=BANDIT= An outlaw. See =ALDERMAN=.

=BARBER= A brilliant conversationalist, who occasionally shaves and cuts hair. Syn. for Phonograph.

=BARS= Things found in harbors, hotels, fences, prisons, courts and music. (Those found in courts and in music are full of beats).

=BARGAIN=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

A disease common to women, caught in the Sunday papers and developed in department stores on Mondays. Symptoms, loud talk, pushing and shoving, a combination prize-fight and foot-ball scrimmage. (Old spelling _Bark-gain_).

=BASEBALL= A game in which the young man who bravely strikes out for himself receives no praise for it.

=BAT= Senior partner of Bat, Ball & Co., and never found without the rest of the firm, as it takes several high-b.a.l.l.s to make one short bat.

=BEACH= A strip of sand, skirted by water; covered with lady-killers in summer, life-savers in winter, and used as a haven--or heaven--for Smacks the year around.

=BENEDICT= A married male.

=BENEDICTINE= A married female.

=BENEDICTION= Their children.

=BERTH= An aid to sleep, invented by Pullman. Lower preferred.

=BIRTH= An aid to life, discovered by Woman. Higher preferred.

=BICYCLE-SKIRT= A abbreviated garment that makes women look shorter and men longer.

=BIGAMY= A form of insanity in which a man insists on paying three board bills instead of two.

=BILLIOUSNESS= A liver complaint often mistaken for piety.

=BILL-OF-FARE= A list of eatables. Distinguished from Menu by figures in the right-hand column.

=BIOGRAPH= A stereopticon picture taken with a chill and shown with tremors.

=BIRDIE= A term a woman is apt to apply to a man she is playing for a jay.

=BIRTHDAY= Anniversary of one's birth. Observed only by men and children.

=BLUBBER= The useful product of a dead whale. The useless product of a live baby.

=BLUE= The only color we can feel. =INVISIBLE BLUE= A policeman.

=BLUSH= A temporary erythema and calorific effulgence of the physiognomy, aeteologized by the perceptiveness of the sensorium, in a predicament of inequilibrity, from a sense of shame, anger or other cause, eventuating in a paresis of the vase-motorial, muscular filaments of the facial capillaries, whereby, being divested of their elasticity, they become suffused with a radiance emanating from an intimidated praecordia.

=BOARD= An implement for administering corporal punishment, used by mothers and land-ladies. "The Festive Board" may be a shingle, a hair-brush a fish-hash breakfast or a stewed prune supper.

=BOHEMIA= (Not on the map.) A land flowing with canned milk and distilled honey and untroubled by consistency, convention, conscience or cash. A land to which many are called and few chosen.

=BONE= One Dollar--the original price of a wife. Note, Adam, who had to give up one bone before he got Eve.

=BONNETS= A female head trouble, which is contracted the latter part of Lent and breaks out on Easter.