The inhabitants of America are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

[Ill.u.s.tration: UNCLE SAM'S PHRENOLOGICAL CHART

1 Thirst 23 Aquasity 2 Self-effacement 24} 3 Calculation 25} Prairifulness 4 Providence 26 Plainness 5 Love of the Almighty ($) 27 Incredulity 6 Justice 28 Animosity 7 Somnolence 29 Nebraskability 8 Love of Peaches 30 Love of Freedom 9 Pride of Race 31 Modesty 10 Nicotianity 32 Oregonality 11 Love of Camp-meetings 33 Furbearance 12 Fruitfulness 34 Argentility 13 c.o.o.nfulness 35 Pique 14 Colour 36 Breadth 15 Levity 37 Presence of Mine 16 Illicit Spirituality 38 Gamefulness 17 Love of Travel 39 Conjugality 18 Size 40 Cowboyishness 19 Bashfulness 41 Sheepishness 20 Scribosity 42 Reserve 21 Armorousness 43 Reciprocity]

22 Horse Sense

CHAPTER XXII

CANADA

Canada, with the exception of Mexico, is the only part of North America not ruled by the Irish.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.]

In former days it was a popular Health Resort for frenzied financiers who wished to retire from private life.

It is now a still more popular resort for Americans suffering from thirst.

Though next door neighbours and rivals in business and, what is still more trying, near relatives, Canada and the United States are the best of friends.

For over a hundred years there has not been so much as a picket-fence or a policeman, much less a patrol or a fortification, on the border line between the two countries.

Canada has not, like her sister Columbia, "severed home ties"; she is perfectly happy under the parental roof, earns her own living, has a latch key and stays out as late as she pleases and has never been able to understand "why girls leave home."

Though differing in many respects, the United States and Canada have so much in common and are so nearly of the same age and size that, in any musical comedy of Nations, the two might easily pa.s.s for a "sister turn."

The inhabitants of Canada are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XXIII

GREAT BRITAIN

If you look carefully under the upper left hand corner of the map of Europe, you will find a small pink island no bigger than the state of Idaho.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PLANET JUPITER (from a photograph)]

But a Country must not be judged by its size.

The Planet Jupiter is twelve times as large as this Giddy Globe of ours, and has eight private moons of its own, but for all that Jupiter is not a desirable spot for Lovers, being for the most part molten, and somewhat spotty.

This little Pink Island is Great Britain, the little mother of one-fourth of all the countries of the Globe, including the United States.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING UNION _From poster by James Montgomery Flagg._]

The English People, or (if one _must_ be accurate) the British, are the most to and fro-ward people in the world; like the bear in the fable when they are tired of going _to and fro_ they reverse the process and go _fro and to_.

_With Bibles and Bathtubs_ _And Ballots and Beer_ _And Hope and Hygienics_ _They girdle the Sphere._

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PRUDENTIAL HAS THE STRENGTH OF GIBRALTAR]

In every quarter of the globe they have planted seeds of self-government which today are blossoming into an English-Speaking Union under the British and American Flags that embrace one-fourth of the surface of the earth.

The climate of England is temperate. Its air is not, like that of the United States, compared to champagne.

London, the capital, is famous for its fogs; this is due to the absence of Sky-Sc.r.a.pers.

London is also the centre of that vicious heritage of the Victorian Era, Respectability.

For any enjoyable degree of lat.i.tude, the Londoner must go to Paris, Vienna or Buda Pesth and other capitals, which in return take their degrees of longitude from London (or Greenwich).

This picture shows the famous Rock of Gibraltar, inscribed with the French motto of British respectability (_Honi soit qui mal y pense_) done into English.

The princ.i.p.al products of Great Britain are Beef, Bishops, Banks, and Barometers.

The inhabitants of England are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XXIV

SCOTLAND

A mountainous, peaty region in the northern part of Great Britain.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.]

The Dew distilled from the Scotch mountains, flavoured with the peat of the valleys is highly prized by the natives, not only of Scotland but of all the English speaking countries of this Giddy Globe.

The inhabitants are a tall, barb-wiry, music-loving, pious and joke-fearing race, fond of loud plaids and still Lauder songs.