"Go along now and see how your sons are doing. I'll check out the kitchen, and then I must be on my way. Let's have a cup of coffee together."

The nursery was dim with only a small lamp burning on the dresser. The old, wrinkled Chinese woman was sitting in the rocking chair, her hands folded in her lap. She inclined her head to the side, indicating Fanny should check on her sons. Both infants were sleeping peacefully. Fanny heaved a sigh of rehef that was so loud, the old woman smiled. "What should I call you?" Fanny whispered.

"No whisper. Babies no wake. No tiptoe. Missy make much noise. Run sweeper. Bang door is okay. My name is Moon. You eat, you sleep. Moon stay. Only feed baby once before bed."

Fanny bent over to hug the old woman's shoulders. "My name is Fanny. Thank you for taking care of my sons. I don't know what you did, but you have my permission to keep doing it. I haven't had a night's sleep in two months." Fanny raced downstairs to the kitchen.

"It's amazing, Sallie, the boys are sleeping soundly. Moon is rocking in the chair, and she said she's going to stay. I feel like a thousand pounds have been taken off my shoulders. I'm going to eat, feed the babies, take a long bubble bath, try on my new clothes, and go to bed. Would you like to stay for supper, Sallie?"

"I can't, sweetie, but thanks for asking. Devin wants to go over some of the bills for Ragtown. He just called a few minutes ago to say a letter came to the office from Seth. We'll catch a bite to eat later. It does smell delicious. I asked what it was and they said pork, rice, scallions, a magic sauce of some kind. Fresh snow peas, fresh balked bread, and I believe chocolate cake. Tea. Always tea. All of Su Li's cousins are wonderful cooks. This coffee is delicious. I really have to be going, Fanny. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"Nothing I can think of Thank you for everything."

"It was my pleasure. By the way, what time is Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I thought three o'clock would be good. Ash said he'd get here around noon. We can all visit for a few hours. If things change, I'll call you."

"Three o'clock is fine. I'm looking forward to it. It was very nice of you to ask Devin. He was so touched. Philip is comfortable with it. So am I. I just wanted to thank you for that."

"I would do anything for you, Sallie," Fanny said, hugging her mother-in-law.

"I feel the same way. Enjoy the silence, and keep your fingers crossed that it continues."

"It's true," Fanny said. "Silence is golden."

"Amen."

Fanny broke into a sweat as she pulled on the rubber girdle. She stared in the mirror at the bulge of fat above her waisdine. Nothing was going to make the twenty extra pounds go away except a diet. The dress Sallie had bought her was cleverly designed, but not enough to cover her offending stomach. The stitching under the bustline and the flowing sweep of the skirt, in her opinion, called attention to her oversize bosom and hinted that there was something she was hiding beneath the flowing skirt. In short, she looked dumpy. The only thing fashionable about her was her new haircut and her makeup. She wanted to cry. Ash was going to be disappointed in her. Even Sallie knew that.

"Fanny, we're here!" Bess trilled from the bottom of the steps.

"Come up, Bess. Tell John to make himself a drink."

"I came early in case you needed some help. I see that things are under control. What's wrong, Fanny, you look like you're going to cry any minute."

"Look at me, Bess. Do I look anything like the girl who went off to Hawaii on a moment's notice? Don't answer. I'm twenty pounds overweight. I feel like a cow. I never had thick ankles before. The weight is in all the wrong places. I couldn't get into that lacy underwear if I tried. This dress was the only one we could fmd that attempted to cover up my . . . deficiencies."

"Fanny, you had two baby boys. You gained sixty pounds. You lost all the other weight, it's just slow coming off. By the first of the year you'll be back to normal. I wouldn't care at all if I looked like 266 Fern Michaels you. John doesn't want me to lose weight; he likes me just the way I am. Do you have any idea how happy that makes me feel? I know you'll be slim and trim in time to be my matron of honor in February. What I'm trying to say here, is,'things work out. Trust me."

"Ash is going to be disappointed, Bess."

"Don't start to fret or you'll spoil the whole day. What time do you expect him?"

"He said around noon. It's almost that now. Tell me the truth, how do I look?"

"To me, Fanny, you look beautiful. You look like you're in love with your husband and two sons," Bess said loyally. "I'll go downstairs and sit with John. Finish what you have to do. Can I just peek in at the boys?"

"You can go into that room and beat a drum if you want. You can take them downstairs if you want. I set two cradles up in the living room. I want Ash to see them as soon as he gets here."

"Okay," Bess said agreeably. "I'm so jealous. I can't wait to have a baby."

"Don't do it right away, Bess."

"We're going to try right away. John loves children. He was so proud when you asked us to be godparents. Don't be nervous now. He's your husband, Fanny. Don't make Ash into something he isn't. I don't care if he is a major, and I don't care if the town is going to give him a parade when he gets out of the service. So there."

"So there, yourself" Fanny laughed.

Fanny literally jumped off the couch when she heard the door of Ash's taxi. Her face drained of all color. Should she run to the door? Should she stand in the foyer? Should she stand by the cradles? She looked around at her assembled guests who, as one, were making shooing monons toward the door. Throwing caution to the winds, Fanny ran to the door, Ash's name on her lips as she yanked it open.

Visored cap pushed back on his head, his necktie askew, his duffel over his shoulder, Major Ash Thornton could have posed for a military ad inviting young people to join up for the good of their country.

"Whoa, now that's what I call a greeting!"

If she hadn't been eyeball to eyeball with her husband, Fanny might not have seen the subtle change in Ash's eyes when he held her at arm's length for a better look. She wanted to cry when she felt a burst of warm wetness under her dress. Damn, the gauze pads she'd placed over her sore nipples weren't helping. In five minutes her brand-new dress was going to be soaked. Trying to make the best of it, she linked her arm in her husband's and marched him into the living room, where his mother and father were eagerly awaiting him. "I'll just be a minute," she said hoarsely as she exited the room. Only Bess saw the torment on her face. She followed her friend upstairs.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong, Bess," Fanny said, lifting the dress over her head. "Look, another minute and my dress would have been stained. Now, wouldn't that look nice!" Two minutes later, she had on fresh clothes. She fussed at her hair for a minute before she took a deep breath. "I saw his eyes, Bess; he couldn't hide what he was feeling. It was almost . . . almost revulsion. I saw it. Damn it, I saw it; he didn't even bother to hide it."

"Come on, you can't stay up here. If what you say is true, then your husband is a creep. Just for today. I don't mean he's a creep aU the time. Guys are jerks for the most part, we all know that. Take it slow and easy, Fanny. You might be overreacting. As it is, you're missing Ash's first minutes with his new sons. Shit, why don't things ever work out right?" This was new for Bess; she never said so much as damn. Obviously, John Noble was influencing her life in many different ways.

"Smile, Fanny. Be charming. Talk up a storm. I'll only be an arm's length away."

"What do you think, Ash, do they look like you or me or both of us?" Fanny asked from the doorway.

"I can't decide," Ash said as he jiggled both babies. "I can't tell them apart. If you switched them up and took off their IDs, I wouldn't know them. This one is smiling, this one is frowning," he said, his voice full of awe. "They're httle people. I thought babies cried all the time."

"They do cry all the time. They have cried steadily, night and day, for over two months. If it wasn't for your mother and Moon, I'd be in the loony bin. They aren't smiling and frowning; that's gas." Her voice was so flat and dead-sounding, the room grew silent.

"I prefer to think of it as a smile and a frown. What the eye sees is all that's important," Ash said lighdy.

"I couldn't agree more," Fanny said. This time her voice was colder than ice. Bess nudged her arm.

268 Fern Michaels "I refuse to pretend. He can't take that look back. I saw it. He just condemned himself with his own words," Fanny said out of the corner of her mouth.

"Dinner's ready," Sallie said, a desperate look in her eyes.

Bess reached for Sage and Fanny reached for Birch. "Go along everyone, we'll just take the babies upstairs to Moon," Fanny said Ughdy. Ash had no other choice but to relinquish his sons.

When the two young women returned to the dining room the others were waiting to say grace. Fanny took her place next to Sallie, direcdy across the table from Ash. Bess sat on her right. Philip folded his hands and offered up a simple prayer of thanksgiving as soon as everyone was seated. "I imagine this meal is going to taste very good, Ash. How's the food on the Hornet?"

"Pretty good as a matter of fact. Not as good as this, though," he said, filling his plate. "Did you cook any of this, honey?"

"Not one bit!" Fanny said cheerfully.

"Ash just told us he can't stay for the four days he was promised. He has to leave in the morning. He almost didn't make the flight that got him here," Sallie said as she turned to stare at Fanny with puzzled eyes.

"That's a shame," Fanny said, digging into a pile of mashed potatoes on her plate. "Oh, these are good. I guess I'm never going to take off this weight."

"Of course you will. You lost most of it already. I was the same way."

"Sallie's absolutely right. Sallie looked . . . puj^ for some time."

"Thank you, Philip. I was not pujfy. I was fat."

Ash looked first at his mother, then at his father. He turned to stare at Fanny. The realization that she was sitting next to his mother seemed to starde him. He could feel his face draining, h was uncanny how much alike they looked. He felt a chill run up his back. Both Mrs. Thorntons were staring at him, waiting for him to say something. "How much weight did you gain, honey?"

"Sixty-five pounds," Fanny said smardy.

"Sixty-five pounds!"

Fanny continued to shovel food into her mouth.

An ominous silence fell over the table.

"Tell us. Ash, what do you think of those robust sons of yours?" Devin said, trying to break the silence. Sallie's eyes thanked him.

"I think they're as handsome as their mother and father. When do they start doing things?"

"Any day now," Bess said.

"Like what?"

"You know, standing on their heads, climbing out of the crib, whisding, that kind of thing," Bess said. This man was going to break her best friend's heart, and there was nothing she could do to prevent it.

Sallie forced a laugh. "Bess is teasing you. For now they just eat, sleep, and cry. Around five or six months they might roll over and discover their hands and toes."

"You're going to miss that. Ash," Fanny said, reaching for her third dinner roll. She lobbed on a knife full of butter and stuffed it in her mouth. What in the world was wrong with her? So what if her husband looked shocked at her appearance. She herself was shocked each time she looked in the mirror.

"I'm sorry, everyone, this tension here at the table is all my fault. My weight isn't coming off as fast as I thought it would. The next time you see me. Major Ash Thornton, you better hold on to those wings on your blouse because I'm going to knock you for a loop. Please accept my apology, and let's just be a family enjoying dinner."

SalHe clapped her hands, as did everyone at the table. "That's my girl," she said.

"Is that what this is all about?" Ash demanded. "Honey, you look perfect to me. You could be dressed in rags with your hair in curlers and it would be okay. What's for dessert?"

Sallie stared across the table at her son. Philip lowered his gaze so his son wouldn't realize he heard the lie in his voice. Devin Rollins's eyes clearly said, you hurt my women, you answer to me. Ash understood Devin's silent message perfectly.

Fanny's guests excused themselves at six o'clock to aJlow the new-lyweds time alone.

"You call me if anything goes wrong, John and I have the house to ourselves till my parents get back from Virginia," Bess hissed in her ear.

"Call me if there's anything I can do," Sallie whispered against Fanny's cheek.

"Give him a little room, Fanny. Fatherhood is a shock to any man," Philip murmured.

"You're as pretty, maybe prettier, than the first day I saw you at the drugstore. You know where to find me if you need me," Devin Rollins said.

270 Fern Michaels When the door closed behind the last guest, Ash said, "What was all that whispering about?"

"Good wishes, that kind of thing. You look tired, Ash."

"So do you, honey. I wish I could sleep the clock around, but I can't. I have to be up and out of here by three-thirty in the morning. This is really a nice house. Big rooms. Mom always liked big rooms. The bigger the room, the more furniture you have to have. I can see why you have to have all that help. I don't make enough money for all that, Fanny. You're going to have to cut back. We can't keep taking money from my mother; it isn't right."

"I know. Ash. I tried to say no. She insisted. As soon as I can get a routine, a system of some kind, I'll let all the help go. The twins wear me down, Ash. If I get sick, who's going to take care of the boys? I need your mother now because I realize my limitations. I learned a long time ago that you should never fool yourself We have to set-de this now between us so that it doesn't start to fester."

"You're right, Fanny. I want what's best for you. My head must have been in the clouds, no pun intended. We haven't had much of a marriage, have we? I'll make it all up to you when I get out. Let's sit on the couch for a litde while and have some coffee and brandy. I want to hear all about my sons and what you've been doing. Ring that damn bell for some service. As long as we have it we might as well use it."

It was nine o'clock when Fanny and Ash climbed the steps to their room. "This is pretty," Ash said, looking around. "Did you decorate it, or did my mother do it?"

"I did it. I picked out all the colors. I tried to use neutral tones so you wouldn't think it was a woman's room. You're going to sleep here, too. The boys were here for a while in the beginning, but I didn't think that was a good idea, so I moved them to their own room."

"Commendable. Let's go to bed, Mrs. Thornton."

"I thought you'd never ask."

"This is a lot different from that shack on the beach. I liked it though. I don't think I'm ever going to forget that," Ash said as he nuzzled her neck.

"I loved it. Coming home on the plane I thought I could live there forever if you were with me."

"You can't live in paradise all year long. It's just a place to visit. Thai's why they call it paradise. I know what you mean, though. Look, Fanny, about before, if I did something or said something. . .

I'm sorry. One minute you were fine and the next you turned to ice. TeU me what I said or did, so I make sure I don't do it again,"

Fanny started to cry. "It was the way you looked at me. I looked at myself the same way, but when I saw myself through your eyes, I got angry. I'm sorry. I meant it when I said the next time you see me I'll look like the old me. Half the battie will be over when the boys start sleeping through the night."

"Shuck those clothes, Mrs. Thornton. Speed is of the essence."

Fanny froze. "I'll use the bathroom," she muttered.

"Okay, but don't take forever. I've waited for this day for a long time."

"Me too," she managed to murmur.

In the bathroom, Fanny took off her clothes. It was all she could do not to yelp when she removed the gauze pads from her nipples. Ash wasn't going to understand this. She wrapped one of the large bath towels around her and took a deep breath.

Fanny shed the towel and sUpped between the sheets, thanking God as she did so for only the night-light Ash had left on. Did he turn off the Lights on purpose so he wouldn't have to look at her body? They'd made love in broad dayhght, in the bright sunshine on the beach. They'd left the Ughts on in the shack, too. The desire she felt for her husband dissipated. It surfaced again when Ash kissed her, his tongue searching and seizing her ovm as his knee pried her legs apart. He was inside, exploding a moment later. He rolled over, gasping with his exertion. "I couldn't wait. It's all I've been thinking about for days. We'll do it your way in a few minutes. Don't be angry with me. I wanted you so bad I could taste it."

"It's okay," Fanny whispered. "Why don't you sleep now and when you wake, if we want we can ..."

"Don't let me sleep too long. I have to be out of here by three-thirty at the latest." A second later he was snoring lightiy, and Fanny was crying into her pillow. Finally, she too slept.

Shortly after midnight, Fanny was jerked to wakefulness by her husband's body spooning against hers. She did what was expected- she squeezed her thighs hard against her husband's manhood. He moaned with pleasure as he flipped her over. "Get on top of me and do what you did back in Hawaii, ride me like a stallion."

It was a replay of their time in paradise, right down to the part where Ash rolled her over, mounting her, snorting and snarling as he pounded into her. Suddenly she found herself on her side, her husbaind facing her. "That's what you like, isn't it?" he rasped. She 272 Fern Michaels saw his head coming dovm, saw his mouth open, knew his intent, but she wasn't quick enough to pull and slide away from him.

"What the hell! Jesus, Fanny, what . . . ?" A moment later the bright bedside light came on. "And you were going to let me .. . Jesus Christ!" Fanny felt her own milk splatter over her neck and face. If there was a way for her to die right then and there, Fanny would have opted for death. Instead she tried to grind herself into the mattress and pillows beneath her. She struggled for the sheet and pulled it up to her chin. Ash ripped it away. The naked revulsion she saw on his face made Fanny squeeze her eyes shut. "You're still nursing those babies! When you wrote and told me that, I thought you meant for a week or so." He made it sound like she'd suckled the Devil. 'Jesus, the bed is all wet."

"You don't just nurse a baby for a week, Ash. They're on a bot-de now, but they have to be weaned slowly. It isn't easy."