[Ill.u.s.tration: SOUTH AMERICAN WILD HORSE (From an instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker)]

They were seemingly inseparable.

The first indication that everything was not as it should be with this long united couple, was in the year 1880, when a Frenchman named De Lesseps (who had already succeeded in divorcing Asia and Africa) attempted to bring about a separation.

The attempt, however, was a failure, and, after dragging on for eight years, proceedings were dropped for want of funds.

Fourteen years later President Roosevelt, desiring to remove all obstacles to a much desired union of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, started a new action for divorce on the same grounds as that of De Lesseps, and in August, 1902, the divorce of North and South America and the wedding of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans were simultaneously celebrated.

The Northern and Southern continents are now better friends than ever and the Atlantic Ocean no longer has to sneak round by the back door to spend an evening with the Pacific.

CHAPTER XXVIII

HOLLAND

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The Dutch are the cleanest people in the world. So deep-seated is Dutch cleanliness that G.o.dliness (in the next seat) must get up and cling to a strap.

In Holland they run cleanliness into the ground, the heads of the cabbages are inspected every day and the ears of the corn and the necks of the bottles scrubbed regularly every Sat.u.r.day night.

The Sky alone escapes the mop of the Dutch housewife but the clouds are kept busy posing for the landscape painters.

Even the Wind is not allowed to be idle; wind mills are posted everywhere and not a breath of air can stir without performing some useful task.

And the Sea! The majestic Sea, that has always boasted of its freedom, is locked up in d.y.k.es and forced to do the work of highways and railroads.

The capital of Holland is the Hague, and here was held the first Peace Conference (in 1898), a gathering of Autocrats and Plutocrats to discuss the Economics of War.

_Firstly_, to make rules by which war may be conducted with the least possible damage to Vested Interests.

_Secondly_, to reduce the cost of war by the use of methods which, while putting a soldier out of action, will not injure him beyond the possibility of repair for use in another War.

Today the Peace Palace is to let and Andrew Carnegie, who built it, is dead, but another Conference (called by Woodrow Wilson) is to be held in Geneva which, Peter Simple hopes, will abolish War forever.

The inhabitants of Holland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

CHAPTER XXIX

BELGIUM

Belgium may be compared to a Hollandaise Sauce with a piquant Gallic flavour.

Belgium is the Bridgeway from Prussia to France, and King Albert of Belgium is the modern Horatius who

_" ... facing fearful odds,_ _For the ashes of his fathers_ _And the temples of his G.o.ds,"_

kept "the bridge" in the brave days of 1914.

Crowns are not as fashionable today as they were in 1914, but the Crown of King Albert is of the sort that will never be out of style, and besides being a perfect fit, is strikingly becoming to him.

When Julius Caesar described the Belgians as the "Bravest of all the Gauls" he was a Prophet as well as a Historian.

The inhabitants of Belgium are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and if they hadn't "kept the bridge" the World War could never have been won.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A PERFECT DAY IN PARIS]

CHAPTER x.x.x

FRANCE

[Ill.u.s.tration: "The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.]

France is the greatest Millinery Power on earth. The capital of France is Paris.

Paris, though inhabited largely by Americans and English, is famous for its gaiety.

The princ.i.p.al products of Paris are Plaster of Paris, Paris Green, Parasols and Pate de fois gras.*

* Alliteration is the thief of accuracy!

_Pate de fois gras_ is the product of Strasburg.

_The Reader._

The Reader is, for once, mistaken. Paris, as everyone knows, is France, and Strasburg, thanks to Haig, Foch, Albert, Pershing and Co., is now French.

Paris is divided into two parts--

I. Paris Proper.