"Why?"

"The correct answer there is 'nothing'! Whoa, Jax, are you s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her?"

"No! There's nothing going on!"

"Mm-hmm." He fights a smile. "Might be wise not to stick your tongue down her throat in public then."

"I was not!"

"Whatever, saw you kissing her." Nate shakes his head. "Good luck, man!"

"We don't want this public knowledge," I say in a low voice.

Nate makes a loud 'pfft' sound. "Again, good luck, man. Told you, she's trouble."

"I guess that's for me to find out," I retort.

Nate sucks his lip piercing into his mouth. "This mean you're not coming out again tonight?"

"Not sure yet."

"Because you're up to no good with Tegan?"

"Well, wouldn't you? If there was a chance?"

"I like my b.a.l.l.s where they are, thanks. She's hot, yeah, but not worth the grief that comes from s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her. What's so special about this chick?"

I shrug. If I tell Nate that for the first time in months I crave to be around a girl and spend time with her, rather than challenging myself to get laid at every chance, he'd laugh at me. As far as I know, neither Will nor Nate has had long-term relationships in the whole time I've known them; they won't understand if I admit I want more than to f.u.c.k her.

"She's a challenge," I say eventually and I'm not b.l.o.o.d.y wrong there. The girl's a f.u.c.king tease and she's driving me mad. I could do so many things to make her scream.

"Mmm. Well, hope she's worth it." He pulls out his phone. "I'm heading back to the hotel. You coming?"

"Nah. Going to the Green Room until Phoenix are done."

"Smart guy. Make sure you're not seen with her." He taps his nose. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Whatever, man."

"Call me if you change your mind about tonight."

"Yeah, we might come out too. Thinking about persuading Riley to come along as a decoy."

"Oh, f.u.c.k, no! Seriously? I didn't think you liked her?" protests Nate.

"I don't, but we can pretend her and Tegan are out together."

Nate claps me on the back. "You know what? I'll bet you twenty quid that everybody knows about you and Tegan by the end of the week. And then..." He makes a slicing movement across his throat.

"Hilarious."

"Man up," says Nate and saunters off. "Screw her and ditch her, or tell the world. One way or another, you'll end up f.u.c.ked."

I stare after Nate's retreating figure and consider his words.

Yeah, I'm f.u.c.ked.

I follow my plan of action: have some beers in the Green Room post-gig, and invite Blue Phoenix to come out with the boys and me. They'll say no; I can almost guarantee that. Jem and Dylan appear first as I'm finishing my second beer. Ruby walks in behind Jem and settles onto the leather sofa in one corner of the room. I drain my bottle and head over to the counter laid out with drinks and food. One more and I'll tell them I'm heading out with the twins. I munch on some crisps and watch Jem chatting to Dylan, bristling at his ignoring me again.

"Beer?" I ask Ruby.

"I'm good, thanks," she replies.

"You swearing off alcohol again?"

"Yeah."

Makes sense, her Prince Charming is a recovering alcoholic and ex-addict. Even so, we're third date on tour with the legendary Blue Phoenix, and the guys are that tame I swear they go back to their rooms for hot cocoa and bed after gigs. Liam has Cerys visiting for a few days so he's out, and Dylan's waiting for Sky to arrive. Bryn's the only one who's drinking seriously which is awkward because he's not a good candidate for a drinking buddy. Naive of me to expect Blue Phoenix to behave like rock stars with women taking over their lives.

"So much for the famous Blue Phoenix party animals," I complain and take a beer from the counter.

"I think they're too old for that s.h.i.t now," Ruby replies.

"Twenty-six? f.u.c.k, I hope I'm not old and boring then."

Jem breaks the conversation he's having with Dylan, and sits next to Ruby, draping an arm across her shoulder. "Who's too old?"

"You guys. Behaving like old men," I reply. "Yeah, I know you don't drink, but we could at least party a bit more!"

"Kinda burnt out, Jax," says Jem. "You're welcome to have your own parties, but make sure you don't get into a life where a doctor tells you to stop or you'll be dead before you're thirty."

"Thanks, Dad," I reply with a laugh.

Jem turns to Ruby. "Did you tell -"

The look Ruby gives Jem is one I've seen before: 'shut up and don't say anything'. "He means you're behaving like a dad," she hisses.

"What did you say?" I ask Jem. Tell me what?

"Nothing."

I barely notice Bryn's entrance into the room, Jem's words and Ruby's responses have poked at a suspicion I've denied could be possible.

"How're you feeling now, Ruby?" Bryn asks. "Still sick?"

"Getting better," she mumbles.

"Better in the evenings, huh?" He sits in the armchair next to Jem and leans forward to poke him, grinning. "Something you want to tell us?"

"No," Jem retorts.

Bryn is teasing, but I swallow down the realisation growing as I watch for Ruby's reaction. Paling, she stands, hands trembling. "I'm tired, Jem. Let's go."

Bryn sinks back and watches as Jem stands too. "I always know when you're hiding a secret, Jeremy."

"Shut up," he warns.

No.

A thousand f.u.c.king times no.

I've seen enough s.h.i.tty TV soaps to guess Ruby's symptoms could be more than gastro, but she wouldn't be that f.u.c.king stupid. "Ruby. Please don't tell me you're -"

"I'm not feeling well, okay! Just f.u.c.king leave it!" she snaps, not looking at me as she drops back onto the sofa. The ever-protective Jem immediately joins her.

"You are! You're f.u.c.king pregnant!" The world lurches when her denial doesn't come, as my mind drags in all the reasons why this is a disaster. "For f.u.c.k's sake!"

Unsure I'll be able to keep my self- control, and not wanting Ruby to say the words, I grab another beer and leave. Outside the room I pause, my world shattering around me.

The band is screwed now.

We reach the edge of success and Ruby's f.u.c.king ruined this. Jem's ruined her. Ruby's as trapped as she was when d.i.c.khead Dan had her in his grasp.

Stupid, f.u.c.king... I shake my head against the anger and walk blindly away.

TEGAN.

The post-concert sales were crazy tonight; we sold out of all t-shirt sizes apart from XXL, which left some very p.i.s.sed off customers. I smiled sweetly and repeated the same excuse, handing people the flyer listing the online merchandise store. I swear one girl considered ripping off my Blue Phoenix t-shirt rather than go home without one.

By the end of that disaster, I have a huge headache and I'm running late. Finally finding a minute to myself, I check my phone for a message from Jax.

Nothing.

I text him, ask where he wants to meet, and return to boxing up the remaining stock ready for the next venue. Half an hour later, done, I check my phone again.

Still nothing.

Jax agreed we'd meet up tonight and we've discussed becoming more 'public' on a night out with the twins and a.s.sorted tour people. That way we can be together, but not obviously. All good as long as we aren't seen too close. Isn't this what he wanted?

When n.o.body is around the Green Room, I'm p.i.s.sed off - more at myself than Jax - at expecting him to behave like a normal person. Searching for any sign of him, Will or Nate I b.u.mp into one of the sound guys.

"Hey, do you know where everybody's gone?" I ask him.

"Ruby Riot guys have gone ahead to Menthe; a few of us are grabbing a taxi to join them. You want to tag along?" The tall guy points over his shoulder to a group of guys talking loudly nearby.

Tag along, like a lost sheep? I don't think so. "No, all good. I'll catch up with my brother."

Before he can respond, I storm away. Now I'm angry with Jax. I bet the boys headed out and took a few girls with them and I was surplus to requirements. Less than a week and he's bored of me already because I won't open my legs? b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

19.

TEGAN.

In two minds whether to show up at the club on my own, and let Jax know I don't give a f.u.c.k, I decide in-room movies and room service are the best choice. I'm in Paris and I've never visited the city before. I have plenty planned for tomorrow; a night of drunken drama with Jax isn't worth the waste of energy. Still, I leave my phone switched on next to the bed and snuggle under the luxurious duvet, dressed in my cotton pyjama shorts and vest, hair piled onto my head.

Living the rock star life. Ha ha.

I tuck into the bowl of chips ordered from room service and watch The Hunger Games; I missed this movie while I was travelling, heard it was good. Beats c.r.a.ppy chick flicks anyway.

My phone beeps, startling me. I rub my eyes and I glance at the TV. Great, I've missed half of the movie by dozing off.

I lick salt from my fingers and reach for my phone. A message from Jax. Cheeky b.l.o.o.d.y... He needs to look elsewhere for his drunken hook-ups. I ignore him and five minutes later the phone rings with Jax's name on the screen."What?" I snap."Did you get my message?""The subtle message that you didn't want to see me when you didn't contact me earlier?" I retort."I did want to see you. I forgot." Difficult to tell for sure, but I'd lay bets he's drunk. "I remembered now.""It's 2 a.m., Jax! You're three hours late!""I didn't notice the time. Something happened.""Yeah, like you fell into a taxi with Will and Nate and went out drinking?""No. I'm not with them.""But you're drunk.""Kinda. Can I see you or not?""I'll speak to you later, Jax." I hang up. He stands me up, gets drunk, then calls me at 2 a.m. What does he expect?Heart beating faster with anger at his behaviour, I attempt to remember which scene I last saw in the movie and rewind. As I settle back down to watch, the conversation with Jax niggles. Why do this? We said no games. Well, I'm out. No more.