"What?" Ace spluttered. "And his randy majesty is feeling her up in public?

Don't they have any laws in this town?" "Of course they do," the Doctor chided her. "This is a civilization, after all. But don't forget that it's Gilgamesh who makes the laws here."

"Oh." She watched the king as he bobbed for grapes down the woman's dress. Both of them were quite obviously enjoying themselves. Gudea, equally obviously, was not. Ace began to appreciate the hidden emotions that could drive a man to betray even a successful king. "Doesn't seem right to me."

"I didn't say it was right, Ace," the Doctor sighed. "But in this culture it's considered acceptable. Gilgamesh is a warrior king, and a hero by anyone's count. Because of his strength, Uruk is one of the greatest powers in the known world. If he feels like fooling about with the wives and daughters of the n.o.bles - well, they may not like it, but to them it's a small price to pay. To them, the king is almost divine. She probably feels it's an honour to gain Gilgamesh's attentions."

"Sounds pretty sick to me," Ace replied. "If he wants to keep his fingers intact, he'd better keep them well away from me." The Doctor regarded her sadly. "Ace, these trips of ours are supposed to broaden your mind. Stop thinking in twentieth century terms for a while and try to see these people through their own eyes. I know you don't like Gilgamesh, but by the standards of this time he's actually quite a decent chap."

"That's because they have low standards."

"At least they have standards." He shook his head. "I've been to times and places in which Gilgamesh would look like a veritable angel." He winced as the king let loose a loud belch. "And others where he would be flayed alive for behaviour like that. It's not just the TARDIS that has relative dimensions, Ace, but the societies that we visit, too."

Ace shrugged. She didn't agree, but there was no point in arguing with the Doctor. She tried the food, which proved to be filling but fairly bland. There were few herbs or spices used in the cooking. The meat dishes - mostly birds, with some pork and scrawny beef - were all roasted. Flat slabs of warm bread were served, and there were several sorts of vegetable soup.

This was clearly considered to be five-star catering. Ace tried to decide whether she had ever eaten better food in school. Some of the canteen meals had been only one step up from pig swill.

It took her a while to get the hang of eating these dishes, since there were no spoons. Bowls of the steaming soups or stews would be placed in front of every three or four guests, who would break off pieces of bread and use them to dunk for vegetables or chunks of meat. Ace wasn't too keen on sharing her dishes with the other guests, given the standards of hygiene practised here, but there wasn't any choice. After a few tries she managed quite well. The finger bowls, she noticed, got quite a lot of use. With no towels to hand, the diners simply wiped their wet fingers on their clothing. It wasn't surprising that Gilgamesh's robe was getting quite stained.

There were plenty of fruits around, and she stuck mostly to those. The grapes, apples and pears were all tasty, but the oranges were bitter. On the other hand, she realized that bananas and pineapples, her own favourites, had not yet been discovered in Mesopotamia.

For drink there was either the foul barley beer, quaffed in large quant.i.ties by the men, or a sort of watery red wine. Ace stuck to the latter, though she was by no means fond of it. The lesser of two evils, really. She wished that tea or coffee had been discovered - or even a bit of carbonated water.

Finally when the feasting was done, Gilgamesh straightened, removed his hands from wherever they had been on Gudea's wife's anatomy, and clapped loudly. The chatter that had permeated the room ceased, and everyone looked at the king.

"Friends," he said loudly, "Enkidu and I have returned from a rare adventure. Chancing our lives, we went on a spying expedition into Kish."

There was quite a tumult of applause at this, people banging their fists enthusiastically on the table. Whether they liked Gilgamesh or not, they knew how to stay on his good side.

"Toadies," Ace shouted. The Doctor glared at her.

"We learned much there," the king continued, beaming happily at the applause. "And we were joined on that adventure by two of the G.o.ds themselves - Ea and Aya." He gestured at the Doctor and Ace. Again there was applause.

"He makes us sound like a double act on the telly," Ace complained under her breath. Still, she'd been half-terrified that the crowd would bow down and start worshipping them or something. She'd never have managed to keep a straight face if they had.

"And we also met with a new songsmith," Gilgamesh said. "Since he's accepted our hospitality tonight, I think it's about time he paid for his food, eh?" There was a general roar of approval at this, and Avram rose to his feet, clutching his harp. Moving to the centre of the room he struck a chord, and quiet fell. "My lord king," he said, formally. "Lords, ladies . . . I am indeed honoured to be allowed in such distinguished and n.o.ble company. I am eager to perform for your entertainment. Is there any song that you might like to hear?" "Yes," the Doctor called out, before anyone else could speak. "I'd like to hear the one about Utnapishtim, if you don't mind."

"A new song?" Gilgamesh asked, surprised. "Well, Ea, if you like. Then he can sing about Ishtar and the seven drunken nights, eh?" The woman next to him sn.i.g.g.e.red, and whispered something in his ear that made him roar with laughter. "Later, you bawdy thing! Music first!" Avram bowed to the king, and again to the Doctor. Striking another chord, he began. His song consisted mostly of chanted lyrics, with the harp being used for emphasis rather than accompaniment. Silence fell over the hall as Avram spun his song for them.

12: AVRAM'S TALE.

Praise to Shulpae, G.o.d of feasting! He has given us food to delight us.

Praise to Ashnan, G.o.d of the barley! With his aid, we quench our thirsts.

Praise to Gilgamesh, king of men! By his protection, we are safe, and warm, and fed. warm, and fed.

Listen!

In the east, by the waters of Ocean, there stand great mountains Jagged, and strong, they challenge the realm of Anu, father of G.o.ds. Jagged, and strong, they challenge the realm of Anu, father of G.o.ds.

Men call them the mountains of Mashu, gateway to the day.

In the rocks, the ibis frolics. In the peaks, the itubi-birds sing.

In the pathways, the zuqaqip stand. They are tall, like men, Tall as the sons of men! And strong they are. Tall as the sons of men! And strong they are.

In one hand, they can crush a boulder; yes, even a stone the size of a man.

Their skins are not as the skins of men, nor like the fur of the beasts.

In the place of hair, they are clothed in metal. In the light of Shamash, they glow. glow.

When the sun falls upon them, bright is their appearance!

They stand at the gateway to the G.o.ds, and they neither slumber nor sleep.

Ever-watchful, they wait, and waiting, they serve.

Strong is the arm of the zuqaqip, but stronger yet his sting!

Like the arrows of Adad, whose storms sweep the land The arrows that fly and bring fire to the land The arrows that fly and bring fire to the land So are the stings of the zuqaqip, the watchers by the way.

Like the arrows of Adad, they fly and burn. Like the arrows of Adad, they cut cut and kill.

Who can withstand these stings? Can mortal man?

Can a man crush a rock, till like sand it falls?

Can a man call out, and cause Adad to rise?

Can a man stay without sleeping seven times seven days?

Who can withstand the strength of these watchers?

And what do they guard, these zuqaqip?

What secret so great could they keep from our eyes?

Listen!

Beyond those mountains lies the garden of the G.o.ds.

In those fields, the first-born sons of the immortals dwell.

Even the kin of Utnapishtim!

Who is this Utnapishtim? Who but the saviour of his people.

In a far land they dwelled, in peace and comfort. None there worked, save so so they wished. None there toiled, nor dug, nor spun.

In their place, their servants worked. For their praise, their maids toiled.

All of the sons of Mashu were blessed. All of their lives were gentle and long. long.

Then came among them Ishtar the great. Ishtar the beautiful, Ishtar the proud. proud.

"Shall men forever sit idle?" she asked. "Shall their lot be ease? No!"

Instead, she enchained them, and made them toil. They who had known rest rest Now knew only work. They who had led their gentle lives now sweated To give Ishtar praise, they laboured. To give Ishtar praise, they laboured.

Then Utnapishtim, strong and wise, saw what had befallen.

He wept, and cried, and tore at his hair in despair.

"How far are you fallen, children of dawn! How hard it is for you.

And, kind father, he made vow: "Soon shall you be free!"

Setting his powers to work, Utnapishtim, wise and cunning, Loosened bolts of thunder, and arrows of Adad. Loosened bolts of thunder, and arrows of Adad.

Storms raged! Wind rose! Waters grew! The very earth shook!

Then Ishtar, seeing this, grew angry and afraid.

"If you do this," she cried, "then men will die. Man will perish Never to live again. Be still!" Never to live again. Be still!"

But Utnapishtim would not. Again, he loosed his bolts; again the arrows flew. flew.

And again the earth shook, and the waters grew stronger.

And, seeing this, the wise Utnapishtim took him men.

Craftsmen, and artisans, and dreamers and planners - all he took And came to them, and said: And came to them, and said: "The waters rise, and we shall perish. The earth shakes, and we shall be devoured. devoured.

Make for me a boat, a hundred cubits long, a hundred cubits high, a hundred hundred cubits round.

And in it place there floors, and rooms, and doors, and torches.

And in the roof, a single door, that I alone will close."

And the craftsmen and artisans and dreamers and planners came to him and said: and said: "All you have asked of us is done, lord. Speak on!"

And Utnapishtim, lord of men, spoke: "Of all the animals, take you two of each kind, and place them in my ark.

Of all the birds, likewise two. And place those within also.

And of the sons of men, gather up all who live, and place them with the birds birds and beasts.

And when all of this is done, there will be peace."

So the artisans and craftsmen, dreamers and planners, all did as he directed. directed.

And when the ark was full, they came to Utnapishtim and told him.

So Utnapishtim rose, and sealed his ark.

Then the waters rose, and covered the lands. The earth shook, and swallowed the swallowed the waters.

The day was gone, and night dwelled on the face of all that existed.

For six long months, there was no day. Within the ark was peace But outside dwelled only chaos on all the face of creation. But outside dwelled only chaos on all the face of creation.

And when the months were pa.s.sed, then came the ark to rest.

In the mountains of Mashu it found the ground again.

And Utnapishtim rose, and opened up the boat. And there was Shamash!

Shamash the golden, Shamash the glorious! Shamash, shining from on high. high.

And so were all the kin of Utnapishtim the wise Saved from death, and the fury of Ishtar.

And to this day, within the mountains there they live!

Avram finished singing and stood still, waiting. For a moment, while the feasters gathered their wits, there was silence. Then a wave of applause broke, and Avram smiled. The n.o.bles pounded on the tables, until finally Gilgamesh clapped for silence.

"Right," he said, grinning. "A fine tale, well sung. But let's have a real song, eh? Sing of the drunken nights, and the lovers of Ishtar, songsmith!"

As Avram bent to obey, the Doctor nudged Ace, none too gently, with his bony elbow. "How'd you like the song?"

"Well, it's no match for U2," she grinned, "but I think he's pretty good. All he needs is a decent backing band, and he could get on Top Of The Pops Top Of The Pops easy." easy."

The Doctor sighed. "I didn't ask you to sign on as his manager. What do you think of the story itself?"

"Bit silly, isn't it?" she asked. "Sounds like something from the Bible to me."

"The flood legend?" The Doctor shrugged. A common theme, really, at this time. Given the nature of the land - as flat as a pancake, and about as interesting - any sort of flood would be a catastrophe. On the other hand, what about the rest of it?"

"What? The scorpion men? And the six months of darkness?" She frowned.

"You don't take it seriously, do you?"