chapter 6.

its Monday morning. Anne-Lise arrives at the DCIG and steps into the Winter Garden. She tries to clear her head and sound cheerful and friendly.

Good morning.

Camilla is the only one in. Her eyes are fixed on her monitor. Good morning.

With her coat over her arm, Anne-Lise stops and looks about her. The library door is closed as usual. The only sound is the faint hum from Camillas computer.

Camilla keeps staring at the screen, and Anne-Lise walks off to the library. She hangs up her coat and checks her hair in a small mirror she keeps inside a cupboard. It looks all right, but she goes over it with the brush all the same. It is dark and carefully cut in a pageboy style, which covers the sides of her broad jaw, but her face still looks too square. She bends closer to the mirror. The skin under her eyes hasnt aged more than youd expect in someone almost forty.

She picks a few hairs off her black turtleneck sweater and has a quick look to make sure that there are none on her camel-colored skirt. Shes ready to start work.

From the beginning one of her main tasks has been to scan the keyword lists at the back of every volume in the library and use a text-recognition program to turn them into Word files. After editing the lists, she enters the keywords into the library database. She is deep into her work when she hears Malene arrive. A few minutes later she hears Ibens voice.

Anne-Lise knows from the talk last Friday that Malene and Iben were invited to a party. She walks into the Winter Garden. h.e.l.lo. How was the party?

Malene replies, but looks at Iben. It was okay.

Anne-Lise sees that the others have little plates, each with a fresh b.u.t.tered roll. Theres also a tray with an extra roll, b.u.t.ter, plate, and a knife.

Oh, look, fresh rolls! Did you bring them, Camilla?

Yes.

Is today special?

No.

Thanks. Ill bring some next Monday.

Anne-Lise b.u.t.ters one half of the spare roll. Holding her plate, she takes a few steps toward Ibens desk, but Iben is engrossed in something on her computer.

Anne-Lise stands motionless for a few seconds. n.o.body takes any notice of her, so she walks away, back to the library.

She tries to put her mind to the next keyword editing job. There is a neat stack of reports to the right of her on the desk, and each one has to be checked to make sure that the keywords are relevant. She starts with a report describing the ma.s.sacre of at least two thousand Muslims in India.

She can hear the others chatting now and, sure enough, theyre discussing the party. Its hard to follow what theyre saying from behind her closed door. Anne-Lise concentrates on the screen to block out their voices. The computer lists the keywords electric, food, and s.e.x. Far too general. She quickly looks through the pages of the report, corrects the keywords, and extends them to enable searches on specifics such as electrical shocks to the s.e.xual organs, rotten food, and s.e.xual violation.

Ibens voice is louder now, and what she is saying sounds important. Anne-Lise hurries to the door. She must become familiar with what theyre talking about or else sh.e.l.l be lost when they chat later over lunch.

The Winter Garden is full of animated talk. Theyre joking about one of the journalists who interviewed Iben when she came back home from Kenya. Iben says that she kept asking her about what they were fed in captivity.

When the others have said their piece, Anne-Lise tries to join in. Was it because she was doing a feature on food?

No, not at all. No matter what I said, she wouldnt let go. Back shed come with another question about the food.

Iben looks impatient, but Anne-Lise carries on. And did she write about it for the paper?

Yes.

Iben turns back to her computer.

Anne-Lise glances at Malene. Is she looking this way? No. One more try. I suppose you felt differently about reading interviews after your own experience?

Iben clicks again and again, scrolling through a file. Anne-Lise still does not want to leave. After all, Iben often keeps working while she speaks to other people.

But Iben turns to Camilla instead. Camilla, do you remember that e-mail they sent us, with the new French links? Do you have it?

I do.

Could you mail it to me, please?

Sure. Youll have it in just a moment.

All three of them stare at their screens. Anne-Lise fiddles with things she finds on a shelf next to the fax machine.

I shouldnt ask you any more questions, should I?

Iben looks up and smiles for a fraction of a moment. Of course you should. Its fine, Anne-Lise but later, when Ive got time to explain. Right now my head is full of things I have to do.

Back in the library, Anne-Lise hears them laugh. Malene has said something funny.

Anne-Lise has mentioned quite a few times that shed like to be in the Winter Garden too. In the beginning Paul used to tell her that he thought it was a good idea, but after a while he backed off. It would be impractical, he said, blaming lack of s.p.a.ce and problems with telephone lines and computer connections. He added that it would be better if her workplace was close to the main book collection.

She thought that the real reason was that the others had conspired to keep their cozy threesome. Presumably Paul had asked for their opinion.

Anne-Lises first day at the DCIG was just a few days after the death of Malenes aunt, and it had seemed natural enough that they shut her out back then. She had a.s.sumed that it would get easier the longer they worked together. Now it seems that the barriers will never come down.

Paul had emphasized that Anne-Lise should go into the Winter Garden whenever she liked. He repeats this every so often and she takes him at his word, even when it makes her feel awkward.

During the lunch break, Camilla echoes Anne-Lises question and asks Iben if she feels differently about reading interviews after having been interviewed herself. Iben responds at length.

Some days, usually after a holiday or a nice weekend, Anne-Lise steps into the office naively hoping that things will soon change for the better. As recently as yesterday evening she told Henrik that she felt much more able to cope, and that she would try to have a proper conversation with everyone. But most of the lunch break is spent discussing Swedish dentists. Three hours into the workweek and already Anne-Lise feels limp and dull. Still, she steels herself, making one more effort to join in.

She picks up on something Camilla has just said. Isnt it expensive to drive to Malmo? The bridge tolls, I mean. You know, something happened to me when She turns to Malene, and just as she is about to continue, Malene interrupts and talks past Anne-Lise to Iben and Camilla. There is no opportunity in their three-way exchange.

Anne-Lise cant take any more.

Lunch is over and she walks down one of the remote pa.s.sages behind the librarys East European collection. At these times she always brings her compact; her face must not show that she has been crying.

Twenty minutes later she returns to her desk. Once again, Anne-Lise makes up her mind to ignore them for the rest of the day.

Obviously, an individual cant ostracize a group. Most likely, they wont even notice, but thats not the point. She has to protect herself, especially today. After work she has to prepare a special birthday dinner for Henrik and she must have enough energy left for their guests.

She throws herself into her work. There are reports waiting to be scanned, Word files to be transferred into the database, and keywords to be checked.

She makes her own coffee in the kitchen to avoid using the thermos in the Winter Garden. After a while she phones Henrik, wishes him a happy birthday, and talks to him for a little longer, using a tone of voice that betrays a hint of what shes going through. It helps her to think that he understands her situation.

Since Malene is the Centers contact person for everyone using the DCIG facilities, including all library borrowers, Anne-Lise works alone and almost exclusively with archival tasks. Boxes full of doc.u.mentation pour in steadily, and there are few chances to talk to anyone during an ordinary working day.

Anne-Lise phones a colleague in the Strasbourg genocide library, whom she met during a course about the HURIDOCS cataloging system. She tells him that she has come across a reference to an article in a UN report that would interest him. She mentions other reports and keeps talking, spinning the conversation out.

He listens to her. She hopes that he wont notice that shes drinking in his every word. Talking to him will keep her going for a few more hours. She needs a friendly voice to mask her colleagues silence.

Afterward Anne-Lise turns her attention to proofreading. The German, Spanish, and English observers have reported the torching of Nigerian villages, and the perpetrators names must be checked and cross-referenced. The text-recognition program has recorded their names, but just one small slip could lead to confusion later.

Malene comes in to collect some volumes, carrying a growing pile of books around with her. Still buoyed from her conversation with her Strasbourg colleague, Anne-Lise smiles at Malene, but Malene leaves the room without saying a word.

Anne-Lise stops working. For the umpteenth time she starts filling out another job application. As she types, she realizes that shes losing control.

I shouldnt be feeling like this, she thinks. Theyre turning me into a different Anne-Lise. This couldve been the perfect job. She imagines each tap on the keyboard as if it were a knife plunging into Malenes body. Or Ibens.

Malene! Anne-Lise screams inwardly as she hits the keys as hard as she can.

But this is not the real me.

Toward the end of the afternoon the Winter Garden is alive with laughter. One of the computers is running Chris and the Chocolate Factory audio files.

True, Anne-Lise had decided to stay away from them for the rest of the day, but the last time they listened to Chris, all four of them had had so much fun together. Anne-Lise had joined in their jokes and laughed along as if it were all perfectly normal.

The familiarity did not last, but that evening she had met Henrik in the driveway.

We had a really good laugh together today! She went on to say that it looked as if the others were coming around at last. Wasnt it good that she had stuck it out despite everything?

Later Henrik copied a CD with Chris episodes that a colleague of his had recorded from a morning radio show. Anne-Lise had put the CD in her handbag and it was still there. There had been no opportune moment to tell the women about it.

Chriss voice is coming from Camillas computer.

Iben and Malene stand at Camillas desk. Anne-Lise joins them, trying to act natural. When Malene does her Paul imitation, Anne-Lise laughs. Then she turns to the others. I have a CD with Chris episodes that arent on the Internet. Would you like to hear it?

Sure! Why dont you go and get it?

Great idea.

She goes to the library and when she returns with the CD seconds later, Iben and Malene are already back at their desks.

Anne-Lise stops. Oh, youre busy now. We should listen to it another time?

Malene looks up. No, no. Put it on, by all means.

But are you still in the mood?

Of course we are. Put it on.

Anne-Lise loads the CD onto Camillas computer. Camilla has pushed her chair away to leaf through a doc.u.ment folder. Anne-Lise turns to look at the others. The atmosphere has changed. She should never have gone ahead not now when theyre all back at work.

Camilla is looking up at her expectantly.

Anne-Lise selects track eight, an episode that she thinks is the funniest. She presses Play. I hope youll like this one.

Its a brilliant sketch, but no one comes over to listen and no one laughs. Now and then Camilla looks up from the doc.u.ments. Malene and Iben are studying their computer screens.

Anne-Lise keeps standing at Camillas desk. After another thirty seconds, she speaks. Ill stop it now. Youre not listening.

No, dont. Leave it.

But youre not enjoying it.

Malene swings around to face Anne-Lise. I always work while Im listening to something.

Now Iben looks up. This is where we work, you know. Were meant to get things done. It cant all be fun and games.

Anne-Lise lets the CD run. She remembers listening to some of these episodes at home and how she and Henrik were practically crying with laughter. In an attempt to work and listen as the others are doing, she turns the pages of an American journal, but shes unable to absorb a single word. When the episode ends, she presses Stop.

Camilla puts down her folder. Why did you do that?

Im taking the CD out. Youre all too busy just now.

Dont. Leave it.

But you arent listening.

How would you know? I was.

But not properly youre all Iben punches hard on the Enter key. I was listening too. You said you wanted us to hear it. Why are you changing your mind?

Malene looks up and sighs. Anne-Lise, please. Do stop whining.

The next track starts. Once again they are deep in their work. n.o.body utters a sound.

chapter 7.

theyve chosen to invite only their immediate family and a couple who are old friends. Anything grander to celebrate Henriks birthday is not practical not on a weekday night. Even so it should still be quite a party, with a total of eight grown-ups and seven children. Its such a challenge to serve a good dinner that suits everyone.

Once home from work, Anne-Lise went straight to the kitchen and now, with the guests due to arrive in three quarters of an hour, Henrik has joined her. They send the children off to play in the garden, but Ulrik and Clara are too excited and keep running back into the kitchen. To keep them occupied, Anne-Lise gives them a game of garden ring toss so she and Henrik have time to prepare the food.

Their idea is to stick to an autumn menu. Anne-Lise cuts up root vegetables for the soup while pieces of bacon for the garnish are frying in a pan. Henrik washes the mushrooms for a ca.s.serole, one of his famous signature dishes, which will go nicely with the venison steaks. Hes bending low over the sink, and his thin six-and-a-half-foot frame makes him look out of place. They have talked about getting another sink that is higher, but its pointless, since he is seldom in the kitchen.

It would help Henrik more if he could change the way he sits at work. Spending sixty hours a week in the bank has meant that his posture has grown steadily worse.

While he chops the mushrooms, Henrik natters on. Ive often fantasized that Im a guest at a dinner party and find that Malene and several of her family and friends have been invited too. When the hostess tells me that Im seated next to Malene, I reply that I dont want to sit anywhere near her. I say calmly, but loudly enough for everyone to hear it, Im so sorry anyone but Malene Jensen. And the hostess will wonder why. Whats wrong with dear Malene, so young and talented and pretty? And in such a fascinating job as well.