Now when I come to think of it, I want to ask him, "Special love?" Me asking for it?" Do you even know whats love? When did I ever ask you for it? It's only you, who forced yourself into me in the name of love . I never asked you for it anytime .

I'm sure you had a malicious intention from the beginning because n.o.body does something so awfully offensive without such an unforgivable, heinous intent which I, as a child failed to recognise .

He continued speaking further, "But you've to promise me one thing that you are not going to tell this to anybody . Mommy, daddy, aunt, uncle, grandmom, friends, teachers, none . "

Little did I know that this was the catch point . I never opened my mouth from that day on, until today, when I'm writing down here . I don't even think I'll be able to tell it out to anybody . . ever!

I really didn't understand what was happening . Before I realised, my "so called-bhaiya" had already made me sleep on the bed . He carefully removed my beautiful, pink night dress . He even pulled down my underwear .

He slid his finger in between my legs . I was alarmed . I shouted, "Bhaiya what are you doing?"

I remember he covered my mouth and said, "Don't make so much of noise . Aunt and uncle are sleeping . If you shout, they will wake up and you'll disturb their sleep . Be a G.o.d girl and wait until I show you how to be loved baby doll . " He kissed my legs, upto my thighs and above . I had to silently endure everything he did to me .

After sometime even he removed his dress and his pants . That is when I was traumatised beyond words . I choked on my words, "Bhaiya wh-what are you doing?"

He seemed annoyed then since I wasn't cooperating with him . "How many questions do you ask? Just wait for it . " He then asked me to touch something in between his legs . That child me was asked to hold his d*ck . He said, "Ahh baby doll . You make me feel so good just by touching it . " He then guided himself towards me .

I felt so disgusted . I wanted to puke at that moment . And immediately the next moment, he was already moving inside me . I felt the sharp pain . I wanted to cry out loud . But "bhaiya" had covered my mouth with his hands . I had to silently cry in pain .

Then after sometime which seemed like eternal pain for me, he stopped doing what he was doing . I was finally relieved from bearing his heavy body weight over me and the pain which was tearing me apart .

I thought I'd lose my virginity to the man I love . But no, before I even realised, I had already partic.i.p.ated in my own s.e.xual abuse, lost my virginity to my "bhaiya" because back then I was too young to know what I was doing . I did everything he asked me to do and let him do everything he wanted .

It was only after I came to understand what is s.e.x and that what I did with him was a s.e.xual act, that I realised what had happened to me . Don't think just because you are long gone, I'd forgive you . . you took away my childhood, my innocence, my entirety . .