"Mummy!" he complains. "Feed the ducks."

Nate hangs back as I delve into the plastic bag, take some bread, and pull it into small pieces. "Don't just feed the ones at the front," I say.

The greedy quacking continues and Josh giggles as a couple climb out of the water to our feet.

"s.h.i.t!" says Nate as one approaches him.

Curiously, he stumbles backwards. "Are you scared of ducks?" I ask.

"No, I just don't like them."

Josh claps his hands; the startled duck waddles back to the water.

"I didn't think we'd be doing this," says Nate.

"What did you want to do?"

"I dunno. Go to the movies."

"Difficult to interact with Josh in the dark."

Josh continues to focus his attention on the ducks and Nate wrinkles his nose. "I'll wait on the bench until you're done."

As he kisses me briefly on the lips and heads up the slope to the wooden seat, my heart sinks into my stomach. Not a great start. As my mind races with the possibilities over what happens next, I attempt to enjoy the duck feeding with Josh. I take a glance or two at Nate who sits examining his phone.

All the words from the other night fade into the shadows of my fears. We've been together a few times over the last week, Nate and Riley at odds with the world, but now Josh joins us, can this continue?

Then irritation creeps in. Nate isn't even trying.

Josh empties the crumbs from the bag onto the ground and shouts a goodbye to the ducks. We head up to Nate who looks up, tucking his phone away.

"Done?"

"We're taking a walk now," I say.

Nate tips his head at my stiff voice. "You okay?"

"Are you?"

"I'm here aren't I?"

Josh tugs at my hand. "Can we get the ice cream now?"

"It's a bit b.l.o.o.d.y cold for ice creams, isn't it?" asks Nate.

"It's never too cold for ice creams," I say with a laugh.

"I'll have yours," Josh tells him.

Nate breaks into a grin. "Is that right?"

"We're taking a walk first," I tell Josh. "Come on."

I attempt to take Josh's hand but he charges off ahead. I huff and Nate curls his hand around mine instead. What do I say? Nate doesn't speak either as we follow the concrete path through the blossoming trees. Josh weaves around, and finds a new stick, which he then whacks against a bush.

"He's bored," I say. "He usually comes with a friend."

"Uh huh."

When I take the stick from Josh, he scowls at me. "You didn't bring my football."

"You know I can't play football, Josh."

"I could've done," Nate says. "Better than feeding b.l.o.o.d.y ducks."

"Yes! Mike plays football with me," replies Josh.

"His friend's dad," I add hastily. "Next time, maybe?"

Nate doesn't reply.

With each pa.s.sing moment, the disappointment rises. I knew Nate couldn't do this.

Josh rushes our walk and makes a beeline to the pink and white ice cream van situated in the corner of the carpark.

"Jake!" I look over as Josh shrieks his friend's name and runs across the gra.s.s to a nearby family.

Jake walks along the nearby path with his parents, his mum pushing Jake's sister in a buggy. I have no choice but to go over and say h.e.l.lo. Recognition crosses Marie's face first and I swear her mouth drops open as she glances between us. Simon halts next to her.

"Hi," I say.

"h.e.l.lo."

An awkward conversation about school and teachers follows, while Nate stares at the sky. This really isn't what I wanted for Nate's first introduction to my other life.

"Ah. Um. This is Nate," I say.

Simon extends a hand and, for a horrible moment, I don't think Nate will take it. "Hey, Nate."

Nate nods as he shakes. "Hey."

Silence. OhmiG.o.d. A p.r.i.c.kling embarra.s.sment creeps through, and Josh's next move makes things a h.e.l.l of a lot worse. The boys charge around and there's a yell from Jake. He runs over to his mum crying and holds out his arm with a large, bleeding scratch along. "Josh hit me with his stick."

"Josh!" I yell. "Drop the stick now!"

A subdued Josh wanders over and stares at the ground. "Say sorry to Jake."

As he mutters an apology, I swear Nate laughs under his breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. Boys, hey?" says Simon with a grin at Nate.

Marie looks less impressed, her dark hair falling forward as she fusses over Jake's arm, dragging tissues from her bag to hold over the bleeding.

"We're getting ice creams, would you like one?" I ask Jake.

Jake looks to his mum who gives me a tight smile. "We haven't finished our walk, but thank you."

I grit my teeth as the perfect family with their perfectly behaved children walk away. Even the toddler sat quietly in her buggy. "Josh! Why did you hit Jake?" I snap.

"He had a stick too! We were sword fighting. I didn't mean to."

"You need to be careful."

Nate places a hand on my arm. "Don't get mad with him."

I raise a brow. "Now you want to get involved?"

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Ice creams." I tug Josh away by the hand, p.i.s.sed off when my throat thickens with upset.

Today has been one, huge f.u.c.k up so far.

Nate grips my shoulder forcing me to stop. "Sit. I'll buy them."

"No, it's okay-" He half pushes me onto the nearby bench. "Calm down. I'll buy ice creams."

Josh's grin reappears. "Can I have a Flake in mine?"

"Sure."

The two figures head towards the van, and I tuck my hands beneath my legs, watching. This is surreal. Is Nate as uncomfortable as I am? He's taciturn at best; I'm the only one who benefits from his smiles and lighter moods, and it appears he left both home today. I slap down the constant thoughts this won't work. What did I expect? Nate, who isn't used to children, naturally talking and playing with Josh? He's right. We should've taken a trip to the movies instead.

"Josh says you like vanilla." Nate pa.s.ses me a cone and sits, with Josh perching next to him and crunching into his chocolate Flake.

"Thanks."

Nate places one hand on my knee as he eats, and I breathe in the freshness of the spring, the muddy smell of the park and the blossoms on the nearby bush. Families pa.s.s, relaxed, and voices call out. Is anybody else here taking part in an awkward ritual like us?

"What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry," he asks.

I bite the inside of my lip, his words prompting my eyes to fill. "I'm not."

"Liar." He bites into his cone and proceeds to shrug his jacket off, revealing his tattoo-sleeved arms.

Josh stares. "I want a tattoo."

"I think you have to be older," Nate replies.

"I want a dragon. A big one."

"My brother has a dragon. Here." Nate indicates his chest.

"Do you have lots of tattoos?"

"A few."

"That's cool." Josh licks ice cream melting onto his hand, then points at Nate's mouth. "But that's weird."

Nate touches his piercing and smiles. "I guess it is."

I relax and absent-mindedly eat my ice cream. Josh and Nate finish theirs and don't say anymore to each other. Nate squeezes my knee, and I wish the atmosphere were as peaceful as the surrounds.

His treat finished, Josh leaps up and heads to a nearby tree where he starts gathering sticks.

"Your boy likes sticks," Nate remarks.

"He always takes them home. But he doesn't always attack his friends with them."

Nate laughs.

"Not funny. I'm already the weird mum, now I'm the weird mum with the violent son."

"Pfft. Who gives a c.r.a.p what they think?"

"Me! He's boisterous and gets bored easily."

"He seems like a normal kid to me." Nate points at Josh climbing a nearby tree.

I resist the urge to be helicopter mum and race over to tell Josh to climb down.

"This isn't working, is it?" I say in a quiet voice. "You and Josh."

"Jesus, Riley. Give me a chance. I just met the kid." He wipes ice cream from the corner of my lip. "I'm not gonna run, if that's what you're worried about."

"Okay. But I worry for lots of reasons."

"Because of my past?"

"A bit."

Nate wrinkles his nose. "A lot about this situation is weird. I won't lie and say I'm totally cool with it."

"You never spoke to me about the... ex thing again. Is it still a problem?"

Nate turns his earnest eyes to mine. "Only if I let it. The more I get to know Josh, the more it'll fade away, right?"

"You want to meet him again?"