O, that I were one of these mountebanks Which praise their oils and powders which they sell! 30 My customers would give me coin with thanks; I for this ware, forsooth,[531] a tale would tell: Yet would I use none of these terms before; I would but say, that it the pox will cure; This were enough, without discoursing more, All our brave gallants in the town t'allure.

FOOTNOTES:

[526] Isham copy, "Heuens;" and eds. B, C "Heauens."--MS.

"helevs."--Davies alludes to _Odyssey_ iv., 219, &c.

[527] So MS.--Old eds. "substantiall."

[528] We are reminded of Bobadil's encomium of tobacco:--"I could say what I know of the virtue of it, for the expulsion of rheums, raw humours, crudities, obstructions, with a thousand of this kind; but I profess myself no quacksalver. Only this much: by Hercules I do hold it and will affirm it before any prince in Europe to be the most sovereign and precious weed that ever the earth tendered to the use of man."

[529] So MS.--Not in old eds.

[530] Dyce quotes from More's _Lucubrationes_ (ed. 1563, p. 261), an epigram headed "Medicinae ad tollendos foetores anhelitus, provenientes a cibis quibusdam."

[531] So eds. A, B, C.--Isham copy "so smooth."--MS. "so faire."

IN CRa.s.sUM. x.x.xVII.

Cra.s.sus his lies are no[532] pernicious lies, But pleasant fictions, hurtful unto none But to himself; for no man counts him wise To tell for truth that which for false is known.

He swears that Gaunt[533] is three-score miles about, And that the bridge at Paris[534] on the Seine Is of such thickness, length, and breadth throughout, That six-score arches can it scarce sustain; He swears he saw so great a dead man's skull At Canterbury digg'd out of the ground, 10 As[535] would contain of wheat three bushels full; And that in Kent are twenty yeomen found, Of which the poorest every year[536] dispends Five thousand pound: these and five thousand mo So oft he hath recited to his friends, That now himself persuades himself 'tis so.

But why doth Cra.s.sus tell his lies so rife, Of bridges, towns, and things that have no life?

He is a lawyer, and doth well espy That for such lies an action will not lie. 20

FOOTNOTES:

[532] So MS.--Eds. "not."

[533] Ghent.

[534] The reference probably is to the Pont Neuf, begun by Henry III.

and finished by Henry IV.

[535] So MS.--Old eds. "That."

[536] MS. "day!"

IN PHILONEM. x.x.xVIII.

Philo, the lawyer,[537] and the fortune-teller, The school-master, the midwife,[538] and the bawd, The conjurer, the buyer and the seller Of painting which with breathing will be thaw'd, Doth practise physic; and his credit grows, As doth the ballad-singer's auditory, Which hath at Temple-Bar his standing chose, And to the vulgar sings an ale-house story: First stands a porter; then an oyster-wife Doth stint her cry and stay her steps to hear him; 10 Then comes a cutpurse ready with his[539] knife, And then a country client presseth[540] near him; There stands the constable, there stands the wh.o.r.e, And, hearkening[541] to the song, mark[542] not each other; There by the serjeant stands the debitor,[543]

And doth no more mistrust him than his brother: This[544] Orpheus to such hearers giveth music, And Philo to such patients giveth physic.

FOOTNOTES:

[537] Isham copy and MS. "gentleman."

[538] MS. "widdow."

[539] So Isham copy and MS.--Other eds. "a."

[540] So Isham copy.--Other eds. "pa.s.seth."--MS. "presses."

[541] So Isham copy, ed. A, and MS.--Eds. B, C "listening."

[542] So Isham copy, ed. A, and MS.--Eds. B, C "heed."

[543] So eds. B, C.--Isham copy, MS., and ed. A, "debtor poor."--With the foregoing description of the "ballad-singer's auditory" compare Wordsworth's lines _On the power of Music_, and Vincent Bourne's charming Latin verses (ent.i.tled _Cantatrices_) on the Ballad Singers of the Seven Dials.

[544] So MS.--Eds. "Thus."

IN FUSc.u.m. x.x.xIX.

Fuscus is free, and hath the world at will; Yet, in the course of life that he doth lead, He's like a horse which, turning round a mill, Doth always in the self-same circle tread: First, he doth rise at ten;[545] and at eleven He goes to Gill's, where he doth eat till one; Then sees a play till six;[546] and sups at seven; And, after supper, straight to bed is gone; And there till ten next day he doth remain; And then he dines; then sees a comedy; 10 And then he sups, and goes to bed again: Thus round he runs without variety, Save that sometimes he comes not to the play, But falls into a wh.o.r.e-house by the way.

FOOTNOTES:

[545] Cf. a somewhat similar description in Guilpin's _Skialetheia_ (Ep.

25):--

"My lord most court-like lies abed till noon, Then all high-stomacht riseth to his dinner; Falls straight to dice before his meat be down, Or to digest walks to some female sinner; Perhaps fore-tired he gets him to a play, Comes home to supper and then falls to dice; Then his devotion wakes till it be day, And so to bed where unto noon he lies."

[546] If the play ended at six, it could hardly have begun before three.

From numerous pa.s.sages it appears that performances frequently began at three, or even later. Probably the curtain rose at one in the winter and three in the summer.

IN AFRUM. XL.

The smell-feast[547] Afer travels to the Burse Twice every day, the flying news to hear; Which, when he hath no money in his purse, To rich men's tables he doth ever[548] bear.

He tells how Groni[n]gen[549] is taken in[550]

By the brave conduct of ill.u.s.trious Vere, And how the Spanish forces Brest would win, But that they do victorious Norris[551] fear.

No sooner is a ship at sea surpris'd, But straight he learns the news, and doth disclose it; No[552] sooner hath the Turk a plot devis'd To conquer Christendom, but straight he knows it.

Fair-written in a scroll he hath the names Of all the widows which the plague hath made; And persons, times, and places, still he frames To every tale, the better to persuade.

We call him Fame, for that the wide-mouth slave Will eat as fast as he will utter lies; 20 For fame is said an hundred mouths to have, And he eats more than would five-score suffice.

FOOTNOTES: