34.

LONDON, ENGLAND.

TEGAN.

I leave for London a week later. The omnipotent Bryn installs me in his large apartment in the city, concerned my relationship with Jax still could lead to issues with fans. If his apartment wasn't as awesome, and the location closer to the offices than the house I lived in with Phoebe before the tour, I wouldn't agree. I share Bryn's concern about rabid fans, but never admit this to him. The last thing he needs is more ammunition against my involvement with the bands.

Bryn sends a car to take me to and from the PR offices in the city. I'm photographed once a day anyway, my press following would keep any unwanted attention away - apart from theirs. I refuse to do the head bowed, p.i.s.sed off look, or argue with the journalists. They'd love me to, but I smile and wave. This seems to work as I'm absent from the celebrity news. There aren't many stories they can make up if there's no picture that could be used to show discord in my relationship with Jax.

Jax. I haven't seen him for a few days; but unlike last time, I'm not concerned about his behaviour. I told him we could look at my time away as an experiment in being apart. The conversation last week exposed ourselves to the point of admitting what we hide. What worries me is the underlying tension in Jax, as if us being apart is more than him missing me. When I left, he made a few pointed comments that sounded as if he thinks I'm rejecting him, which is weird.

I have a desk overlooking the London skyline and to be honest could become used to this. Especially when I'm told how much the company will pay me for my work on the campaign. If this is what I'm paid, Riley must be loaded. The money made from a career in a decent PR firm is reflected in how a lot of the other girls in the office dress. Designer clothes and accessories. Well, I presume they're designer. Their gear looks expensive and they often return from lunch with shopping bags imprinted with brand names I could never afford.

Riley doesn't mix with them, neither do I. I work with her and a guy named Julian. I met him briefly at the party in Portugal, but we never chatted. He's a nice guy, a world away from the men in my life recently, in looks and att.i.tude. I'm intrigued by his impressive beard and fight against touching it. Inappropriate, I know, but I haven't met a man rocking the lumbers.e.xual image before. One thing he has in common with Jax is the focus on his work and future, only without the girls and alcohol that's part of the rock star lifestyle.

I never noticed how entrenched I'd become in the weird world of stardom, even with the surreal turn of events once I started dating Jax. At least in this environment, I'm Tegan, not Tegan Hughes, Bryn's sister and Jax's accessory.

I miss Jax a h.e.l.l of a lot; the s.p.a.ce in my life I told him about is empty again. That s.p.a.ce doesn't need to remain empty. After the tour, Ruby Riot will finish recording the alb.u.m in London, we can stay in London together, navigate our relationship into new waters. I could stay after this project is done - go to uni and take a course that fits with the role I have now, because I love the work.

I tell myself these plans are focused solely on what I want, but I'm lying to myself that Jax isn't a big part of my decision. I'm caught in the pull between continuing to travel or stay with the man who has a firm grip on my heart. He's pulled me away from the direction I was heading, and currently we're side by side.

If I didn't think we could make this work, I wouldn't try.

35.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND.

JAX.

Will cancels the call and throws the phone in the air before deftly catching it. "This is gonna be one h.e.l.l of a wrap up party."

I sit on the table. "Who've you invited?"

Will lists off, alphabetically, half of our old Sixth Form cla.s.s and a fair few names I recognise from uni. He finishes with a grin.

"Holy s.h.i.t! That's fifty people, man."

"They won't all come."

"You reckon?"

"Yeah. It'll be cool. Some can see our awesomeness backstage, and we'll invite the important people back for our own personal party."

I shake my head. "Hope you told our resident PR guru what to expect. Twins Gone Wild."

Nate wanders in with a burger in his hand. "What we doing now?" he asks and takes a bite.

"You need to talk to your... whatever she is," I say to him.

"Who?"

"Riley. Your girlfriend. Will's invited half of Oxfordshire to the wrap up party," I say.

Nate pauses. "She's nothing to do with me."

"Yeah, right," mutters Will.

"Riley knows the score," retorts Nate. "I don't date, that's Jax's avenue." He shoves the rest of the burger in his mouth and scrunches the wrapper into a ball.

"You still s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her?" asks Will.

"Who says I was?" Nate throws the balled paper at his brother's head.

As they argue over whether Nate's lying, I check my phone. No call from Tegan. Following the conversation last week, I wavered between p.i.s.sed off she wanted to leave me and happy something positive is happening to her after the drama she's put up with. I'm facing a double-edged sword: if Tegan works with our PR, she won't travel and hopefully stays in London. But if she starts her own career, our lifestyles could clash further. Plus, she could find somebody else more suited to her.

In the end, she compromised and returned to London a few days before we were due back in the UK, rather than a week. Tegan claimed this was only because she wanted to visit Milan, but we both know being together was part of her decision.

The UK leg starts in Manchester tomorrow, and Tegan intended to visit. Now she's unsure she can travel here, throwing herself into her work. The more Tegan talks to me about this, the more Tegan sounds as if she wants to take on the PR gig permanently. I'm proud - she must be b.l.o.o.d.y good to be taken under their wing so quickly - but jealous too. I don't want to lose her. I want to be the centre of her world the way she is to me. I didn't realise how far into an obsession with her I'd fallen.

Months of the world falling at my feet, of getting everything I want, and now the very thing I want most could slip away. Tegan tells me she doesn't want to be just Jax Lewis's girlfriend; but what if she returns to reality, and I don't fit her plans anymore?

36.

TEGAN.

The longer I'm away from Jax, the further away from his weird and wonderful world I am. Despite the fun of touring, I enjoy the ordinariness of a drink after work with normal people, because the scrutiny doesn't come as part of the evening fun. Usually this is with the core group of girls from work, but tonight I persuade the less pretentious Claire and Zoe to visit somewhere less expensive. I'd swap a fancy, overpriced bar for a suburban pub any day and sit at the scratched circular table on a low, stained stool.

I asked Riley and Julian if they want to come along. Riley declined my offer, but Julian enthusiastically agreed. I'm surprised Riley travelled with the tour as long as she did because she becomes edgy about working late and rarely joins us for a drink in the evenings. Admittedly, I'm often on the edge of work-related conversations and spend the time exchanging texts with Jax so there's little point me being out with them either.

The s.p.a.ce in the pub shrinks as people cram in for the beginning of their evening. This is a student suburb, the atmosphere and patrons unpretentious and laidback. As Claire and Zoe chat about the latest scandals between people I've never heard of, I drift off into thoughts of Jax. Julian approaches, sets down a fresh beer for me, and sits on the stool. Earlier, I persuaded him to spill secrets about other agency clients. I smiled at his tales of the latest music industry darling, Dani-Kay's, princess nature, and he whispered secrets about the boy band star who he's stumbled across with men, when he's the centre of most teen girls' worlds.

"I don't think you're having much fun tonight," he remarks after half an hour.

"That obvious?"

"Yeah, your bored face is hard to hide." He pulls a face to demonstrate, and switches to a grin. "I know Claire and Zoe are dying to ask you questions."

"Why?"

"You're the girl of the moment, right? You and Jax. How's that going?"

I pick up my gla.s.s, and stare into it. "Interesting."

"Ah right. Don't want to talk about it?' He taps his nose. "I won't tell your wild rock star secrets."

"Ha! I don't have any."

"Ruby Riot is a good band though, what are they like? Friendly? They've never spoken to me." I study the tall guy with the impressive beard and man bun, an image a few students around share. Funny how fashions that begin as a sign of individuality become mainstream. Like grungy rock stars.

"You don't look like you'd be a fan."

"Oh?" He raises a brow. "Why?"

"You've seen their fans. They're more..." I flourish a hand and he nods. "Different to you."

"Well, I like them. And Blue Phoenix. I'm honoured I have the chance to work with a member of rock royalty." He holds his gla.s.s up. "Cheers."

Rock royalty? Me. Bryn. Jax. Blue Phoenix. Ruby Riot. Jesus, my whole life is part of theirs. When I was younger, my ties to Bryn meant nothing, but suddenly they're significant.

Staying under the radar isn't an option anymore.

"Hardly!" I protest.

"Do you get followed much?"

"When I'm with Jax. I try not to stand out." Tonight I've dressed down, in an attempt to blend in - skinniest of skinny jeans and a scoop-necked blue sweater. I have my hair pulled into a ponytail and no make-up, hopeful I won't be recognisable. Claire and Zoe are dressed the same, but somehow they manage to combine dressing down with looking dressed up.

"Surprised you're not wearing a hat and sungla.s.ses."

I pull a face. "Very funny. Like I said, n.o.body pays me much attention when I'm on my own."

"Good luck with that." He looks away and drinks.

"Why?"

"Come on, Tegan. There's a reason you have a rock star falling at your feet."

I splutter. "He isn't."

"If he isn't, he's crazy."

I shift in my seat, heart rate picking up. c.r.a.p. Did I misread him? Julian breaks into a grin. "Don't stress, I'm not hitting on you. I know I'm no compet.i.tion for Jax Lewis."

Julian is not my type of guy. At all. The idea of kissing a man with a beard grosses me out, but I don't say anything. The last thing I want is for him to leave me alone talking girl stuff with Claire and Zoe.

Julian and me share a laugh about Sarah, a girl from the office, and her blatantly obvious attempts to get backstage pa.s.ses. I've promised her I'll work something out before the end of the tour, and Riley warns her about the twins. Sarah's response is she has no interest in the groupie lifestyle; maybe she's not as ditzy as she behaves. Apparently, Sarah wants the free booze and bragging rights. Julian asks if he needs to worry about the twins too if he goes and is rewarded with a scowl from Riley. I promise him another pa.s.s so he can make the tour wrap up party too.

As the evening continues Claire attempts to persuade me to spill on Jax, as Julian predicted. Julian immediately launches into a story about his dealings with boyband, The Five. The attention switches from me; I nod at him in grat.i.tude and he winks. This is the most relaxing night out I've had for weeks. Calm. Normal. I've isolated myself from long-term friendships by travelling, and I click with these people.

I check my phone for a message from Jax. He's in Manchester tonight and although my trust in him has grown, I'm still cautious and find myself checking social media every morning for reports on him. When we're together and alone, the world retreats until there is no rock star in the relationship. Then he's just Jax, the man whose magnetism I can't escape. I'm not fatalistic, but believe something unusual exists between us and creates this intensity. I've reached the point where not being around him leaves a s.p.a.ce in my life I can't fill with anything else. If I didn't see the world reflected in Jax's eyes, I would run. Far.

"I'll buy the next drinks," I tell Julian and pull my purse from my pocket. Five pounds left, I had plenty of money earlier. I forget how expensive London is. "Sorry, I need to grab some more cash."

"Don't worry about it," says Julian, reaching for his wallet.

"No. My round. There's a cashpoint close by. I'll be there and back in less than five minutes."

I stand and Julian does too. "Want me to come with you?"

"No! I'm fine. Honestly. Five minutes."

"If you're sure." I point at the door and wave my purse at Phoebe to indicate what I'm doing and she nods.

The pub is located on a main street in Box Hill amongst small shops and cafes. The roads are always busy, but as the hours pa.s.s the number of people walking around drops. At this time, there're usually groups of younger people and the occasional person walking their dog to the nearby green. 11 p.m.. I wouldn't do this in the early hours, but I'm happy to walk the few hundred metres to the bank alone. I pull my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. No more Jax texts.

When I reach the bank and cashpoint, I wait behind a couple of girls as I shiver against the lingering winter. Why didn't I bring my jacket? Light from the street highlights the blue hair of the girl who rests against the building wall, as the other retrieves her money. She watches me and I smile and say h.e.l.lo. The girl doesn't respond, instead saying something in a low voice to her friend. The other girl tucks cash into her back pocket and turns to look at me too. I size them up. Around my age. Piercings and bright hair. Dark clothes. My scalp p.r.i.c.kles at their silent scrutiny.

"Are you Tegan Hughes?" asks the taller girl with blue hair.

Unsure what to say, I nod.

"Told you!" she tells her friend and shoves her arm.

They both study me again, like I'm something unpleasant they'd find on the bottom of their boots. They step closer and I move back. "Are you still with Jax?" asks the blue-haired girl.

"Yes."

"Wow, what a b.i.t.c.h," mutters the second girl.

"What?"

"You. What a b.i.t.c.h."

I swallow down my nerves. "Excuse me."

As I step towards the cashpoint, one of the girls stands in front of me. "Who's the other guy?" The intensity of her tone is matched by an agitation, which unnerves me, as she picks at her sleeve.