"Ah! you think that, do you? I have known husbands of much intelligence who were as jealous as tigers! Say rather that that fat Dufournelle is not in love with his wife. Indeed, he's too fat to be amorous."

"Mon Dieu! what spiteful creatures women are! If a man is not jealous, it's because he doesn't love them.--I suppose you'd like me to be jealous, madame?"

"You, Edouard! Merciful heaven! that's all you need,--to have that disease, with all those which you think you have! that would be the climax!"

"Say! suppose we play _Les B--b--bains a Do--do--domicile_?" cried Eolinde, who was still looking over the plays. "I would be Ninie."

"My dear girl, do you intend to take all the parts in the plays we give?" said Monsieur Glumeau, admiring his feet. "It seems to me that if you take one part, that will be quite enough; with your defective speech, you know very well that you make plays last an hour longer than they should, and you have a perfect mania for choosing long parts! The last time we gave _Andromache_ everybody thought that your scene with Orestes would never end!"

"Because it was in ve--verse, papa, which is harder for me to pro--p.r.o.nounce. But when it is p--p--prose, it goes all by itself."

"So I see! But why in the deuce did you insist on giving a tragedy, then?"

"Oh! my dear, they were quite right!" said Madame Glumeau; "for I a.s.sure you that they were enough to make you die of laughter, and you yourself in Pylades,--bless my soul! how fine you were!"

"Madame, you always take everything wrong. I played Pylades very nicely, and if it hadn't been for my helmet, that kept falling down over my eyes and prevented me from seeing the audience, I should have made a very good impression."

"Why, you did make a splendid impression, my friend! you looked like a blind man, and that was much more amusing!"

"You are very satirical, my dear love; it is very easy to see that you don't act!"

"If I acted in private theatricals, I should never lose my temper if people laughed at me."

"What will you do with Monsieur Dufournelle?"

"He will prompt, that's his forte! he puffs[B] all the time like an ox!--We also expect little Kingerie; he's a very good fellow; he does whatever anyone wants him to; he takes whatever parts you give him."

[B] The same word--_souffler_--means to prompt, and to blow or puff.

"Mamma, have you noticed that Monsieur Kingerie has an entirely different voice when he sings, from the one he has when he talks?"

"That's true, but it's very lucky for him; when he talks, he always sounds as if he were hoa.r.s.e; whereas, when he sings, he has a little clear, flutelike voice, so shrill that it is hard to believe that it is he who is singing.--Then we shall have Monsieur Camuzard and his daughter, Mademoiselle Polymnie, who also wants to act."

"You must give her a part; she's a very handsome woman, tall and well-built and stylish!"

"She did her little s--s--soubrette part very badly the l--l--last time, although she had only a few words to say: 'M--m--madame, the company is below in the salon'; and she said: 'Madame, the s--s--salon is below in the c--c--company!'"

"That was because her tongue slipped! But it doesn't make it any the less true that Mademoiselle Polymnie looks very well on the stage."

"Her nose is too big!"

"Big noses do very well on the stage. Besides, I tell you again, daughter, that I desire to be polite to Monsieur Camuzard, and I know that it gives him great pleasure when his daughter acts." And Monsieur Glumeau added, with a glance at his wife: "We must try to make Astianax act a lover's part, and let Mademoiselle Polymnie be the sweetheart. You understand my ideas and my plans, don't you, Lolotte?"

"Yes, monsieur, they are not hard to understand. Mademoiselle Camuzard would be an excellent match, I know; but Astianax is still so young!"

"I married very young myself, madame, and I have never repented it."

"Ah! that's the nicest thing you have said to-day!"

"It seems to me that I say nice things very often; but you don't notice them because you are used to them.--This tea has done me good; I feel as light as a bird; I would like to dance a mazurka.--Speaking of dancing, Eolinde, have you practised on your piano the new quadrilles that I brought you?"

"Oh! they are too hard."

"No, mademoiselle, it's because you don't choose to take the pains to study; and you are all the more wrong in that, because everybody plays the piano now; young men and young girls, everybody knows how to play for dancing; the young woman who did not know how to play a quadrille in company would be looked upon as a savage, as a Hottentot!"

"I know very well that everybody pl--plays the piano now. The c--c--concierge's daughter plays it; and the other day the l--l--locksmith who c--c--came to fix a lock which wouldn't l--l--lock, said when he heard me pl--playing: 'I play the piano myself Sundays, when I have time.'--Isn't that so, mamma?"

"It's the truth; indeed I was tempted to say to the locksmith that he ought to put over his shop door: 'Bells hung with piano accompaniment!'"

"In fact, papa, the p--p--piano has become such a common inst--st--strument, that I would rather play something else."

"What, I should like to know?"

"Why, the little flute, for example."

"You are mad, Eolinde; it would be very pretty to see a young lady playing on the flute! Wind instruments are exclusively for men."

"Why is that, papa?"

"Why, because, as Apollo played the flute when he kept flocks, and as that G.o.d was the G.o.d of melody, the pipes and the flute--By the way, Lolotte, I hope you told Chambourdin to come; he's a very pleasant fellow, a leader in all sorts of fun, always merry and a true sport. He will act, and I'll wager that he'll be most amusing!"

"Don't you know, monsieur, that we can't rely on your Chambourdin? You know very well that he never keeps his word; when he promises to come, that's the end of it. If we relied on him to take a part, he would spoil the whole performance. But we shall have Monsieur Mangeot and his sister; they are obliging and agreeable. Monsieur Mangeot takes the part of clowns and mimics very well; he plays carefully and always knows his part, and so does his sister."

"True, but as his sister is extremely hard of hearing, she always has to stand within two steps of the prompter, which is a great nuisance for the action of the play; and sometimes too she talks at the same time that her opposite is talking.--_Bigre!_ here comes that pain in the stomach again. What can it be? Did we have mushrooms yesterday, Lolotte?"

"Mushrooms? there were some in the vol-au-vent we had; but everybody ate some of it, and it didn't make anybody sick."

"That doesn't prove anything; sometimes it doesn't show itself until late; Eolinde, you haven't a pain in your stomach, have you?"

"On the contrary, papa."

"What do you mean by on the contrary; you either have a pain, or----"

"No, s--s--since I--I say on the c--c--contrary!"

"My child, your answers are very foolish.--If this doesn't go away, I will tell the maid to prepare me an enema of marshmallow."

"Please remember that the maid is getting her dinner ready; she is looking after her kitchen fire, and how do you suppose that she can leave that to make you an enema?"

"I don't care for that; if I am ill, it seems to me that it is more important to take care of me than to get the dinner."

"But, monsieur, we have ten people to dinner, and it's after four o'clock."

"Then, madame, go and prepare it for me yourself."

"Mon Dieu! just for a paltry pain in the stomach! Often it doesn't amount to anything; go--somewhere, monsieur, and it will pa.s.s away."

"I shall not go anywhere, madame, because I have no desire to."