"I mean it, I love you."

Could this be any harder for her? God. Like she needed this right now. She needed to keep things in check, but it was so hard. Life at nineteen was difficult. She didn't have anyone to rely on or a shoulder to cry on. She kept everything bottled up. It was the worst thing she could possibly do, especially while pregnant, but she couldn't help it. It was how she was wired.

So she stayed quiet. What other options did she have? All she could do was mutter, "I love you, too," Even though she didn't mean it.

Some days Alyssa was completely disgusted with herself.

She hated who she had become-her mother. It was the one person, well, the only parental in her life that she did not want to turn out like. Moving from guy to guy with any money that would take care of her? She wished she hadn't, but when her mother threw her out she didn't know where to turn. Actually, she hadn't moved around in the sense her mom had, but she did go to Ben the moment it got tough and she truly despised herself for being so weak.

All because she had that need to feel wanted.

Another month had passed, another season almost coming to an end which meant John's thirty days of training came to an end and she hadn't seen him. It hurt. She thought he would come home even if just for a few days, but he hadn't. Maybe he wasn't able to? Maybe he had some type of extended training? Or maybe he had moved on? She thought about him every day and hoped he thought of her too. He was what got her through each day. John was her light.

Ben's verbal abuse was still very present, but his hand was not, and that, she was thankful for. He reminded her daily that she was his problem now, forced to take care of her because her lousy mother didn't want her. His hatred toward her seemed to grow each day and it frightened her. She didn't understand when she catered to his every need, yet no matter what she did it always seemed to backfire on her. Instead, Ben took to hooking up with random chicks and coming home completely drunk, telling her all about what he can get. As if she even cared. Some nights he was so drunk, Alyssa wasn't even sure how he made it home in one piece.

"Bitch! Where the hell are my socks?" Ben yelled one early morning before he had to leave for work.

Alyssa cringed. "Ben, please stop calling me names. I don't deserve it. You can ask me without saying bitch."

"Shut the fuck up and find my socks!" he sneered, a cigarette bouncing on his lip.

She handed him his socks. "I don't have to stay with you, I can leave."

"Oh yeah?" he perked up. "You think you can take my kid and run? Where ya gonna go? No one wants a fat bitch with stretch marks. You got no one. You're stuck with me like I am with you." Alyssa remembered John's words that day at his house, telling her that she's not fat, she's pregnant. She replayed the words constantly in her head.

Finding the courage deep down, Alyssa pushed her chin in the air. She had enough. "Like hell I am. I'll leave tonight if I want."

Ben stood eerily slow. He took three long strides and was in her face. He gripped her arm hard and she winced, leaning away from him. Pinching the cigarette between his fingers, he blew the smoke in her face. She gagged, turning her head.

She immediately regretted those words when she watched him lift his lit cigarette above her arm and bring the cherry colored fiery crystals down on her skin. She screamed as he held her, his musty breath invading her senses as he burned her. "You still think you can run? Cause I got plenty more where this came from."

She shook her head rapidly, tears streaming down her cheeks. "No," she said quietly. "Please, stop."

"That's what I thought, whore." And then he pushed her onto the bed. That day she learned to never open her mouth again.

They were lying on the couch watching a movie, him spooning her from behind when he apologized quietly in her ear for his actions. Ben had been exceptionally sweet to her that evening, accommodating her and rubbing her belly while on the couch.

Alyssa blamed Ben's upbringing for his ways. People didn't act the way he did unless they were exposed to it.

One night while Ben was being empathetic, he opened up about his childhood, his absentee mom, and how his alcoholic father took his anger and frustration out on Ben for his mother leaving them. His father blamed Ben, telling him that he was unlovable and that nobody wanted him. Maybe it was her hormones acting crazy, but she actually felt for him. All the times he lashed out on her were because it was how he was raised. She wasn't making excuses for him, but it made sense in a way. He'd grown up in a world of violence and without any love. No child should ever be made to feel that way, and she was going to make damn sure hers didn't.

It was why she was packing her stuff and leaving.

Alyssa stuck what she could in her backpack, clothes and a few baby items she had purchased.

Material possessions could be replaced, she could not.

As much as Alyssa wanted to give Ben a chance to change his ways, she couldn't any longer. Some people were capable of change, but she truly believed he wasn't. He had shown his true colors one too many times and she wasn't going to be his punching bag anymore, because the next time he could hit her stomach and she would lose her baby. It was a risk she wasn't willing to take.

Today was the last time he was going to have the chance to bring her down.

Today, she was no longer weak.

"There are plenty of places I could hurt you that no one would see."

Alyssa cringed remembering the disgusting odor of beer on his lips as he pulled her hair from behind and spat those words.

No more.

She debated with herself about what to do. She couldn't go home to her mother because she kicked her out when she found the hidden pregnancy test. That was a heartbreaking moment in her life. She understood her mother, but to kick out her only child? Then again it's what happened to Lauren when she became pregnant at sixteen; she'd been kicked out too. It was the sole reason why she ran to Ben. The one person she had found stability in had up and left her without a word.

Alyssa could hitch hike back to Cali in hopes of her gypsy like father would take her in. Or she could go to a shelter. There weren't many options for her to choose from unfortunately.

Though, she did have one option left. It was a drastic choice, but one she was seriously considering-and soon-before Ben showed up.

It had taken her twenty-five minutes to trek through town. She took side streets, weaved in and out of backyards, ducked behind cars and ran as fast as she could. Well, it was more like power walking because of her growing belly, but she did it. She was finally free. Another few minutes and she would be there.

Slowing down, Alyssa caught her breath as she walked. She prayed she wouldn't be turned away, and if she wasn't, she was going to ask for the biggest glass of water she could have. She was sweating, probably due to fear and paranoia of being caught. It didn't help that she was covered from head to toe in denim and long sleeves to hide the bruising on her fair skin. The only place she didn't have any marks was her stomach.

Removing the sunglasses, she tucked them into the front of her shirt and wiped the sweat from her nose and under her eyes. Then she took off Ben's ball cap, threw it to the ground and wiped back her loose strands of hair. Another few feet and Alyssa was home free.

She hoped.

Emotions took over as she stepped onto the driveway. Looking at the ground, Alyssa's blurry eyes tried to make out the tiny pebbles. This was really her only chance.

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled and adjusted the backpack. The straps were digging into her shoulders, the weight causing her to arch her back even more. She was sweating everywhere and in dire need of air conditioning.

It was now or never. Raising her fist, Alyssa brought her hand down on the door.

"Please, help me," she begged when the door swung open. A set of aged green eyes stared back at her in shock, scanning the length of her body and then ushering her inside.

"Thank you so much for the water." Alyssa said. "May I have another glass, please?"

"Of course. Just drink it slowly, honey. You downed that first glass." Alyssa reached for the glass as soon as it was placed on the countertop and sipped it. When she finally felt somewhat hydrated, she placed it on the counter and looked up.

"I know you probably have a lot of questions for me, and I'm sorry for showing up the way I did, but I had to get out. I just had to."

"Oh dear," she said, "don't apologize. I'm glad you came here, but can you tell me what's going on?"

It was only fair that Alyssa showed her the same consideration as she showed her. "I can, but can you promise me that you won't tell Johnny just yet? Please? I don't want him to feel like he needs to rush home. He seems to be really happy and focused. I don't want to ruin that for him."

Diane's eyes softened. "I won't say a word, but he'll have to know sooner or later that you're pregnant. I won't keep that from him."

"He already knows, Mrs. Jackson," she stated, looking at the ground. She was ashamed to be pregnant in that moment.

Diane's brow lifted. "He does? And he still enlisted and left you here all alone? I know I raised him better than that." Her voice rose, angered that her son would do such a thing.

"In Johnny's defense, he didn't know I was pregnant until he came home after graduation."

"Well, that makes me feel a bit better," Diane's shoulders sagged. "Is the baby his?"

Alyssa wasn't going to start lying, so she told the truth. "Honestly, I don't know. I'm ninety percent sure it is. The thing is, he did some things to hurt me, and I wanted to hurt him back. It was stupid and childish now that I think about it. At times I wish I had never done it, but when I feel a kick from my unborn child, I regret those thoughts." Alyssa shook her head. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"We all make mistakes, but a baby is always a blessing. Never look at it any other way."

Alyssa flattened her lips with a nod of her head. "Thank you. Just please, don't tell Johnny I'm here."

Diane nodded. "So where have you been then?"

"At Ben's house. Ben Jones." she said miserably. "My mother threw me out when I found out I was pregnant. John was gone and I had nowhere else to go."

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry to hear that. You can come here any time," she said sincerely. There wasn't a mean bone in Diane's body. "I'm not one to speak ill of anyone, but I've heard he didn't have the best childhood." Diane pursed her lips together.

Alyssa sighed. "I know. Johnny told me, too."

"Johnny." Diane repeated softly. "I don't believe I've heard anyone call him Johnny before."

Alyssa couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. "It started out as a joke one day, but then it just stuck." Quietly, she said his name to herself wishing that he was still there. What she wouldn't do to feel him touch her.

Clearing her throat, Diane said, "So tell me, what brings you here. You gotta give me something if you want me to help you, Alyssa."

Alyssa released a long sigh and stared at the popcorn ceiling. Her heart was racing. She had to do this, had to show Diane why she was there. It was so easy to cover the marks so no one knew what was going on behind closed doors.

Slowly removing her jacket, Alyssa felt like she was barring her soul. It was scary as anything, fear ran through her blood and her breathing picked up.

Dropping the jean jacket on the barstool, Diane hissed and Alyssa's eyes went straight to the floor unable to make eye contact with her. She wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," she whispered. When Diane said nothing, Alyssa peeked up and saw unshed tears in Diane's eyes.

"Honey . . . what happened to you?"

Diane couldn't seem to tear her eyes from Alyssa. She tenderly ran her fingers down Alyssa's arm, touching each bruise and finger print that Ben left on her. She muttered something inaudible under her breath then touched the faded yellowish bruise under her eye.

"He's been doing this for some time now, hasn't he?" Alyssa nodded. "Do you have the same marks on your stomach?"

"No," Alyssa said. "He's never hit me there. It's like he knew where to hurt me and where not to. These marks are a few days old. I don't even remember what I did to deserve them-"

"You don't deserve them, ever. No one deserves this, Alyssa. Nothing warrants this kind of behavior."

"His favorite was getting the back of my legs with his belt buckle. He said it's what his father used to do to him. John saw the marks, but I lied to him when he asked me about it." When Alyssa saw the hurt in Diane's eyes over her lie, she quickly added, "I had to! I didn't want him running to my defense because of my actions. It's not his problem."

"Turn around," Diane ordered. She lifted the back of Alyssa's shirt and touched the old belt marks that stained her back. As she turned Alyssa around to face her, Diane palmed both of her cheeks in her frail hands and said, "You are not to go back to him. Do you understand me? I will not allow it. You will stay here. Got it?" At that, Alyssa burst into tears, unable to hold back and let go. Diane pulled her into a hug and held her. Months of pent up emotion poured out of her and she couldn't stop.

Why couldn't her mother be like Diane?

The front door slammed and she heard, "Di? Where you at, sugar plum?"

Diane dried Alyssa's tears with the pad of her thumbs. "I'm in here!" she yelled. Alyssa quickly reached for her jacket, worried about what Mr. Jackson would say, but Diane stopped her. "No, don't hide it, sweetie."

Putting her trust in Diane, Alyssa agreed.

"I brought you your favorite-" Clark said, but halted when he saw Diane and Alyssa standing in the kitchen. "What in good heavens?" He dropped the tulips on the counter and rushed over to them. Placing his hands on his hips, he said, "Alright, who do I have to kill?"

A light chuckle rolled off Diane's lips. "You're not killing anyone, Clark."

Clark's face turned beet red. "Who did this to you?"

"Ben Jones."

Clark swore under his breath. "We need to go to the police. Does he know you're here?"

Alyssa's heart began to hammer in her chest. "No, he doesn't know. But the police?"

Pulling out a barstool, Clark sat down. "So this is still going on, huh?"

Diane tilted her head at her husband. "What do you mean, still?"

"Relax, Di. When John came home, he told me he saw Alyssa and suspected she was being abused, but he had nothing to go on because," he trained his eyes on Alyssa, "she wouldn't tell him anything."

"I was scared," she said quietly.

Diane patted her arm. "So you knew she was pregnant then?"

"I did."

"And why didn't you tell me?"

"John and I decided not to mention it because we didn't want to add stress to you."

Immediately, Alyssa felt like an utter fool for coming to John's house. Her heart sank into her stomach. She hadn't even remembered the MS, she'd only been thinking of herself. It was completely selfish of her.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Jackson! I should leave. I apologize for coming here like this." Alyssa grabbed her jacket and slipped it on, but before she could take another step, Clark stopped her.

"Now you listen here, young lady. We're not about to let you leave and go back to that boy. You're here and we're going to figure this out."

"But"

"No butt's about it," Diane said. "I'm completely fine. I've been on medication and doing well. Sometimes I have flair-ups, but it's manageable."

Alyssa sighed. She really didn't want to leave. She actually felt safe under their roof. She was so alone inside, no mother to confide in, no father for her unborn child and no education to fall back on. What the hell was she supposed to do?

Between her hormones and everything that had been going on, she was due for a good cry. She just wished it hadn't been in front of John's parents.

Rinsing off her hands, Alyssa grabbed the towel and dried them. She had a lot to figure out, but thankfully she had someone to talk to about it for once.

Opening the bathroom door, she went back to the kitchen where Diane and Clark were chatting. "We have some ideas, Alyssa."

Clark spoke first. "You can stay in John's room for as long as you like. We're not expecting him back, only for small breaks since he'll be stationed somewhere else."

Alyssa's shoulders dropped. As happy as she was for John, she missed him dearly. The irony of the situation was not lost. Funny how you don't realize what you have until it's gone, not that John was truly hers . . . but in a sense he was.