SIN CITY WAS TURNING INTO A MEDIA CIRCUS. A PLANE-LOAD OF journalists was to be flown in so they could record their pieces to camera from the FOB.The OC sat in the cookhouse running his hands through his hair.'As if we haven't anything better to do! We're expected to spend our time protecting journalists who like putting on body armour for the camera. Apparently one has already asked us if we can lob a few grenades in the background. Another wants us to go linear across a poppy field so they can film us from the air with him in the middle position. And a third has put in a request for everyone at the base to go to their positions and fire as though we're under attack. But only when there's no enemy around.''How is that going to find Martyn?' roared the men. 'We're running out of time!''Can't we say no, sir?' asked Dave. 'On the grounds that we're soldiers and not film extras?'The OC rolled his eyes.'The government thinks this crisis is good for the war. The threat to Martyn's life is mobilizing British public opinion. As far as they're concerned, the more journalists the better.'At that moment Martyn's face appeared on the TV screen and the noisy cookhouse was instantly silent. The anchorman explained that the hostage still had not been located and his kidnappers were still refusing to negotiate. There was one week to go until his execution and an appeal for his release had been made by a close friend and colleague.A cheer went up in the room when Emily appeared.'Martyn is a man who was working in Afghanistan because of his interest in and compa.s.sion for the Afghan people. He holds them in the highest regard and his work was designed to help their economy and improve their standard of living. I therefore appeal to his kidnappers to recognize him as a friend and supporter and to treat him as an honoured guest.''If Martyn sees Emily,' said Angus, 'he'll beg the Taliban to finish him off.'Finn said: 'The s.e.x Grenade's talking b.o.l.l.o.c.ks. Martyn didn't give a s.h.i.t about the Afghan people. He was paid a f.u.c.king fortune and he's got s.h.i.tloads of ex-wives to support. That's why he was here.''Think Emily's appeal will make any difference, sir?' asked the commander of 2 Platoon.The OC pulled a face.'We have just seven days and I'm not sure the diplomats can achieve anything in that time.''But we can!' said the men. 'We could search a lot of houses in seven days! Let's get out there and fight!'The OC shook his head helplessly.'I'm powerless to authorize any house searches. Or fights. The colonel's here and he's working with the Foreign Office. It's right over our heads, boys.'But the journalists' visit was abruptly cancelled. Suddenly there were rumours that intelligence had located Martyn. The company would go operational as soon as the SAS arrived.Although the OC would not deny or confirm the rumours, commanders quietly told their men to prepare for a major operation. But as the deadline for Martyn's release approached, nothing happened.The men waited. Much of their talk was about Martyn but many of their thoughts were about home. One month left here. Some people had barely dared allow themselves to think about their loved ones before now. Involuntarily, as they stood over the green bowls washing in an inch of water, the possibility of a warm bath began to occur to them. Or a long shower. When they sat in the cookhouse with mugs of tea they thought about pub gardens and cold beer.Jamie phoned Agnieszka.'Just a few more weeks! A few more weeks!' he said.'That wonderful.' Her voice was flat. She was trying to summon enthusiasm but she was not successful. When Jamie had called her after a week at Jackpot she had been warm and loving. But since then he had felt her detaching again and going into some cold, quiet orbit of her own. Each call ended with a sense that she was further away.'I don't get it,' Jamie told Dave. 'Is there some other bloke? Is it that I mean less and less the longer I'm away? Or is she sort of . . . depressed?''One more month,' Dave reminded him. 'Then you can put everything right again.''Yeah,' said Jamie. The mail had arrived and there had been nothing from Agnieszka.Dave saw Mal also looking miserable after the blueys were handed out.'One more month,' he said. 'Then you can get back to Wythenshawe and sort things out.'Mal shook his head.'Nah, you were right, Sarge. My family wants me to keep away. They say I'll only make things worse. So I s'pose I'll stay in barracks and they'll come down to see me.''It's not nice to feel you can't go home,' said Dave. He wasn't sure Mal was capable of staying away and keeping out of a fight.'What's the matter with everyone?' he asked Sol. 'We've got one month to go and no one's getting excited.''It's because of Martyn. And it's because some people remember that home isn't always so nice when you get there.'Dave was surprised. 'You don't feel that way, Sol, do you?''Listen, I can't wait to see Adi and the kids. I just can't wait. But there's always this strange period when I first get back. I sort of don't know what to do with myself. Because Adi's so used to doing everything and she doesn't know how to make room for me. Know what I mean?''Yeah. Jenny's always different when I get back. I mean, she's always changed the way we do things and she expects me just to know it.'Sol looked worried.'We've waited and waited to see each other. But then I get there and I just have to keep out of Adi's way so I don't go upsetting her.''Everything's going to be different in our house anyway because of the new baby.''So have you agreed on a name?' asked Sol cautiously. 'Adi said it would probably be Lisa.''Lisa. Oh, no. Don't say Jen's back to that one.''It's a nice name.''It's the name of an auntie who died or something. And I don't like it. I hope she hasn't registered the baby as Lisa.' Going away for six months relieved you of a lot of responsibility. And that meant you sacrificed some of your rights. But Dave thought that helping to decide your baby's name shouldn't be one of them.'What do you want to call her, then?' asked Sol.'One of the old-fashioned names like Ruby or Sophie. I used to like Emily but I've gone off that . . .''What does Jenny say?''She says: no way.'In the cookhouse, over a brew, in the back of the wagons, in the toilets and around the cots, voices could be heard at any time: 'What the f.u.c.k is happening? Where are the f.u.c.king Jedi, if that's what we're waiting for? When is this operation?'With three days to go until the deadline, tension became acute. Action in the ops room was frantic. But action in the ops room never seemed to translate into action on the ground. Finally, a Chinook arrived.About twelve men ambled out of it, tin teapots hanging from their Bergens. They wore flipflops, shorts and tasteless shirts.'Yes!' said Angus, punching the air. 'It's them!''Looks like the cream of the British Army, teapots at the ready,' said Jamie.'And just when I was thinking of lengthening my odds again,' Finn said.Dave called 1 Platoon into the Cowshed for prayers.'We've been very patient,' the boss told them. 'At last, this is what we've been waiting for. We're going to rescue Martyn.'He explained that they would be leaving the base early tomorrow. The SAS would be in the wagons with them, dressed in camouflage to look like the rest of the lads. R Company would help them take the site and the SAS would find the hostage.'Right. Synchronize watches. In one minute it will be-'The lads looked at each other.'Er, sir,' said Dave. 'You've forgotten the prayers.'The boss looked back at him and blinked.'That's it. That's all there is.''But . . . where we are going?' asked Dave.The Cowshed was suddenly still. No one moved a muscle.'I don't know. We haven't been told.''Well, is it a very large compound? Is there any kind of internal map . . .?'The boss shrugged.'I don't know. It could be the size of Buckingham Palace or it could be a shepherd's hut.'There was a silence. Dave looked at the lads and every face stared back at him.'Just take all the weapons you can carry,' he said. 'In case it's Buckingham Palace.'The boss coughed. 'One more thing. It has been very hard for the British to retain this operation. The Americans wanted to take it over and run it in their own way with their own forces. We don't agree with their approach and feel it could be detrimental to our relationship with the Afghans. So we're doing it, and we're doing it our way with, apart from the Regiment, only the men we happen to have here on the ground: bussing in reinforcements is the kind of manoeuvre that might alarm the kidnappers. I need hardly tell you, then, that if things go wrong there will be a lot of international mud-slinging. Not just this company's reputation but the reputation of the British Army is at stake.'1 Platoon agreed in the cookhouse afterwards that they didn't care about the reputation of the company or the British Army. They just wanted to find Martyn.As before any major operation, everyone wanted to use the phone. Twice that evening it was double-booked and fights broke out. Jamie, who had been waiting patiently for his turn, saw that it was not going to come. He walked briskly around the perimeter a few times, trying to walk his worries about Agnieszka out of his system. He faced battle fearlessly. Only his wife could induce this sense of panic.Finally he went back to his cot. Binns and Bacon were there, just leaving for the cookhouse.'Hey, Jamie, we forgot to finish your story. About the frog!' They did a few frog impressions to remind him.'Ribbit, ribbit!''Yeah,' said Jamie, without smiling. 'I know. I was never in the mood.''Let's finish it now,' they said.Jamie shook his head.'No point. I'll be seeing Luke in a few more weeks.'He was delving in his day sack for something.Binns and Streaky shrugged helplessly at each other.'Woman trouble,' muttered Streaky as they left. As soon as they were gone, Jamie pulled out the cellphone Agnieszka had given him. He had to communicate with her somehow. He had to tell her how much he loved her. And to make sure she knew that, however bad she was feeling, he would soon be there for her.He switched it on, glancing constantly towards the door as it found the signal. He was about to start his message when the phone told him he had a message waiting. This surprised him. Agnieszka didn't want him to use this mobile any more for some reason, so it was strange that she had used it herself.He opened the message.It said: 'I love another man now.'He read it again.It still said: 'I love another man now.'He read it again and then again. The message was written in ice. It was freezing his hand. It was freezing his body. It was freezing his heart. If someone walked in he knew that he would be powerless to switch off the phone and to hide it. Afterwards he found the phone in the day sack. But he could not remember putting it away.I love another man now.

Chapter Sixty-six

JENNY DROPPED VICKY OFF AT NURSERY AND THEN PUT THE BABY IN HER pram. She was trying to get herself back into shape before Dave came home and had just been given her post-op all-clear. On the days Vicky went to nursery, Jenny aimed to walk three miles a day, and walk quickly.She liked the crisp autumn air. She liked the way the camp was sleepy on weekday mornings when all the kids were at school. She liked the way the sun shone now: brightly but not oppressively.The fastest route to the countryside was past Agnieszka's house and she glanced at the windows and thought she saw the Polish girl's face there. She waved, but Agnieszka was gone.Jenny felt uncomfortable. She should have asked Agnieszka to bring Luke in his buggy on this crisp, clear day: she was one of the few mothers who would enjoy a fast, invigorating walk. But she admitted guiltily to herself that she did not want to share her walk with her.Agnieszka had visited Jenny just once since she came out of hospital and had seemed even more withdrawn than usual.'Are you OK?' Jenny had asked her. Agnieszka replied with one of those tight little half-smiles. You never knew what she was thinking.Jenny had spoken to Adi about it. 'Does she ever see anyone or go out?''Oh, yes, I see her around with the buggy,' Adi had replied. 'And, you know, you're too busy to take care of Agnieszka. We're all too busy.'Adi had been unusually brisk. Jenny wondered if it was because she had also seen Agnieszka with that man. Well, if Agnieszka was having an affair, it certainly wasn't making her any happier.The last houses in the camp were the officers', large with big gardens and huge, leafy old trees outside them. And then she was in the countryside. It wasn't wild countryside. It was shared between farmers and tank drivers so the fields of sheep were crisscrossed by warnings, signs and tank guidance posts.She walked hard and fast. There was no one around today until, when she was just about to turn for home, a runner approached her. He was moving quickly and as he neared she noticed the sweat dripping from his face before she saw that his left leg was made of metal.'Steve!'He slowed, recognized her, then stopped a few metres past her. At first he couldn't talk. He bent over, puffing and sweating.'Hi, Jenny. I got back last night and thought I'd . . .' His voice disappeared inside his own breath.'Well, just take your time,' she said. 'I mean . . . I saw this bloke haring along but I never guessed it was you!''I'm out of breath because I'm out of condition,' he puffed. 'Nothing to do with the leg.'He stood upright then walked over to the pram and peered in.'She's growing. Looks a bit like her dad, though, and that can't be good. Got a name for her yet?'Jenny said firmly: 'Not until Dave's home.' She was trying not to peer at the strange, streamlined metal contraption that grew out of Steve's shorts. 'It's amazing you're running already!''Go on, Jen, stare at it. Everyone wants to.'She blushed. 'It looks strong.''Has to be, the h.e.l.l it's going to get from me.'They grinned at each other.'It's nice you're home for the lads getting back,' she said.'Well, with any luck I'll be fit enough to run with them.''That's why I'm out today, too. I'm trying to get my figure back before Dave comes home.''You never lost it, Jen. Unlike some people who never had it.'She knew who he meant. For a moment she wanted to ignore this but she could not leave her friend undefended.'Leanne put on a lot of weight after your accident, Steve. Eating was her way of coping.'His face changed. She watched the muscles in it rearrange themselves. Usually so big and open, he was darkening suddenly. He looked angry. He gritted his teeth and his jaw sharpened. He was even a bit scary, she thought. He had never looked that way before.'Yeah, well, it was a while ago now and she's had plenty of chance to lose that weight again. But she won't lose it sitting in front of the TV.''It's been hard for her . . .''You think it hasn't been hard for me? The easiest thing in the world is to sit around and be a couch potato but there's no way I'm giving in to it. She shouldn't either.''I know you've been to h.e.l.l and back, Steve. I really admire you for having the grit to start running. And because you're determined to fight again. But Leanne's been in bits. You've got some goals: get walking, get running, get back out with the other lads. Her life fell apart and it hasn't been so straightforward putting it back together.'He looked thoughtful.'Goals is a good word, Jen. If we give Leanne some goals that might help her . . .'She decided to steer the conversation away from Leanne.'Steve, how are you going to feel when the others get back?'His face changed again. Suddenly all the tight, angry lines loosened and he looked less sure of himself.'I'd sort of like to be there when the bus gets into the square. So would Ben Broom. Ryan Connor's not ready for that yet.''Oh, Steve, that's a fantastic idea. They'll be so pleased to see you. I know it would mean a lot to Dave.''But he'll be looking for you. Everyone will be with their family. The lads' stuff is over for a while when we first come home.''You don't think Dave's going to walk straight past you!''Maybe it's not the right time.''But . . . how will you feel? Seeing them all get off the bus?'Steve swallowed. Jenny watched him again. She did not remember that his face had ever had this mobility before. She had no recollection of the way emotions pa.s.sed across it like clouds. Perhaps he'd just been better at hiding them. Now he looked vulnerable. His eyes were crinkling and his mouth was twisting unhappily. He looked as though he might cry.'Steve?''I'm not sure I can handle it. Because I missed the whole f.u.c.king tour. And they've had all these experiences. They'll have been changed by what happened. Even if they tell me everything, I didn't go through it with them. I wasn't there. So I don't feel as though I know them like before.'Jenny's eyes dropped from Steve's anguished face to the pram where the baby slept peacefully under her white blanket.'Steve . . . I know what you mean. Because I feel exactly the same way.'They walked back to the camp together. When they pa.s.sed the rec, they paused for a parking car.'Mazda MR2, very nice,' said Steve. 'I've always fancied one of them myself.'A man got out of it and walked up the road.'Who's he?' asked Steve.'I don't know,' said Jenny. But she was sure she recognized him.Agnieszka had seen Jenny walking and noted the way she stepped out cheerfully in the autumn sunshine. She had decided to do the same. But just putting on Luke's coat had resulted in such howling protests that she almost gave up. He was still protesting now while she put on her own. Next there was the tedious ritual of pushing and pulling a large buggy through a small hallway. Was it worth it? Was it worth even trying to leave the house?The bell rang. Probably Jenny, already coming back from her walk. Agnieszka didn't want to speak to Jenny or anyone else but she opened the door, sighing and pulling the buggy out of the way.'Hi, Aggie.'Her heart leaped. It soared. It was suddenly attached to a balloon, which was gaining alt.i.tude at an absurd rate. Her heart was light as a feather because it was shedding weight as it flew. The atmosphere up here was thin, her head was dizzy.'Ags?'When she still could not speak he stepped inside. The door clicked shut behind him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her and she felt herself, without hesitation, return the kiss.'Have you missed me?' he asked.She closed her eyes. She couldn't explain to him that it had been snowing since he left, a cold, frozen winter world.'It's OK,' he said. 'I'm back now, Ags.'

Chapter Sixty-seven

THE LADS WERE QUIET WHEN THE CONVOY LEFT THE NEXT DAY. n.o.body wanted to screw up in front of the SAS men and the wagons were peppered with them.Dave, in the front, expected them to go into the Green Zone. He had thought it very likely Martyn was held in one of the maze of compounds near the river. But instead they swung towards the desert. His heart sank as he realized they were heading back towards Jackpot. So they were returning to the camp. He'd hoped it would be dismantled by now. They were in the dusty bowl of the desert that led to Jackpot when the convoy suddenly swung left.'Christ!' said Dave. 'We're not going to a compound. Or the camp. We're going to the Early Rocks.'As they drew closer he began to understand how ma.s.sive the rocks were. They had looked like stark, strange shapes jutting from the desert sands in the distance but close-up they were more complex. There must be water, because bushes and small trees sprouted all around. And running around the base of the rocks was a ring of earthworks at least two metres high. So the mysterious shrine was a natural fortress.The ma.s.sive rocks towered over them as they reached the entrance to the shrine. Built around one rock as though it had grown out of the sand was a tiny gatehouse. The wagons slowed as they reached it and threw out some of the SAS men. The wagons speeded up again and the boss pa.s.sed on the orders: 'In sixty seconds we will have the rock circle very loosely surrounded. You will dismount and close in on the circle, scrambling over the bank at the base of the rocks. We don't know exactly what we'll find inside except probably underground tunnels and, we hope, Topaz Zero. Your job is to suppress the enemy so that our colleagues can locate him. The enemy will be positioning now. So take advantage of their confusion to debus fast and close in rapidly on the rocks.'Dave said at once: 'Fix bayonets, lads.'The drivers were told to stop one hundred metres from the rocks.'Go closer!' Dave ordered his driver.'But the boss said-''Closer! You can move back when we're all out.'The driver screamed towards the rocks and stopped about sixty metres away.'Everybody out, go, go, go!' Sol yelled at 1 Section.The men began to rush towards the rock circle. The weight of their kit was oppressive. It bounced on their backs and their pouches rattled on their bodies. Binns, the lightweight, had been fast as a school kid. Now he was a lumbering animal, staggering and doubled over as he ran.'I wish I could take this f.u.c.king s.h.i.t off and really run!' he shouted to Streaky. But Streaky could not hear him over his own heaving breath.Angus was still back at the wagon. In addition to his normal rifle, pistol, kit and ammo he had mortars and the sniper rifle too. By the time he had staggered down from the bus the others were halfway across the open ground. He knew he was carrying too much weight but wasn't sure what to leave. He paused and, before he could decide, the wagon moved off. s.h.i.t! Now he would have to take it all. And the others had nearly reached the rocks.Fire erupted from all around the ma.s.sive circle simultaneously, in a blaze of light, noise and smoke. The men who were still in exposed positions threw themselves onto their belt buckles on the desert sand, easy targets for the enemy.All of 1 Section had reached the shelter of one of the ma.s.sive stone pillars except Angus. They looked back now and saw him.He lay still, head down, as though he'd already been shot, thinking, s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t. He could feel something like rain, and knew it was rounds. The rough sand bit into his cheeks. He dared to half look up once. All round him the desert danced with bouncing rounds. He put his head back down and knew that one of the rounds must hit him. They could not all miss him. His body was rigid with expectation. He wanted to yell and shout against his helplessness.He heard helicopters overhead.'Thank Christ! Where have they been?' roared Angus on PRR.Dave responded.'Don't get excited, McCall. There's nothing much they can do to help us, not with a hostage trapped inside.''Move forward, Angry,' shouted Sol's voice into his ear. 'It's just as safe as lying there.''I shouldn't have carried so much weight,' he moaned. He heard his own voice, whimpering a bit. He was going to die. So he might as well die courageously. The Families Officer might as well stand in his dad's hallway and say that Angus had died a heroic death. He began to stagger to his feet but the mortars he was carrying pulled his left side down and the rest of his body with it. Ping. A round whistled just over his shoulder. Good thing he hadn't stood up, then, or that one certainly would have got him. Except that now he was stuck here, giving the ragheads some easy target practice.A few moments later he felt someone tugging on his arm.'Get up, you lazy b.a.s.t.a.r.d, stop sleeping on the job.'Jamie Dermott. Pulling him to his feet, grabbing some of the weight off him and firing the gimpy while the pair of them staggered across the desert together.Angus didn't have time to think, feel surprise or be grateful. His whole body and mind were focused on running in Olympic time to the rest of the lads by the rock. It wasn't until they arrived safely and he slumped down, his mouth open, the breath never enough to fill his empty lungs, sweat pouring down his body, that relief began to seep from every pore. And then he understood that Jamie had saved his life.He said: 'f.u.c.k, Jamie. I mean, f.u.c.k.'Jamie was red-faced and gasping too.'Don't mention it,' he breathed.'I could feel the f.u.c.king rounds sc.r.a.pe against my helmet! One missed my shoulder by that much . . .''You must have been just outside the flipflops' arcs of fire,' said Mal. 'I didn't think you could get here alive.'Angus stood up, still red and panting, and reached for his water tube. He let out a roar.'What's the matter, Angry?' asked Sol. 'Are you all right?''My f.u.c.king Camelbak's empty!'Sol took a look.'A round went through it,' he reported.'f.u.c.king, f.u.c.king f.u.c.king h.e.l.l! I'm thirsty!' h.e.l.l! I'm thirsty!'Sol handed him a bottle of water.'There isn't anyone else in this whole platoon, Angry, who would moan about a round hitting their Camelbak instead of their vital organs.'The heavy machine guns on the WMIKs were pounding at the other side of the shrine and the mortar men were busy. Sol's section put down fire where they saw muzzle flashes. But most of their rounds were bouncing off rock or getting lodged in the bank.Dave was pinned down back at the Vector. The boss spoke to each of his section commanders in turn and confirmed that they had all their men up against the rocks. Sergeant Somers of 2 Platoon, on the other side of the shrine, was not so lucky. His Vector drivers had stopped further back and the men in one wagon had been too slow. They had debussed right into the contact. The bank was highest here and the enemy had taken advantage of this to feast on them. Dave saw CSM Kila rushing off in a wagon to deal with the casualties.'I can see what's happening from back here better than you can,' Dave told his corporals. 'The choggies are firing through cracks in the rocks so you can forget firing back at them. A few insurgents are exposed on top of the ridge . . . See how many you can get.''Just look up there,' came the boss's voice.Dave looked up. High on the top of a rock, like a man who had just taken the elevator to the roof of a skysc.r.a.per, was the silhouette of an insurgent with a weapon that was probably a Kalashnikov.'Did he fly there? And with that weapon, too?''Ropes. Or they've carved steps up the back of the rocks.'The man was kneeling down and lifting his weapon, capitalizing on the natural advantage of his position. Dave guessed he was aiming at Kila's casualty evacuation. He jumped out of the Vector with his SA80. It took just three shots. The body did not fall but remained slumped over the machine gun.'Rule One,' Dave told it. 'The chances are that the best firing positions are the most exposed. Now let them try getting you down from there.'1 Section edged cautiously around the rock to the base of the ridge, checking for figures at the top of it. They reached the place Sol had chosen for them to breach it. Now they were close it looked steeper.'f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, they can just pick us off one by one as we climb up,' said Finn.Sol paused, frowning.From out by the Vector Dave could hear firing from all around the rocks but the acoustic was as strange as the place. It echoed back across the desert until it was impossible to pinpoint where the noise was coming from or to estimate the size of the enemy inside.'I'm going to move closer in with the Vector and cover you as you go up the bank. I'll deal with any of them waiting for you at the top. But only you can see what's on the other side.'Sol said: 'Everyone fixed their bayonet?'The driver turned to Dave.'Did you say something about going in closer again?''Yeah. s.h.i.t, I wish I'd thought of keeping the sniper rifle back here with me. That's what happens when you don't get proper information on an operation beforehand.''Do I have to move forward?''Just a bit. Turn it sideways on if that makes you feel safer.'The Vector's move brought a hail of fire.'f.u.c.king h.e.l.l,' said the driver, as he swung the vehicle round. 'Did you save me from those IEDs in the Green Zone just to get me shot up out here in the middle of nowhere?''OK, then, stop.''I'm watching you,' said the boss from the next wagon. Dave glanced across the desert. The next wagon was far away.He leaped out, went to the side of the vehicle and got himself into a good position. He drew so much fire from the enemy that he was forced backwards. He tried again and there was more fire. The third time he told 1 Section: 'Let's get on with it. Up the bank now. Fast.'He had to steel himself against his own instinct to duck back behind the Vector as rounds tore up the desert around him. He watched Sol go up first, followed by Mal.A bearded man appeared with an AK47 at the top of the rim, his back against a rock to optimize his arc on the soldiers as they scrambled up the bank. Dave fired off ten rounds and the man fell.'Wrong weapon, wrong place. You'd have done better with a pistol at that distance,' said Dave, falling back for a moment with relief.The next time he looked, another insurgent was standing at the top of the bank holding a pistol. Dave shot him.'Right weapon, wrong place,' he told the dead man.Sol, Angus, Mal, Jamie and Binman were flat on their belt buckles on top of the bank now, firing into the shrine, while Finn and Streaky, who had been covering from below, were scrambling up behind them. Beneath them, a man with an AK47 appeared. He was at ground level and had emerged from 1 Section's previous position around the rock.'s.h.i.t, how did you get there?' asked Dave, as he fired. 'We're supposed to be surrounding you, not the other way round . . .'Sections 2 and 3 were also fighting their way into the shrine just around the rock circle, covered by a WMIK. The company was closing in at all points, tightening the net on the insurgents within the shrine, increasing the rate of fire until the noise and its echo sounded like one long, continuous blast.Dave knew he would soon have to get his platoon more ammo. He told the reluctant driver to move closer. The boss was giving orders to the men inside the rock circle now. He was instructing them to use grenades to move forward. Did this mean that Martyn had been rescued already? Or were they so heavily outnumbered by the enemy that they had been forced into a risky strategy?The fighting advanced into the heart of the shrine and Dave was able to make his way to the rocks and up the ridge unimpeded. Inside the circle were bushes and hillocks and ridges and giant boulders but mostly there were soldiers. Dave could see how rapidly they were pushing back the Taliban fighters. He could see some of his men in good firing positions. 3 Section were well situated around boulders, 1 Section were back a bit but Jamie with the gimpy was perching on a ledge where he could just drop machine-gun fire into the insurgents' line.'You're doing well, Dermott, but you're a bit exposed . . .' Dave began.He stopped speaking because he saw the RPG. After that everything fragmented into a series of snapshots. The Taliban grenade, tearing through the air like a deadly dart, cutting a path towards Jamie. The grenade appearing on the other side of Jamie and exploding thity metres beyond against a rock in a ma.s.s of flame and smoke. Jamie continuing to blast away for a few seconds on the machine gun. Jamie staggering. Jamie falling, Bergen first, at the side of the ledge.Dave let out a roar. Standing on the ridge he was one of the few soldiers high enough to see what had happened. The roar of battle and the roar of his own denial echoed around in his head as he heard his voice, crisp and clear, reporting the incident. He ordered McCall and Sol Kasanita back to help carry the casualty outside the rocks where CSM Kila and the medic were waiting.The next snapshots were out of focus. Sometimes he replayed them in the wrong order. McCall's white face. Sol loading the bleeding body of Jamie onto the stretcher: 'He's still alive, Sarge!' Dave's own hand shoving Jamie's autojet of morphine into his leg. Staggering down the ledge and up the bank with the stretcher, feeling that his arms would break with the weight and knowing that something was breaking inside him. Jamie's body moving with each jerk and b.u.mp of the stretcher as though deeply, deeply asleep.'C'mon, Jamie, for f.u.c.k's sake, c'mon!' Angus McCall. His face a horror mask. 'You didn't run out into the desert to save me just so this could happen to you . . .'The enemy's main escape route was past the gatehouse and across the desert to the hills but Finn picked up talk of a tunnel system. And as he watched the number of insurgents diminish, he knew this must be right. The noise level was dropping. The air had been thick with cordite and smoke but it was thinning now. The Taliban couldn't be seen surging across the desert. So there must be some other way out of the shrine.'We'd drop a five-hundred-pounder if it wasn't for Martyn,' he told Streaky and Binman, who happened to be close by. 'Let's hope they haven't got him down in a tunnel with them.''It's just like they're melting,' said Streaky.'Maybe they're all dead,' Binman said hopefully.But Finn and Streaky shook their heads.The soldiers were ordered to start looking for a tunnel system. Finn and Streaky searched in the great shadows of ma.s.sive boulders but the earth was hot, dry and solid.'I just want to kill the f.u.c.kers!' said Mal. 'They're like rats, running down a rathole. I want to go after them and kill them.' He had the hungry, alert look of a man for whom the fighting had ended too soon. A lot of the men did. A few were fighting each other. But Finn didn't feel that way. He felt tired and defeated.'This operation was Marty's last hope. And we f.u.c.ked it up.'Mal glared at him.'We did our best.''What's the Jedi here for? Why haven't they sorted this out?''What do you want them to do? Pull the poor old b.a.s.t.a.r.d out of a hat along with a white rabbit?'There was a shout. A tunnel under the rocks had been found and officers were developing a plan to send men down.'Hold firm, 1 Platoon,' came the boss's voice. 'It sounds as though you're going to be covering from up here.'Finn lit a cigarette while he waited for orders. He decided to check out the gatekeeper's vegetables. When the doors on the wagons had slowed so that the SAS men could hit the ground on their arrival here at the shrine, Finn had got a clear view of a vegetable garden in the gatekeeper's compound. It had been well watered and well ordered and there was probably something good to eat. Could you grow carrots in Afghanistan? Finn loved raw carrots and had stolen many from allotments.'Where you going?' demanded Streaky, appearing at his side.'I feel like a little snack from the garden out there. Care to join me in a bit of thieving, Streaks?'They sneaked around to the small, solid house. It looked deserted. Outside there was a thin irrigation channel, which fed the vegetable garden. There were no carrots but there were grapes. Finn picked a couple.'Mmm, Streaky. Just try these.'The grapes were small. Sweetness exploded in their mouths.'Oooh, juicy!' Streaky picked some more.A goat hung its head in one corner and nearby was the doghouse. There was no barking from inside it.'What do people do with their dogs in this country if they never put them in their kennels?' asked Finn. Streaky was busy munching and so he answered his own question. 'Put their hostages inside.'He walked towards the small ornate kennel.'The Jedi will have searched there,' said Streaky, reluctant to leave the grapes.'I know,' agreed Finn. 'I'm just nosy.'He approached the house carefully in case one of the huge Afghan fighting dogs he had heard about was asleep in there. Crouching, in case the dog bounced out on him, he pulled open the door.The first thing he saw was a pair of legs. He thought they must belong to a dead body since they did not move at his arrival. His heart thumping, he squatted down and peered up the legs and saw they were attached to Martyn Robertson.'f.u.c.k me! Marty! I was looking for you. But I didn't think I'd find you.'Martyn lay with his eyes half open.'Oy! You alive, mate?'He still did not move. Finn felt for a pulse.'s.h.i.t, Marty! Don't be dead!''Hi, Huckleberry Finn,' Martyn said weakly, without surprise.'Hey! They've all gone looking down a hole for you!''Uh-huh. Well, I've been down a few holes.'Streaky looked over from the vines.'Finny?'Finn turned and gave him a thumbs-up.'Go and get someone!''Is it him? Is it Topaz Zero? I know this is a joke, Finny!''Find someone. They won't believe me if I put it out on PRR.'Streaky ran over to the doghouse to make sure this was no wind-up. Then he rushed out of the garden and back inside the rock circle. The first person he saw was an SAS man with a mug of tea in his hand.'He's here! He's f.u.c.king here!'The man smiled at him kindly.'Oh, yeah? And what's your name, kid?''Bacon, sir. Streaky Bacon.''You must be the only f.u.c.king bacon in Afghanistan. Got a mate called Pinta Lager?''He's here here. Martyn! Topaz Zero! The hostage! He's over here! here!'Back in the doghouse, Finn was trying to help Martyn to his feet.'s.h.i.t, Martyn! They were going to kill you in two days' time.''I sort of hoped I'd die soon anyway, just to ruin their fun.''While we're waiting for the others, let's talk about that job you were thinking of offering me . . .'Martyn's face creased itself into something that might have been a smile.'What odds did you give on finding me?''Hundred to thirty at the beginning, shortened down to fifteen to eight when we found your last doghouse in town. Then this morning on the way here I was offering eleven to eight! That was generous but n.o.body took me up on it. Ha! In five minutes they'll all be kicking themselves, eh, Marty?'Martyn said: 'You've got yourself that job, boy.'Finn looked round and saw Streaky advancing with a disbelieving SAS man still holding his mug of tea.'It's all over. You'll be all right now, Marty, old mate and future boss. The cream of the British Army's come to save you.'The stretcher was red, painted with Jamie's blood. Two medics seized it and were almost immediately working with a tourniquet and dressings along his left side, where his arm and his leg should have been, except there wasn't an arm and there wasn't much of a leg and Dave wasn't even sure there was a lot of left side.'Jamie, Jamie, the f.u.c.king b.a.s.t.a.r.ds got you again they got you again! Don't let them finish the job this time! Come on, Jamie, for Chrissake!' Whose voice was that? His own?He wanted Jamie to open his eyes. He wanted it with a desperation that took over his whole mind and whole body as if he could will Jamie's eyes to open if he wanted it hard enough. He was Jamie's sergeant. Now he was ordering him to live.'It's not over till it's over,' said one of the medics, without looking up, as he reached for another bandage.Dave was certain it would soon be over but he refused to look at that certainty. He clung to the medic's words instead. His hand held Jamie's wrist and searched for a pulse. He couldn't feel one.'It's there but it's very, very faint,' said a medic. 'Did you see what happened?''RPG. Went straight through him.''No one can survive that,' said Iain Kila.'It didn't detonate,' Dave said.'Well, f.u.c.k me!' said Kila.'It certainly touched him but it went straight on and then hit some rocks about thirty metres later.''He's in with a chance, then.''This man survived a round from an AK, he survived a round from a machine gun . . .'The other medic said: 'The grenade sliced his left side off but there's a chance it missed his vital organs. He must have been squatting over the gimpy because it went through the top of his leg and the bottom of his arm. But he can live without an arm and a leg . . .''A few centimetres further left and he'd certainly be dead,' said the other.'MERT will be here in four more minutes,' reported Kila. 'He'll be at Bastion inside the golden hour.'Dave leaned over the stretcher, looking at the unmoving face.He tried to imagine Jamie without an arm, a leg and G.o.d knew what other body parts. Always trying to hide the pain. Making the best of it. Loving Agnieszka as she pushed him around in a wheelchair. Some people can live like that, Dave thought. But Jamie can't.If Jamie heard what the medic just said, then he can hear me now.Dave moved close to the thin face. Eyes closed, it showed no pain. He grasped the still fingers.'s.h.i.t, Jamie Dermott,' he said softly. 'You're the last man I can afford to lose. But I know that you're a soldier through and through. And, Jamie, you're the best. You've lost half your body. But you could never be half a soldier. I understand if you want to go now. So go, if you must, mate. You've done a great job soldiering. You've got a lovely kid. You've got a wife who does truly love you I know that for a fact, whatever you think. So, if you want to, go peacefully. Good luck. I'll never forget you.'Of course Jamie did not respond. He couldn't.'Not looking good!' said one of the medics suddenly.'Are we losing him?''Can't be . . . but we are.'Dave closed his eyes and fell back to let the medics do their work.'No! No way!''See for yourself!''s.h.i.t! I thought we had him!''Resuscitate.''Clear, everyone, please.'Dave turned his back, walked away and stared out at the endless expanse of desert. His face stung. His eyes stung. Sand in his mouth, sand in his eyes, sand in his heart.A Chinook had already arrived for the casualties. Another arrived for Martyn almost immediately and the hostage was taken aboard by the waiting medics.The OC was there.'Martyn is very important but since he is a T3 we must ask him to wait while we load a T4.'Finn could not stop grinning. He had been clapped on the back by everyone around him and he and Streaky had already told the story again and again of how they had gone to steal grapes and found Martyn.He heard that there was a T4 and wondered briefly who it was, but he was really looking for Dave. Where was he when Finn was enjoying a bit of glory for once? And it would be nice to have Sol, Angus and Jamie here offering a few words of congratulations, too.The group of soldiers around the Chinook fell suddenly silent. Finn turned to see his mates approaching. They were carrying a stretcher. The body on it was covered. So this must be the T4. Even then it did not occur to Finn that there had been a death in his own section. It was only when they were close enough for him to see their faces that he suddenly felt cold. His buoyant, triumphant mood turned inside out and left all the raw places exposed.Dave and Sol were covered with blood. Dave looked bruised, as if he'd been in a fistfight. Sol's white eyes were red. Huge tears spilled down Angus's face.Finn looked at the men who surrounded him. Among them were Streaky, Mal and Binman.That left one man.Billy Finn's mouth fell open, his eyes sprang out, his body was drained so that he swayed a bit. He saw the boss, features frozen, white-faced.'No. No. Not Jamie, no,' he shouted.Boss Weeks closed his eyes. He nodded.The body was loaded onto the helicopter in silence. There must have been the ground-shaking thump of Chinook rotors and the roar of its engine. But afterwards not one man could remember anything but silence.

Chapter Sixty-eight

AGNIESZKA STOOD MOTIONLESS IN THE BEDROOM, STARING AT herself in the mirror. When Darrel came in, she looked up at him. Not his real face, but the one in the mirror. He stood behind her and their mirror eyes met.'I've thought about you the whole time I've been away,' said Darrel.That's what Jamie always said when he got back. And he would be back in a few weeks now. But then he would go away again. Loving Jamie meant saying goodbye. It meant waiting, waiting, waiting for him to come home.'I know you're scared. I know this is a big step for you, Aggie.'Her eyes met her mirror eyes. They were frightened. She felt frightened. She felt no s.e.xual excitement. She just wanted to be touched and loved and cared for and not to be alone. She didn't want to be a woman in an endless expanse of snow.'It will be all right. I promise. I'll take good care of you.'He began to kiss her neck. She tensed.'No, no, that's no good,' he murmured. 'Melt a little, Aggie.'She tried to relax. He stroked her gently. He ma.s.saged her back and rearranged her hair. And then he began to kiss her again.Dave was leaning against the wagon. He thought he should get the lads moving, unloading, sorting things out. But everyone just wanted to stand very still.The officials and VIPs buzzed around them, making a big noise about Martyn's rescue. The SAS men were being wholeheartedly congratulated. Only the soldiers from the base did not speak.The OC, who had initially disappeared into the ops room, had re-emerged now and was walking over to the men. His face was expressionless. His walk was slow. He dragged his feet through the dust as though they weighed a lot. He surveyed the quiet soldiers and then raised a hand to stop everyone else talking.The OC cleared his throat.When he spoke his voice was loud and grave.'I am very sorry to tell you that Rifleman Jamie Dermott, a loved, brave and highly proficient member of 1 Section, 1 Platoon, died at 1000 hours today. The medics treating him said that it is a testament to his courage and tenacity that he survived with such serious wounds for as much as thirty minutes. Less than an hour before his death, Rifleman Dermott ran into the desert under intense fire to help another man in his section out of danger. It was an action typical of a soldier who served all those around him without thought for his own safety. He died in action, shot through by a Rocket Propelled Grenade, having already remarkably survived two enemy rounds on two previous occasions. We will miss him and mourn him.'Dave closed his eyes. The loss was so immense that you couldn't put a fence around it, you couldn't estimate its size, you couldn't even begin to get to the edges of it. Because death was endless and so was loss. And even when he was an old man, many years from now, Dave knew that it would not have ended then.The OC looked at him.'Sergeant. Would you please lower the flag in recognition of the death of Rifleman Dermott?'Dave walked across the base to the flagpole. He was loaded down with invisible kit. It weighed more than any ammo. His body wanted to sink beneath it. He could hardly carry this immense burden and he almost stumbled once or twice. He reached the pole. Slowly, very slowly, he lowered the flag. The base was silent, the desert was silent, the distant hills were silent, and he knew that this was Jamie's silence he was hearing now, a silence without end.

'G.o.d, what am I doing?'Agnieszka lay in bed, crying.'For Chrissake, Aggie!' Darrel's voice was tender and then exasperated. 'You enjoyed it, didn't you?''Yes. But that make it worse.'Darrel sighed and rolled onto his back. They lay next to each other, not touching.'I was trying to make you happy!'Had she really thought that Darrel could drive away her fear and loneliness? Had she really thought that having s.e.x with him would put right everything that was wrong? Her body was convulsed with sobs. She loved Jamie. And she had been unfaithful to him. Now she felt lonelier than ever and she even knew what the snow was. It was loss. She had gained nothing tonight and lost everything. Because she loved Jamie, even when he wasn't there.'Aggie?'Darrel reached for her but she pulled away.He sighed.'Do you want me to go?'She did not reply. She felt the bed rearrange itself as he climbed out. When he dressed, she could hear his anger and resignation from the way he pulled on his clothes. Before he left he leaned over the bed.'Aggie, call me when you want to talk.' He kissed her cheek. 'I don't understand you.''Darrel, I very sorry. It not your fault.''Yeah.'She heard him go down the stairs and close the door. She listened for the sound of his feet on the pavement. The house felt cold. She heard, at the bottom of the hill, a car starting. It pulled away rapidly.Luke started to scream. She went to him. He would not stop. Finally he had a fit.Maybe that was why she didn't hear the car. But she heard the doorbell. Darrel. Back to reason with her. She wouldn't let him in.She pulled the curtain to one side. It was not Darrel and the car outside was at first unfamiliar. She stared down at the figure on the doorstep. Something very cold, like a splinter of ice, ran through her. It started in her scalp and made the hairs stand on end and, as it moved down her neck and her shoulders, on down to her toes, the tiny hairs on her body bristled. The Families Officer. On her doorstep in the night. At that moment, the world froze and this time she knew it might never thaw.

Chapter Sixty-nine

DAVE WENT TO 1 SECTION'S TENT TO CLEAR JAMIE'S THINGS AND found Binns and Bacon already hunched over them. Anger rose up inside him as if it had just been waiting for an excuse.'What the f.u.c.k do you two think you're doing!'They looked up guiltily.'We're just sorting something out, Sarge,' said Binman.'Sorting what out, exactly?'Streaky was embarra.s.sed: 'Something we were doing with Jamie, Sarge . . .'Dave could hardly contain his anger. 'You don't go through his things! I do that! You've got no right to sift through a dead man's stuff!'Binman looked too shocked to speak. Bacon said: 'Sarge, we were making a story with Jamie for his kid, see, so his baby wouldn't forget his voice. And it was almost, almost done. And we wanted his babymother to have it all finished off so . . .''See,' said Binns, 'we didn't want it to end suddenly. If it ends nicely his kid can listen to it over and over . . .''That's right, Binman's right,' said Streaky. 'If it's finished they'll be able to listen to it and he'll always have his daddy speaking to him . . .'Dave felt his angry heartbeat slow.'So, what is this story?'Bacon produced a small digital recorder. He flicked a switch. Suddenly the tent was filled with Jamie's voice.'And so the little frog hopped towards the place where he knew his mum and dad were waiting for him and would wait for ever if they had to. Just one more mountain to cross and he would be there.'Dave sat down on the nearest bed and put his head in his hands. Binns did not move. Streaky turned away, his arm across his face as though shielding himself from a blow. There was a long silence.At last Binman said, his voice hoa.r.s.e: 'See, we do the sound effects and we thought we could finish it by . . .''All right, all right, lads,' said Dave, getting up. He had to cough to clear his voice and then cough again. 'You do that. You finish it. I won't interrupt you. I'll just take the rest of Jamie's stuff.'He left the tent as quickly as he could.He wanted somewhere private to open Jamie's personal things. It was an unpleasant but necessary job to remove any letters from girlfriends or p.o.r.nography or anything else a bereaved widow might not want to see. Not that there would be anything like that here. Jamie had loved Agnieszka and only Agnieszka.There were letters and photos and a notebook. Dave felt intrusive looking through the notebook. It contained lists and a few sketches: of Luke, of some trees by a river and one of a GPMG. And there was a bit of poetry, love poetry, which he had written or copied from a book.He delved a bit further in the bag and found some more pictures of Agnieszka. And then something small and hard. Another iPod? It felt like a phone but it couldn't be. He pulled it out. It was. It was a cellphone.Dave was shocked. Someone else must have put it there! Jamie, of all people, would never sneak in something that threatened everyone's safety. Except here it was.He switched it on.There were messages to Agnieszka and from Agnieszka. The last one had been sent a few days ago.He read: I love another man now I love another man now.

Chapter Seventy

'WE'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER, ASMA,' SAID GORDON WEEKS.They were alone in the ops room. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office men had flown out into media frenzy at the hostage rescue, congratulating themselves on a successful mission. The colonel and his staff had gone. Kila and Jean were walking the perimeter together. The OC and the 2 i/c were in the cookhouse and the boss was manning the radio. He hoped there would be no calls.'Yeah,' she agreed. 'I didn't like you at first.''Really? How could you not like Gordon Weeks?''Because you were such a p.r.i.c.k when we were interviewing those two detainees and I pulled out my pistol. Did you stand there wittering on about the International Convention on Human Rights or did I imagine that?'He gave her a withering look.'You imagined it.''Bet you wanted to, though.'He could not suppress a smile.'I did disapprove.'She rolled her eyes.'Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to get to the right place. A bit like your blokes shooting a wounded insurgent in a ditch?'He decided not to reply. Something was coming through on the OC's printer and he busied himself retrieving it.'Another press cutting from London. SAS SHOOTS ITS WAY SAS SHOOTS ITS WAY OUT OF HOSTAGE CRISIS OUT OF HOSTAGE CRISIS.' He put it on top of UK SPECIAL FORCES RETRIEVE HOSTAGE IN BLAZE OF GUNFIRE. UK SPECIAL FORCES RETRIEVE HOSTAGE IN BLAZE OF GUNFIRE.'I did tell you that it was a man in my platoon who actually found Martyn?'She threw back her head and laughed. He watched her happily.'You've told me at least three times, Gordon. But did I tell you that it was thanks to me we worked out Martyn was at the Early Rocks?''You! No, you didn't tell me that!'He was ridiculously pleased and proud, as though he had worked it out himself.'It was really exciting but I wasn't allowed to talk about it at all.''Not even to me?''Not even to you. Remember I said that I kept picking up talk about a holy place and that's when your blokes went and searched all the mosques?''And then you worked out that the holy place was the Early Rocks!''Yes. Because they said something about a pregnant woman there. That's how I knew. The last time we saw Asad' her voice faltered; Asad had not been mentioned by either of them since their argument after his death 'he said the shrine was special for women who wanted a boy child. To Asad it was all unIslamic traditional nonsense, of course. Anyway, we put the place under aerial surveillance and . . .'The boss beamed.'Well done, Asma! Well done!''. . . and the SAS rescued the hostage!''Oh no they didn't.'She smiled again. He looked at her face, allowed his eyes to linger on its gaunt beauty, and felt that not seeing her every day was going to be hard.'Asma, I hope we'll meet when we're back in England.'She sat very still.'If you want to.''Do you want to?''I think you'll change your mind when you're back with your friends again,' she said softly. 'In fact, I know you will.''No!' He didn't want to change his mind. He'd rather change his friends. It was true that Asma wouldn't fit easily into his circle. But here at the FOB he'd stepped outside that circle for the first time in his life. Now he saw no reason to step back into it.'Asma, you live close to London so maybe we could . . . well, perhaps go to the theatre and have a nice meal . . .''I'd like that. I've never been to the theatre.'She watched him try unsuccessfully to hide his surprise. She laughed again and his face lit up with pleasure, even though he suspected the laughter was at his own expense.She leaned across the desk and, to his amazement and delight, took his hand.'Gordon, it won't be the same in England. Here we've been through a lot together and we can see all the things we've got in common. Soon as we're back there, all we'll see are the differences.''What differences?''C'mon, Gordon.''Before you decide you hate people because they live in a farmhouse, you should come and see it.'She sniffed. 'I bet it smells of furniture polish.'He smiled. 'Only on Wednesdays when Mrs B from the village has been in to clean.''Are you kidding?''Yes. Come and see my home. I think you'll like it. I could teach you to ride . . .''No thanks. And I can guarantee you wouldn't like my home. Luckily my parents haven't spoken to me for three years so there's not much chance you'll ever see it.'Her touch was very light and her hand so small he could scrunch it up in his fingers if he wanted to. He held it carefully.'I thought you lived in a flat in Luton now.''Yeah.''I might like that.''Well . . . yeah . . .''And I live in the officers' mess, not my parents' house.''What are you saying, Gordon?''Can't we start from here? From who we are now?''Not sure who I am. If I've learned one thing from this tour, it's that. I was born here in this country. I'm Pashtun. I can leave my family and change my surname but that's still who I am underneath.'Weeks said softly: 'That's one reason Asad meant a lot to you.''When I met Asad and his family, I realized I sort of knew them even though I'd never met them. At first it was scary. Now I have to live with it.'She let go of his hand and got up. So he must have blown it. Because she was walking out.But no, she was walking around the desk to where he was sitting, bending down and kissing him on the lips. It wasn't a very long kiss. When it was over he wanted more. His lips looked for hers but she pulled back and wagged a finger at him.'You've had plenty of chances to engage the enemy, Gordon.''But now I'm returning fire.'Laughing, she turned to go. 'Got to initiate those contacts sometimes! Let's see if you do any better in England.'Dave booked an early slot when the satellite phones were finally reopened after Jamie's death. He wanted to break the news to Jenny himself. But when she answered he could tell at once that she already knew.'Who told you?''Adi, of course.' She was sniffing back tears. 'Plus it was on the TV news when they were going on and on about the SAS rescuing the hostage.''What did they say?''That a soldier in the regular army had died during the ambush. Then Adi rang to say who. I was shocked, Dave. But the first thing I thought was: thank G.o.d it wasn't you.''You liked Jamie,' he said.'Yeah. A lot.''Who's with Agnieszka?''No one. I tried. But she's sort of frozen. It must be the shock.''No one's there! Not even her bloke?''She said she wanted to be left alone. So Adi's taken Luke and I think the Families Officer's going back soon. Dave, listen, I want to call the baby after Jamie. Do you think Jamie's an OK name for a girl these days?''I don't know. At the moment it just makes me think of Jamie.''Some people spell it J-a-i-m-e for a girl.''Let me think about it.''Dave. Are you all right?'Dave felt a stabbing pain in his chest area. There was a long silence. Jamie's silence, again.'Not sure,' he said at last.'I always knew he was your favourite.''We're not supposed to have favourites.''But sometimes people do. And Jamie was yours.''He was badly wounded but he didn't die at first so I let myself hope for a few minutes. Even though I knew there wasn't a chance.''You were right to hope,' said Jenny. 'Miracles can happen.''Not this time. He was so badly maimed that it was probably better not to live.''He would have wanted to live for Agnieszka.''She's a b.i.t.c.h.''Oh, Dave, she's really suffering. And we don't know for sure she was messing about.''She had another bloke. And Jamie knew about it too. Because she told him.''No!''Jen, he had a mobile phone here. It's unbelievable that Jamie would take a risk like that. But he did. I found it. And there was a message on it from her, which he must have got just before he died. Saying she loved someone else.'There was a long silence.'Jen?''He had that mobile phone because she asked him to and because he loved her a lot.''Yeah, and she loved him so much she sent him a message like that.''No! Agnieszka didn't send it to him.'Dave suddenly grew suspicious.'You knew knew he had that phone?' he had that phone?''It was the Taliban who sent the message. Agnieszka never would have done it.''But the Taliban didn't know she was messing about!''She might not have been! The Taliban didn't know anything about her, they just wanted to hurt him. And he read it and believed it . . .''How the f.u.c.k f.u.c.k do you know about all this, Jenny?' do you know about all this, Jenny?''Don't be angry with me, Dave. I promised not to tell you before. But now Jamie's dead, I suppose I can.'

Chapter Seventy-one

THE TIME TO LEAVE THE FOB DREW NEAR. TAREGUE MASUD MADE lemon meringue pie by popular request. People cemented friendships and gave each other addresses and phone numbers. Men who had argued or fought with each other suddenly became mates. Posters were swapped, photos traded, and Masud did a roaring trade in Sin City T-shirts. The OC announced that Martyn was inviting the whole company to dinner at a London hotel soon after their return.They were scheduled to depart in the afternoon. The men piled their stuff on their cots ready to grab it when the helicopter landed. Some were taking a last look around FOB Sin City. They saw the advance party of the company who were replacing them huddled by the wagons looking miserable, pale and lost.'We were like that six months ago,' said Angus. 'I reckon I was a different person back then.'Finn said: 'I think I'm going to miss this place.''I know I will,' said Angus. 'I don't want to go. It's like leaving home. 'Specially because it won't be the same now.'Sin City was to remain an FOB but there would be no more civilians. The oil project was abandoned, Taregue Masud was leaving with R Company and the number of troops here were to be doubled.'What you going to say to your old man when you get back, then?' Finn asked Angus. 'Going to tell him that his boss from the Jedi still cooks a f.u.c.king good lemon meringue pie?''Nah. I'm keeping my mouth shut. He wants to be a war hero, so let him be. It costs me nothing.'Finn nodded. 'Big of you, Angry. I think you got bigger since you came here. Come on, let's have one last sniff of the Cowshed so we'll remember the whiff for ever.'They pa.s.sed Mal.'Feeling nostalgic, mate?''I'm thinking about women. Women with curves who don't walk around wearing sheets wrapped all over their bodies. And I'm just wondering how quickly I can pull.''Tell the birds you're a war hero. That should do it.''You going straight up to Manchester?' asked Angus.Mal shook his head. 'Nah. My family reckons it's better for me to stay in barracks and they'll come down and see me.'Angus brightened. 'You hanging around in barracks, too? I was thinking of doing that.'They looked at each other and grinned.'We can go out on the pull together then,' said Mal. 'What you doing, Finny?''I'll go and see which of my babymothers has got room for me. That's probably the bed where I'll start. After that, who knows?'They got to the Cowshed and found Streaky and Binns there.'Come to inhale the last whiff?' asked Mal.'Mmm,' said Streaky, breathing deeply. 'If they could only bottle it.''Think we'll come back here? On our next tour?' asked Binns.They looked at each other. No matter how much they wanted to go home, a part of them didn't want to leave this strange place. Although no one would admit it.'Yeah, maybe,' said Angus. 'Maybe we will come back here.'They heard the throb of rotor blades.'Come on, come on, come on,' roared Sol's voice at the door. 'What are you all doing here? Get your kit and get out to that Chinook!''Here we go!' said Mal, taking a last look around. 'This is it.'When the Chinook finally took off, the men were silent. Dave felt as though he was leaving Jamie behind in this desolate place. Or maybe its desolation had crept inside him and he was taking it with him. He looked down at the base's right angles, etched in the desert landscape in hesco. He saw the shining gym equipment, the thick mud walls, the tents, the isoboxes, the hardware and all the men of the incoming company racing to grab the best cots.It was raining when their plane touched down in the UK. As the men disembarked they felt its soft patter on their faces and the coolness of the breeze in their hair. The weather here was kind and forgiving. It didn't want to pin you to the ground or whip you into exhaustion or sc.r.a.pe at the inside of your throat or fry you all day and then freeze you all night. The damp air of Brize Norton was the climate of home and it welcomed them.It took a long time for their baggage to come through. Dave watched his men's faces as they waited and waited by the circling carousels. They hardly moved. They were expressionless. He'd personally switched himself off, like a TV, to make the journey bearable. He wanted to be at the FOB. And then he wanted to be home. He didn't want the bits in between. He hadn't even wanted a few days in Cyprus.The carousels sprang into life and so did the men. There were a few goodbyes. CSM Kila was saying a fond farewell to the monkey woman. And the boss was all over the other one, the Intelligence Corps girl.Kila caught up with Dave when they were loading the last bags onto the bus and a few lads were having a quick cigarette before boarding.'Think you'll see her again?' asked Dave.'She's gone up to Edinburgh. And guess what, I've got family in Glasgow. So we'll be meeting next weekend!'Kila raised his eyebrows suggestively. Dave laughed at him.'Good luck, mate.'They boarded. Everyone was given a can of beer. They drank it in silence. The bus started to go and Dave sensed how restless