What dear delight to Britons farce affords! 310 Ever the taste of mobs, but now of lords; (Taste, that eternal wanderer, which flies From heads to ears, and now from ears to eyes).

The play stands still; damn action and discourse, Back fly the scenes, and enter foot and horse; Pageants on pageants, in long order drawn, Peers, heralds, bishops, ermine, gold, and lawn; The champion too; and, to complete the jest, Old Edward's armour beams on Cibber's breast[153]

With laughter, sure, Democritus had died, 320 Had he beheld an audience gape so wide.

Let bear or elephant be e'er so white, The people, sure, the people are the sight!

Ah, luckless poet! stretch thy lungs and roar, That bear or elephant shall heed thee more; While all its throats the gallery extends, And all the thunder of the pit ascends!

Loud as the wolves, on Orcas' stormy steep, Howl to the roarings of the Northern deep.

Such is the shout, the long-applauding note, 330 At Quin's high plume, or Oldfield's petticoat; Or when from court a birthday suit bestow'd, Sinks the lost actor in the tawdry load.

Booth enters--hark! the universal peal!

'But has he spoken?' Not a syllable.

What shook the stage, and made the people stare?

Cato's long wig, flower'd gown, and lacquer'd chair.

Yet lest you think I rally more than teach, Or praise malignly arts I cannot reach, Let me for once presume to instruct the times, 340 To know the poet from the man of rhymes: 'Tis he, who gives my breast a thousand pains, Can make me feel each passion that he feigns; Enrage, compose, with more than magic art, With pity, and with terror, tear my heart: And snatch me, o'er the earth, or through the air, To Thebes, to Athens, when he will, and where.

But not this part of the poetic state Alone, deserves the favour of the great: Think of those authors, sir, who would rely 350 More on a reader's sense, than gazer's eye.

Or who shall wander where the Muses sing?

Who climb their mountain, or who taste their spring?

How shall we fill a library with wit, When Merlin's cave is half unfurnish'd yet?

My liege! why writers little claim your thought, I guess; and, with their leave, will tell the fault: We poets are (upon a poet's word) Of all mankind, the creatures most absurd: The season, when to come, and when to go, 360 To sing, or cease to sing, we never know; And if we will recite nine hours in ten, You lose your patience, just like other men.

Then, too, we hurt ourselves, when to defend A single verse, we quarrel with a friend; Repeat unask'd; lament, the wit's too fine For vulgar eyes, and point out every line.

But most, when straining with too weak a wing, We needs will write epistles to the king; And from the moment we oblige the town, 370 Expect a place, or pension from the crown; Or dubb'd historians by express command, To enrol your triumphs o'er the seas and land, Be call'd to court to plan some work divine, As once for Louis, Boileau and Racine.

Yet think, great sir! (so many virtues shown) Ah think, what poet best may make them known?

Or choose, at least, some minister of grace, Fit to bestow the Laureate's weighty place.

Charles, to late times to be transmitted fair, 380 Assign'd his figure to Bernini's[154] care; And great Nassau to Kneller's hand decreed To fix him graceful on the bounding steed; So well in paint and stone they judged of merit: But kings in wit may want discerning spirit.

The hero William, and the martyr Charles, One knighted Blackmore, and one pension'd Quarles; Which made old Ben and surly Dennis swear, 'No Lord's anointed, but a Russian bear.'

Not with such majesty, such bold relief, 390 The forms august of king, or conquering chief.

E'er swell'd on marble, as in verse have shined (In polish'd verse) the manners and the mind.

Oh! could I mount on the Maeonian wing, Your arms, your actions, your repose to sing!

What seas you traversed, and what fields you fought!

Your country's peace, how oft, how dearly bought!

How barbarous rage subsided at your word, And nations wonder'd while they dropp'd the sword!

How, when you nodded, o'er the land and deep, 400 Peace stole her wing, and wrapp'd the world in sleep; Till earth's extremes your mediation own, And Asia's tyrants tremble at your throne-- But verse, alas! your Majesty disdains; And I'm not used to panegyric strains: The zeal of fools offends at any time, But most of all, the zeal of fools in rhyme.

Besides, a fate attends on all I write, That when I aim at praise, they say I bite.

A vile encomium doubly ridicules: 410 There's nothing blackens like the ink of fools.

If true, a woful likeness; and if lies, 'Praise undeserved is scandal in disguise:'

Well may he blush who gives it, or receives; And when I flatter, let my dirty leaves (Like journals, odes, and such forgotten things As Eusden, Philips, Settle, writ of kings) Clothe spice, line trunks, or fluttering in a row, Befringe the rails of Bedlam and Soho.

THE SECOND EPISTLE OF THE SECOND BOOK OF HORACE.

'Ludentis speciem dabit, et torquebitur.'

--HOR.

Dear Colonel,[155] Cobham's and your country's friend!

You love a verse, take such as I can send.

A Frenchman comes, presents you with his boy, Bows and begins--'The lad, sir, is of Blois:[156]

Observe his shape how clean! his locks how curl'd!

My only son;--I'd have him see the world: His French is pure: his voice, too, you shall hear.

Sir, he's your slave, for twenty pound a-year.

Mere wax as yet, you fashion him with ease, Your barber, cook, upholsterer, what you please: 10 A perfect genius at an opera song-- To say too much, might do my honour wrong.

Take him with all his virtues, on my word; His whole ambition was to serve a lord; But, sir, to you, with what would I not part?

Though, faith! I fear, 'twill break his mother's heart.

Once (and but once) I caught him in a lie, And then, unwhipp'd, he had the grace to cry; The fault he has I fairly shall reveal, (Could you o'erlook but that) it is to steal.' 20

If, after this, you took the graceless lad, Could you complain, my friend, he proved so bad?

Faith, in such case, if you should prosecute, I think Sir Godfrey[157] should decide the suit; Who sent the thief that stole the cash away, And punish'd him that put it in his way.

Consider then, and judge me in this light; I told you when I went, I could not write; You said the same; and are you discontent With laws, to which you gave your own assent? 30 Nay worse, to ask for verse at such a time!

D' ye think me good for nothing but to rhyme?

In Anna's wars, a soldier, poor and old, Had dearly earn'd a little purse of gold: Tired with a tedious march, one luckless night, He slept, poor dog! and lost it to a doit.

This put the man in such a desperate mind, Between revenge, and grief, and hunger join'd, Against the foe, himself, and all mankind, He leap'd the trenches, scaled a castle-wall, 40 Tore down a standard, took the fort and all.

'Prodigious well!' his great commander cried, Gave him much praise, and some reward beside.

Next, pleased his excellence a town to batter; (Its name I know not, and it's no great matter) 'Go on, my friend,' (he cried) 'see yonder walls!

Advance and conquer! go where glory calls!

More honours, more rewards attend the brave.'

Don't you remember what reply he gave?

'D' ye think me, noble general, such a sot? 50 Let him take castles who has ne'er a groat.'

Bred up at home, full early I begun To read in Greek the wrath of Peleus' son.

Besides, my father taught me from a lad, The better art to know the good from bad: (And little sure imported to remove, To hunt for truth in Maudlin's learned grove.) But knottier points we knew not half so well, Deprived us soon of our paternal cell; And certain laws, by sufferers thought unjust. 60 Denied all posts of profit or of trust: Hopes after hopes of pious Papists fail'd, While mighty William's thundering arm prevail'd.

For right hereditary tax'd and fined, He stuck to poverty with peace of mind; And me, the Muses help'd to undergo it: Convict a Papist he, and I a poet.

But (thanks to Homer) since I live and thrive.

Indebted to no prince or peer alive, Sure I should want the care of ten Monroes,[158] 70 If I would scribble, rather than repose.

Years following years, steal something every day, At last they steal us from ourselves away; In one our frolics, one amusements end, In one a mistress drops, in one a friend: This subtle thief of life, this paltry time, What will it leave me, if it snatch my rhyme?

If every wheel of that unwearied mill That turn'd ten thousand verses, now stands still?

But, after all, what would you have me do? 80 When out of twenty I can please not two; When this heroics only deigns to praise, Sharp satire that, and that Pindaric lays?

One likes the pheasant's wing, and one the leg; The vulgar boil, the learned roast an egg; Hard task! to hit the palate of such guests, When Oldfield loves, what Dartineuf[159] detests.

But grant I may relapse, for want of grace, Again to rhyme; can London be the place?

Who there his Muse, or self, or soul attends, 90 In crowds, and courts, law, business, feasts, and friends?

My counsel sends to execute a deed: A poet begs me I will hear him read: In Palace-yard at nine you'll find me there-- At ten for certain, sir, in Bloomsbury Square-- Before the Lords at twelve my cause comes on-- There's a rehearsal, sir, exact at one.-- 'Oh, but a wit can study in the streets, And raise his mind above the mob he meets.'

Not quite so well, however, as one ought; 100 A hackney-coach may chance to spoil a thought: And then a nodding beam, or pig of lead, God knows, may hurt the very ablest head.

Have you not seen, at Guildhall's narrow pass, Two aldermen dispute it with an ass?

And peers give way, exalted as they are, Even to their own s-r-v--nce in a car?

Go, lofty poet! and in such a crowd, Sing thy sonorous verse--but not aloud.

Alas! to grottos and to groves we run, 110 To ease and silence, every Muse's son: Blackmore himself, for any grand effort, Would drink and doze at Tooting or Earl's Court.[160]

How shall I rhyme in this eternal roar?

How match the bards whom none e'er match'd before?