Dating Nick was pure fun. Between the times that he came to St. Louis to visit friends and see Carrie, and all the Callahan events she attended at the Lake, they were constantly doing something, going somewhere, partying with friends and family. They rarely spent time just talking or hanging out together. At the lake they started to share a cabin. The first time he spent the night with her they only slept, or passed out, to be more accurate. The second time, they had sex; drunk, silly, sloppy sex. It was fun, but definitely not caring or romantic. Their whole relationship was that way, just fun, exactly what Carrie needed.

And his parents were a big part of their world too. They loved Carrie, and went out of their way to make her part of their lives. His mom, Maureen, ran the show at the resort. Nick and his dad, Jack, did whatever she said, and everything ran smoothly. Maureen could probably juggle plates, while simultaneously making food for 50 people, and keep you laughing, telling bawdy jokes. She was a genius multi-tasker with a loud, loving personality. When she drank she was even funnier, she flirted with and charmed everyone. Carrie never once saw her angry. Even her hangovers were funny. Jack was the quieter of the two, but he could play a room too. He was much shorter than Nick but had his same dark-brown, thick hair and sparkling hazel eyes.

It was Maureen who found an inexpensive used car for Carrie to buy. It was kind of sad to not drive the jeep anymore, but Carrie had put a lot of miles on it, and it did seem wrong to drive it to see her new boyfriend. Her new (used) Honda Civic was much smaller, but easier to drive, and got better gas mileage.

Summer at the resort was their high season and extremely busy. They had a regular clientele of both fishermen and families. Maureen would say she didn't need to help, but Carrie felt strange just sitting around when everyone else had jobs to do, so she became Maureen's assistant; answering phones, planning events, managing staff, etc. The two of them just clicked.

In September Carrie started having strong cramps when she shouldn't and pain in her lower gut. The gynecologist at the free clinic she used said she had cysts, and she should try switching to a different form of birth control for a while. She had been on the pill since she was 15, and Chuck had taken her for her first appointment at the clinic. Maybe her body needed a rest. They switched her to a diaphragm, and reminded her to have her boyfriend use a condom too. And that was the plan, until a night of drunken sex where neither of them remembered 'til the next morning. Carrie panicked for a day or two, then figured she was being silly. Who gets pregnant the first time they have unprotected sex?

The answer: Carrie Gould. Maureen figured it out, even before Carrie did. First there was the exhaustion, which Carrie wrote off to too many late nights of partying. Then her appetite changed. Maureen noticed Carrie turning her nose up at the smell of fried chicken and fried fish. Her final clue was the day that Carrie was wearing a tee shirt with no bra, and her nipples kept showing through, like she was freezing, even though the room was really hot.

Instead of being mad, Maureen was excited. She had a horrible time getting and staying pregnant with Nick; which explained why he was an only child in an Irish Catholic family. With only one child, she feared she would never be a grandma. Carrie was her chance. She bought a pregnancy test at the local market and had Carrie use it on Saturday, November 4th. That was the exact day that it felt like the earth fell out from under Carrie's feet, and two little pink lines appeared on the stick.

Maureen cheered, Nick turned white, Jack poured himself a shot of whiskey and Carrie cried. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was having fun with Nick, waiting for Ben. What would she tell her parents, her friends, Sissy, ... Ben? Oh, god, talk about a horrible dear-john letter. Her heart clenched in her chest, and she felt like she was going to be sick. She excused herself to go to her cabin, saying that she needed some rest. Not that she could rest. She alternated between pacing, crying, and trying to figure a way out.

She ruled out an abortion pretty quickly. She couldn't do it, and it would kill Maureen too. Although she now understood the utter panic that could drive someone to have one. Adoption? Maureen and Jack might want to raise her baby . . .wait, her baby. As in this child, that she couldn't even feel yet, would be hers for the rest of her life. She clung to the pillow and cried at the idea of being away from her baby. She couldn't reject him or her. That felt too much like her parents rejection. Then there was Nick. Oh, god, she hadn't even thought of Nick. He was sitting in a chair looking sick the last time she saw him. Did he want children?

Later, Nick brought her a tray with some dinner. There was no way she could eat, but it was great to see him, see that he would at least talk to her.

"You OK?" He set the tray down on the night stand, then stood near the door, making no move to touch her. She sat up in bed, clutching the pillow to her stomach, "Yeah, I guess." The silence between them was heavy. Carrie thought to say she was sorry, but she stopped herself when she realized this happened because of mistakes both of them made.

He ran his hand through his hair, "I don't know what to say."

She shrugged, "Neither do I."

"My Mom is already talking about us getting married," he chuckled a little, probably more from nerves than humor.

Carrie looked up at him with fear in her eyes, "I need time to think."

"Me too." "Will you," Carrie wished she didn't have to ask for his support, "Will you stay here with me tonight? I really don't want to be alone."

"Uh, yeah, sure," he looked around the room as if he was hoping another bed would magically appear. It was clear he was afraid to touch her, as if she were contagious.

He did sleep with her that night and held her, but even lying next to him, Carrie could feel his distance. The next morning he went with her to tell her parents. At the last minute Maureen decided she and Jack would come too. Carrie welcomed all the reinforcements she could get.

The scene was as bad as her worst nightmare. It was the first time his parents met hers, so there were pleasant introductions, then silence, and the awkward question that hung in the room; why was everyone there? Maureen, still thinking this was a blessed event, started things off, "Carrie has something to tell you?" Her voice bubbled with excitement.

"I'm, um," Carrie looked down, "I'm pregnant," she almost whispered.

"Oh, god, Carrie, how could you?" Lana left off the implied 'Do this to me?', but Carrie knew it was there.

Earl was just as supportive, "Figures."

Maureen and Jack were dumbfounded. This was clearly not the response they expected.

"Nick will do the right thing. He'll marry her," Jack added in defense of his son's character.

Carrie and Nick looked toward each other, fear bouncing between them.

"Well there goes any hope for a proper wedding." Lana made sure everyone knew that her hopes were dashed.

Then there was silence, a lot of it. Sweet Maureen made an attempt to come to her rescue, "Carrie, honey, do you want to come home with us and spend a week or two?"

"I have to work."

"I guess there goes your job too. How will you waitress if you're pregnant?" Maureen still didn't know that these were rhetorical questions, so she tried to answer, "I have pregnant women working at the resort all the time, right up 'til the day they deliver."

Before the tension could choke them, the Callahan's made excuses about a long drive home and left. Carrie went up to her room. She needed to talk to MG. It was a toll call, but for once she didn't care. Whether she married Nick or not, she was out of there. Maybe a nice big phone bill would be her parting gift.

MG was shocked and a little less supportive than Carrie had hoped for. They had grown apart, especially in the past six months, when Carrie started dating Nick. Between spending so much time at the lake and her lack of a cell phone, Carrie hadn't talked to MG since mid-summer. Evidently a lot had changed in MG's life in that time too. She mentioned something about going to college and her real dad, but she didn't want to share many details with Carrie. It was a stunted conversation that left Carrie feeling more alone than ever.

The best response she got was from some of her customers. From the perspective of an 80-year-old, all babies are blessings and things always work out somehow in the end.

Sissy was the hardest person to tell, at least in person. She cried, but also hugged Carrie and told her that she still wanted to be her friend, to be part of her life. She offered to be the one to write to Ben, but Carrie declined. She needed to do it herself.

So, now for the worst part, writing to Ben. She felt more nauseous than usual as she put pen to paper. It took her 11 tries, but she finally felt like she got it as close to right as possible.

Ben, Please don't hate me. My life is a complete mess, and the only thing that can make it better right now would be to know that you don't hate me for what I have to tell you.

I'm pregnant. I know your mom told you I have been dating. I was careless. I don't know what else to say about how it happened.

I am about 2 months along so the babies will be born in July. Yes, that's babies, as in twins. I just found out at my ultrasound this week. I'm probably going to live with his family. His name is Nick Callahan, and his family owns a little resort at the Lake of the Ozarks. They are really nice, loving people, and they are very happy about the babies. They also want Nick and me to get married.

I wanted us to be together with all of my heart and soul, but I guess fate was not on our side. You will always be my first love, and the person who taught me how to love. I hope you will also always be my friend, because I could really use one right now.

If you don't write back to me, I'll understand. I really screwed things up. I just hope that you can forgive me with time, and someday we can talk and be friends again.

I still love you. I always will.

Carrie

Ben was supposed to meet, Theresa, the girl he had been dating at a cafe in town for dinner. But he got Carrie's letter, and he just couldn't face seeing anyone, especially another girl. So he went to the gym. And he put a scowl on his face so everyone would leave him alone.

FUCK! He slammed his fist into the weight bag. He spun around and kicked, then turned and kicked again, and again. He punched, and kicked, and pummeled the weight bag. Half the time he imagined he was kicking the shit out of this Nick guy, and half the time he was just trying to hurt himself. How could he have been so stupid? He told her to date. Did he really think that there was some sort of magic that would make it all work out in the end?

He had debated whether to try and get leave and go home when his mom's letter arrived letting him know that Carrie was dating. He reasoned he would be an asshole if he kept popping back into her life, so he had his family visit him at Ft. Lewis instead. Now he was second guessing that move.

The (very) small voice of reason in the back of his mind said that he did still want to be her friend, he always would, but right now he was too full of pain to hear that voice. He couldn't write her back yet. Maybe with time ... maybe.

On December 20, 2000, Carrie Gould married Nick Callahan. The ceremony was at Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church with a reception following in the little restaurant at the resort. Maureen took Carrie shopping for a wedding dress, and she and Jack paid for it. In fact, they paid for the entire wedding. Carrie's parents washed their hands of her ... then decided to attend the wedding after all, at the last minute. Maureen was beyond gracious, changing plans left and right to include them in the event.

On the positive side, it was a really-packed, really-fun reception. Maureen followed all the traditions, and acted as if this was the exact way she wanted things all along. There was a multi-tiered cake, a photographer, and a small, Irish band composed of some of Jack's fishing buddies.

Christopher danced the night away and had a great time. Lana complained to anyone who would listen about the use of paper plates, the decorations, and the food. Earl drank. Carrie looked at them and felt detached, as if they were someone else's parents. Gina and her girlfriend came with Laura, Casey, Steve and Amanda. Her only friends in a sea of Callahan guests. Wayne and Pat refused to come out of loyalty to Ben. Their absence highlighted the pain she felt that this was clearly the end of her relationship with him. He never responded to her letter. She was stupid to think he could want to still be friends after this.

Their wedding night/honeymoon was at Tan-Tar-A, the big resort across the lake. They were polite to each other, and had what could only be described as obligatory sex that night. They were both still getting used to the idea that they were now a family.

The next day their transformation into full adulthood was completed when Maureen and Jack gave them their wedding gift, the resort. Jack gave an inspiring speech about how proud he was to pass on his legacy to his son, new daughter-in-law, and their coming grandchildren. He talked about how much faith he had in the young couple, that they would carry on, and keep up all the Callahan traditions, and pass it all on to their children.

It a generous and heart-felt gift, but Carrie hoped that, at least for now, it was a symbolic gift only.

Chapter 29.

Grace Maureen Callahan was in one pumpkin seat on the kitchen table and Benet Steven Callahan in the other next to her. Carrie alternated giving Gracie a spoonful of apples and Ben a spoonful of green beans. As always, Grace polished off her food in half the time it took Ben, and she was getting ready to loudly announce that she wanted more.

"Just cool your jets, sister. I'm working on it." Carrie made a silly grimace face at her daughter as she opened another jar of baby food.

The twins were born a month and a half early in May, 2001. Since they were early, she and Nick hadn't really discussed names yet. In a fit of post-delivery emotions Carrie thought of all the people she most wanted with her at that moment. Maureen was so touched by Gracie's middle name that she let the rest of the names go with the simple explanation that they were members of Carrie's family who meant a lot to her.

They were so tiny that it was scary to just hold them at first, but in the past four months they had grown considerably, and Carrie had grown more accustomed to them. It helped immensely that Maureen was there, helping her learn, giving her time to rest. It would have been even better if Nick looked like he wanted to join in too.

He was still adjusting to the idea that he was her husband, the father of two, and owner of a business. His sudden transition into all three roles had him confused, overwhelmed and pissed off most of the time. He tried to be calm around Carrie and spend time holding his kids, but his dad was putting more pressure on him every day to take on more of the responsibility of running the resort. All he wanted to do after work was take a few beers and go out on the lake, alone, to get away from it all. So most nights that's what he did, then he would have dinner late, and go to sleep, before getting up to do it all again the next day. That was the other problem; all he and Carrie were doing was sleeping. They had only had sex once since the babies were born. One time in four months didn't do much to boost his mood.

It was a perfect fall morning. The leaves were just starting to turn and blow from the trees. It looked like kaleidoscope rain and Carrie thought about asking Maureen if she would watch the babies so she could go for a walk in the woods that afternoon. As always, the TV in the corner of the big kitchen was tuned to Good Morning America. Carrie looked up from stirring the jar of apples when Diane Sawyer announced that a plane had hit a skyscraper in Manhattan. How can you not see a building? It was hard to hear the report with Grace calling for more food and Mary preparing breakfast behind her. She watched the screen, and kept feeding the babies.

Later, she was burping Gracie and hopefully rocking her to sleep, when the TV caught her attention again. A second plane hit the building next to the first one. She froze. This was no accident. She rushed over to the TV and turned up the volume. As the reports came in, that the US was being attacked, a million scary thoughts went through her mind, but two were at the top ... we would go to war, Ben would go to war ... MG was in New York City. She picked up her son and hugged both of their namesakes close as planted herself in front of the big TV in the living room. She clung to them, and rocked them, but her attention was riveted to the screen. She didn't know exactly where Ben was, or what his job was, but she was sure he would want to go wherever the fighting was going to be. This is what he had trained for, and it had all sounded so interesting in theory, but now, it was all too real.

How could she reach MG? She borrowed Maureen's cell phone and tried the last number she had for MG. There was no answer. Gina called the resort, then Casey and Laura. No one knew how to reach MG. It was late afternoon, and Carrie was in a panic when Steve finally called and said he had talked to her. MG was away from the city, at school. She was safe. Her mother had been showing a property on the other side of Manhattan, or she would have been killed. The real estate office she worked out of was close to the towers, and it was demolished.

Sissy also called, but only to say that she didn't expect to hear from Ben for a while, and that she would let Carrie know as soon as she knew anything.