"I'm heading up," I said, tight-lipped, trying to reel in my emotions.

"Promise me you'll wait up top." He looked dangerous and demanding, but I didn't care. Julia was still folded into his arms like she belonged there.

I remembered when he'd demanded that the suicidal Elliot return to meet him. I threw imaginary daggers at his face, although I was aiming for his heart. "You don't get to use that request twice."

Conveniently, a path opened up in front of me as I turned to stalk off.

I walked until the trees had swallowed me up and then I waited. It was pathetic and I knew it, but I did it anyway. Plopping down, I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth and cried.

He didn't come. I felt a tiny ache like a small hammer banging in the outer corner of my left eye. Choices were made and I was deemed inconsequential. I wanted to get up and do something productive. Sneak back and see if Trevor was making Julia forget her troubles. But if he was . . .

Another part of me wanted to head up to the top of the mountain and Delve without him. I'd have the answers that he wanted and then I could refuse him when he asked. I wanted to send him back to Julia empty-handed.

I did neither. I sat right where I was and let the beat in my head drown out the sad song in my soul.

a a a It seemed like forever had pa.s.sed when he finally came tromping through the woods. He stopped short, not expecting me to be so close to the pond. He must've believed that I'd taken off to the top without him.

He sucked in a deep breath and then plopped down next to me. As I continued to rock, I could feel the sleeve of his shirt dance back and forth over my upper arm.

I had a million and one things that I wanted to say, but they were all pushing and shoving to get to the head of the line. I couldn't decide which thought to let out of its cage first.

"She's not my girlfriend." His voice was controlled.

"I didn't ask."

"No, I guess you didn't." There was a frayed spot on the knee of his jeans and he picked at it with his finger.

"She needs a friend."

"She had a friend and she threw me away." I stopped rocking. The silence sat between us like the ghost of Julia.

"It's complicated." We both said it at the same time. How did he always do that? Fall into sync with me when he'd just beena"gone.

We studied each other and then we both smirked.

"Everything's complicated." Trevor hopped up and reached out a hand to pull me up.

"I'm here now," Trevor said, his shoulders relaxing. Uncharacteristically, he nibbled at his cuticle. I felt myself wanting to soften at the gesture of insecurity, but I also knew what he looked like when Julia was entangled in his arms, when he was her protector. I understood what it felt like to be chosen last. I was at the bottom of everyone's list lately.

Despite knowing that I was second best, I wanted him to stay. I swallowed the stuff that hurt. I couldn't fix it and I was tired of trying. The best I could do was to worry about the rest later. For once I just wanted to have what I wanted.

"Come on, Elliot, we should go." Trevor grabbed my arm. I expected him to pull me toward the summit, so I nearly tipped over as he started downhill toward the Haven.

"Where the h.e.l.l are you going?" I asked, digging in my heels.

"We're leaving."

"You're going in the wrong direction. We need to head that way." I pulled against him. I got a queasy feeling in my stomach as I watched his emotions clamp down and shut me out.

"I want to go back down." Trevor resumed his tugging.

I poked my finger into his chest. "What about where I want to go? And exactly why do you want to go back now?" But I shouldn't have asked; it was clearly written all over his face.

"Ia"I told Julia that I would meet her. She needs . . ."

"Really?"

His silence said everything I needed to hear. I wanted to disappeara"I felt used and gullible. But I'd learned that closing your eyes doesn't make you vanish, and now I was sick to death of feeling like I was the last to know everything. I felt the tiniest flame of anger ignite, and instead of squelching it, I fed it with the feelings of stupidity that had piled up inside me. I could feel the heat.

"I'm sorry," I said sweetly, too saccharine to go unnoticed.

Trevor's face started to relax when he heard the words, but then froze at the tone.

"Sorry for what?" He sounded leery and I struggled to hide that girl who takes great satisfaction in squishing flowers. I wasn't successful.

"Since you're going back down, you won't get to see the birds, my eagles." I made an exaggerated frown. "Oh, waita"we don't want Julia to interrupt everythinga"here, you can check this out instead."

I flipped him the bird. It was stupid and spiteful and completely unproductive and yet it made me feel pretty darn good. I hitched my thumb over my shoulder, pointing down the trail. "Now I feel like going back to the Haven." The last thing I wanted to do was spend more time with Trevor.

22.

the rain

on

the pain

It had been raining for three days and all I wanted to do was curl up in some cozy corner and have everyone leave me alone. I didn't want drama, excuses, guilt, or responsibility. I just wanted to drink hot chocolate and get lost in the pages of a good book. But every time I tucked myself away in a discreet corner, I was inundated by people trying to steer clear of me. Irony sucks. Julia would stumble into our room and mumble under her breath while trying to avoid coming anywhere near me. Trevor would show up wherever I happened to be and scowl at me. Like I was the one who'd followed him into the room. h.e.l.lo? I was here first.

Even Mel was a problem. I'd approached her with an excuse for missing Workshop, but before I could open my mouth to suggest a hiatus, she gave me a hard stare and I shriveled up like a raisin. So I'd created some all-weather gear and a heavy-duty umbrella and trudged my way up the trail and back, day after day after day. I never stayed wet for more than a second, but in a strong rain, with each drop hitting me in succession, I felt damp and annoyed until I was out of the storm.

At Workshop, I settled into a defensive position and was ready to dare anyone to make me Delve. I wasn't sure if it was the vibe I was giving off or the ring of barbed wire around my chair, but Mel and everyone else left me alone. The only person I didn't see was Oliver, and asking about him really wasn't an option since I'd started flying my freak flag to keep everyone at bay.

So now it'd been three days and I was tired of defensive machinations. I grabbed my slicker and slipped outside as everyone was settling down for the night. I stopped caring that the rain was beating on my skull. I needed to be in open s.p.a.ces so I headed to the lake.

"Nice hiding place."

Trevor. Did I have a tracking chip or something? "I'm not hiding, I'm sailing," I shot back. The water was smooth but the unrelenting rain bounced on its surface with a staccato sound. I was surrounded, inundated with water.

"Your dinghy is tied to the dock. I'm not sure you can call that sailing."

I could feel a snort trying to sneak out as I pictured the sides of his mouth curling up. I bit my cheek. I wasn't ready to stop hating him. I fished for a sharp retort but I must have exhausted my supply. "Who are you calling dingy?"

He chuckled in the darkness, and for the first time in days I felt like I could take a deep breath. I turned around. He was in the shadows, barely a silhouette.

"We've been fighting," he said.

"I guess we have."

His voice lowered. "I don't want to fight anymore. I can explain about Jula". No, wait. I don't even want to talk about our fight. All we ever seem to do around here is rehash the past. I just want to move forward."

"So we can hurry up and relive the past?"

"Funny, huh?"

"A laugh a minute." I adjusted my rain hat. "You've been following me around. It would be my a.s.sessment that you didn't want to actually be near me, so, I'm guessing you were only worried that I'd go off and Delve without you."

He looked guilty of my claim but I was feeling like it didn't matter as much anymore. Ten minutes ago I would have submitted to waterboarding before allowing Trevor to be my friend again, but now that he was here, it only mattered that I felt warm again. Things might not be what I wanted when he was around, but they didn't really seem to be any better when he wasn't.

"Hey, the rain stopped." I glanced around, surprised.

He shook his head at me as he grabbed the dinghy rope and started reeling me in.

"What?" I asked.

"It's only been raining in your world. Anyone unfortunate enough to be in your vicinity for the last three days has been the victim of Hurricane Elliot." He tapped his temple with his fingers indicating that I was mental.

"s.h.i.t."

He reached out his hand to pull me from the boat. "You're developing quite a potty mouth."

I placed my hands on his chest, contemplating a good push into the lake. Just like at the waterwheel, where we'd left off. I dropped my hands and lifted my chin to see him. Rivulets of rain danced down my neck when he tipped back the hood of my raincoat. I shivered. "What do we do now?"

Someone behind me cleared his throat and I tensed, sure David had found us again.

"Kids these days. Gotta tell them everything." I gave a sigh of relief. It was Freddie. I relaxed and rested my forehead against Trevor's chest. His smelled good, woodsy and sweet at the same time.

"Hi, Freddie," Trevor said. I couldn't manage to get my nose out of Trevor's T-shirt. How embarra.s.singa"yet I persisted.

"Hi," Freddie said back. "You were wondering what to do, young lady? I'll tell you what you're going to do."

My head shot up. Even Freddie? He'd been the only one who I thought I hadn't really truly annoyed.

Freddie took two steps closer and leaned in, lowering his voice. "You're going to run. David is on his way down from checking your room. Don't quite know why you get under his skin so much more than everyone else." He turned his head to evaluate Trevor. "I take that back. He doesn't like you much either." Freddie tipped his hat at Trevor, who gave a grunt in return. "So wherever it is that you two are headed, I suggest you be quick about it."

Trevor grabbed my hand and started pulling me off the dock and toward the woods. I yanked back, needing to give Freddie a hug, but Trevor wouldn't loosen his grip.

Freddie winked at me. "Go! I'll send him in the wrong direction."

I opened my trap to at least yell a thank-you and got a mouthful of Trevor's fingers.

"Shhhha"he's coming," Trevor hissed. He removed his hand and we were off.

"Are we going to thea"?" My voice was a gasp from the unexpected sprint.

"Yes."

a a a We moved quickly, stopping every so often to listen for David, but everything remained silent once our breathing slowed. With the frantic pace we were keeping, it didn't take long to reach the summit of the mountain and the rock outcrop that looked an awful lot like the one in Trevor's Delve.

"Do you know what I found to be a weird sensation?" Trevor asked as he jumped onto the edge of the rock and plopped down, his feet dangling into s.p.a.ce.

It was amazing. He could just drop back into the middle of a discussion we'd been having almost four days ago, the conversation that Julia had interrupted. I felt my chest tighten someplace in the vicinity of my heart. I shook my head when I realized he was waiting for a response: gazing at me like we'd never been in the middle of a storm. Well, if he wanted to pretend that Julia had never interfered, that was fine with me. In fact, it was better than fine.

Trevor was still sitting on the ledge and out of nowhere I was feeling lightheaded. I stayed back a good twenty feet, sweat now dripping at the pace of my racing heart. An overwhelming fear of heights gripped me, making my head spin like a dog chasing his tail. What was my problem? The old me was fearless, at least when it came to mountains. And the old Trevor would never have perched so casually on the edge of the world.

"Elliot, you gonna come sit down?" He turned to look at me and my face must have given me away. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh," I said while shaking my head left to right.

"Interesting development," Trevor said. He squinted, like it might help him see me clearer.

He hopped back up and joined me farther back.

"So, as we were saying," Trevor continued, possibly attempting not to draw attention to my new weakness. "I find it strange to be in your Delves. It's bizarre enough to be dropped back into my own memories, where I know what I'm thinking and feeling as the memory unfolds. When I'm in your Delve, I'm inside and outside at the same time."

"That's what I was going to say earlier. I mean, the other day."

"Kinda like cornstarch," Trevor said with a sideways glance.

"Exactly," I replied, happy that he'd remembered.

"I need to know more," Trevor said. "I can't be in this half-informed limbo anymore." Trevor paced back and forth between me and the edge of rock that jutted out over the gla.s.sy surface of the lake far below. I drew in my breath every time he was out there.

"I don't mean to bring up a slightly embarra.s.sing subject," I said. A picture of Julia danced in front of me, making me hesitate. Maybe I shouldn't be saying what I was about to say. I made a snap decision. I wasn't responsible for her anymore. It was time to clean up my past, and that included Julia. My stomach dropped as I mentally pushed her image over the side of the cliff. For all intents and purposes she was gone.

"Yes?" Trevor examined me like I was an X ray.

I couldn't help it, I was blushing again. This was so frustrating. I couldn't seem to pin down which way the wind was blowing with this guy. He was a lottery.