"What makes your sister so stout now, she used to be very thin?"

"She's working down in a photographer's."

"Why, how does that make any difference?"

"Well, she's in the developing room most of the time."

JACK--"Are you a suitor for Miss Juliet's hand?"

TOM--"Yes; but I didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Suit her."

"What's the matter with Smith?"

"Why?"

"He goes along as abstractedly as though he were drunk and were seeing double."

"He is. They have twins at his home."

Business men who marry their typewriter girls are apt to find that the young women are not so ready to submit to dictation after the wedding.

The first impulse of the young married man, on being presented with his first baby, is to give it a-weigh.

MRS. B.--Have you seen the new dance called "The Automobile?"

MR. B.--No; sort of breakdown, I suppose?

A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers, all named Samuel. Her photograph alb.u.m must be a book of Sams.

"You should sleep on your right side, madam."

"I really can't do it, doctor; my husband talks in his sleep, and I can't hear a thing with my left ear."

There is a Presbyterian in Jersey City so openly opposed to baptism by immersion that he refuses to carry a Waterbury watch.

The following is a resolution of an Irish corporation: "That a new jail should be built, that this be done out of the material of the old one, and the old jail to be used until the new one be completed."

City Niece--"The windows in our new church are stained."

Country Aunt--"Ain't that a pity. Can't they get nothing to take it off?"

Broker--"Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others?"

Barber--"Yes; don't you?"

"Say Dad, what is an expert accountant?"

"An expert accountant," replied the father, "is a man who becomes famous by robbing a bank for two years before he is discovered."

Some men get up with the lark, while others want a swallow the first thing in the morning.