JOHN

So do I.

[_He glances sternly at LUCY._

LUCY

[_nervously_]

So do I.

JUDGE

All right. Stick to it, if you love it. Only, don't claim credit for doing what you enjoy. I stuck to my home for a quarter of a century and disliked it the whole time. At last I'm free to say so. Just think of it, Lucy, free to utter those things about marriage we all know are true but don't dare say! Free to be honest, John! No longer a hypocrite, no longer a liar! A soul set free, Theodore--two souls, in fact. "Two souls with but a single thought----"

THEODORE

Stop! You have _children_ to consider, not merely your own selfish happiness!

LUCY

Yes, think of Tom and little Julia!

JUDGE

We did ... for a quarter of a century--sacrificed everything to them, even our self-respect; but now--what's the use? We are childless now.

Tom and Julia have both left us for "little homes" of their own to love.

THEODORE

Ah, but don't you want them to have the old home to come back to?

JUDGE

"No place like home" for children, eh? You're right--can't have too much of it. Most children only have _one_ home. Ours will have _two_! When they get bored with one they can try the other.

THEODORE

But, seriously, Uncle Everett--"Whom G.o.d hath joined together!"

LUCY

[_clasping JOHN'S arm_]

Yes, Uncle Everett, marriages are made in heaven.

JUDGE

I see; quite so; but your Aunt Julia and I were joined together by a pink parasol made in Paris.

JOHN

What rot! Stop your fooling and speak the truth, man.

JUDGE

Just what I'm doing--that's why you think I'm fooling. A very pretty parasol--but it wasn't made in heaven. You see, G.o.d made poor, dear Julia pale, but on that fatal day, twenty-five years ago, the pink parasol, not G.o.d, made her rosy and irresistible. I did the rest--with the aid of a clergyman, whom I tipped even more liberally than the waiter who served us tutti-frutti. Blame _me_ for it, blame her, the parasol, the parson, but do not, my dear Theodore, blame the Deity for our own mistakes. It's so blasphemous.

[_A pause. LUCY takes place at the tea-table to serve tea._

LUCY

And to think we invited _you_, of all people, here to-day of all days!

[_To JOHN._] We mustn't let Rex know. The Bakers don't believe in divorce.

JOHN

What's this? You don't mean that Jean----?

LUCY

Yes! Just in time--before he knew Helen was back.

JOHN

[_jumps up_]

She's landed him! She's landed him! We're marrying into the Baker family! The Baker family! [_Shaking hands right and left._] Why, she'll have more money than any of us!... Well, well! We'll all have to stand around before little Jean now!... My, my! Lucy, you're a wonder! Those pearls--I'll buy them; they're yours! Hurray for Lucy!

[_Kisses_ LUCY.