PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh!

LADY KITTY. Tell me, would you have known me again? Have I changed?

ARNOLD. I was only five, you know, when--when you ...

LADY KITTY. [_Emotionally._] I remember as if it was yesterday. I went up into your room. [_With a sudden change of manner._] By the way, I always thought that nurse drank. Did you ever find out if she really did?

PORTEOUS. How the devil can you expect him to know that, Kitty?

LADY KITTY. You've never had a child, Hughie; how can you tell what they know and what they don't?

ELIZABETH. [_Coming to the rescue._] This is Arnold, Lord Porteous.

PORTEOUS. [_Shaking hands with him._] How d'you do? I knew your father.

ARNOLD. Yes.

PORTEOUS. Alive still?

ARNOLD. Yes.

PORTEOUS. He must be getting on. Is he well?

ARNOLD. Very.

PORTEOUS. Ugh! Takes care of himself, I suppose. I'm not at all well.

This d.a.m.ned climate doesn't agree with me.

ELIZABETH. [_To LADY KITTY._] This is Mrs. Shenstone. And this is Mr.

Luton. I hope you don't mind a very small party.

LADY KITTY. [_Shaking hands with ANNA and TEDDIE._] Oh, no, I shall enjoy it. I used to give enormous parties here. Political, you know.

How nice you've made this room!

ELIZABETH. Oh, that's Arnold.

ARNOLD. [_Nervously._] D'you like this chair? I've just bought it.

It's exactly my period.

PORTEOUS. [_Bluntly._] It's a fake.

ARNOLD. [_Indignantly._] I don't think it is for a minute.

PORTEOUS. The legs are not right.

ARNOLD. I don't know how you can say that. If there is anything right about it, it's the legs.

LADY KITTY. I'm sure they're right.

PORTEOUS. You know nothing whatever about it, Kitty.

LADY KITTY. That's what you think. _I_ think it's a beautiful chair.

Hepplewhite?

ARNOLD. No, Sheraton.

LADY KITTY. Oh, I know. "The School for Scandal."

PORTEOUS. Sheraton, my dear. Sheraton.

LADY KITTY. Yes, that's what I say. I acted the screen scene at some amateur theatricals in Florence, and Ermeto Novelli, the great Italian tragedian, told me he'd never seen a Lady Teazle like me.

PORTEOUS. Ugh!

LADY KITTY. [_To ELIZABETH._] Do you act?

ELIZABETH. Oh, I couldn't. I should be too nervous.

LADY KITTY. I'm never nervous. I'm a born actress. Of course, if I had my time over again I'd go on the stage. You know, it's extraordinary how they keep young. Actresses, I mean. I think it's because they're always playing different parts. Hughie, do you think Arnold takes after me or after his father? Of course I think he's the very image of me. Arnold, I think I ought to tell you that I was received into the Catholic Church last winter. I'd been thinking about it for years, and last time we were at Monte Carlo I met such a nice monsignore. I told him what my difficulties were and he was too wonderful. I knew Hughie wouldn't approve, so I kept it a secret. [_To ELIZABETH._] Are you interested in religion? I think it's too wonderful. We must have a long talk about it one of these days. [_Pointing to her frock._]

Callot?

ELIZABETH. No, Worth.

LADY KITTY. I knew it was either Worth or Callot. Of course, it's line that's the important thing. I go to Worth myself, and I always say to him, "Line, my dear Worth, line." What _is_ the matter, Hughie?

PORTEOUS. These new teeth of mine are so d.a.m.ned uncomfortable.

LADY KITTY. Men are extraordinary. They can't stand the smallest discomfort. Why, a woman's life is uncomfortable from the moment she gets up in the morning till the moment she goes to bed at night. And d'you think it's comfortable to sleep with a mask on your face?

PORTEOUS. They don't seem to hold up properly.

LADY KITTY. Well, that's not the fault of your teeth. That's the fault of your gums.

PORTEOUS. d.a.m.ned rotten dentist. That's what's the matter.

LADY KITTY. I thought he was a very nice dentist. He told me _my_ teeth would last till I was fifty. He has a Chinese room. It's so interesting; while he sc.r.a.pes your teeth he tells you all about the dear Empress Dowager. Are you interested in China? I think it's too wonderful. You know they've cut off their pigtails. I think it's such a pity. They were so picturesque.

[_The BUTLER comes in._

BUTLER. Luncheon is served, sir.

ELIZABETH. Would you like to see your rooms?

PORTEOUS. We can see our rooms after luncheon.

LADY KITTY. I must powder my nose, Hughie.

PORTEOUS. Powder it down here.