"I think we just have to find the right companion for such, do you not?"

"I certainly dream and hope for such. But I think you more correct when you say the eves become very different than the reality of the turn.

Thank you for the cup of wine, Highest. I will take my leave now. Are you certain you would but spend the eve alone? I could have a guard send an invitation to this woman."

"I have not the courage or energy this eve to ask this woman. And I know that she is not interested at these moments. She has much else on her mind, as it should be. But that is not your worry. Be about your own business. I will be fine. I have many things I must read, and I must tend to my health, as everyone prescribes. Have a good eve. I thank you much for all your tending. Let us meet for the morn meal as we have much work to discuss."

For a moment, Jandra had thought Sam had been thinking of asking her if they could consider a relationship. Now she saw it was not so, and was disappointed.

"As you say, Highest. And you do look tired. Might I retrieve your meal for you before I depart?"

"No, Jandra. Leave me now. I will be fine. I know where the food is if I want it."

- 139 -.

Sam poured herself another cup of wine, then watched Jandra as she walked off the patio in the direction of her dwelling. She is a most beautiful woman. So small compared to Oisin, and yet so strong.

She listened to the sounds of the river for a moment, then to the skies, beginning to wonder if she could keep Woden safe from the likes of Buron.

She looked back in the direction that Jandra had left, seeing her finally turn at the edge of the dwelling. She felt lonely, and took another drink.

Look at how pathetic I be. I just let her go, once again. It be so much easier with Oisin.

I do not have to consider the relationship. I must only spend the eve. Oisin cares little about talk unless it is about battles or the sea.

I love Oisin, but not. And Jandra is attractive to me. She is a most beautiful woman and not hard, such as Oisin or Keddi. Nor be she as forceful. I could enjoy more the company and not rush the eve . . . or the morn.

But I put pity on myself because of myself. I am weak and courage-less when it comes to facing relationships.

I sit here thinking of Jandra's most wonderful face. I like her voice. And her hair.

And her eyes. She is most intelligent. She is quick and kind. She is harder of tem-perament than I, but will treat me as The Highest now, and this be not good. But I would so love to touch her.

She took another drink, wondering what Jandra had seen in Josin. She thought about Jandra's body for a moment, then Oisin's, then laughed aloud at her own thoughts, "This certainly be no fair comparison."

She knew that she, more than ever prior, needed to take a companion, but didn't think she had the energy to be The Highest as well as enter into a new companionship.

"And she is my Second." She took another drink.

No, this will not work. She wants her solitude. She said as much. And I must be more careful of our positions. If it did work, how could a Highest and a Second be in the same dwelling? No, see? This is wise and good. This companionship should not be.

And I do not love her as I do Oisin.

But I do so like her looks and her company. I would like so much just to touch her and feel her; gently, not forcefully. And I do not have to have sex. Just feeling her hold my arm was enough. It was strong, but gentle, and aware.

But enough of this! Be to your reading or bed. I am so pathetic regarding relationships. I will just have to find a rock for a companion, or perhaps Keddi's dog. But Jandra did help to relieve me from the events of this turn. And it felt . . . nice.

Sam had decided to rest and finish the wine, listen to the sounds of the eve, and then go to rest. She was more than exhausted, but the events of the turn had created a sort of awakeness that she couldn't understand. She knew she avoided sleep because of the inevitable evil visions that would haunt her this eve. It had been another reason she had thought of taking - 140 -.

Jandra up on her offer. Now she knew she would need to face this eve alone. She could do it, and knew that she could, but she didn't want to.

She listened to the river and heard that it ran full from the recent rains.

Sam was hungry but too tired to retrieve the meal May had left, so she sat, avoiding movement. She was sad. The recent past events had indeed, as Jandra had said, been overwhelming. She momentarily thought it would be good if Jandra had yet wanted to be with her. But she knew that desire had passed two cycles prior with Jandra. It would have made the eve far removed from the turn's events. And she knew that she wanted Jandra, but knew it was also best to not think of these things. And she knew that she would eventually desire Oisin, even with Jandra in her bed.

I have wanted her prior and let her go. So be it. Perhaps it is for the best. She is my Second now, and I should leave it at that. I would probably tire of her in the moments to come, like I do with the others.

Sam ignored the tears running down her cheeks, and lost track of the moments; so she just sat. The sun had set long prior, and the guards had lit the torches.

Jandra appeared with two plates in her hand, having arrived from the kitchen entrance. She laid one in front of Sam, and placed the other on the table for herself.

She handed Sam her handkerchief, "Wipe your tears, Sam. It be not good to cry alone."

Jandra sat down at the table, then smiled at Sam, and began to eat.

Sam just looked at her, wondering what Jandra was doing.

"I am most hungry, are you not? Eat. May has prepared a most excellent meal of roasted fowl."

Sam wiped her tears and began to eat. She was surprised at how hungry she was.

"What are you doing here?"

"Eating. What does it look like?"

She turned her head sideways and looked at Jandra for a moment, then ate a little more.

Jandra acted as if nothing were strange in her being there. "May is a good cook."

"Yes. I enjoy her meals. Jandra . . . would you . . . "

"Do you have something you would like to ask of me, Sam?

"Well, I do . . . but . . . "

Jandra just waited and ate the food. She got up once to get Sam more of the meal, then returned.

"You know, Sam, I have fears, too."

Sam nodded, "I would expect as much.

Both ate a bit, and enjoyed the sounds of the eve.

- 141 -.

"It is not easy for me, either."

"No. This I would expect as well."

Jandra got up and returned with May's sweets and cups of tea.

"And perhaps it may not be as we hope."

"Yes, Jandra, this be truth."

They ate their sweets, and Jandra was glad to see that Sam had eaten everything she had given to her. She had noticed this turn that Sam had lost weight, so had determined to make her eat.

"And I am not strong and lusty as Oisin or Keddi."

"I know this not but would thank you for it."

Jandra rose and took the plates and cups back to the kitchen. She brought back another sweet for Sam.

"I have many hopes and expectations of a relationship."

"I do as well. Perhaps overly many."

Jandra poured more tea for Sam.

"And we must both find companions, soon."

Sam nodded, "This you speak most truly."

"And it may, in fact, not work between us."

"Yes. This is a possibility."

She at last took the remaining plates into the kitchen. When she returned, they both just sat at the patio table for a long while, enjoying the late eve smells of the flowers and the sounds of the eve.

After a while, Jandra stood, "Sam, I think it overly chilly for you to be out. You need to be inside."

Sam had very much enjoyed the meal spent with Jandra. They had spoken very little, but it had been most pleasurable. And she enjoyed being taken-care of by Jandra, but felt that overly selfish.

"Unless you have anything to say to me, I will help you inside, and then I will take my leave."

Sam didn't want her to go so struggled for conversation.

"I have noticed that you changed your garments."

"I have. These are much more for comfort, and are easy to remove."

"I like them much."

Jandra stood and waited. She provided no smile or frown. She simply waited.

"And I have noticed that you smell overly fresh."

"I cleaned to rid myself of the turn."

"I did not."

"It matters not and can be taken care of."

She waited more.

Sam just bent her head. "I cannot do this. Good eve, Jandra."

Jandra looked disappointed.

- 142 -.

She began to go, but something inside of Sam wanted her to remain.

"This be most difficult for me, Jandra. I am divided."

"You are afraid?"

Sam nodded, "Yes."

"Because of Brett, and since then, you have avoided intimacy."

"Yes, and more."

"You love Oisin, but cannot take her as a companion."

"This be truth."

"But we must both take companions."

Sam nodded.

"Are you afraid of me?"

She lowered her head, "I am afraid of losing another as I lost Brett."

"We cannot control these events, Sam."

"Yes. You be correct."

"Might you not lose more by never taking the risk?"

"It be truth, but facts are easier than reality."

"Your ghosts are embedded deeply."

Jandra made a move to help Sam rise by taking hold of the back of her chair. Sam rose and began to go inside. As she got to the patio doors, she turned and saw Jandra yet standing at the chair. Jandra made no show of emotions or any attempt to move. Sam stood for a moment without speaking.

"You want to remain?"