"July 28, 1801.

"My dear pastor, Mr. M----, sailed for Britain. I thank thee, good and kind Shepherd of Israel, for all those providences, which seemed small things at the time, that hedged me into that congregation; for all the benefits and comforts I enjoyed under the ministry of thy aged servant now before thy throne, and that thou preparedst thy young servant to fill his place when the time of his departure came.

"I thank thee for all the endowments of our young pastor, of nature and grace. I thank thee, that thou hast kept him faithful to Him who has called him, and for the precious treasure thou hast put in that earthen vessel.

"Now, Lord, that thou hast called him to leave his family and his flock, to travel to a foreign land in the service which thou requirest, go with him, prosper him, overrule all his concerns for thy glory, the good of his soul, of the church in general, and his own little flock in particular. Amen. Glorify thy name"

CHAPTER VIII.

JOURNAL AND LETTERS--LADIES' SCHOOL FOR POOR CHILDREN.

"NOVEMBER 22, 1801.

"ISABELLA SMITH," a grandchild, "is very ill; she appears to be in a stupor. Two physicians are attending, but my eyes are to the Lord. She is his own, given to him by faith, as a covenant G.o.d in Christ for her in particular, for ourselves and our children. I desire not to draw back, but, the Lord strengthening me, to give up at his call. If it be his will to spare her, she is still his own, to be done by, with, and for, as his infinite wisdom may see fit, for his own glory and her eternal interest. If he is about to remove her out of the world, she is his own; out of the mouth of this babe will he perfect praise; with that company of whom is the kingdom of heaven, she shall join in the song of Moses and the Lamb, 'to Him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, to him be glory, honor, dominion, and power.'

"O Lord, one pet.i.tion I prefer--if it be thy will to take her out of the world, take her in thine arms and carry her through the dark valley; grant to her a gentle and easy pa.s.sage, and an abundant entrance into thy kingdom; and tune our hearts to sing, 'The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'

Amen."

"NOVEMBER 23.

"This day the dear Isabella joined the church triumphant, and took her place among that company which Christ has p.r.o.nounced blessed.

I yesterday asked of the Lord that he would take her in his arms and carry her through the dark valley, that he would give her a gentle and easy pa.s.sage, and an abundant entrance into his kingdom. He heard my prayer; it was indeed soft and gentle; not a struggle, not a groan; and the affliction which brought down the frame was moderate throughout. I was enabled to resign the Lord's own into his own hand, in the faith that he did receive, and would keep that which I committed to him.

"My soul is satisfied--more than satisfied; I rejoice, and congratulate the lovely babe on her early escape from a world of sin and sorrow, to the arms of her dear Redeemer, and to perfect blessedness with him."

"NOVEMBER 24.

"It is done--finished--the soul with G.o.d, the body in the tomb.

It is all well; yes, our covenant G.o.d, thou doest all things well. I firmly believe thy mercy is over all thy works. Goodness, mercy, yea, loving-kindness has marked thy every step. I believe it now. I shall see it soon.

"Now, our G.o.d, follow this bereavement with thy purifying, sanctifying grace. Enable us all to search and try our ways. Lead our souls into a knowledge of the secret corruptions of our hearts, that we may confess and mourn over them, wash in the blood of Christ, be pardoned, restored, and get a great victory. Enable us through life to abide in Christ; to keep close to thee, transacting all our affairs with thee, before they come into the view of the world. Let thy wisdom and thy Spirit, in connection with thy providences, be our counsellors. O keep us in a dependent frame of mind, humble and watchful. Strip us of all self-confidence. May we at the same time be strong in the Lord and in the power of thy might; rejoicing in thee, the G.o.d of our salvation, the strength of our heart, and our portion for ever. Glory, glory, glory, to Father, Son, and blessed Spirit.

Amen, and Amen."

"DECEMBER, 1801.

"It is my earnest desire to 'grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,' It is my desire to love the Lord my G.o.d with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength, and with all my mind; and to love my neighbor as myself, so as to do to Mm whatever I could expect from Christian principles in him, on an exchange of circ.u.mstances.

"It is my desire to give all diligence to add to my faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge temperance, to temperance patience, to patience G.o.dliness, to G.o.dliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness charity, that these things being in me and abounding, I may be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

"I desire to grow in grace day by day, to profit by every ordinance of G.o.d's appointing, and by every providence; and I pray, Lord, I pray that thou wouldst grant me my desire, so as that I may become more spiritual, more discerning in the Scriptures, more fruitful in good works: that thou mayest increase also my humility.

Open to my view more of the extent and spirituality of thy divine law; the majesty, purity, holiness, of thy nature; the exceeding sinfulness of sin; the hidden corruptions of my own heart, and my inability to search them out, and to crucify them: give me also more just views of my past life, that I may ever be convinced that I am, what I really am, the very chief of sinners, and the least of all saints; and that it is entirely of grace that I am what I am. O make out this promise to me; I will record it in thine own words: 'I will establish my covenant with thee: and thou shalt know that I am the Lord,' Ezekiel 16:62. I confess myself the character described in the two foregoing chapters; and though thou hast chastened me ten thousand times less than my iniquities deserve, even by the const.i.tution of the new covenant, thou hast chastened me. Now, O Lord, most merciful and gracious, who 'pardonest iniquity, transgression, and sin,' for thy name's sake, do to and for me as thou hast said: 'I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord. That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame, when I am pacified towards thee for all that thou hast done, saith the Lord G.o.d.' Amen."

To Mr. and Mrs. B----, in Britain.

"DECEMBER 7, 1801.

"I have received my dear J----'s three letters from Dingwall: fresh matter of praise to our covenant G.o.d. You have had your season of affliction; and now you have a season of refreshing, a resting-time. The cup of the Christian is always more or less mixed.

Your afflictions have ever been mixed with much mercy, and now your season of rest is also mixed. I well know that no temporal comfort can compensate the absence of your justly beloved D----. He, however, who is the G.o.d of both, who goes with him, and stays with you, can not only support, but comfort. The omniscient, the omnipresent, the omnipotent G.o.d is our G.o.d, and the G.o.d of our house; all that he is is ours, to bless us. Behold, G.o.d is become our salvation. Every endearing name known among men he takes to himself, to inspire us with pleasing, confiding love--every name that connects the idea of protection, to keep our minds in quiet peace, in the a.s.surance of safety: Father, Husband, Brother, Friend, Prophet, Priest, King, Physician, Help, Health, Light, Life, Counsellor, Guide, Sanctuary, Anchor--but I should fill my sheet. I said it all at first: G.o.d is ours, and ours with the knowledge of all our backslidings, which he heals; our wanderings, from which he restores us; and our sins, which he forgives: one of his names is the G.o.d of pardons. He delights in mercy. Are we not his witnesses? What has our whole life been, but sin, backslidings, and wanderings? What have his dealings with us been, but pardons, healings, restorations? Therefore we remain, as at this day, with our desires towards him, and our faces Zion-wards. What he hath begun he will perfect, and in a little while our eyes shall behold him, our hearts shall enjoy him, we shall be like him, and see him as he is."

To the same.

"DECEMBER 26, 1801.

"I rejoice over my dear children, and bless our gracious G.o.d that he has led them a sweet and most delightful sojourning among his churches, animating their spirits by their mutual communion; blessing them, and, I hope, making them blessings. I pray the Lord may make our dear D---- an instrument among others of spreading his gospel, building up his church, and pulling down the strong-holds of Satan; and that you may be in your place a help-meet for him, in this as in every thing else. May the Lord choose his path and direct his steps, and yours with him. Women were helpers of the apostles and others in Paul's days: at the same time care must ever be taken not to obtrude in any respect. I pray that you may be kept spiritual and humble: eminence in G.o.d's service is truly desirable, if the heart be kept humble. If the Lord open the eyes to behold more of the extent and spirituality of his law, the holiness and purity of his nature, the evil of sin, and its contrariety to all that is in G.o.d; and if he turn the eyes inward to the hidden corruptions of the heart, when it is evident to the soul that all is of grace, then may eminent services be safe.

"'I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes,' was the exercise of Job; and justly so. Job, who was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame, a father to the poor, and the cause which he knew not he searched it out: when the ear heard him, it blessed him; when the eye saw him, it gave witness to him; who withheld not the poor from his desire, nor caused the eye of the widow to fail; the stranger did not lodge in the street, but he opened his door unto the traveller: all this was true as far as the external act, and as he then thought, with a proper temper of heart, Job could justify himself before his fellow-sinners, Blind like himself; but when G.o.d comes to deal with him, how different his views. Then it was, 'Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay my hand on my mouth:' even with the very best there is cause for this exercise, could we see in the same light.

"How deceitful is the human heart; how unfaithful the conscience; how little do we know of the sins of our daily walk. We are called to watch and pray, that we enter not into temptation; to walk with G.o.d in close, intimate communion: whether we eat or drink, to do all to his glory: to consult him in all the affairs of life, narrowly observing his providence in connection with our circ.u.mstances; weighing all in his presence, requesting him to determine our wills and direct our steps. We ought not to say, 'We will go into such a city,' and do this or that; but, 'If the Lord will.' How inconsistent our conduct with these rules. How often do rashness, precipitation, and self-will accompany our determinations and movements. And how often do His goodness and wisdom over rule our folly, save us from our own pits, and prevent the evil that might be expected. At no time does he deal with us as we sin, though sometimes he stands by and allows us a taste of our folly: then we are in trouble, we dig our pits and fall into them, but we cannot deliver ourselves. O what a G.o.d! who, even at such a time, says to us, 'Call on me in the time of trouble; I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify my name; thou hast destroyed thyself, but in me is Blessed help; mercy to pardon, goodness to wisdom to guide, faithfulness to carry through and perfect what concerns us, overruling our very follies, and causing them to teach us to profit. This is G.o.d's way, according to many declarations of himself in his word, and the experience of all his redeemed.

"Blessed then is the man that trusteth in the Lord; they truly are a blessed people whose G.o.d Jehovah is."

"FEBRUARY, 1802.

"MY DEAR, MY BELOVED CHILDREN--I trust the Lord is your support; I know you are in trouble; it cannot be that opportunities have been wanting all this time, nor can it be that my children have been negligent: no, no, I cannot suppose it. My children are in trouble; they could not write that they were otherwise, and therefore remain silent until they can write the issue. It is proper, and sure the Lord feeds me with comfort. O the comfort of knowing that the Almighty G.o.d is their own reconciled Father by an everlasting covenant; Christ, the Mediator and Surety, their Advocate, Brother, and Friend; the Holy Ghost their Teacher, Guide, and Comforter. It cannot be ill with my dear children, who are also G.o.d's dear children. My Father, I know it, thou chastenest for their profit. I know not where they are, nor how they fare. I know not what to ask for them; but thou art everywhere present, thine eye is upon them, thou knowest all their wants, all their burdens, all their bereavements, or whatever tries them. O let thy sensible presence be with them; open wide the leaves of that new testament in Christ's blood, and let them read their rich legacy, their unsearchable riches in Christ; give them confidence in thy wisdom and goodness, and sweet acquiescence in all thy dealings with them. Thou hast spared in mercy, perhaps now thou hast taken in mercy: yes, thy tender mercies are over all thy works, and a large ingredient in every cup thou puttest into the hand of thy children. It is well, it is well.

"Since writing the above, I have received my dear D----'s letter, second copy, by the way of London. The Lord is your G.o.d. and the G.o.d of your seed. John the Baptist leaped in the womb when the salutation of Mary sounded in his mother's ears; he was then a living soul, and an heir of salvation at that moment. If your babe was conceived in sin by the first covenant, he is an heir of grace by the second. Think it not hard; no, you do not think it hard that you have conceived him in sickness, carried him in sickness, and suffered the pangs of birth without the succeeding joy to make you forget your anguish. All this shall be for the glory of G.o.d, and that is what you seek; believe it now, you shall see it soon. I do sympathize; my fond heart had embraced a sweet babe added to the family for one taken.

The Lord has taken this also; it is his due: I shall soon leave the mortal and join the immortal; five have joined the head, six remain; and one I know nothing of, more than that I cast him on the Lord, and look for mercy. I thank my G.o.d that he gave you the grace of resignation, and supported you in the solitary confinement. Alas, my child, did you listen for the voice of your babe? O, what a suspense; but let me stop--he had reached maturity ere that time; without the fight, obtained the victory; he is of the travail of the Redeemer's soul; children are G.o.d's heritage, the fruit of the womb his reward.

Rest then in the Lord; this is to his glory, both without and within your soul."

"MAY 20, 1802.

"MY DEAR CHILDREN--Here am I in my little room, surrounded with every comfort, and as the provision of my G.o.d, I value all; but there lies the chief, _my Bible_, the testament of my dying, risen, ascended, reigning Saviour, bequeathing to me eternal life, executed in full, and made as sure as the promise and oath of G.o.d. The influences of the Holy Ghost on my mind, taking of the things of Christ, and showing them unto me; opening wide the leaves of that new testament, in which I read unsearchable riches, and my t.i.tle to them sure: yes, sure, even to me, a base idolatrous gentile, a rebel against the eternal King, my Creator, Preserver, Provider; a backslider in heart and in life. What has such a one to do with a holy G.o.d? He hath said only return; and he himself hath turned to me, chastened, convinced, restored, comforted. His ways are not as our ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts; but as the heavens are above the earth, so are his ways above our ways, and his thoughts high above our thoughts, and his plans above our conception. For although it is for ever true, that he is of purer eyes than to behold evil, and cannot look on iniquity; that his law has denounced a curse upon the transgressor who keepeth it not in every jot and t.i.ttle; it is for ever true, that this G.o.d is unchangeable in his nature and purposes.

What he hath said, that will he do. It is for ever true, that I am all I have said, and worse, a sinner in heart, tongue, and practice; yet am I a beloved child, a justified one, an heir of G.o.d.

"Here is the testament, here is my charter with the seal of G.o.d upon it--JESUS, thou art the Secret of the Lord; thou art the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root and offspring of David. Thou hast prevailed to open this book of secrets, to loose the seven seals, and lay open its mysteries. Thou Lamb of G.o.d, the appointed and anointed to the great work; in our room, and in our nature, thou hast sustained the curse. Thou hast obeyed the law; thou hast drunk the last drop of the last vial of that wrath which would have sunk my soul in the endless depths of misery; and I never could have expended one drop, but sunk deeper and deeper under it. O not unto me, not unto ministers, not unto any creature be the praise. As for me, I am, in a word, all that is vile in myself; ministers, providences, afflictions are just what G.o.d makes them; without his blessing they will not only pa.s.s without profiting, but Satan and corruption will make them ministers to themselves. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, for he has redeemed me with his blood. Worthy is the Lamb to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing--to him, to him alone, be the praise; who, of an heir of h.e.l.l, hath made an heir of heaven, by a subst.i.tutional righteousness wrought out in his own person: mine by free gift, in which I am completely justified. To this work let nothing be added, with this work let nothing be mixed.

"There is another work going on by the same Spirit of truth; also his purchase and gift--sanctification. In this I am called to occupy, watch, strive, fight. Life is given; means of support and growth provided; weapons of warfare--all things necessary to life and G.o.dliness: these are promised to the diligent use of means; and poverty, stagnation, discomfort threatened to the indolent. O how sovereign and gracious has my G.o.d been in his dealings with me in this respect also. For a sluggard have I been in the days of youth and the prime of life; yet to me hath he given the comforts promised only to the diligent. Here I sit on the verge of threescore; my heart in some good measure loosened from the world, although in full possession of it. Health, ease, plenty, elegance, friendship, respectability; old age welcome, death unstung become a familiar friend, the messenger of my Father to fetch me home to those mansions which my Redeemer has taken possession of in my name. My hope is strong for my offspring.

Stately have been his steps of mercy towards them already, and he saved them from their mother's snares; he heard and answered my prayers, for his name's sake, and overruled my practices; he is my G.o.d, and the G.o.d of my children; the G.o.d of my children's children to the latest generation; my cup is full of comfort, temporal and spiritual. O praise him, praise him, for he is your G.o.d, and the G.o.d of your offspring also."

"JUNE 4, 1802.

"Making allowances for the difference of time, and supposing my dear children in health, all about them is in a racket. This is his majesty's birthday; and you are at this moment, perhaps, set in some social company, by invitation, to honor the anniversary, to repeat the wish of long life, health, and comfort to the lawful sovereign of Britain.

"Here sit I in my dear little room, with a lovely landscape in view; B. M----'s park in velvet verdure; the full-grown trees scattered thin to display the carpet, and in full foliage; the clump of willows weeping to the very ground, with a gentle wave agitated by the zephyr; while the other trees keep their firm, majestic posture; the Hudson river covered with vessels crowded with sail to catch the scanty breeze; some sweet little chirpers regaling the ear with their share of pleasure. I think I never heard any little warbler in this land sing so sweet as those which now salute my ear.

"These are thy glorious works, Parent of good.'