"Yeah, a couple of years."

Jax's eyes widen. "Years? Wow. So, what happened?"

"He went away to uni and found somebody else," I reply more nonchalantly than I feel.

"'Kay." Jax picks up the remote. "You watching this? We could find a better movie."

"Yes, I am." I take the remote from him. I'm p.i.s.sed off Jax didn't respond to my broken heart story with sympathy; but I wouldn't expect Jax to be intuitive about these things.

We settle back, and watch the movie again. Is part of his behaviour attention seeking after years of rejection from girls exactly like the ones who pursue him now? And what does that make me? I try to imagine Jax as a quiet guy who n.o.body's interested in.

Impossible.

Some of Jax's allure is the rock star label, but he's built to break hearts. From his startling blue eyes and sensual mouth, to his lithe body that begs to be explored, he's one h.e.l.l of a man. The girls from school will be kicking themselves hard now.

I can't let Jax know how fast I'm falling for him, and how confusing this makes my life. He will let me down; and if I choose to keep going with the relationship, I have to accept the inevitable end. And to do that, I need to keep my heart protected which means keeping my emotions in check and saying nothing.

Why do I have the feeling I lost control of the situation by coming back?

33.

BERNE, SWITZERLAND.

TEGAN.

Unable to work on the merchandise stall any longer thanks to crazed fangirls, I spend time with Riley, intrigued by her day-to-day work. A few days watching her field the press interest around the bands, or re-organise promotion into something that meets her criteria and not that of the publication or TV show, and her personality makes sense. A shrinking violet could never handle herself as smoothly or talk people into things before they realise they have been.

Riley's good at her job, and considering how many hours she spends putting ducks in a row, I have a sense of why she clashes with Jax and Ruby when they disrupt her efforts. I respect a woman with ambition, find her intelligent and interesting, if not a little guarded; but I've never been lashed by her sharp tongue.

She's never spoken about her past beyond the fact she never studied, but came in at floor level and grappled her way to the position she's in now. Similarly, I don't talk about Jax or the boys.

Between us, we brainstorm new marketing ideas, and I explain how they could utilise social media more. My own experience with Jax points to how anything concerning the bands goes viral; it makes sense for PR to use this to their advantage. With my input, Riley plans a campaign away from the standard photo shoot and interview circuit, which we present to Tina. I'm surprised when Tina agrees and sends Riley back to the London office to begin researching and implementing the plans. After the c.r.a.p of the last few weeks and slipping into only being seen as Jax Lewis's girlfriend, the fact my ideas triggered this is a boost to my self-esteem.

Riley's overjoyed by leaving the tour, which amuses me; but I think Tina also sees the fractious nature of her relationship with the band, and the clashing isn't what Tina expected. Perhaps if Riley was a fan, her interactions with Ruby Riot would be easier, but she isn't. Of the band members anyway. Maybe Riley was once; as time pa.s.ses, the conflict between them all grows.

"You should come back with me," suggests Riley as we gather up sheets of research after our last session together before she leaves.

"I'll be back in England next week anyway, save me something to do for when I am," I say with a smile.

"I'm serious. This is half your project and ideas. I can persuade Tina to involve you."

"Really?"

"Really. Though you'd need to come back to London. I can't do everything with you remotely."

"It's okay. I'd rather stay on the tour." With Jax.

"Fair enough." Riley tucks a strand of her long brown hair behind her ears. "If you're looking to work in the industry, the experience would be good."

"I haven't seriously considered what I'm going to do. Uni first, keep the parents happy."

"You have a talent for this." She waves a hand across the table.

"Thanks."

An hour later, I sit backstage with Jax, mind wandering into the possibilities. Should I go back? How awesome to have my name put to something I'm positive will succeed. I'm intending to study Media; this could get me a place more easily. Jax and the tour will be back next week. I'm not employed by Riley's company, and I could rejoin at that point.

"You okay?" asks Jax.

He sits on the edge of the table opposite me, long legs stretched out. His excitement before each performance leads to exuberant chatting, and I've missed most of what he's said.

"Yeah. Thinking about the campaign I've been working on with Riley."

"I noticed you're spending a lot of time with her. Be careful she doesn't suck all the fun out of you."

"That's unfair. She's good at what she does," I retort.

"See! She already has her claws in." At my sour look, Jax shifts his attention to the beer he's holding. "So you won't whine about being bored anymore?"

I scowl. "I do not whine. I have to find something to do. Do you know Bryn won't let me leave the hotel without a security guard? How screwed up is that? I wouldn't mind, but the latest one doesn't speak English so he follows me silently like a stalker. I think he draws more attention to me, not less!"

"Bryn's worried about you, that's all."

"Well, when I go back to England, he can b.l.o.o.d.y stop being ridiculous about this!"

Jax snaps his head up. "What do you mean when you go back?"

"I might go back to the London with Riley a few days earlier than the tour arrives."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because I'm bored, Jax! I can't sit around looking pretty and being a rock star girlfriend."

He jumps down from the table and puts his long fingers beneath my chin. "But you're both."

I search his ice-blue eyes for what's behind this conversation. "Are you bothered if I do?"

Jax holds my head and runs his tongue along my bottom lip. When he kisses me, his smooth cheek brushes mine, contrasting his rough fingertips. I close my eyes and give over my senses to the scent and taste the man who interferes with my plans.

"I just like having you all to myself, that's all," he whispers.

I tense. "I hope that's a figure of speech, Jax."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm my own person, not somebody else's."

Jax's steps away. "You're so defensive! What I mean is I like spending time with you. I won't stop you doing what you want. Jesus, good luck to the person who tries!"

Relaxing, I grab the edge of his t-shirt, tugging him closer. "Good to hear."

He grins and settles on the sofa next to me. "Go on, tell me what you've been up to with Smiley..." I frown. "With Riley."

I launch into an excited chatter of my own, explaining our ideas of leaving breadcrumb statuses across social media, teasing fans into finding something unique at the end of the weeks. We're planning a secret concert, exclusively for those who take part, announced the same day as the gig happens. I'm worried Riley and Tina may misjudge the number of fans who join in, but they're confident they can handle this. As my enthusiasm grows, Jax's concerned frown does too.

"So you're going back to London?" he asks.

"I don't know. I mean, this is a great opportunity and -"

"Mmm." Jax sinks back against the sofa cushions.

"Stop pouting! I haven't decided yet."

"I guess I'm used to you being around, would be strange without you here. You've kinda been part of the tour for me."

"You live in London! This campaign will be going for another six weeks, maybe it would be good for us. Could stop me running away overseas again."

He grips my hand. "Why? Are you thinking about doing that?"

I flick his nose. "Wow, Mr. Serious. No."

"I am serious. Serious about this. Us. I want to keep things going."

His words thrill, pushing through some of my wariness, and I kiss him gently. "You're a special guy, Jax."

"You're pretty d.a.m.n awesome yourself."

I curl into him, and he wraps his arms around me. We sit in our moment of peace and he strokes my hair.

Another week together, wrapped in our intense world, and the sensation we've been together months rather than weeks builds. We read each other easily; small gestures speak as much to each other about how we feel as words, as if we communicate on a different level to other people. Sometimes when I lie awake next to a sleeping Jax, the thought of losing him scares me and the sick feeling which grips in those moments frightens me more.

Is it possible to fall in love with somebody this quickly, or will this spark between us extinguish when we leave the tour? Worse, will the spark ignite and blow everything apart? I place my lips gently on his, holding them there long enough to reconnect, to reinforce my words. "Do you mean it? About this being serious?"

"Don't you want me to be?" His eyes meet mine, softened and unguarded.

"Yes, but it scares me."

"What does?"

"How much I want to stay in your life. I didn't want to become wrapped up in something as intense as us, but I already am."

Jax brushes his thumb over my lips. "I don't want you to go anywhere. I'm selfish. I want you to be with me."

"Why's that selfish?"

"Because I know it's not what you want. I know you have plans."

"I do want this, but I'm frightened of having my heart ripped out and stomped on."

The genuine surprise on Jax's face at my admission pulls me away from my plans to return with Riley. "No, Tegan. I won't do that. You're special. Really special. Amazing. Beautiful. I can't explain but my life colliding with yours. .h.i.t me harder than I thought it would."

"Yeah, we kind of exploded."

His lips hover close to mine, the gap between them may as well not exist, as if he's touching me already. "And it's awesome."

Hard lips push against mine, fingers digging into my hair as we kiss. My heart surges with the scary topic we're edging around, the one we're willing each other to tell, but neither of us will.

"You're a romantic under everything you show the world, aren't you?"

"Not really, I tell things how they are, you know that. I'm upfront with you about everything and always will be." He kisses my fingers.

"Always?"

"We're surrounded by lies, I'm not contributing."

"You're not as immature as you make out, are you?"

"Oh, I am. I just don't want to f.u.c.k this up."

"Just make sure you engage brain before opening mouth and you'll find life easier."

He laughs. "I never had a sister. Know f.u.c.k all about how the female brain works."

"That's abundantly clear." I stand and hold my arms out, pulling him to his feet.

"We can do this, can't we? Me and you, we can work," I whisper, resting my forehead on his.

"Yes. If we believe we can."

"I'm always up for a challenge."

"I'm in if you are."

"All in?"

"All in."

We laugh at our lightening of the moment, but underplaying this is a promise. A commitment to a future together. In a roundabout Jax and Tegan way. It's a good thing we can read between the lines of what we refuse to say.