I raise a hand and stroke Jax's hot cheek. He takes hold and kisses my palm. Since the night in Paris, we've had a lot of s.e.x; our relationship focused on how much pleasure we could give each other. Sometimes this is hard, fast and animalistic, where the l.u.s.t wins; other times, slow and loving when the truth we've hidden threatens to be revealed. I only need to be in the same room as Jax and my body sends loud messages to my brain, suggesting I drag him away and get naked.

The fact this pa.s.sion is matched by something beneath the l.u.s.t shouldn't surprise me. How could I have this connection with a guy unless something deeper was beneath? If this was purely s.e.x, I'd only want Jax when he was with me, instead of there being something missing when we're apart.

This bond of souls is what runs through the intense energy in the room with us now.

Jax lets go of his control. The s.e.x becomes harsher, more frenzied and I grip onto him as he pushes me further to the edge of my favourite place to lose myself in with him. When the o.r.g.a.s.m hits, the power of it takes me by surprise, my heart and body splintering. I watch with satisfaction as Jax unravels in front of me, too, his eyes closing and he loses himself in an ecstasy of his own. He swears loudly as I grip him, the familiar white light blinding me as I come again, hard, at a volume to match Jax's.

"Jesus, Tegan," he murmurs as he drops his weight onto me. "I wish I'd told you I loved you earlier."

Giggling, I nuzzle his damp skin. I lie beneath Jax, our hearts thumping against each other as our lips move in soft, slow kisses sending aftershocks through. I could be here forever, in Jax's arms, surrounded by his love and coc.o.o.ned away from the real world scratching at the door.

I don't know what our future holds, but I do know one thing. This is love. What I've experienced and thought was love before doesn't come close to this. The world shifted us onto a new plane where being without each other, even for a day, no longer makes any sense.

39.

TEGAN.

I reluctantly take the weekend off work and leave everything to Riley and Julian to organise.

Semi-reluctantly because I spend time reconnecting with Jax.

The attack is lost in a rosy haze of the new understanding between us, a confidence in our relationship that crossed between us when we dropped the last barrier. I'm buzzing after a weekend with Jax. When we opened up at last about the sudden, crazy love between us, the euphoria translated into s.e.x filled with a new intensity.

Jax loves me.

I love him.

We can face the world together.

No pictures of Julian and me emerged; and I explained to Jax who I was with and why, in case the pictures did appear and he thought I was hiding something. Jax shrugged the story off.

Once I reach the offices, my mind has switched back to what I need to talk to Riley about today, but I halt when I see Bryn's large frame in the brightly lit hallway. His back is to me as he chats to Julian. About me, no doubt. Julian looks over and I pull a face and point at Bryn.

Bryn turns. "You okay?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you."

Through the gla.s.s windows lining the walls, Sarah and Claire watch. When I glance at them, they immediately turn away and point at a nearby monitor, acting as if they're not staring at us. "You're embarra.s.sing me!"

"Your face looks better."

"It is." With the aid of some thick foundation.

Bryn shakes his head. "Come on, I haven't seen you since the other night you have to understand why I'm concerned."

I drop my shoulders. "Yes. But I'm fine, Jax is back now and we're getting through this together."

"You know mum had a go at me for not keeping an eye on you," he says in a low voice. "And b.l.o.o.d.y Sian was on the phone this morning, in my ear about her baby sister's safety. Don't be p.i.s.sed off with me for being able to help."

I ignore the irritating baby sister comment but I'd never considered the pressure I've put Bryn under with everything I'm doing. I put all Bryn's behaviour down to overprotectiveness. I should've realised Mum was nagging him, and now my sister is interfering.

"Tell her I'm fine. Please."

"Yeah." Bryn grabs hold and squeezes the breath from me. "Just be b.l.o.o.d.y careful."

Embarra.s.sed, I disentangle myself. "Bryn!"

With a laugh, he flicks my nose. "See you later, little Tegan."

I mutter words Bryn doesn't want to hear under my breath as he strides away. Sarah and Claire stare, and when they giggle, I turn my back.

Yep, I'm back to being Bryn Hughes's little sister and Jax Lewis's girlfriend.

Later that morning, Tina calls me into her office. I'm planning a night out somewhere quiet with Jax tonight. We've begun to discuss our plans for after the tour; he has the alb.u.m to finish and I have decisions to make. This is too good to be true - we stay in London together, navigate our relationship, and see how we go. I could stay and work here until I start uni and take a course that fits the role, because I love what I'm doing.

So a summons by Tina lurches my stomach. That could all be about to come crashing down; my work might not be up to scratch.

Tina's office is huge, befitting her position in the company. Awards line the shelves and hang on the walls, pictures of her with Blue Phoenix and other high profile clients. I've never been able to figure Tina's age, she wears heavy make up on exceptionally smooth skin. Could be anywhere between thirty and fifty. A young girl with sleek platinum blonde hair, not much different in age to me enters the room. She sets coffees from the expensive machine I've yet to figure out how to use on the table, along with large m.u.f.fins. Tina barely registers her arrival and departure, flicking through doc.u.ments on the laptop screen. I sit opposite and sip my coffee.

"Tegan," she says and looks up with a tight smile.

"Hey." My heart flutters. Don't burst my happy bubble. "You wanted to chat with me?"

"Yes. I have a suggestion for you." She closes her laptop.

"For the campaign? Sure, Riley said you'd taken a good look over the results."

"I have. Impressive. The amount of traffic generated and number of click throughs we're getting is higher than I imagined. You have a handle on what attracts people. Riley said the web copy was your idea?"

"Well, not all..."

"How do you feel about a trip to the States?" She picks at a m.u.f.fin with manicured, red fingernails.

"Uh. States? How long for?"

"Riley can't go, she has other commitments, and I think this would be a good experience for you."

I rub my head, blindsided by her suggestion. "Wow. I mean. Um. I'm not sure. Where?"

She continues her explanation, as nonchalantly as if she's asked me to bring her another coffee. "New York. We could have a position open for you too if things go well. The latest intern is leaving next month."

I grip the smooth coffee cup. "Position?"

"You have a talent, we have an opening. Think about it."

My mind scrambles. A switch from travelling the world to full-time work? From London plans to a job at a prestigious firm in New York. New York. "Right."

Tina picks up a pen and glances at me. "Any questions?"

"Yes. No. I need to think about this." Already in my mind's eye, I'm living in a loft apartment in Brooklyn. I have a friend who studies at Columbia and sends me pictures and stories. I never thought I'd be able to afford New York.

"Of course you do. I'd say take your time, but I need to know by the time this campaign is done with. You'd leave shortly after the Ruby Riot project is complete."

"Right. Okay."

In a daze, I head along the hallway and back to my desk. This role was temporary, a bit of fun and experience to stand me in good stead for the future. I wasn't expecting to throw my life into work yet, but look at the opportunity. Travel. Prestige. Financial independence.

The grey skyline outside my window could be replaced by Manhattan. Studying for a degree for three years in order to land a job exactly like this makes no sense when I could have it all now.

Wow.

JAX.

There's a confident aura around the Tegan recently reminiscent of the girl I met in Portugal. Not that she's ever lost the determined love for life, but I'm suddenly aware how the tour lifestyle squeezed some of this from her.

If it wasn't for the way she shares the ache when we're apart and told me she'd loved me, the tenderness in her touch after the unleashing of the pa.s.sion into the mind-blowing s.e.x I've longed for since she left for London, I'd worry she was unsure about a future. No, Tegan told me she loved me and the truth is reflected in each look and touch.

Loving Tegan is like standing on the top of a high building, a sick feeling in my stomach as I fight against falling and landing hard. But she knows how I feel now, and that's one step closer to keeping her.

After the c.r.a.p that happened to Tegan, and my confession about what she means to me, I need to up the romance. Chicks love that s.h.i.t and I'm sure Tegan will too. I order champagne and persuade her into the ma.s.sive spa bath in my hotel room. The relaxed intimacy of life with Tegan rejoins me, as if she's never been away. Hair piled on her head and face flushed by the heat, Tegan lies back and places her leg on my shoulder. I rub the bubbles from Tegan's ankle and kiss the damp skin.

"I like this," I say.

"What?"

"Me and you being me and you, away from all the c.r.a.p."

I run my fingers along her slippery leg. "When I've made a bucket load of money, I'll take us places where the world can't see us. Buy a house somewhere exclusive and private, like your brother has." Tegan doesn't respond and splashes the water in front of her. "You okay? You're quiet."

"I'm good."

I sit forward and push damp hair from Tegan's face. The graze on her forehead has almost healed, but a sick anger grips when I think about her hurt because of me.

"This would make a good photo," she says with a giggle. "Me and you in the bath."

"Tegan..." I warn.

"Kidding! I'm not jeopardising things with Tina."

I rub more bubbles from her body, tracing my fingers along the damp skin. "Jeopardising what?"

She chews her lip. "Nothing."

"The work you've been doing? Tell me what plans you have for the band. I hope you're not going to photograph me half-naked."

Tegan's mouth twitches into a smile and she reaches for the floor. "Well... where's my phone?" I splash her and she laughs. "Not my plans to make. Anyway, Riley's told you everything."

"Might've switched off once she started talking," I say with a grin. "I'm only interested in my music."

"Rude!" She flicks bubbles at me.

"Tell me. What's happening?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Tegan..." I tug her leg and she slips down the bath, her head touching the water.

With a splash, she sits up and glares at me. I'm not paying attention to the pout though, only the erotic fantasy of Tegan's glistening t.i.ts, nipples peeking out from behind the bubbles. I drag her legs further toward me and hold her slippery skin against mine.

Tegan straddles my lap but resists my attempts to touch her beneath the water as we kiss. Her breath comes fast against my face as she kisses my neck.

"I missed you today," I murmur. "Come back to bed if you won't let me f.u.c.k you here."

She slaps my back. "So romantic!"

I pull her head away and hold her face. "Come to bed and make sweet, beautiful love with me." We both snort with laughter and she kisses me again.

I missed this girl so f.u.c.king much.

"Later." Tegan nips my ear.

"So, what's happening with Tina? Tell me."

Tegan switches her attention to the water, squeezing bubbles between her fingers. "She offered me a job."

"Wow! That's awesome!" Tegan doesn't smile. "Isn't it? You get to stay in London. With me."

"Offered me a job in New York."

I loosen my grip on her waist. "What?"

"Tina wants me to go to the States for a few weeks, see how I go and if everything works out, the company might take me on over there."

Her words slam me in the chest; I don't want to hear the answer to my next question. "In the States? That was b.l.o.o.d.y sudden! Are you going?"