"Papa, suppose we should play _Pourceaugnac_?"

"Hold your tongue, my child; you tire me!"

"Dear me, Eolinde!" said Madame Glumeau with a sigh, "why should we play _Pourceaugnac_ on our little stage; we play it often enough in our family, as well as _Le Malade Imaginaire_!"

Monsieur Glumeau was about to reply to his wife when the bell rang.

"Company! company already!" cried stout Lolotte, "and I haven't finished dressing!"

"And my enema, madame! I must have it!" said her husband in an altered voice.

"No doubt it's my brother," replied tall Eolinde in her turn; "it isn't worth while to put ourselves in such a flurry for him!"

XI

THE ELUSIVE REMEDY

But the salon door opened, and Monsieur Dufournelle and his wife appeared.

Monsieur Dufournelle was a stout party of forty-five, with a jovial face which denoted a frank and hearty disposition. His wife, who was hardly thirty, was pretty, had a good figure, and laughed all the time; it is needless to say that she had fine teeth; if they had been ugly she would not have laughed on all occasions.

"Good afternoon, my friends!" said Monsieur Dufournelle, with an "ouf!"

which sent the sheets of music scattered over the piano flying about the room. "We have come early; it's bad form, but we don't care for that!--You are all well, my dear friends?"

"Very well--extremely well! It is so nice of you to come early!" said Madame Glumeau, dissembling a slight grimace.

"I remarked to my husband," rejoined the lady with the fine teeth, "that perhaps it would be discourteous for us to come before five o'clock; but he replied that we didn't stand on ceremony with you."

"And he was right, he was quite right!" said Monsieur Glumeau, pressing one of his hands to his stomach; then he turned to his daughter and muttered: "The devil take them! I want my enema!"

"Besides, we have lots of things to talk about," said Madame Dufournelle; "aren't we to distribute the parts to-day for our performance?--Ha! ha! what fun it will be! I have never acted, but I am looking forward to it. Ha! ha!"

"Would you believe that my wife hasn't talked about anything else for a fortnight, and I have to take her to the theatre every night, because she claims that that is like giving her lessons! One day she tries to imitate Scriwaneck, another time Mademoiselle Fargueil; then it's Aline Duval whom she tries to mimic, or else pretty Alphonsine, or Gra.s.sot."

"Oh! really, Monsieur Dufournelle, what are you talking about? Imitate Gra.s.sot indeed! do you suppose that I mean to take men's parts? Ha! ha!

ha!"

"I don't know, but I a.s.sure you that you caught some of Gra.s.sot's intonations when you were rehearsing--I don't know what role.--But where is our dear little Astianax? aren't we to see him?"

"Yes, indeed, you will see him; he should be at home before this; I don't know where he can have gone."

"I'll bet that he's gone to get a b--b--bouquet for p--p--papa."

"A bouquet! what! it can't be that it's Glumeau's birthday?"

"Why, isn't this Saint-Honore's day?"

"Sapristi! and we never thought of it, Eleonore?"

"That is true, my dear; we are very thoughtless!"

"All the same, my dear friend, I wish you many happy returns; the bouquet will come later!"

"Thanks! thanks!" replied Glumeau, with a significant glance at his wife. "At this moment, a bouquet isn't what I want."

"I must go and complete my toilet," said the buxom Lolotte, answering her husband's signs with a wink. "You will excuse me, won't you?"

"Excuse you? why, of course."

"Yes, go and do--do what you have to do!" cried Glumeau, staring at his feet with a distressed expression. "And I will come too."

"You see, we came too early!" said Madame Dufournelle; "we are in the way."

"Why, not at all! you see that we do not stand on ceremony."

As Madame Glumeau was about to leave the salon, the door opened, and an old and exceedingly ugly man in blue spectacles entered, escorting a tall and well-built young lady, dressed with affected elegance, and endowed with one of those faces that never change.

"Monsieur and Mademoiselle Camuzard!" cried Madame Glumeau, turning back to welcome the newcomers. "How good of you to come early! Pray come in.--Edouard, here are Monsieur Camuzard and Mademoiselle Polymnie."

Edouard had gone to examine his complexion in the mirror; when he saw that more guests had arrived, he uttered a hollow groan, then did his utmost to a.s.sume a smiling countenance, saying to himself:

"I shall never be able to take my enema! this is getting to be very alarming!"

Mademoiselle Polymnie had in her hand a huge bouquet, which she presented to Glumeau, saying:

"Monsieur, will you allow me to wish you a happy birthday?"

"To be sure, mademoiselle, with the greatest pleasure; I am deeply touched. What a superb bouquet! You are too kind."

"Sapristi! how sorry I am that we didn't bring one!" exclaimed Dufournelle again, while his wife laughed heartily as she looked at the pictures on the music and at Mademoiselle Camuzard.

"How is your health, my dear Glumeau?" inquired the old gentleman, shaking his host's hand violently.

"Very good, Monsieur Camuzard; my health is very fair, although it isn't all that I could wish."

"Are you in pain?--I have pains in my knees and arms; and it keeps catching me here, you see, and extends all the way down my back."

"It's not my back that troubles me, it's----"

"And then I cough a great deal every morning when I wake up; there are days when I have regular paroxysms."

"I don't cough, but----"

"And then I expectorate very freely! Oh! I don't try to stop that--it does me good."