me?"

"Not long . . . maybe two hours at most."

John nodded. "Alright let's make the most of our time."

Pushing open the front door, John walked into an empty home. His father had kept his word and took his brothers and mom out for lunch. Looking over his shoulder, he asked, "Hungry for some lunch?"

"I can always eat."

John smiled. "Good. Follow me into the kitchen." He pulled out a chair at the island for Alyssa. As she walked over, he couldn't help but stare. Even with the sadness that lingered around her eyes, her skin was positively glowing and her hair looked like silk. He had the urge to run his fingers through it, but he held back. The jeans hugged her body and the tight shirt was low cut showing her beautifully larger chest. Either she was wearing a push-up bra or her boobs grew because his mouth began to water at the sight of her creamy, plump skin.

He went to the cabinet and reached for two plates, then the fridge and pulled out some cold cuts and condiments. He slapped two sandwiches together and handed her one. Alyssa dug into her sandwich before he did . . . and John grinned. He couldn't help it, but seeing her eat like that made him feel good. He finished right before she did, but he was still hungry and assumed she was probably too.

"Thirsty?" Alyssa nodded, and he stood to pour two glasses of sweet tea. John decided that he would quickly whip up another two sandwiches for them.

He placed it in front of her and said, "You just devoured that sandwich in record time, I know you're still hungry. Eat up."

Alyssa blushed, embarrassed that she had eaten so fast in front of John. She hadn't eaten much last night and definitely not this morning.

"Hey," John said, "Don't be shy about it. I want you to eat. You're eating for two, remember?"

Alyssa took a sip of her sweet tea. "How could I forget? I'm getting fatter by the minute."

His eyes darkened. "You're not fat, Alyssa. You're pregnant."

Alyssa nodded and then took a bite of her sandwich. John was right, but hearing Ben call her names did something to her self-image. Words hurt. It was that simple. They planted deviant seeds in your brain that spread like wildfire, sinking deep and latching on to your most vulnerable part forcing you to believe them.

"Take a seat. You can sit on my bed if you want or the loveseat. Either one is yours." John's room was big enough for a small loveseat. As much as he wanted to be near her, he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of her if he sat next to her. Her growing belly was adorable, he wanted to touch it.

"Should we just get straight to it since our time is limited?"

"Yes . . ." she answered quietly, sitting against his head board. John took the loveseat.

John blew out a breath first. She was probably going to say things that would tick him off. He needed to keep his emotions on lock down now. "I told you from the beginning Ben was no good. Did you think I was lying?"

Alyssa shook her head and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. "You're right-he's no good now, but at first he was the complete opposite," she said quietly. "He was . . . my friend."

"Why, Alyssa?" His voice dropped. "Why? How could you go and sleep with Ben? Or anyone for that matter?"

Alyssa took a deep breath and let it out, preparing herself for what was to come. "Let me get it all out before you say anything, okay?" John crossed his arms over his chest and nodded sternly. "Over the years, my mother always made me feel like she didn't want me, like I was her biggest regret because she got pregnant at sixteen. She'd make comments about wishing she could redo parts of her life or how a baby changes everything. I hated it so much, even more so now that she kicked me out because all those years her words became true and the realization hurts. She finally had a reason to be rid of me since I've been nothing but an inconvenience all along. I know I should've been more careful, but she abandoned me like my father did." John's eyes softened. "Anyway, when my mom decided we were staying here and I had friends who wanted to be around me, it was a really good feeling. Things were finally going smoothly, my life was stable and I was happy. You made me feel so at ease, like I was worth having around. I felt wanted for once, because of you. I loved it, I loved being around you. Somewhere along the way we became more . . ." Alyssa swallowed, her heart heavy with regret.

"When Jace got in the accident, you turned cold and started drinking. You became a different person. I tried to be there for you as much as you would let me, but you pushed me away and hurt me multiple times. That feeling of being wanted that I longed for vanished. The names, your words, they hurt, especially coming from you because I cared for you way more than I wanted to. I tried to ignore it since I knew you were in a dark place, but you kept pushing at me. Ben was always so nice, and knowing you guys always had tension between each other, I knew sleeping with Ben would hurt you the way you hurt me. So I did." Looking at the ceiling, Alyssa blew out a breath. "It was such a stupid, idiotic thing to do. I want to say I regret it, but then I would be like my mother because I would regret this baby, and I just can't. I don't . . ."

Shaking his head in disgust, John said, "So you just spread your legs for anyone to get revenge? Is that it? Do you always stoop that low?" There went his self-control.

"Stop," she said quietly, looking at the floor.

"No. Don't tell me to stop. You fucked another guy while you were with me! Do you love him?"

"We weren't together, Johnny. We were just friends, remember?"

John reared back. "That's how you saw us? Just friends? I can't believe this . . . You know we were a helluva lot more than that." He stood up and pointed his finger at her. "You know it was more. Don't deny it."

Rubbing her tummy, Alyssa stared at it as she said, "Yeah, well, you never made it official. What was I supposed to think?"

"Did I have to stand on top of a table and scream out my love for you to make it official? No one needed to know our business. It was for me and you, no one else."

John shook his head. He couldn't believe how everything was going. "Refresh my memory because it's a little hazy after the hell I've been through over the last few months, but how many nights a week were we together?"

"Johnny-" He was making her feel like crap.

"How many, Alyssa?"

Alyssa thought about it for a minute. "I don't know . . . three . . . four nights a week?"

He nodded. "And sometimes more because I needed to be with you."

"We were on and off though . . . it wasn't exclusive."

"There was no on and off with us, Alyssa. We were always on."

"Well, I didn't know that."

"I just don't understand how you couldn't know that?" John was perplexed. "Like I said, you never asked me to be your girlfriend . . ."

"If I take your hand, hug and kiss you in public, and behind closed doors make love to you, that's not enough? Sorry to break it to you, babe, but I'm not some pansy ass sissy who is going to yell it out on top of the roof tops. It's pretty much common sense."

"This is why I said from the beginning friends with benefits was a stupid idea. Look where it got us."

John huffed, closing his eyes. "Yeah, it was stupid, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted you and fell for you hard. I still want you despite everything . . ."

Alyssa's heart broke at his admission. How could he still want her?

Then it hit him. "Whoa. How many other guys did you screw while we were 'unofficial'?" he asked. Unofficial my ass, he thought. Alyssa had always been his. Everyone in their small town knew it. "And why didn't you use protection?"

Alyssa was hurt that he could think she would sleep around. "There was no one else other than Ben. I swear. And as for protection, I'd been drinking a lot so I thought we did? Finding out I was pregnant was a shock since you were the only one I allowed to never use protection. I just . . . I just can't remember . . . It's all a blank," she whispered that last sentence. Not remembering was the worst. She thought back to the times she had been with Ben and could swear he used protection.

He squinted at her, confused by her answer. She had gotten that intoxicated that she blacked out? "I just can't believe you would sleep with him. Why, Alyssa. Why?" John said more than asked. He shook his head and then dropped it into his palms staring at the floor.

"I don't know, Johnny, I don't."

"So you're still with him I take it?"

She nodded sadly. "You left out of nowhere . . ."

"I know I did. I should've said something, but I was so fucked up after Jace died that I had to get out. But what are you going to do if the kid is mine? Stay with him?"

"I don't know. I really don't."

A storm was brewing inside of John. He was trying in vain to keep his emotions at bay, but it was a struggle. He stood up, an air of peril surrounding him. Quietly, he said, "You don't know? You don't know? That baby comes out mine, and you don't know what you're going to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do, you're going to leave his piece of shit ass and come back to me."

"As if it's that easy. You'll be training, won't you? Off to some remote country probably with my luck and you expect me to raise a baby on my own? I don't think so."

"But you expect me," he said with his hand flat against his chest, "to allow you to play house with my kid just because I'm stationed outside of South Fork? You're delusional if you think for one second that I would ever allow that. Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love him? It's an easy question. Yes or no."

It was a no brainer for her.