Dunce scorning dunce beholds the next advance, But fop shows fop superior complaisance.

When, lo! a spectre rose, whose index-hand Held forth the virtue of the dreadful wand; 140 His beaver'd brow a birchen garland wears, Dropping with infants' blood and mothers' tears.

O'er every rein a shuddering horror runs; Eton and Winton shake through all their sons.

All flesh is humbled, Westminster's bold race Shrink, and confess the genius of the place: The pale boy-senator yet tingling stands, And holds his breeches close with both his hands.

Then thus: 'Since man from beast by words is known, Words are man's province, words we teach alone, 150 When reason doubtful, like the Samian letter,[392]

Points him two ways, the narrower is the better.

Placed at the door of Learning, youth to guide, We never suffer it to stand too wide.

To ask, to guess, to know, as they commence, As fancy opens the quick springs of sense, We ply the memory, we load the brain, Bind rebel wit, and double chain on chain, Confine the thought, to exercise the breath, And keep them in the pale of words till death. 160 Whate'er the talents, or howe'er design'd, We hang one jingling padlock on the mind: A poet the first day he dips his quill; And what the last? a very poet still.

Pity! the charm works only in our wall, Lost, lost too soon in yonder House or Hall.[393]

There truant Wyndham every Muse gave o'er, There Talbot sunk, and was a wit no more!

How sweet an Ovid, Murray was our boast!

How many Martials were in Pulteney lost! 170 Else sure some bard, to our eternal praise, In twice ten thousand rhyming nights and days, Had reach'd the work, the all that mortal can, And South beheld that master-piece of man.'[394]

'Oh (cried the goddess) for some pedant reign!

Some gentle James,[395] to bless the land again; To stick the doctor's chair into the throne, Give law to words, or war with words alone, Senates and courts with Greek and Latin rule, And turn the council to a grammar school! 180 For sure, if Dulness sees a grateful day, 'Tis in the shade of arbitrary sway.

Oh! if my sons may learn one earthly thing, Teach but that one, sufficient for a king; That which my priests, and mine alone, maintain, Which as it dies or lives, we fall or reign: May you, may Cam and Isis, preach it long!

"The right divine of kings to govern wrong."'

Prompt at the call, around the goddess roll Broad hats, and hoods, and caps, a sable shoal: 190 Thick and more thick the black blockade extends, A hundred head of Aristotle's friends.

Nor wert thou, Isis! wanting to the day, Though Christ-church long kept prudishly away.

Each stanch polemic, stubborn as a rock, Each fierce logician, still expelling Locke,[396]

Came whip and spur, and dash'd through thin and thick On German Crousaz,[397] and Dutch Burgersdyck.

As many quit the streams[398] that murmuring fall To lull the sons of Margaret and Clare-hall, 200 Where Bentley late tempestuous wont to sport In troubled waters, but now sleeps in port.[399]

Before them march'd that awful Aristarch!

Plough'd was his front with many a deep remark: His hat, which never vail'd to human pride, Walker with reverence took, and laid aside.

Low bow'd the rest: he, kingly, did but nod; So upright Quakers please both man and God.

'Mistress! dismiss that rabble from your throne: Avaunt! is Aristarchus yet unknown? 210 Thy mighty scholiast, whose unwearied pains Made Horace dull, and humbled Milton's strains.

Turn what they will to verse, their toil is vain, Critics like me shall make it prose again.

Roman and Greek grammarians! know your better, Author of something yet more great than letter;[400]

While towering o'er your alphabet, like Saul, Stands our digamma,[401] and o'ertops them all.

''Tis true, on words is still our whole debate, Disputes of _me_ or _te_, of _aut_ or _at_, 220 To sound or sink in _cano_, O or A, Or give up Cicero[402] to C or K.

Let Freind[403] affect to speak as Terence spoke, And Alsop never but like Horace joke: For me, what Virgil, Pliny, may deny, Manilius or Solinus[404] shall supply: For Attic phrase in Plato let them seek, I poach in Suidas[405] for unlicensed Greek.

In ancient sense if any needs will deal, Be sure I give them fragments, not a meal; 230 What Gellius or Stobaeus hash'd before, Or chew'd by blind old scholiasts o'er and o'er, The critic eye, that microscope of wit, Sees hairs and pores, examines bit by bit: How parts relate to parts, or they to whole, The body's harmony, the beaming soul, Are things which Kuster, Burman, Wasse shall see, When Man's whole frame is obvious to a flea.

'Ah, think not, mistress! more true Dulness lies In Folly's cap, than Wisdom's grave disguise; 240 Like buoys, that never sink into the flood, On Learning's surface we but lie and nod.

Thine is the genuine head of many a house, And much divinity[406] without a [Greek: Nous].

Nor could a Barrow work on every block, Nor has one Atterbury spoil'd the flock.

See! still thy own, the heavy cannon roll, And metaphysic smokes involve the pole.

For thee we dim the eyes, and stuff the head With all such reading as was never read: 250 For thee explain a thing till all men doubt it, And write about it, goddess, and about it: So spins the silk-worm small its slender store, And labours till it clouds itself all o'er.

'What though we let some better sort of fool Thrid every science, run through every school?

Never by tumbler through the hoops was shown Such skill in passing all, and touching none.

He may indeed (if sober all this time) Plague with dispute, or persecute with rhyme. 260 We only furnish what he cannot use, Or wed to what he must divorce, a Muse: Full in the midst of Euclid dip at once, And petrify a genius to a dunce;[407]

Or, set on metaphysic ground to prance, Show all his paces, not a step advance.

With the same cement, ever sure to bind, We bring to one dead level every mind.

Then take him to develop, if you can, And hew the block off,[408] and get out the man. 270 But wherefore waste I words? I see advance Whore, pupil, and laced governor from France.

Walker! our hat,'--nor more he deign'd to say, But, stern as Ajax' spectre,[409] strode away.

In flow'd at once a gay embroider'd race, And tittering push'd the pedants off the place: Some would have spoken, but the voice was drown'd By the French horn, or by the opening hound.

The first came forwards,[410] with an easy mien, As if he saw St James's[411] and the queen; 280 When thus the attendant orator begun: 'Receive, great empress! thy accomplish'd son: Thine from the birth, and sacred from the rod, A dauntless infant! never scared with God.

The sire saw, one by one, his virtues wake: The mother begg'd the blessing of a rake.

Thou gav'st that ripeness which so soon began, And ceased so soon--he ne'er was boy nor man; Through school and college, thy kind cloud o'ercast, Safe and unseen the young aeneas pass'd: 290 Thence bursting glorious, all at once let down, Stunn'd with his giddy 'larum half the town.

Intrepid then, o'er seas and lands he flew: Europe he saw, and Europe saw him too.

There all thy gifts and graces we display, Thou, only thou, directing all our way, To where the Seine, obsequious as she runs, Pours at great Bourbon's feet her silken sons; Or Tiber, now no longer Roman, rolls, Vain of Italian arts, Italian souls: 300 To happy convents, bosom'd deep in vines, Where slumber abbots, purple as their wines: To isles of fragrance, lily-silver'd vales,[412]

Diffusing languor in the panting gales: To lands of singing or of dancing slaves, Love-whispering woods, and lute-resounding waves.

But chief her shrine where naked Venus keeps, And Cupids ride the lion of the deeps;[413]

Where, eased of fleets, the Adriatic main Wafts the smooth eunuch and enamour'd swain, 310 Led by my hand, he saunter'd Europe round, And gather'd every vice on Christian ground; Saw every court, heard every king declare His royal sense of operas or the fair; The stews and palace equally explored, Intrigued with glory, and with spirit whored; Tried all hors-d'oeuvres, all liqueurs defined, Judicious drank, and greatly-daring dined;[414]

Dropp'd the dull lumber of the Latin store, Spoil'd his own language, and acquired no more; 320 All classic learning lost on classic ground; And last turned air, the echo of a sound!

See now, half-cured, and perfectly well-bred, With nothing but a solo in his head; As much estate, and principle, and wit, As Jansen, Fleetwood, Cibber[415] shall think fit; Stolen from a duel, follow'd by a nun, And, if a borough choose him, not undone; See, to my country happy I restore This glorious youth, and add one Venus more. 330 Her too receive (for her my soul adores), So may the sons of sons of sons of whores Prop thine, O empress! like each neighbour throne, And make a long posterity thy own.'

Pleased, she accepts the hero, and the dame Wraps in her veil, and frees from sense of shame.

Then look'd, and saw a lazy, lolling sort, Unseen at church, at senate, or at court, Of ever-listless loiterers that attend No cause, no trust, no duty, and no friend. 340 Thee, too, my Paridel![416] she marked thee there, Stretch'd on the rack of a too easy chair, And heard thy everlasting yawn confess The pains and penalties of idleness.

She pitied! but her pity only shed Benigner influence on thy nodding head.

But Annius,[417] crafty seer, with ebon wand, And well-dissembled emerald on his hand, False as his gems, and canker'd as his coins, Came, cramm'd with capon, from where Pollio dines. 350 Soft, as the wily fox is seen to creep, Where bask on sunny banks the simple sheep, Walk round and round, now prying here, now there, So he; but pious, whisper'd first his prayer.

'Grant, gracious goddess! grant me still to cheat,[418]

Oh may thy cloud still cover the deceit!

Thy choicer mists on this assembly shed, But pour them thickest on the noble head.

So shall each youth, assisted by our eyes, See other Caesars, other Homers rise; 360 Through twilight ages hunt the Athenian fowl,[419]

Which Chalcis gods, and mortals call an owl, Now see an Attys, now a Cecrops[420] clear, Nay, Mahomet! the pigeon at thine ear; Be rich in ancient brass, though not in gold, And keep his Lares, though his house be sold; To headless Phoebe his fair bride postpone, Honour a Syrian prince above his own; Lord of an Otho, if I vouch it true; Bless'd in one Niger, till he knows of two.' 370

Mummius[421] o'erheard him; Mummius, fool-renown'd, Who like his Cheops[422] stinks above the ground, Fierce as a startled adder, swell'd, and said, Rattling an ancient sistrum at his head;

'Speak'st thou of Syrian prince?[423] Traitor base!

Mine, goddess! mine is all the horned race.

True, he had wit to make their value rise; From foolish Greeks to steal them was as wise; More glorious yet, from barbarous hands to keep, When Sallee rovers chased him on the deep. 380 Then, taught by Hermes, and divinely bold, Down his own throat he risk'd the Grecian gold, Received each demi-god, with pious care, Deep in his entrails--I revered them there, I bought them, shrouded in that Irving shrine, And, at their second birth, they issue mine.'

'Witness, great Ammon![424] by whose horns I swore, (Replied soft Annius) this our paunch before Still bears them, faithful; and that thus I eat, Is to refund the medals with the meat. 390 To prove me, goddess! clear of all design, Bid me with Pollio sup, as well as dine: There all the learn'd shall at the labour stand, And Douglas[425] lend his soft, obstetric hand.'

The goddess smiling seem'd to give consent; So back to Pollio, hand in hand, they went.

Then thick as locusts blackening all the ground, A tribe, with weeds and shells fantastic crown'd, Each with some wondrous gift approach'd the power, A nest, a toad, a fungus, or a flower. 400 But far the foremost, two, with earnest zeal, And aspect ardent, to the throne appeal.

The first thus open'd: 'Hear thy suppliant's call, Great queen, and common mother of us all!

Fair from its humble bed I rear'd this flower, Suckled, and cheer'd, with air, and sun, and shower; Soft on the paper ruff its leaves I spread, Bright with the gilded button tipp'd its head; Then throned in glass, and named it Caroline:[426]

Each maid cried, charming! and each youth, divine! 410 Did Nature's pencil ever blend such rays, Such varied light in one promiscuous blaze?

Now prostrate! dead! behold that Caroline: No maid cries, charming! and no youth, divine!

And lo, the wretch! whose vile, whose insect lust Laid this gay daughter of the spring in dust.

Oh, punish him, or to th' Elysian shades Dismiss my soul, where no carnation fades.'

He ceased, and wept. With innocence of mien, Th' accused stood forth, and thus address'd the queen: 420

'Of all th' enamell'd race, whose silvery wing Waves to the tepid zephyrs of the spring, Or swims along the fluid atmosphere, Once brightest shined this child of heat and air.

I saw, and started, from its vernal bower, The rising game, and chased from flower to flower; It fled, I follow'd; now in hope, now pain; It stopp'd, I stopp'd; it moved, I moved again.

At last it fix'd; 'twas on what plant it pleased, And where it fix'd, the beauteous bird I seized: 430 Rose or carnation was below my care; I meddle, goddess! only in my sphere.

I tell the naked fact without disguise, And, to excuse it, need but show the prize; Whose spoils this paper offers to your eye, Fair ev'n in death! this peerless butterfly.'

'My sons! (she answer'd) both have done your parts: Live happy both, and long promote our arts.

But hear a mother, when she recommends To your fraternal care our sleeping friends. 440 The common soul, of Heaven's more frugal make, Serves but to keep fools pert and knaves awake: A drowsy watchman, that just gives a knock, And breaks our rest, to tell us what's a clock.