Jax places his mouth on mine, the sleeves of the leather jacket cool against my face as he puts his arms around my neck. His kiss is gentle and loving, not the usual l.u.s.t we reunite with after time apart. I relish the taste of him, despite the bitter edge of his evening drinking, as I'm drawn into us and away from the crazy edging our world.

He strokes my cheek. "I missed you, I've been counting down the time until I could to see you, but not like this. Tell me what happened."

My eyes well with tears I don't want Jax to see. "Somebody didn't like me going out with other people."

"What do you mean somebody? Fans?"

"Yeah. Looks like you can have a night out, but I'm not allowed to go out without you!" I look at my hands. "I needed you. I know you couldn't be with me but I've waited hours to talk to you."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you called. But I came as soon as I heard. Isn't that better?"

I wrap my fingers around his. "Manchester's a b.l.o.o.d.y long way."

"You're a b.l.o.o.d.y special girl! And this happened because of me!" His grip on my hand tightens. "I knew you should've stayed with me on tour and not come back to London."

"Don't be ridiculous! I've spent a night out with people from work before with no problems. Tonight was wrong place, wrong time."

My dismissive comment is met with a frown from Jax. "Did they say why? The so-called fans."

"Because I was with another guy."

Jax's silence shocks me as much as his next words. "With? Like with him?"

"No! Don't make this worse by accusing me of s.h.i.t!" I pull my hands away.

"Sorry. Paranoid."

"I thought I was the insecure one?"

Jax huffs and shifts on the bed, stretching his long legs along the length. "Come here, let me hold you." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head against him. He's here. With me. The man I never expected to see tonight but wanted desperately to hold me. My body shapes against his, reconnecting. Two puzzle pieces slotting together to create a picture only we can see.

"Did the doctor say you were okay?"

"Pretty much. They're overcautious because I banged my head."

"Jesus, Tegan."

I place an arm around Jax's chest, snuggling into him. His heart thrums against my ear, beating faster than I expected as he strokes my hair. I relax further, edging toward sleep, until Jax pulls me back to consciousness by speaking. "Does the attack change your mind?"

"About what?"

"Us." When I don't respond, his grip on me tightens. "This does, doesn't it?"

"No and yes," I whisper. "I never expected anything as mad as being attacked."

Jax bangs his head against the bed's headboard. "f.u.c.k!"

Alarmed at the shift from relaxed to this reaction, I look around and he's staring ahead, mouth pulled tight. "What's wrong?"

"You. This bulls.h.i.t, f.u.c.king things up." In a sudden move, Jax turns around and grabs my shoulders. "Do you know how much I missed you? A f.u.c.king lot. Worse than when we argued and you left for Wales that day."

I wince against his hands on me, at his sudden intensity. I've spent days missing him too, sharing the hollow feeling he means. I want his warmth and affection to fill the dull emptiness, and crave the smile that lights his whole face when he looks at me, the one that delves into my heart and pulls mine to his. I missed him a h.e.l.l of a lot more than I've realised.

"I know," I whisper. "I missed you too."

He reaches out and traces my lips with his fingers. "A month."

"A month what?"

Jax places his lips gently on mine and as I curl my hand around his head and seek the kiss I'm aching for he pulls away. "A month to fall in love with you."

Jax's words stun, harder than the knock on the head tonight. Everything that's happened in the last few hours is a world away from the planned quiet couple of Friday night drinks with work colleagues. My aching head is forgotten as I attempt to comprehend his words. Fall in love?

Glittering eyes search mine reflecting his heart, revealed and raw. "And that's why I never told you," he mutters and drops his hands. "I knew you didn't feel the same."

"I'm surprised, that's all," I whisper.

"But you don't feel the same. s.h.i.t."

In a dream I had, Jax told me he loved me and I woke flooded with the warmth of the words. My conscious mind rejects the idea of falling in love and opening myself to hurt again. My subconscious has a different opinion.

"I do. I didn't want to fall in love," I admit. "It wasn't part of my plans, but you..." I wave my hand. " But I fell for you and hard and pushed me off the path I was on. I swore n.o.body would do that. Not yet."

"Same." His voice is earnest, as he touches my uninjured cheek and his eyes brighten. "Exactly the same."

"But can we do this? The pressure on you and us is bigger than we can deal with. Look at what happened to me tonight. I don't know if we're strong enough."

"We can make this work. I want to make us work. We spoke about this before." He takes both my hands and looks directly into my eyes. "I love you. I want you with me in my crazy world because I don't want to lose you. We have to try."

His quiet conviction, the insistence in Jax's voice, and the fact he came here, tonight, says as much as his words.

I want Jax because I love him in a way that makes my heart hurt and scares me. How often have I backed away from risk? From chasing the thrill of something exciting but unpredictable? Never. But with Jax I'm exposing my heart and standing a step closer to the edge than I've ever found myself before.

"We said we'd try," I say and burrow my face into him again.

Jax rests his chin on my head. "I know you're probably too tired to talk about this right now, but before you did a Tegan on me, I thought I should let you know how I feel. Especially after the c.r.a.p that went down tonight."

I poke his side. "'Did a Tegan'?"

"Yeah, did something drastic before thinking or talking to me."

"Hypocrite!"

His soft laugh sends Jax's warmth across my scalp. This is why I love this guy, because he understands what n.o.body else does and gets through my defences.

Because he's a little like me.

"I love you," I whisper and turn to look at him.

Jax's smile is bigger and brighter than any I've seen before, and our eyes meet in understanding. Others won't understand how this could happen between us, and will deny Jax and Tegan could work, but we will move in our own direction.

I've spent hours recently thinking about the situation, sleepless night fighting with what my heart wants and my mind denies. Look at the insanity that's. .h.i.t my organised world. The roundabout of life with Jax. Ruby Riot is on the way up; and if I join Jax, will I be dragged down? Something undeniable has grown between us, but can we have a future?

I have no choice. My heart won weeks ago.

38.

TEGAN.

Jax stays at the hospital with me for a couple of hours while I sleep, before disappearing to check into a hotel. I'm discharged but not before Bryn gives the doctor a grilling over whether I'm all right. Once Bryn drops me at his place, I text Jax to let him know I'm there and resting.

I wake late morning and shower, eager to see Jax again. Last night, I was a mess of emotions from the attack, and later Jax's words. Although I'm calmer now, I'm still wired from his admission. My heart flutters as I picture the way Jax looked at me, how he travelled hours to see me. Scott never looked at me the way Jax does. Anybody can say the words, but I believe in the saying that 'eyes are the window to the soul.' Apart from Jax's, which are a window to his heart.

Jax arrives at Bryn's as I'm watching TV and when I answer the door, he takes a tentative step inside.

I laugh at his concerned look. "Bryn isn't here. Besides, he's okay with you now. You know that."

"Hmm." Jax shoves his hands in his pockets and glances around. "Nice place."

Bryn isn't ostentatious. His huge apartment is half-empty, but what Bryn's saved on expensive furniture, he's spent on a top of the range sound system and the latest TV; the one I was terrified to touch earlier in case I broke it.

Everything is tidy. My slob of a brother now has the cleaning service to take care of that part of his life. A couple of pairs of women's shoes rest in a corner, those and the lingering smell of Avery's perfume reminds me she's around some days. Not today.

Avery stays at Bryn's occasionally, but she isn't a fixture yet. He told me they only reunited a few weeks ago and Avery is cautious. When and if she does move in, I'll need to leave. No way do I want to be in the midst of their re-forged, nauseatingly cute relationship. At least Bryn's mood has improved since Avery came back into his life.

"Did you come to tour Bryn's apartment or see me?" I ask with a mock pout.

A slow smile edges across Jax's face as he steps closer. The smile drops as he looks at my forehead. "First, how are you feeling?"

"Fine. Honestly. No headache."

"Right." He brushes my hair from my face and pulls me in for a kiss.

This kiss is the one I wanted last night, a raw pa.s.sion with intensity crashing into my body as his mouth slams against mine. I rake my fingers into Jax's hair and hold his head, sinking against him as he drags my hips into his. This is the kiss we needed to share last night. The one to cement our emotional with our physical connection.

The ache for Jax I had when I saw him in the room last night explodes into need. A week since our skin has touched, since his mouth explored my body and fingers caressed my skin, and there's no chance of self-control.

I pull at Jax's clothes, pushing my hands beneath his shirt and digging my fingers into his back. Jax groans into my mouth as he grabs my a.s.s and pulls me closer.

"Not here," he says hoa.r.s.ely. "Bryn could -"

Itching to drag his clothes off, but gripping onto rational thought, I pull him by the hand to the back of the apartment and into my room. Bryn walking into his home with Jax and me half-naked wouldn't be a good moment. The bedroom door slams closed behind Jax, and I push myself against him until he hits the door.

"f.u.c.k, I've missed you," he says, teeth closing over my earlobe. I shudder at the sensation and step back, yanking my t-shirt over my head. My b.r.e.a.s.t.s swell against the lace bra, heavy with arousal. Jax drags his shirt off too, eyes on mine, and the moment he reveals his skin, I'm pressed against him again, desperate to feel the warm strength from my memories.

"Missed you, too." I seize his head for another toe-curling kiss. "Don't talk."

I strip the rest of my clothes off, desperate to be naked with this man as soon as possible. With a laugh, Jax does the same. "I guess you did," he says and closes his mouth over my nipple.

I suck in a breath as he holds me to him, running his tongue against the peaked nipple. The ache between my legs grows. No way can I wait for him to leisurely explore me.

If he dares to tease me, he's in trouble.

"Bed," I whisper and grab his wrist.

Jax stumbles on my discarded clothes as I tug him onto the bed, wrapping my legs around his as I fall backward into the soft sheets. Jax slides a hand between my legs and swears under his breath when he touches my wet heat. I shift against him, pressing against his palm and he slowly pushes a finger inside. Closing my eyes, I lose myself in the place I've longed to go for days.

Jax returns to exploring my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, dragging his tongue from the edge of the soft mounds, circling my nipple. I move in response to the way his attention pulls my insides tight as his fingers tease, stroking my swollen c.l.i.t.

Warm, heavy breath brushes my face and I open my eyes to meet Jax's, dark with l.u.s.t. "I've missed f.u.c.king your hot, wet p.u.s.s.y," he growls "I've missed your hard c.o.c.k," I whisper back against his ear, enjoying his sharp intake of breath. "I need you. Now."

Our mouths meet in another rough kiss, his lips bruising mine; he tastes of mint, and of memories of mind-melting s.e.x. Jax slides his c.o.c.k against my slick heat, and the aching becomes unbearable. I need him to fill me, stretch me, take me back to the place only he can. "In my drawer."

I wriggle away and pull at the drawer by the bed. Jax leans across, his weight sinking onto me as he pulls out a condom. He sits back and I roll the condom onto him slowly, enjoying the noise of pleasure he makes as my fingers stroke him. As soon as I let go, he grabs my wrists and pins my arms above my head.

"Tell me, Tegan. What do you want me to do?" I squirm against Jax, wrapping my legs around his waist and drawing him closer. His c.o.c.k rubs the edge of me, close but too far.

This is unbearable. Too much. My nerve endings burn and the l.u.s.t overrides. "f.u.c.k me!" I growl at him. Jax doesn't need asking twice. There's no teasing when he thrusts hard into me.

I moan out his name and shift positions so he's. .h.i.tting the spot guaranteed to push me to the brink. The few weeks together on tour, we learned what drives each other crazy through nights and days of teasing and exploration. s.e.x with Jax is the best kind of addiction.

Jax stills, then rocks his hips slowly against mine. "I meant what I said." He looks down, pushing damp hair from my face."

"That you missed f.u.c.king me?' I say hoa.r.s.ely, rolling my hips against him.

Jax holds his weight away; the tension in his arms and face evidence his self-control, but his eyes hold tenderness. "No. I love you, Tegan. You're amazing. Every part of you."

I fight hard, but can't, because the tears well in my eyes. Jax creates a new kind of warmth in my chest as he tells me the words I always wanted to hear, but was scared to say myself until yesterday.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I'm going to spend the weekend showing you how much."

He kisses me, the movement of his lips on mine ramping up the need for him to take things up a gear. I struggle to free my hands from his and when he releases them, I dig my nails into his backside draw his body hard against me. "Don't stop. And don't tease," I warn.

"No f.u.c.king way."

Jax moves inside me again, gently at first and harder, the momentum hitting the sweet spot he found with his fingers earlier. The movement b.u.mps my c.l.i.t and I kiss him forcefully again as he gathers pace. I close my eyes and give in to the pleasure pulsing through.

"Tegan." I open my eyes. The intensity in his gaze dissolves the last barrier, giving him all of my guarded heart. We're here, in tune and meant to be.