The nausea hits before I manage to open my eyes and I attempt to sit. I need to move to the bathroom. My limbs have other ideas, so I lie back down and stare at the unfamiliar ceiling, focusing on holding down my stomach contents. Along with a pounding head, my mouth and stomach ache as if I already threw up. Before I have the chance to catch up to where I am, I'm aware of a body beside me on the large bed. Panicking, I attempt to sit again and when I turn my head, I see Bryn's sleeping figure on top of the white sheets next to me.

What the h.e.l.l am I doing in bed with my brother? The last time that happened, I was ten. He's sleeping, so I shove him. "Bryn."

Bryn springs awake and pulls himself upright, bleary eyes wide. "Tegan. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Like s.h.i.t." The cotton sheet is soft against my skin; only the bedclothes, a bra, and panties are between my modesty and me. "I hope you undressed me, if I didn't take my clothes off. I mean... no, I don't. c.r.a.p, you know what I mean..."

"You were sick all over your clothes."

I pull the sheet to my neck. "s.h.i.t. Really? I didn't drink that much. I think. I can't remember past talking to you at the party downstairs."

Bryn hauls himself off the bed and sits next to me instead. "Jax said he thought your drink was spiked."

"Jax?"

"Yeah, your b.l.o.o.d.y hero. He found some guy dragging you back to your room, apparently. Don't you remember?"

What the h.e.l.l?

"No. s.h.i.t, Bryn..." I fight the tears, worried about what else my memory blanks could hold. "When Jax found me was I... had this guy I was with..."

"You were fine, just unconscious. The guy hadn't touched you."

I curl up on the bed. "I don't think my drink was spiked. I probably started drinking spirits or something, got wasted and he took advantage." I swallow the nausea back down. "I'm always careful, never accept drinks off people, or leave my drink lying around."

"Why would Jax say this then?"

"I don't know. I doubt Jax was paying that much attention to me."

"f.u.c.king pains me to say this, but I'm glad he was paying attention to you." Bryn climbs off the bed.

I can't talk about this, I don't believe Bryn's words; but whatever happened, it sounds like I have Jax to thank for helping me. "Can you bring me some water, please?"

Bryn heads to the kitchen area and I pull the sheet tight around me. No. No way was I drugged. I can't remember; but I must've got carried away and drank too much.

Bryn returns with the gla.s.s of water and I drink in large gulps. "A doctor checked you over. Do you remember?"

I shake my head.

"He said you were fine, but to keep an eye on you, so I stayed here. I presumed you were okay once you started snoring and stopped throwing up everywhere."

"Sorry," I mumble. "I'll lay off the drink."

"We should maybe have you checked out. Ruby says you can find traces of drugs up to a few hours later. If we know, we can contact the police and -"

"No! Leave it. I wasn't drugged. And even if I was, what then? Who by? What proof?" Bryn purses his lips. "What's the point in creating a story for the media to distort when nothing can come of it? We're leaving this afternoon, let's just forget about it."

No way am I making problems for the tour. I'll be out on my a.s.s. They're all over-reacting.

"Tegan." Bryn's pout switches to a hard look. "I'm not happy about this. Somebody should be held accountable."

"Yes, me. I'm accountable. I'm not exactly overjoyed by the situation either, but I want to forget about it." I drag the sheet over my face. "Most of all, I want to sleep. I feel like c.r.a.p."

Bryn starts a lecture about why I should do as he says; how he's going to get hold of the person involved, and what he's going to do to him. Ignoring Bryn, I drift off to sleep.

A sour-faced Bryn watches Tina walk away from our meeting in the hotel cafe. Luckily, for me, Tina agrees that we shouldn't contact the police. I'm sticking to my story this was alcohol because I refuse to believe otherwise. Alcohol is as good a date rape drug as any; what's to say it wasn't booze that Tomas plied me with? And he didn't a.s.sault me, so there's nothing we can do. Scenarios of what could've happened keep intruding into my mind. I have a friend who was date raped and she was understandably a mess for a long time after. That's why I'm so b.l.o.o.d.y careful. Along with the disturbing thoughts comes relief that Jax was interested enough to keep an eye on me at a party full of distractions.

I need to talk to him.

Mid-afternoon and I'm still shaky; my head feels stuffed with cotton wool. I'm unable to hold as lucid a conversation as I'd like. Bryn tried pointing out my symptoms are worse than a normal hangover, but I could see the PR machine whirring in Tina's eyes. At that point, I embellished my story to say I'd drank a lot of vodka. Who's going to know otherwise?

"I don't f.u.c.king believe this," Bryn mutters as Tina's heels click across the tiled floor.

I place a hand on his leg aware that if he wanted to, Bryn could pull out the big guns and tell Tina to do exactly what he wants. This topic needs closing before he broods on it any further, and I'm coerced into doing something I don't want.

"What time's the flight to Madrid?" I ask.

He throws an empty sugar packet across the table. "Four. You have an hour and we're leaving the hotel."

"Right." G.o.d, I hope there's no turbulence on the way to Spain.

"But maybe you should go home to Wales."

"No! Bryn, don't start that!"

"Two days and you're already in trouble!" He shifts his leg away from my hand.

"This situation isn't likely to happen again, is it?"

"How do you know?"

I turn to face him, give him my best pleading look. "I'll stay away from parties, do my own thing."

He snorts. "Yeah, right."

"Bryn, please. I know I screwed up but from now on, I'll be extra careful."

He stares ahead, and I play with my coffee cup as I wait for the silence between us to thicken into an argument.

"Do you know how hard that was for me?" he asks quietly. "Seeing you unconscious, thinking you'd OD'd? My little sister almost a.s.saulted because she put herself in a stupid situation."

I bite back a retort, but he's right. Somehow, I did and my immaturity shone through for him; arguing with Bryn will reinforce this. "A one off. Slip up. Another chance, Bryn. If I cause problems again, I'll agree to leave."

He turns to me, and instead of anger in his eyes, concern marks his tired face. "I'm not upset because you caused problems, Tegan. I'm upset because you were nearly hurt and the reason why. This happened because you're in this f.u.c.ked up environment I exist in, and you don't belong here."

"And I have people looking out for me," I whisper and touch his hand.

"Yeah, although some probably have ulterior motives." He scowls.

Jax. Don't go there. I rest my head on Bryn's broad shoulder. "Please? Can I stay?"

"Stop that," he replies, but a smile flickers across his lips, a return to the Tegan and Bryn we've always been. "I won't be wrapped around your little finger anymore. This is serious."

"Sure you won't." I poke his side and he flinches. "I'll finish my coffee while you think about it."

Bryn sighs and stands; my big brother's hurting because he failed to protect me and doesn't understand that's not his job anymore. If I thought staying on tour would cause him more upset, I'd go; but the selfish part of me is determined to stay. I smile encouragingly.

"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, Tegan. Come to Madrid, but if anything else happens, you're out." I grin but the smile disappears when he adds, "And that includes hooking up with anybody who's part of the tour."

He raises a brow in challenge. Nicely played, Bryn, because it doesn't take rocket science to figure out who he means.

14.

MADRID, SPAIN.

JAX.

We arrive late, heading to the hotel through the dusk. I'm exhausted after last night's events, physically and emotionally.

I'm not talking to Nate. At all. Will attempted to intervene when I went off at Nate about letting Tegan walk away, but Nate's claiming memory blanks too. Will's also tried talking me around, explaining we need to put this behind us for the sake of the band.

Not happening. Not yet. If I channel some anger at him, I relieve some of what I have directed at myself. Hazy images of Tegan dragged up the hallway by Tomas play over in my head, a leaden sickness in the pit of my stomach over what could've happened.

Ruby informed me Tegan refuses to believe it was drink spiking, claiming she drank too much. Tegan also point blank refused to be tested or to involve the police. This p.i.s.ses me off and I'm determined to talk to her about what I witnessed. I might've been drunk, but I know what happened.

Our flight was earlier than the Phoenix boys'. As usual, Will whined about getting out of bed early, but I reminded him that at least we weren't stuck on a tour bus and told him to shut up.

The hotel we arrive at is part of the same chain as the Lisbon one, a few differences in decor but dazzlingly similar with the flooring competing with light fittings for shininess. I barely notice, heading to my room and throwing myself on the bed to catch up on the sleep I missed last night. We have a night off, and a concert tomorrow. b.l.o.o.d.y good thing, too.

A couple of hours later, showered and back to the land of the living, I explore the hotel. The pet.i.te girl at reception, dark hair sc.r.a.ped from her thickly made-up face, blushes as I ask her where the restaurant is. I don't bother turning on my charm in response; that's all too hard right now, and I'm starving.

I could've called room service, but the excitement of each new tour hotel hasn't worn off yet. I bet the novelty will pa.s.s by the time I hit the sixth city. Still annoyed with Nate, and not in the mood for Will, I lope off in the direction I'm told. No Madrid nightspots for me tonight.

I stick to a burger and chips, fancier than the fast food version I fill my belly with when at uni, and treat myself to a Spanish beer to wash it down. Well, I should sample one thing from the local cuisine. I drag my phone from my pocket, wishing I had Tegan's number so I could ask if she's okay. Instead, I google last night's concert to see reviews and pictures. I pout to myself when most are of Blue Phoenix, but my - Ruby Riot's - fan page has a few good shots uploaded.

Man, look at how f.u.c.king awesome I am on stage.

"Hey, Jax."

I drop my phone on the table in surprise when I look up at Tegan. Her face is drawn and colourless, eyes dull, and she's dressed in blue track pants and a grey hoodie.

"Tegan." I push a metal chair in her directions so she can sit, but she doesn't.

"I just wanted to say thanks for last night."

"No problem. Are you all right now?"

"Mostly. Still a bit hungover."

"Hungover?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yeah, hungover," she replies, fixing me with hard eyes.

n.o.body else is in the restaurant, the square tables covered in blue cloth and set for later diners. "And hungry?"

"A little." She holds up a paper-wrapped sandwich. "I didn't expect anybody else to be around at this time."

"Same. I think a few people are recharging for going out tonight."

Tegan picks at the corner of the wrapper. "Early night for me."

Her quiet evasiveness is at odds with the Tegan I know. "Do you want me to tell you what really happened? I don't think you're hungover."

"Don't you start lecturing me too. I'm sure you won't remember clearly either, not like you were sober."

I wait until she's forced to look at me for an answer. "Some of it's crystal clear, Tegan."

"It's done. Doesn't matter. Just wanted to say thanks." Tegan turns away and when I laugh to myself, she looks back. "What?"

"Can see why Bryn gets annoyed with you. Stubborn as."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If I was a chick, I'd be shaken up by last night, so I think you're putting a good front on. Plus, I think you're lying to yourself."

"Really? And you're suddenly an expert on me are you?"

"Not as much as I'd like to be." I bite my lip. "Inappropriate, sorry."

Tegan shakes her head. "I'll just lay off the alcohol and not get myself in that position again."

"Or not accept drinks from strangers."

"What?" Tegan's voice drops.

"Tomas. He said he gave you a beer that's why I'm convinced he spiked your drink, because co-incidentally, he was the one 'helping' you out. Do you remember being with him?"

"No. I have blanks. I don't remember anything. Jax, I hardly remember you. Please stop talking about last night. I just wanted to say thank you and leave the topic for good."