"Jax. Idiot." He crosses his arms over his chest. "Which part of what he said? The guy wasn't very coherent."

"Don't act innocent! Did you find me the job in the States?"

"No. You're good at what you do. That's why you were offered the job."

"If that's true, why are people better qualified than me pa.s.sed over?"

I glower at him. Bryn's looking me straight in the eye, but he's lying. "All right, I might have had a quiet word with -"

"A quiet word!" I raise my voice. "Just to split me and Jax up?"

We stand off. He may dwarf the other woman in the room, but I'm almost tall enough to look him in the eyes. His expression shifts from neutral to a wary frown. Yeah, you overstepped the mark.

Avery sits at the counter with her coffee. "What's this about?"

"He"-I jab a finger at Bryn-"is interfering in my life! Again!"

Bryn sighs and drags a hand through his hair. "I'm not interfering, Tegan. I'm helping."

"Somebody tell me what's happening," presses Avery.

"Why? Don't you think I'm good enough to achieve what I want on my own merits?"

"I'm just helping out, Tegan. After what happened the other night, with the attack, I thought you might want to move away too. And now this s.h.i.t with Jax."

"You should've asked me! And I know why you didn't!"

Avery turns to Bryn. "Is this true?"

"I thought she'd be happy!" Is he genuinely confused here? "You seem really happy since you started working with Riley and Tina."

"I've only worked with them for two weeks! Strange how you take a sudden interest in my career when I'm dating Jax.Then mysteriously decide to help me with an overseas career."

"Yeah, and look at how Jax reacted when you told him. I want you to see this thing you have going with him won't work - and before you get hurt!"

"OhmiG.o.d!" I shriek and shove him in the chest. "I told you not to f.u.c.king interfere in my life!"

"Don't swear at me!" he snaps back.

Tears spring, at the idea I may not be as fantastic at my new job as I thought I was, and at his manipulations. I can't speak; my voice could betray how upset I am.

"Bryn, this was a bad idea." Avery bites the corner of her lip and looks between us.

"Thank you!" I say and wave my hand with vindication.

"But you're ambitious and will leave one day, Tegan. He won't wait for you. I've seen all this before. The guys in the band. Broken-hearted girls."

"Right. You saying you're going to do that to Avery?" I point at her.

"No! I was never like that and -"

"Why not trust Jax?" I interrupt.

"Oh, come on, Tegan! Look at him. His reputation. He's another Dylan or Jem in the making."

"Who have girlfriends now."

"When they were Jax's age, they had one a night!"

"Well, I trust him and isn't that what matters?" I retort.

A loud sigh comes from Avery's direction. "I'm going to finish getting ready to go out, you two should talk rationally." She heads out of the kitchen.

The flood of emotion I've walled over the last two days spills, and the tears start. In front of my brother. Great.

His eyes widen and he steps forward. "f.u.c.k! Don't cry!"

I heave in a breath. "Why do you have to treat me like this?"

"Because I want to protect you."

"Well, you can't! I might meet a so-called normal guy in New York, and he could rip my heart out. Are you going to chaperone me for the rest of my life?" I swipe away a tear.

"No."

"Then stay out of my life! I won't do something just because you want me to!"

"So you're not going to the States."

"No!"

"And Jax?"

"I don't know! You've confused everything. We barely had a chance to start and this s.h.i.t comes up!"

"Jax showed his true colours, though."

"What? By telling me he loved me?"

Avery reappears. "I think you both need to calm down and talk about this later."

"Yeah, you tell him what an a.r.s.ehole he's being!" I say.

Our referee stands between us; a look Avery throws at Bryn silences him and he mutters something under his breath before turning and stomping out of the room. I'm amused by the fact a girl a foot shorter than Bryn can boss him around. Avery wrinkles her nose. "Wow. Okay."

"Yeah. Good luck with having that in your life!"

44.

JAX.

Two weeks without Tegan and the hole she left in my world won't fill. Tour over, the band switches to working on the alb.u.m. I misdirect my emotions into music rather than contact Tegan. I f.u.c.ked up, and she obviously doesn't forgive me, or she'd call. The morning after my spectacular, drunken screw up, I texted and asked if we could talk. Her reply was she needed some s.p.a.ce.

I know exactly what those words mean.

The speed with which life springs back to normality is a shock. Tegan's right, touring with the biggest rock band in the world gave me ideas above who I was. Built up by the media and sucked into the famous lifestyle, I rode the high. Now, I'm sinking again. Nothing I do interests people at the moment as the spotlight on my life fades; the band member getting the most attention is Ruby and her growing belly.

So all that s.h.i.t stirred up by the paparazzi over me and the Blue Phoenix drummer's sister was for nothing. Tina informs me I'm still public property; but not newsworthy currently, and if I want to keep my privacy, I have to stay quiet.

Tegan's words about believing my own hype resonate. Sure, I still have my fans who endlessly tweet and send pictures to me their mother's would be shocked by, but apart from that most have backed off.

Not for long. When this alb.u.m releases, the world will know who Ruby Riot is. I'm positive. My determination and pa.s.sion runs through every track on here, match that with Ruby's and the twins', add in Jem's musical perfectionism, and this debut will be big.

Even though I'm desperate to hear the finished tracks, in a way I don't want the recording to end. As soon as the alb.u.m is finished, we're on hiatus until after the baby is born. I'm p.i.s.sed off the alb.u.m release is delayed until October. We've talked Ruby into playing some smaller gigs between now and then. I'm clinging onto the band life as long as I can.

Then what? Will and Nate live big and hard, spending the money earned on tour as if we're stars with a regular star-like income. They don't think through the fact there's six months between now and the alb.u.m release and the money won't last. Will and Nate are considering returning to uni while they wait. No, thanks.

I hang around the studios a lot, and the Blue Phoenix world, hoping to find something to do until October. Hoping to see Tegan again. She's in London, working on the planned PR stunt; but only Riley comes to meeting and updates us. I asked Riley a couple of times how Tegan is and received a short answer. She's fine. I want to ask if Tegan's still planning to go overseas, but don't want to hear the answer.

I stop drinking. Almost. Despite the lack of partying and girls in my life, I'm followed by paparazzi some days. This slacks off, as I'm not seen with anybody. The interest in my and Tegan's split doesn't last long. Jax Lewis is as interesting as last week's news.

That's how I want my life because I have a chance to show Tegan I can choose not to be him. I can escape the descent she worries about. I can be a normal guy. A normal boyfriend.

But who am I kidding? How can I strive to be rich and famous, and expect normality?

Another studio session ends and I hang around the studio as usual, chatting to the sound engineer as I watch him mixing tracks. This is far beyond the work we did on our early stuff when I was the one playing around with the sound on my MacBook before we uploaded to YouTube and Bandcamp. I'm engrossed as I wave goodbye to the twins who head off on their usual evening partying. Why don't they get the attention I do? Unless they do something outrageous, which is around once a week, they're left alone.

Ruby stays too, waiting for Jem who's fielding phone calls. I walk into the hallway as he hangs up on the latest one, frowning.

"Okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. Chatting to Tom about the last few gigs before we wrap things up with the band for a few months."

"Awesome, thanks, man."

"No problem. Ruby will get antsy if she has to sit around waiting for the baby. Best keep her occupied until she's too big to move." He grins at me.

Ruby appears. "Keep who occupied?"

"You," replies Jem.

She crosses and kisses him and my stomach knots at how relaxed she is and the way Jem's face transforms from moody b.a.s.t.a.r.d to semi-human when Ruby smiles at him. Once my reaction to the pair happened because I mistakenly thought Ruby should be mine, but not today. I want the easy-going happiness they have - but with a different girl.

"Did you talk to him?" Jem asks her.

"Talk to me about what?"

Ruby shakes her head. "No, I didn't."

"About what?" I repeat.

She glances at Jem and sighs. "We want you to talk to Tegan. You two still haven't spoken and, to be honest, it's a bit b.l.o.o.d.y childish."

I bristle. "What the f.u.c.k?"

"You're distracted," mutters Jem. "This lovelorn bulls.h.i.t is affecting your work."

"It b.l.o.o.d.y isn't! And I'm not lovelorn!"

"Yeah? Why the f.u.c.k would I say anything if you were playing well. I don't give a s.h.i.t about your personal life, but get over her or talk this through. Something."

Ruby laughs softly and he throws her a look. "What?"

"Nothing. You."

He scowls. "I haven't seen anybody sulk over a girl like this since Dylan last year, and he was a right f.u.c.king pain in the a.r.s.e."

I bite back commenting how his past drug addiction messed with Blue Phoenix way more than I am with Ruby Riot right now, but I'm not that stupid.

"Talk to her," presses Ruby.

Uncomfortable talking about this s.h.i.t in front of Jem, I mumble something and head into the small lounge area, where we congregate in between recording tracks. The fridge in the corner of the room is stacked with beer and water and I grab a bottle - of water. The urge to open a beer tugs, but these days I strive to prove them all wrong. The decision to drink is fully in my control. I chose to before because I wanted to live up to the dream. Of course, I took things too far, but who the h.e.l.l wouldn't in my position? n.o.body gives Will and Nate s.h.i.t about drinking.

Will and Nate who never turned up late for rehearsals due to drinking too much the night before. Who are fully aware of stupid s.h.i.t they do instead of so inebriated they can't remember.

Will and Nate: rock stars who know their limits and don't a.s.sault people.

Who don't ruin things with the girl they love.

45.

TEGAN.