Pink champagne, toffee crunch, lemon coconut, raspberry delight, black forest and banana nut. Six cake options. Six of us at the table. It seems only right that we get one of each.

'My boss told me I had to try them so this is actually work for me!' Helen gets ready to gorge.

All the girls reach for pink champagne first topped with curls of pink chocolate that look like they've been set on rollers, it's a b.u.t.ter-creamy, fluffy sponge yum-fest. Elliot digs into toffee crunch, which is covered in smashed pieces of honeycomb. He doesn't have a particularly sweet tooth but we can see that we need to get in quick if we want a taste. All too soon there's nothing left but a few flakes of coconut and the stem of a glace cherry.

Helen is impressed. The rest of us just feel sick.

'Shall we go through to the bar?' Elliot groans. 'I think I need a digestif!'

'Sod that, I'm having a liqueur!' Zo grunts as she gets to her feet.

We waddle through to the Silver Bar, taking a table beside the dance floor. Elliot orders the drinks and Sasha brings over a book of all the rooms for us to peruse while we're waiting for the sugar rush to pa.s.s. We're all quite tipsy so the images are a little blurry, but we get the general idea.

'Who chose the Jungle Room anyway?' Zo asks, reacquainting herself with Elise and Elliot's den.

'I did,' Helen affirms. 'I thought it was the most masculine for Elliot.'

He c.h.i.n.ks gla.s.ses with Helen knowing he could have easily ended up in some floral Valentine.

Elise says she would have chosen the Austrian Suite. Talk about delusions of grandeur it's the poshest of all, 76 feet long, all mock Louis XIV and regal blue.

'I think the rock ones are the s.e.xiest,' I decide. 'Look at Caveman!'

'Oh no!' Elise shudders. 'I already feel like Wilma Flintstone as it is.'

'Oh I'd love it,' I continue. 'It's so primitive all tousled hair and animal pa.s.sion!'

'Tarzan and Jane!' Elliot enthuses.

'Makes you want to tussle and play-fight,' I growl.

'And drag each other by the hair!' he grins, staring straight at me.

'And get all mussed up and sweaty and whooping!' I'm drunker than I realized.

'And then cool off in the shower ...' Elliot's voice drops.

'Water trickling down those raggedy rocks ...' I gaze at him.

'But you might clip your elbow or slip and concuss yourself!' Elise is horrified at the thought.

Talk about ruining the mood! Perhaps they should install one of those old lady shower chairs for her.

'Look, there's one called Yosemite Falls home from home!' Elliot laughs. 'You know, it's so weird I've been surrounded by the real thing for the past three days and it does nothing for me and yet when you throw in a carpet and a TV I think it's the biggest turn-on!'

'Could've fooled me,' Elise mutters into her brandy.

Zo looks fit to burst see! See! Fissure! He's turned on and they still didn't get it on.

I wonder if that's true. You'd think after time apart they'd be raring to go.

Sasha traces her finger over the leopard-print bedspread in the picture. 'I can't believe I've only got one more night with him.'

'If it's meant to be, you've got all the time in the world,' Elise mutters.

We look at her, startled. Which orifice did the romantic in her spring from?

'That's not my personal opinion, I'm quoting Martha,' she tells us.

'What is your personal opinion?' Helen probes.

Elise pulls a face. 'Act fast, don't give him time to think himself out of it.'

Now that's telling.

'That's what I was saying earlier.' Zo leans forward to make her point. 'You miss that window of opportunity to get a snog and it's all too easy to start reasoning yourself out of it doubting your compatibility and all that twaddle. That's why I always get in there early. Who wants to end up as just friends?'

As soon as the sentence is out of her mouth she gives me a regretful look and mouths, 'Sorry!'

I take a gulp of throat-ravaging Sambucca. This is all too close to the bone for me.

'Of course it can work the other way.' Helen has her say: 'Sometimes pining for someone while taking time to get to know them can really build up the desire and excitement.'

'But beware!' I slur. 'You can go too far with that!'

'How do you mean?' Elise wants to know.

'Oh you know, one day, after ten years of longing and frustration you'll simply spontaneously combust!'

The others look concerned. I've got to get a grip.

'Anyway, there's no set rules. You just do what you instinctively feel is right,' Helen soothes.

'That's all very well if you are in touch with your instincts,' Elise has to have the final word. 'There are women on my course who are so riddled with bad past experiences they don't trust their own judgment any more. Whenever a new relationship possibility comes along, it immediately triggers some h.e.l.lish memory and they feel vulnerable and out of their depth and so they panic and behave in such a way that they push the other person away.'

Elise has obviously been paying a lot more attention in cla.s.s than she'd care to admit.

'So what's the solution?' Helen asks.

'We haven't got to that bit yet.'

Great.

We all sup our drinks. When I look up I find Elliot staring at me. And Elise staring at Elliot staring at me. She swiftly clamps her hand on his arm. 'Elliot, I've got a headache coming on. I think I might go to bed.'

We all know what that means I'm ready to leave and you're coming with me whether you like it or not.

'Okay I'll be along shortly.'

'But-' she begins.

'Probably best you have a head-start getting to sleep so I don't keep you awake with my snoring,' he continues.

That's it, Elliot stand strong!

Elise looks put out. 'Well, all right then, I'll stay for just one more drink!' she says, as if we're beseeching her.

Suddenly Zo bursts out laughing. She's been flicking through the room pictures and something about the Matterhorn suite has triggered a memory: 'Did I ever tell you about the guy I s.h.a.gged on this ski trip?' she asks. 'We did it in the snow! We were mid you know, totally naked and we heard these people coming up the path so we fluffed all the snow over us it was so deep and powdery it only took a couple of seconds. We just lay there like two people on the beach buried in sand. It was hysterical!'

'Weren't you freezing?' Elise winces.

'Couldn't feel a thing we were so tanked on grappa we didn't even notice we were shivering until our teeth were rattling together when we kissed!' Zo takes a slug of Baileys then nods at Helen. 'Your turn!'

'What?'

'Best s.e.x story!'

'That's easy, it was two weeks ago Reuben took me up to Big Bear and we got this cabin by the lakeside, it was all rugs and lanterns and hot chocolate ... We went skinny-dipping at midnight and then ran back to our cabin and lay by the fire...'

'Sounds heavenly!' I sigh. And exactly what Joel was proposing.

'Drinks!' Elliot gets to his feet. 'Anyone? Everyone?'

Considering we're already sitting at strange tilted angles this is probably a bad idea but we all say yes.

'Sasha?' Zo tags her. 'Best s.e.x!'

'Masked ball in Venice. He never even saw my face. That's all I'm saying!'

'Fantastic!' Zo raves. 'Your turn, Elise!'

I immediately picture Elise dressed as a dominatrix in black PVC, punishing someone. And then I get a worse thought her story is going to be about Elliot. It's perfectly possible I might throw up.

When I dare to look at her she seems a million miles away. Her face has taken on a look of enchantment and she seems ten years younger, verging on attractive. She goes to speak and then hesitates, as if she'll spoil the memory if she says it out loud. Checking that Elliot is engrossed at the bar, she leans in and begins in a slurring husk: 'There's this little coastal town with these sweet boutiques and pristine tree-lined streets and everything is so neat. There's no litter, no chewing gum, no McDonald's. None of this tackiness,' she says waving her hand at the red leather bar. 'It's all tasteful and groomed.'

Is anyone having any fun, there? I want to ask.

'It just feels so safe,' Elise whispers, hugging herself.

I would never have thought someone so gruff would find twee-dom so appealing.

'We used to get a picnic from the deli and go cycling along the coastal path and every weekend we'd play golf and then one day-'

'Oh my G.o.d, did you do it in a bunker?' Zo's eager to get to the s.e.x bit.

'Imagine the golf b.a.l.l.s flying overhead and people shouting "FORE-play!"' Helen teases.

'No we did not do it in a bunker!' Elise humphs, swatting the air. 'We made love back at his apartment on white sheets with the windows open and the softest breeze coming in. It felt so clean, so right. And in the sunlight we could really see each other. We didn't have to hide. n.o.body was judging us.'

'Who'd be judging you?' I frown, confused. This isn't in keeping with the pushy Elise we love to hate. I've never once got the impression that she cared for other people's opinions. And then I remember her urgency to get to the Hawaiian No-hope-o cla.s.s where she planned to heal hurtful memories could there be a connection?

Elise sighs. 'You can't live somewhere so perfect "in polite society" with a secret like that.'

Then there is a secret! I knew she was hiding something. But what?

'I wanted to belong but the community knew and people gossiped and they pointed,' she continues in a trance.

'Why?' I ask softly, hoping to lull her into a confession. I can't bear the suspense!

'What?' Elise blinks, looking troubled.

'You just said people were gossiping and pointing-'

'No I didn't!' she cries.

I hesitate. I don't think she meant to say that last bit out loud. Frankly I think she's losing her marbles so I daren't probe further. I'm not ready for an Elise-style meltdown.

'Do places like that really exist?' Sasha asks, letting her off the hook. 'It sounds like The Truman Show.'

'Sounds like Carmel to me,' Helen notes.

'It was,' Elise confirms. 'Carmel-by-the-Sea.'

'Where's that?' Zo wants to know.

'About 150 miles up the coast from here,' Helen replies, eyes still on Elise.

That's just a few hours' drive from here, closer still to Breathe. The proximity alone must have brought all those memories good and bad flooding back. Was this all part of The California Club's plan, getting Elise to confront her past, whatever it might be? I still find it strange to think Elise had a whole other life before Elliot. One she could go back to, I think to myself. I wonder if her mystery man is still there? And whether the big taboo still applies?

'How long were you in Carmel for?' Zo asks, taking a more casual line of questioning.

'A couple of months.'

'Months? How did you get the time off work?'

'I left my job,' she says, looking blurry again.

'Were you expecting to stay out here?'

Elliot returns with the drinks. 'Sorry I took so long, I got chatting to the barman. What did I miss?'

'Nothing,' Elise clips, darting warning looks around the table. The subject is clearly closed. Darn! Will we ever get to the crux of this? She's had three times as much as the rest of us and she's still guarding her secret with snarly teeth.

'Let's do fantasies now!' Zo continues on her former tack. 'Describe what your absolute dream scenario would be. Lara, you go first.'

On cue, the band strikes up Begin the Beguine.