A new kid's come to our house; A peach, I'm here to tell; And things are topsy-turvy like-- Still--_Father's doing well_!

'Twas 3 A. M. this morning That it began to squall; Some neighbors got excited-- But Dad wa'n't feased at all.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Twas--oh, yes, quite expected-- And welcome, I opine; And bibs and socks and--things are made, And--_Daddy's feeling fine_!

Another Christmas present!

Gee, that's hard luck for fair!

The Old Man says, "Mere bagatelle, Why should a fawther care?"

How's Mother? Oh, she's so-so!

The Kid? Well, it will do.

Of Papa we are glad to state That he will sure pull through.

Then, here's a cheer for Mother; One for the Kid we give; Now ready--give a score of them: _Doc says that Pa will live_!

Chromatic

We've got a nice red moo-cow-moo, But doesn't seem just right.

She eats green gra.s.s the whole day through Then gives us milk that's white.

"Red cows, when on blue-gra.s.s are fed, Give white milk." Is this true?

I am so green, when this I read It straightway made me blue.

A FLARE BACK:

We also, have a moo-cow-moo.

She isn't red, but black; The milk she gives, it isn't white, But blue,--alas, alack!

Methinks that _you'd_ be black and blue Had you your due, young fellow; But matters not the shade or hue, Just so you're never yellow!

Enuf!

When "dis ol' waggin am done broke down,"

I feel 'twould be a sin To hold your love through Pity's sake For what I once had been.

"Yours till death!" is what they say; But isn't it enough To say, "Dear Girl, I sure am yours Until the wheels fall off?"

_And here the Jumbler entertains the children with a few Nursery rhymes:_

THE EVENING BATH (Apartment Next Door).

THE DIRTY-NECK POLICEMAN AND THE BLACK-HAND.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS?

SHAVING TIME.

THE BIG BLACK BEAR.

The Evening Bath

(_Apartment Next Door_).

I try to read--but really, what's the use?

You'd think, I swear, 'twas Bedlam broken loose; A scream! And then I hear, "Oh mercy! Ouch! My ear!

I surely cannot stand all this abuse!

You're gouging me and pulling out my hair; My skin's rubbed off--'tis more than I can bear!

Now really you're not heeding or you'd see my nose is bleeding!

I believe you would kill me if you dared!"

I jump up from my chair and grab my gun; I must be quick or murder will be done; I rush across the hall and loudly 'gin to call: "Unnatural parent, wouldst thou slay thy son?", Upon the door I then begin to beat, And straightway hear the scamper of bare feet; Then "Mother" stood and laughed, said, "Surely you've gone daft-- I'm only giving them their evening bath."

She calmed herself and then she sweetly said, "I always scrub 'em 'fore they go to bed; But don't see why my daughter should have such fear of water; And Buster,--why, it simply drives him mad!

I really don't see what I'm going to do, Despite the fact it greatly worries you; Of course it may seem mean but I'm going to keep them clean-- And I don't know how unless I scrub 'em down."

So "Cleanliness is next to G.o.dliness!"

It may be so; but really I confess I'd let them go as black as night and look just like an awful fright-- Unless the Gold Dust Twins'd do the work.

What matter, pray, if streaks run 'round the neck And dirt be under nails, about a peck?

I'd rather, oh, yes, quite, that they were black than white-- If I disturbed the town when bathing them.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The Dirty-Neck Policeman and the Black Hand

Oh, run! Oh, mercy, run! you little children, Just as fast and quickly as you can!

For here comes the Dirty-Neck Policeman, And I'm sure I see the Black-Hand man.

So, scrub, scrub, scrub your little hannies, And your necks, pray don't forget them, dears; These men will surely get you if you're dirty; They'll pay no attention to your tears.