Before Elise can retort, the waiter comes to the table. His sales pitch on the hand-cut, oak-pit-barbecued steaks tempts even veggie Sasha. And when Zo learns that Mr Madonna struck up his cattle ranching business with none other than John Wayne she gets giddy and orders a 14-ounce filet mignon.

'Anyone for an olive?' I offer around the platter.

'Don't mind if I do.' Elliot reaches for a fat green one.

'You told me you didn't like olives!' Elise looks aghast.

'I don't, but then again I haven't eaten one in years. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing out.'

'Are you trying to make a point?' Elise's eyes narrow.

'With an olive?' Elliot sounds exasperated.

The rest of us reach for the carrot sticks and crunch noisily. Those self-help cla.s.ses are obviously paying off. Elise is the epitome of peace and harmony tonight.

Drrrrrrinnnnnnng!

What? I can't believe someone has brought their cellphone to dinner! It continues to ring. I look around for the culprit, eager to give them a dirty look.

'Lara, I think that's you!' Helen nudges me.

'It can't be you're all here.'

I scramble in my bag. The number is not identified on the screen. It couldn't be Joel, could it? I flip open the phone and husk a tentative 'h.e.l.lo?'

'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING!'.

'Mum!' I gasp. 'What are you doing? It's got to be 4.30 in the morning there!'

'I had to speak to you on your special day!'

'Hold on.' I squeeze out of the booth and hurry to the lobby. 'Are you okay?'

'Of course! Never better!' she cheers. 'But I want to know how you are!'

'Oh Mum, you should see this place.' I sink into a chair beside the flagstone fireplace. 'It's given me so many ideas for the B&B, I was thinking-'

'Lara.'

'What?'

'We've had an offer.'

My heart freezes.

'Have you said yes?'

'That's one of the reasons I'm calling. I thought it would be a wonderful birthday surprise but if you're not sure ...'

I go to speak but I don't know what to say.

'They want an answer by the end of play today. They're offering the full asking price.'

I feel as though a huge bully is bearing down on me, blocking out all the sun in my world. The worst part is that he's here at my invitation I told Mum to put the B&B on the market. I thought it was the only way. I didn't expect to feel like this. The more ideas I've had for the B&B the less I've believed I would lose it. I told myself it was history but I didn't really believe it. I even secretly started to hope that The California Club might help me come up with a solution.

'Lara?' Mum is still waiting for a response.

As I try and formulate a sentence I watch a family come through the main doors and take in their surroundings with a look with absolute joy and wonder. Suddenly I want that more than anything to create a place that gives such pleasure, and yet happens to be my home.

'You were so keen to sell before.' Poor Mum sounds deflated.

'I know. I know,' I sigh, thinking of The Ahwahnee and the Beverly Hills Hotel, The Del in Coronado, the villa at La Valencia and my pink paradise here. Somehow I felt connected to them all because I was 'in the business'. Am I about to end that?

I take a breath and in my quietest voice instruct: 'Do it. Say yes.'

'Oh Lara!' Now Mum sounds in a quandary. 'What if I try and stall them? Give you a bit more time to think.'

'There's no point. I can't afford it.' I have to be practical. What other choice do I have?

'Lara! Food's here!' Helen leans around the corner and beckons me back to the dining room.

'I've got to go,' I mutter, feeling dazed.

Mum sighs, then peps up. 'You have a wonderful evening, darling, don't let this spoil your fun. I'll put them off for one more day, we'll talk tomorrow.'

'There's no point,' I complain.

'Lara Richards, I've known you since you were in my tummy, do you think I can't tell from your voice what you're really thinking?'

'Oh Mum!' I wail, tears springing to my eyes. 'I want it so much! Ever since I've been out here I've been bombarded with ideas to make our B&B the most welcoming and original place in all Brighton! The thought of losing it ...'

'Hush now. You go and enjoy your dinner. Don't give it another thought. Just send my love to everyone.'

I steady my breathing. There's still a chance. I'll do as she says. I'll hush.

'Do you know Courtney c.o.x and David Arquette once stayed here!' Zo greets me as I approach the table.

'Figures have you seen how that man dresses?' Elise tuts.

'And Dolly Parton and her family are regulars!'

'That just about says it all,' Elliot chuckles. 'Before you get back in, La, I just need to ...' Elliot escapes from the booth, putting his hands on my hips as he slides past me, front on. I'm fairly certain he's never touched me there before. At least, it never felt like this before.

'Where are you going?' Elise barks.

'To the toilet, if that's all right with you, my angel!' Elliot rolls his eyes and trots on his way.

'Fissure!' Zo hisses in my ear as I slide in beside her.

I look for a sign from Elliot when he returns but his first words are not quite what I had in mind.

'I just peed into a waterfall!'

'What?'

'Instead of urinals they've got this water gushing down the rocks and you just-'

'Thank you, Elliot, I think that's enough information!' Elise cuts him short.

'You know, Mr Madonna once took a baby elephant into the men's toilets,' I announce, eager to show I've begun reading my birthday book. 'It belonged to a zookeeper friend of his.'

'Can you imagine peeing alongside an elephant?' Elliot winces. 'Now that would give you an inferiority complex!'

Everyone cracks up. Except Elise. No change there.

'You know what else?' Sasha looks unusually perky. 'There used to be a lion living on the grounds. A busboy from the cafe used to feed her and take her for walks in the mountains out back.'

'I never had you pegged as an animal lover, Sash,' Elliot looks intrigued.

'I know! Things have really changed this week.' Sasha smiles appreciatively at Helen.

'I would have thought either you liked animals or you didn't,' Elise shrugs.

Sasha takes a deep breath, as if she's psyching herself up to make a revelation.

'This is going to sound so silly, and I wouldn't even say it if the wine hadn't gone straight to my head, but ever since I was a girl I thought animals didn't like me!'

'Really?' I frown. 'Why?'

'Well, when I was ten my dad bought me and my sister a cat and it just took an instant aversion to me it would always hiss and wriggle away if I tried to pick it up I had all these scratches on my arms but when Sonia did the same it would purr and nuzzle her and everyone used to say, "Oh that cat just adores you, Sonia!" and I always felt so rejected, like it could see right inside of me and didn't like what it saw. ' She shakes her head. 'I was always so nervous of people putting two and two together and realizing that I was a fraud because the cat knew what I was really like.'

So that was what was creating all the panic as we approached Tiger Tiger!

'When I found out I was going to be around lions and such I thought I might be in serious danger.'

Helen reaches across the table to take Sasha's hand but is hampered by Elise lunging for the wine. She's certainly slugging it back tonight, shame it makes her stroppy rather than mellow she's getting scratchier with every gulp. I think Zo's probably right the body language and sniping between her and Elliot seem to indicate an unresolved argument. Oh dear.

'But to be honest,' Sasha continues, oblivious, 'Ty was way scarier than the cats and after holding Theo-'

'A cub,' I chip in.

'And he didn't bite me or try to get away, it was just such a wonderful feeling, like being truly accepted!'

'Going back to your sister,' Elise begins. 'It's interesting that you begrudged her even a taste of the attention you were used to one house pet responding positively to her when you had the entire population fawning over you. Did you want it all for yourself?'

'Elise!' Elliot admonishes her.

'It wasn't like that!' Sasha protests.

Great, trample all over her newfound happiness why dontcha?

'I'm not saying it was, that's just what they'd say at Breathe.' Elise denies all responsibility for her attack.

'Maybe the reason it was so upsetting for you, was that the response from the animal was what you valued the most,' Helen comes up with a different take on the situation.

'Yes!' Sasha's eyes brighten. 'I can't tell you what it feels like to have an animal trust you. It's given me such a boost.'

'Shame nature boy here doesn't share your enthusiasm!' Helen teases. 'Danced with any more racc.o.o.ns lately?'

'I don't want to talk about it.' Elliot fills his mouth with steak so further questioning is in vain.

As the chatter continues and the dollop of sour cream melts into my baked potato, I find my attention drifting off towards the dance floor. There's barely a non-grey hair to be found but the double hip-replacement brigade are tinkering around the floor with such obvious delight it warms my heart. I watch a man rise from the table, turn to his lady companion and hold out an open palm to her. It's such an elegant gesture. For a moment I pretend it's my hand he's taking.

'Lara?' Elliot calls me back. 'What are you so transfixed by?'

I heave a sigh. 'I was just thinking how I want to be eighty and still be taken dancing with my hunched-over husband! It must be lovely to have someone to hold on to.'

'When was the last time you went out with someone?' Elise asks, blunt as ever.

'It's been a while,' I admit. I don't want to put an actual year count on it so I distract them with a tale of a one-night stand with a Ukrainian cruise ship percussionist.

'I didn't know about this!' Elliot complains.

'It was just after you moved to Manchester during our absent friend period,' I explain, cryptically referring to the spell when Elliot was in the first flushes of love with Elise.

'Do you know I met Elliot just two days after he arrived it was as if he moved there to meet me!' Elise crows.

I don't know what Elliot did in his previous lives but he must have been a bad, bad boy.

'And then there was the deckchair attendant and the cotton candy maker,' I continue.

Elise quickly diagnoses fear of commitment on my part choosing inappropriate men so there could be no chance of a future.

'Or perhaps you make these farcical choices because you're not clear on what you really want.'

'Oh I know what I want. I just can't have it.'

'What we all want for you,' Helen reaches for my hand. 'Is for you to be with someone who loves you as much as we do.'

'I'll drink to that!' Zoe raises her gla.s.s. 'Now. Enough with the therapy nonsense. Let's get serious for a moment what are we having for dessert?'

Chapter 34.