6/1/88.

"If I can make Willie Horton a household name, we win the election."

--Bush campaign manager Lee At.w.a.ter, preparing to turn Michael Dukakis' furloughed rapist into the national bogeyman 6/6/88.

Fundamentalist media watchdog Donald Wildmon claims to have seen Mighty Mouse snorting cocaine in a recent Sat.u.r.day morning cartoon. Though animator Ralph Bakshi explains that the rodent was sniffing flowers, the scene is cut from future broadcasts.

6/7/88.

Primary victories in California and New Jersey give Michael Dukakis the delegates he needs for nomination. Declares the winner, who enjoys a double-digit lead over Bush in national polls, "Name-calling and labels don't work and aren't going to work."

6/8/88.

"You know, if I listened to him long enough, I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn, and that people are homeless, and people are going without food and medical attention, and that we've got to do something about the unemployed."

--President Reagan accusing Michael Dukakis of misleading campaign rhetoric 6/10/88.

A bicycle messenger is prevented from entering the Justice Department because he's wearing a T-shirt that proclaims, "Experts Agree! MEESE IS A PIG."

6/15/88.

"Did you have a.n.a.l s.e.x?"

--Pugnacious gay-bashing talk show host Morton Downey Jr. interviewing his AIDS-stricken brother Tony 6/19/88.

"I didn't know anything about it."

--Former Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger employing the traditional Reagan Administration excuse as a huge Pentagon bribery scandal begins to unfold 6/20/88.

"If you think it was an accident, applaud."

--Geraldo Rivera asking his studio audience to vote about Natalie Wood's 1981 drowning 6/21/88.

At a press conference following his last economic summit in Toronto, President Reagan says that neither he nor Cap Weinberger could have been expected to have known about the burgeoning Pentagon scandal. "It should be understandable how such things can happen in something as big as our Government is," says the President, who clearly reserves his indignation and outrage for poor people who w.a.n.gle a few extra food stamps.

6/23/88.

"I'm opposed to these unsupervised weekend furloughs for first-degree murderers who are not eligible for parole. Put me down as against that."

--George Bush disproving critics who claim he's basing his entire campaign on the Pledge of Allegiance 6/25/88.

John Landis invites the jury that acquitted him of involuntary manslaughter in connection with the deaths while filming the Twilight Zone Twilight Zone movie to a private screening of his new Eddie Murphy movie, movie to a private screening of his new Eddie Murphy movie, Coming to America Coming to America, which he managed to make without killing anyone. He does not offer to fly them in by helicopter.

6/27/88.

Mike Tyson who says he wants to hit his opponent "so hard that I make the nose bone go into his brain and kill him" earns $20 million by defeating Michael Spinks in 91 seconds of the first round of their championship fight.

6/27/88.

"This is it. In two months, it's pee-in-a-bottle time."

--Meese spokesman Patrick Korten giving Justice Department employees 60 days warning before starting random drug testing JULY 1988.

7/3/88.

The battleship USS Vincennes one of the Navy's ultra-sophisticated computer-supported Aegis cruisers mistakes Iran Air Flight 655 for a fighter plane and blasts it out of the sky, killing 290. President Reagan calls the incident an "understandable accident." Though reliable reports say the Soviet downing of KAL 007 was also inadvertent, he insists there is "no comparison" between the events. Says George Bush, "I will never apologize for the United States of America! I don't care what the facts are!"

7/5/88.

Ed Meese claims that James McKay's decision not to indict him has "completely vindicated" him and, with the cloud over his head lifted, says he is now free to resign and will soon do so.

7/6/88.

The first of many syringes, blood vials and other hospital souvenirs some contaminated with the AIDS virus washes ash.o.r.e on Long Island, forcing the closing of miles of beaches in the midst of the worst East Coast heat wave of the decade. Health officials downplay the risk to bathers, pointing out that these items comprise only a small percentage of beach debris. "People are living in an age of fear," says a department spokesperson. "People are afraid when they hear the words 'infectious waste.'"

7/6/88.

Nancy Reagan, 67, celebrates her 65th birthday.

7/7/88.

Jesse Jackson is asked whether his plan to bring his supporters to the Democratic convention on a bus is designed to "steal the thunder" from his opponent. "Mr. Dukakis," says Jackson, "has no intention of bringing any thunder to Atlanta."

7/8/88.

New York Times: MEESE SAYS HE MET HIS ETHICAL GOAL 7/10/88.

New York Times: REAGAN HAILS MEESE HONESTY 7/13/88.

Nancy Reagan's office has no comment on reports that her ghostwriter William Novak who co-auth.o.r.ed the memoirs of Lee Iacocca and Tip O'Neill has called marijuana an "intellectual stimulant."

7/18/88.

Independent counsel James McKay reports that though he thinks prosecution is unwarranted, he has concluded that Ed Meese "probably violated the criminal law" four times since becoming America's chief law enforcement officer. McKay says Meese filed a false income tax return, failed to pay capital gains taxes on time, and partic.i.p.ated in decisions about matters in which he had a financial interest. A furious Meese responds, "McKay doesn't know beans about criminal law, let alone taxes. I've had a reputation all my life for scrupulous honesty and integrity, and frankly I'm outraged by this sort of report. The only person who says there is a criminal violation is Mr. McKay and he's wrong."

7/18/88.

"Poor George, he can't help it he was born with a silver foot in his mouth."

--Texas state treasurer Ann Richards delivering the keynote speech in Atlanta, getting Democrats all excited about what an easy target Bush is 7/19/88.

Having heard enough of Ed Meese's self-righteous p.r.o.nouncements, the Justice Department opens an investigation into his possible violation of federal ethics laws.

7/20/88.

Traveling in Amsterdam, Ed Koch attacks local officials for tolerating the open sale of marijuana and hashish. "That," declares the mayor, "couldn't take place in New York City."

7/20/88.

Following a comically endless nominating speech by Arkansas governor Bill Clinton, Michael Dukakis receives his party's presidential nomination. Cameras in his suite record the candidate's exuberant reaction: he waves away a gla.s.s of champagne.

7/21/88.

"This election is not about ideology it's about competence."

--Michael Dukakis accepting the nomination, exhibiting a dismaying misunderstanding of what every every election is about election is about 7/22/88.

New York Times: WEDTECH PROSECUTOR a.s.sAILS MEESE AS 'A SLEAZE'

7/26/88.

A Gallup poll shows Michael Dukakis leading George Bush 55% to 38%.

7/26/88.

Former Justice Department official Arnold Burns tells the Senate Judiciary Committee that Ed Meese made the Justice Department "a world of Alice in Wonderland" in which "up was down and down was up, in was out and out was in, happy was sad and sad was happy, rain was sunshine and sunshine was rain, hot was cold and cold was hot." His colleague William Weld says he thinks Meese should have been prosecuted.

7/27/88.

Campaigning in Albuquerque on behalf of the Equal Rights Amendment, Democratic vice presidential candidate Lloyd Bentsen declares, "I support the R.E.A.!"

7/28/88.

George Bush is asked if the public perception of him is at odds with reality. "Much different," he says. "For example, I like pork rinds, but that doesn't fit the mold.

7/30/88.

"A fish rots from the head first."

--Michael Dukakis citing a perhaps too pungent proverb in response to a question about whether President Reagan should be held responsible for the shoddy ethics of so many in his Administration AUGUST 1988.

8/1/88.

A National Enquirer National Enquirer excerpt from a Secret Service agent's memoir reveals that Richard M. Nixon has been known to put on a hospital gown backward "and tramp down the hall with the front flying open." excerpt from a Secret Service agent's memoir reveals that Richard M. Nixon has been known to put on a hospital gown backward "and tramp down the hall with the front flying open."

8/3/88.

"Look, I'm not going to pick on an invalid."

--President Reagan coyly refusing to demand that Michael Dukakis release his medical records in the wake of completely false rumors that he twice got depressed and consulted a psychiatrist! got depressed and consulted a psychiatrist!

8/4/88.

On the 24th anniversary of the discovery of the bodies of three civil rights workers in Mississippi, Michael Dukakis campaigns nine miles from the site and fearful of offending white southerners whose votes he doesn't have a prayer of getting anyway does not mention the event.

8/6/88.

With Treasury Secretary James Baker quitting to take over his friend George Bush's campaign, a CBS News/New York Times poll shows Michael Dukakis ahead by 17 points. The governor interprets this as a mandate to take the rest of the month off, secure in the knowledge that his opponent's efforts to paint him as a man who lets murderers out of jail but won't let kids say the Pledge of Allegiance are doomed to failure. poll shows Michael Dukakis ahead by 17 points. The governor interprets this as a mandate to take the rest of the month off, secure in the knowledge that his opponent's efforts to paint him as a man who lets murderers out of jail but won't let kids say the Pledge of Allegiance are doomed to failure.

8/9/88.

With black teenager Tawana Brawley's claim of being raped by a group of whites under serious question, conservative black leader Roy Innis (who says Brawley made the whole thing up) shoves Brawley defender (and all-around racial ambulance chaser) Rev. Al Sharpton to the floor during the taping of a Morton Downey Jr. show.

8/10/88.

Ed Koch who has urged New Yorkers not to give to beggars, saying, "If you feel guilty, see a priest" announces plans for an anti-beggar ad campaign.

8/12/88.

Ed Meese serves his long-awaited last day as Attorney General. His replacement, former Pennsylvania governor Richard Thornburgh, declines several opportunities to say he will emulate his predecessor.

8/14/88.

Bush aides are reported to be talking up 41-year-old Indiana senator Dan Quayle a darling of the far right as a possible running mate. Quayle appears on This Week with David Brinkley This Week with David Brinkley, where he mentions the name "George Bush" 10 times in two minutes. "George Bush is going to make this decision by himself," he says, "and whoever can help George Bush get elected President I'm sure will accept the nod, and that is the goal, because it is so important that we have George Bush as the next President of the United States." He also says the drought has been hard on the "coyn and sorbean" crops.

8/14/88.

President Reagan arrives in New Orleans, where he calls the Democrats "liberal" 22 times in his arrival speech. "It's time to talk issues, to use the dreaded 'L' word," he says. "Liberal, liberal, liberal." He is presented with an enormous "Gipper's Gavel" to add to his vast collection of oversized props.

8/15/88.

Russian comic Yakov ("What a country!") Smirnoff opens the Republican Convention in New Orleans with the Pledge of Allegiance. Other notable first day events: *Bob Dole who has displayed a perverse eagerness to serve as running mate to a man he despises fatally damages his cause by describing the vice presidential selection process as "demeaning"

*Alexander Haig likens the Democratic Party to a blind bat "hanging upside down in dark, damp caves up to its navel in guano"

*Nancy Reagan grits her teeth and says, "The time has come for the Bushes to step into the limelight and the Reagans to step into the wings"

*President Reagan delivers his farewell speech to the convention, misstating his catch phrase of the evening, "Facts are stubborn things," as a more-appropriate-for-him "Facts are stupid things."

8/16/88.

After seeing the Reagans off at the airport where he points out his half-Mexican grandkids as "the little brown ones" George Bush, finally his own man, announces his first presidential decision: Dan Quayle, a "Man of the Future," will be his running mate. Quayle's youth and alleged good looks (he is billed as a Robert Redford lookalike, though he in fact resembles Pat Sajak) are expected to blind women and baby-boomers to his immaturity and hard-right views. Quayle leaps out of the crowd and up to the podium, bouncing around as he waves his arms and shouts, "Believe me, we will win because America cannot afford to lose!" He grabs Bush's shoulder, almost punching him in the stomach as he bellows, "Let's go get 'em!" Bush looks ill.

8/17/88.

George Bush loses the parents-of-mauled-children vote by pledging that he and his running mate will campaign like "pit bulls." Meanwhile, Dan Quayle's debut on the national stage is an inauspicious one, as reporters focus in on several touchy areas. Among them: *His connection to a 1980 s.e.x scandal involving lobbyist Paula Parkinson ("It's been fully gone into," he says peevishly, "and if you don't know that, you should") *His Neanderthal voting record on civil rights, the environment and other progressive issues *His embarra.s.sing scholastic record *His decision, despite vociferous support for the Vietnam war, to avoid the draft by joining the National Guard ("I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess") and the question as to whether his rich, influential parents pulled any strings on his behalf.

Democratic a.n.a.lyst Robert Squier notes that the GOP "could end up with a ticket [of] Wimp and War Wimp, and that's a tough one to try to campaign with."

8/18/88.

"... accept your nomination ... going to win ... proud to have Dan Quayle ... hold my charisma in check ... don't hate government ... scandal to give a weekend furlough to a hardened first-degree killer ... Read! My! LIPS! No! New! Taxes! ... kinder and gentler nation ... go ahead, make my 24-hour time period ... quiet man ... hear the quiet people others don't ... I am that man! ... a thousand points of light ... I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America ..."

--George Bush who, as did Michael Dukakis a month ago, succeeds in lowering expectations to the point where a competent speech is exalted as a dazzling display of oratorical pyrotechnics 8/19/88.

A mob scene ensues in Dan Quayle's home town of Huntington when campaign aides pipe the sound from a contemptuous press interrogation of the candidate out to a rally of his supporters. Why, he is asked, if no influence was necessary, did he ask his parents to help get him into the National Guard? "I do I do I do I do what any normal person would do at that age," says Quayle. "You call home. You call home to mother and father and say, 'I'd like to get in the National Guard.'" Despite his barely pa.s.sing grades, he claims that eagerness to pursue his law school education, rather than fear for his safety, led to his decision. The response seems to satisfy his townsfolk, who chant, "BOR-ING! BOR-ING!" at reporters.

8/20/88.