I toy with the idea of continuing my attempt to make Tegan listen, but I don't want to p.i.s.s her off. This isn't the last she'll hear about the situation from me.

I change tack. "I'm glad I didn't let you kiss me then. I'd be insulted if you said my kissing wasn't memorable."

Tegan turns pink, something I never thought I'd achieve. "Let me kiss you?"

"Yeah. You suggested it."

"Right." She scowls at my amused tone. "I'll catch you later."

Before I have a chance to respond, Tegan strides away.

TEGAN.

Light footsteps follow me across the tiled floor as I head along the hallway toward the elevator and Jax catches up, appearing at my shoulder. "Don't walk off."

"I'm tired and not in the mood for teasing," I reply, not stopping. He's already told me things I don't want to know, and now he thinks he's funny?

"I wasn't teasing!" He grabs my hand and despite my surprise, I don't pull away. "I understand. You don't remember much of last night. Do you remember us calling a truce?"

"No."

"Talk to me, don't disappear." Jax leads me to a quieter corner in an area between the restaurant and the lobby, and we stand opposite the armchairs and a low table with a couple of magazines on. "I've thought about you all day."

"I'm fine, as you can see."

"Not just because I worried about your physical health, but because I wanted to see you again and make sure you're really okay."

Jax moves closer, and his clean scent triggers a memory from last night, filtering through the fog in my head. We were standing like we are now and talking about not playing games anymore. "When you asked to kiss me, that's when I knew something must be wrong."

Not again. It shouldn't, but the fact I came on to Jax mortifies me more than anything else about last night. "Why?"

"Because you'd made it clear you're not the kind of chick to throw yourself at rock stars. Even me."

"Especially you."

Jax's blue eyes search mine as he turns my hand over, tracing the palm with his fingers. He knows I'm lying. "Bryn nearly had me by the b.a.l.l.s last night," he says with a small laugh. "Thought I'd um... taken you to bed and left you."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because he saw me coming out of your room. I put you to bed after picking you up off the floor. Hasn't anybody told you this?"

"Bryn said you helped me." The pleasant sensation from his touch evaporates as a thought hits. "You didn't take my clothes off, did you?"

Jax drops my hand. "Holy s.h.i.t, no! I doubt I'd be standing here if Bryn had found you half-naked. Not my style, Tegan. If a chick wants to take her clothes off for me, that's her call."

"Oh, so you're telling me you never help girls undress?"

He chews his lip and flicks a look between my chest and face. "Don't make me think bad thoughts, Tegan."

My heart skips as the unspoken pa.s.ses between us again. My attraction to Jax can't be hidden from him anymore; asking to kiss him last night was a b.l.o.o.d.y huge clue. More memories emerge of our time together last night and the direction we were heading. The tension between us from attempting to outsmart each other has retreated.

Jax's behaviour last night placed a big obstacle in the way of my attempt to pigeonhole him as a rock star player who doesn't give a s.h.i.t about how women are treated. He was drunk, high on his status, and surrounded by girls; but still Jax looked out for me. Maybe his intentions were as dishonourable as Bryn suspects, but I'm forced to admit he's a good person. Jax's exchange with Ruby the other day indicated this side of him: the man beneath the rock star isn't corrupted by his fame yet.

I look past Jax, attempting to disengage. A white-uniformed cleaner polishes the floor nearby, the whir of the machine the only sound. I'm side to the wall, able to walk away, but instead I give up on the fight with myself.

"I'm glad you were there," I tell him.

"I'll always look out for you, Tegan. I'm sorry I left you alone." He pushes hair from my face and his fingers rest on my cheek. "I feel responsible."

"Wrong. I can't remember what was happening between us, or why you blame yourself, but one thing you should've realised about me is that I take full responsibility for myself."

"I love your confidence and att.i.tude to life. I bet you're a really cool chick to get to know." He strokes my skin with his thumb. "That's why I need you to understand I won't screw around with you. Not just because of Bryn, but because I'd rather have your friendship than your sarcasm."

I hope he can't see the disappointment that just hit me. "You want to be friends?"

"I think you know I want to be more than friends, but if that's all we can be, I'll settle for that. Rather friends than stupid games."

Games. Will this man play games with me? Underneath everything, is he the rock star wanting to conquer the girl out of his reach? Has the fact he swooped in as my knight in shining armour last night led me to trust him when I shouldn't?

"Me too," I say softly.

"Is Bryn around?" Jax asks. "He has a habit of catching me with or near you, like some kind of sixth sense."

"I pa.s.sed him heading back to his room when I came down for something to eat."

"Awesome. So there's no way can he see me?"

"See you?"

He cups my face in both hands. "Kiss you."

The thought of Jax's lips on mine triggers arousal in my exhausted body as my heart rate picks up. The last couple of days, I've imagined what would happen the first time I kissed Jax, because there always was going to be a first time. I pictured the s.e.xual tension flooding out and into a slammed-against-a-wall, breath-s.n.a.t.c.hing moment that would be over as quickly as it began. So when Jax gently presses his lips to mine for just seconds before withdrawing, I'm as stunned as if he had kissed me until I was breathless.

Jax's face remains close, his breath against my lips, hands remaining on my cheeks. Waiting. This time, there's no challenge. I tip my head and meet his mouth curling a hand around his neck to pull him closer. Jax circles an arm around my waist and holds me as his lips press harder against mine. The warm pressure of his mouth moves from tentative to firm as I eagerly respond, pressing myself into him. Jax's grip on my waist tightens and he slides his hand into my hair. Mouth harder against mine, Jax parts my lips with his tongue, exploring as I push my tongue against his.

Jax's hands don't wander but hold me tightly, as if I might fall if he lets go. I crave his touch, to slide my hands against his skin, and my body tingles at the thought. My arousal at just one kiss shocks me. I always knew there was something about Jax my body craved, but not that I'd be prepared to yield to him so easily.

Maybe it's a good thing I have a sandwich in one hand.

Jax pulls away slowly, as if he doesn't want to take his lips from mine and releases my waist. We could kiss again, our lips close enough that they still feel connected, and I'm tempted. I don't want Jax to let me go. I long for him to stay here and kiss me more, but common sense tells me that's not a great idea. He moves away and rubs his lips together, eyes darkened with a desire matching mine.

"I'm glad this didn't happen last night. I'd hate to forget a kiss like that," I say.

"First kisses are always memorable." He strokes my hair. "Or is that the first and last? Do we call it quits now and become friends?"

"You really think that's possible?"

"No."

He's right. There's no way I can walk away from somebody who shifted my world sideways merely from his lips on mine. I place a hand on the wall, and ground myself again.

Jax points at the sandwich. "Surprised you didn't drop that."

"Oh. I'd forgotten."

Jax laughs. "Is that the effect I have on you?"

"I don't think you need me to answer that question." My empty stomach reminds me his kiss isn't the only reason for my light-headedness. "I should eat."

"You should. Come and sit with me." He indicates the direction we came from.

We walk back to the restaurant, side by side, and Jax wraps his little finger around mine in a cute gesture that shouldn't be a surprise after his treatment of me so far today. As I sit and eat my sandwich, Jax watches.

"You're pretty d.a.m.n awesome, Tegan Hughes." He takes a drink from his beer and adds, "And I think I'm heading for trouble."

"From Bryn?"

Jax wipes a crumb from the corner of my mouth. "From both of you."

15.

TEGAN.

The following day, I avoid Bryn's scrutiny and take a bus into the city. I toyed with the idea of visiting museums but a Spanish friend I met in Indonesia recommended I visit Parque del Buen Retiro if I ever found myself in Madrid. Fresh air and peace appeals more than the indoors today, so I head to the Parque.

Following a couple of hours wandering through the trees, nodding h.e.l.lo to fellow visitors, I sit on the stone beneath the monumental lions close to the lake. Boaters cross the dark blue water, their voices and laughter carrying across the quiet surrounds. I could've lost myself in the oasis of calm for hours, amongst the history and beauty that's a welcome change from the weird world of rock bands and tours. But the craziness from two nights ago encroached on my thoughts and for the first time in weeks, in the midst of the winter sunshine and the tourists sharing my day, I suddenly felt disconnected and alone. Sure, I travelled on my own last year but I always met up with new people to share experiences.

The night of the party shook me more than I'm willing to admit. Sometimes emptying your mind of everything allows thoughts in you don't want.

I head back to the hotel to update my blog and check out my friends' lives on social media. My Instagram following has skyrocketed since I posted a candid picture of Blue Phoenix rehearsing in Lisbon, my feed filled with comments demanding more behind the scenes pictures and gossip. A picture of Jax I took on my phone when he was on stage the same night has a lot of shares, and pleas from fans for other shots. When I read the comments about Jax, including what more than a few people want to do with him, I smile to myself. If only they knew the guy had kissed me.

I itch to tell my friend Phoebe about the kiss. We've shared all our secrets since high school, but what if the kiss yesterday was all that happens? Jax could change his mind and decide anything apart from a friendship would be too complicated to deal with. How embarra.s.sing if I spilled to Phoebe about Jax when he isn't really interested. I'd look like an idiot. So, no, I'll wait and see what happens.

Jax and I've exchanged several playful texts since yesterday afternoon but haven't seen each other today. Jax's busy with preparations for the concert tonight and I'm spending some time as a tourist. We've arranged to meet after the gig, so I hope Bryn isn't back to breathing down my neck. Maybe we can sneak away to a local restaurant and from any madness that could ensue. Somehow, I don't think an evening with Jax will be an ordinary first date.

JAX.

Tegan's night time job of selling merchandise means her evening ends later than mine. Thanks to the post-concert rush by fans to grab their souvenir shirts and other c.r.a.p, I'm in the Green Room alone: showered, dressed, and waiting for a girl. I laugh at myself; look at me refusing a night with the groupies to spend time with a chick there's no way I'll have s.e.x with. Not soon, anyway.

My phone beeps with a message from Tegan. And so begins our secret meetings, because how can this be any other way at the moment? This is too soon to let anybody know - public or the tour. Especially not her brother. I'll see how things with Tegan go. If this becomes more than one or two dates, I'll deal with Bryn then. If this is disastrous or fizzles out, no harm done. He doesn't need to know.I'll be up front with Tegan. I'm not interested in anything serious. Besides, if I mess Tegan around, then the serious will be the bodily harm inflicted on me by her brother. So yeah, I must really like her to even give this a go.The black door creaks opens and I stand, eager to leave for somewhere less conspicuous. "That was quick.""What was?" Will heads into the room. "I've been looking for you! You coming?""Uh. Not sure." I sit back down, glancing at the doorway."C'mon, man. Nate's waiting. We've hooked up some chicks to come with us." He waggles his eyebrows at me."Yeah. Not feeling great, man. Maybe I'm sick with what Ruby has?"Will eyes me suspiciously. "Yeah? You scared of Bryn. Bryn's fine with what happened at the party, you know? I don't think he blames you.""I know. He spoke to me, even apologised for overreacting." About an hour after I kissed the girl he'd told me to keep my hands off."Good, the last thing we need is drama.""Mmm." I look behind Will again, willing him to leave. "Sorry, maybe tomorrow?""Jeez, Jax, boring b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Fine, catch you tomorrow." As Will heads out the door, he b.u.mps into somebody and apologises. Tegan appears and Will steps back into the room too.He's behind Tegan and points at her, mouthing "No. Really?" I stare at Will as he holds his fingers to his head and imitates firing a gun."Have fun, kids!" he says. "Your secret is safe with me!"Tegan watches Will go before turning to me. The soft brown hair that touched my face when I held and kissed her is loose across her shoulders, and I fight against walking over and letting go of my restraint I held onto last time."Do you think he'll say anything?" she asks."Nah. Nice tee," I say with a smile and point at the Ruby Riot tour shirt stretching across her delicious looking t.i.ts.Tegan twists the lanyard she's wearing around her fingers, biting her lip in a deliberately coy gesture. "Oh yeah, I'm a full-on Riot groupie.""Good to hear it."As I approach, Tegan's eyes widen slightly. Is she expecting me to kiss her again? It would be easy to close the door and see what happens because that's what I usually do.But Tegan isn't what I usually do.Maybe later.Reining in the thoughts, I lean in and kiss Tegan gently on the mouth. Tegan presses her lips against mine; but when I place my hand against Tegan's head to draw her closer, she puts a hand on my chest."So, where are we going tonight?" she asks.I step back, running my fingers along her cheek. "Somewhere quiet. Not somewhere anybody else we know might go."