Chapter 5.

October seemed to fly right by. Maddox and I were getting even closer, as if that were possible. I thought we would start to get on each other's nerves when I moved in with him, but it was the opposite effect actually. We were always hanging out with one another. When I moved in I honestly did not think Maddox was going to be around all that much because of the rumors of him going out to parties and getting girls in bed, but he became a homebody like me.

We would eat dinner together, watch movies, and play card games. It actually kind of surprised me about Maddox. The first day I met him he invited me to a party at his place but he hadn't thrown a party here yet. It didn't really bother me because I was enjoying my alone time with Maddox. I swear I learned something new about him every single day. Like how he was deathly afraid of clowns or how he absolutely loved country music. Kenny Chesney and the Eli Young Band were among his favorites.

Sarah and Jade still didn't believe me when I said nothing was going on and we were just friends, but they let it go.

Jade was still being Jade which was having fun and not having a care in the world. Ashlynn began to date a guy from her Chemistry cla.s.s, Derrick Miles. While Derrick was cute he gave me the creeps. There was just something off about him that I couldn't put my finger on. Maddox didn't like him either and told me to stay away from him, saying he didn't get a good vibe from the guy.

Then all of a sudden Jason was seeing this girl named Christy Allen who he said he'd met at a party. She seemed nice, but a little ditzy. What surprised me the most was that Jason would act really weird whenever Ashlynn and Derrick were around. It didn't matter if Christy was there or not. Jason would stiffen and glare daggers at Derrick. He tried to push it off as if he felt Ashlynn was a sister but Maddox and I both knew something was going on in Jason's head, or heart.

Sarah and Gabe were still going strong. There are some couples who are really nauseating, but Sarah and Gabe were so cute. They complemented each other really well. I always questioned true love, but when you looked at Sarah and Gabe true love was no longer a question, it was an answer.

Sarah reminded me so much of Jade, with somewhat of a filter. Whenever Sarah would talk I loved to watch Gabe. The way he looked at her made my heart melt. He looked at her with such affection and I knew that what they had was real. That maybe it really was out there and that I could maybe have it. That maybe it was a possibility.

I could feel something was changing between Sarah and Gabe because Gabe was starting to act nervous and became really jittery whenever he was around Sarah. I thought maybe something had happened between them, but Sarah seemed like her same old self. I was starting to get nervous. When I couldn't take it anymore I asked Maddox about it one night. He told me that Gabe was going to propose over Thanksgiving break. He told me not to tell anyone and that he was the only one who knew. I was so excited for them and I just wanted to see the ring. Maddox told me that he'd helped Gabe design it and that started to make me think about the tattoo that Maddox was still designing for me.

I had only known everybody for three months, but it felt like I finally had a family. Since Sarah and Gabe only lived across the hall we would have family dinners once a week. We also went to the movies and did normal things couples do.

Wait, where did that come from?

I was sitting in the living room drinking a gla.s.s of wine and reading a book when Maddox came home from work. He took his shoes off and pulled off his jacket. "Honey, I'm home." We always made it a ritual when he came home. I would run into his arms and give him a kiss on the cheek, but tonight it was different.

I put my gla.s.s of wine down and looked at Maddox and smiled. I started to run into his arms and he lifted me up and held me against him. I don't know if it was instinct, but I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. The room was so quiet; it felt like time stood still for forever. My eyes bulged out of my head and my heart beat so fast. I could hear Maddox breathing just as hard as I was.

I was getting ready to say, "Welcome home," but I didn't get to say anything because he kissed me. The second his lips touched mine I felt like I was electrocuted and brought back to life. Before his lips touched mine it felt like I wasn't really living. His lips made me feel like I finally understood what all the love songs and sappy romance novels were about. His lips gave me the answer.

His lips lingered and he was staring at me, asking a question that only I could answer. Maddox started to pull back, but I grabbed his head and crushed his mouth to mine. I heard him moan and he opened his mouth and patiently waited for me to open mine in allowance and acceptance. The second our tongues touched I felt wet between my legs. Maddox pulled me even closer to him and I felt his growing erection right at my crotch.

One of his arms wrapped around my waist and the other was at the back of my head trying to deepen the kiss. I started to sigh which in turn only made Maddox groan louder. His groans made me feel animalistic and I wanted to just devour him. Make him mine.

We kissed for a few more seconds and all I wanted at that moment was for him to carry me back to his room and finish the job. No scratch that. Not job, because people work at jobs because they have to. With Maddox I wanted to.

I wanted him.

In that instant Maddox started to put me down. I wanted to grab his hand and pull him back to his room. If he wasn't going to take the initiative then I was.

The second my feet touched the floor I felt like I was going to fall over. My legs were weak and felt like jelly. I couldn't hold myself up. I don't know if I was reading way too into it, but Maddox grabbed a hold of me and never let go. I felt like he saved me and that maybe I could start to open up my heart. That maybe with Maddox I could be saved and that everything I'd been dealt in my life might have been worth it.

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I saw Maddox's pupils were dilated. He was looking at me like he wanted to rip my clothes off. I kind of wished he would. I was about to ask him why he didn't but he shook his head. I took that as a sign that the kiss didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Not even close.

"d.a.m.n sweetheart, that was f.u.c.king amazing. I think I'm going to work every day from now on if I get a kiss like that when I come home."

I tried to laugh it off. "Hey now, come on munchkin, I believe you kissed me first."

A slow smile crept onto his beautiful face and then it disappeared. "Yeah I did and I'm so happy you ended it."

The second he said that I pushed out of his arms and walked away from him. I never took my eyes off his. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut and the wind was knocked out of me. I thought I heard my heart breaking, but maybe that was just the deep breaths I was trying to control. I couldn't believe that I'd thought Maddox could save me or want me. Or that anyone would want me.

I walked into the living room, got the gla.s.s of wine and my book and started to make my way back to my room. I was getting ready to close the door but Maddox blocked the door with his foot.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I gulped down the rest of my wine as I made my way over to the bed. "Nothing's wrong Maddox. Nothing at all. Everything is just the way it should be."

Maddox clearly wasn't buying my act. "Then tell me why you look like I just told you Santa Claus isn't real for the first time?"

Here it was. Now or never. "Am I not a good kisser?"

"What the h.e.l.l are you talking about Isabelle? You're f.u.c.king amazing. I'm just glad you stopped."

I couldn't believe I was going to ask the question, but I had to hear the answer even though I already knew what the answer was going to be. "Why? Why are you glad I stopped if I'm f.u.c.king amazing as you put it?"

"Jesus. Is that what this is about? Because I said I was glad you stopped?"

When I didn't say anything and just stared at him he continued.

"Sweetheart, I'm glad you stopped because I was about to drag off all of your clothes and sink right into you. That's why I'm glad you stopped, because I wouldn't have been able to."

"What makes you think I wanted you to stop, Maddox? Did you ever think that maybe I wanted you just as badly as you want me?"

Maddox's eyes bulged out of his head and he let out a deep breath he was holding onto like a lifeline.

"Sweetheart, please. Don't say things like that. I already want to kick myself in the a.s.s right now as it is. The words that are coming out of your beautiful, bruised lips are just killing me. Destroying me even. They're eating me up from the inside out."

"Why not? For once I'm telling you how I feel. What I want. What I choose. And I choose you." The second the words left my lips I didn't know what to do. The truth was finally out there, that I wanted Maddox Mitch.e.l.l.

Maddox walked back and forth in my room for a few seconds and took a deep breath. It looked like he was debating something with himself, but the second I saw him shake his head I knew I wasn't going to like the answer. "Sweetheart, the reason I'm glad you stopped is because I wouldn't have been able to."

My blood boiled and I lost it. I had put my empty gla.s.s of wine down next to my nightstand but I was still holding onto my book like a shield trying to keep myself safe from the words leaving his mouth. I threw my book at the wall and just started screaming at him. "Dammit Maddox, I know! You already told me your G.o.dd.a.m.n f.u.c.king excuse!"

"f.u.c.k Iz! It's not a f.u.c.king excuse! It's the G.o.dd.a.m.n truth! I have wanted you ever since I ran into you and I looked into your beautiful brown eyes! You took my breath away, but I knew something that beautiful did not deserve to be in the same place as me. Let alone be with someone like me. You deserve so much more than me, Isabelle Katherine.

I don't even know if there is someone out there who comes close to what you deserve. You deserve someone who is going to love you for forever and who is waiting for you, like you're waiting for them. You deserve respect and G.o.d, if they could give you the world they should. You deserve to be cherished and at the top of their priorities, but with you I don't know how any man could have any other priorities. f.u.c.k, I don't even know how many girls I have been inside, let alone their names. I'll be d.a.m.ned if I let someone like that near you...even if that person is me."

I thought my heart had broken earlier, but it shattered into a million and one pieces with every word that came out of his mouth, his confession. That he wasn't good enough for me. At that moment I wished I had more wine to drink, to make myself numb and to try and forget about all of this, but I didn't. And a part of me didn't want to forget, because while his words destroyed me, they gave me hope. Hope that maybe Maddox and I could work out and start something. I'm not sure what that something was but I knew I wanted it with Maddox. I was done thinking with my head and thinking about the what if's and what could be's. I decided to take a chance and risk everything and for once, I decided to think with my heart.

I untangled myself from the bed and stood up. Maddox was up against the wall in the corner of my bedroom and had his arms up covering his face. I couldn't believe that this tattooed, muscled, beautiful man was in so much pain when I was around him. I'd had no idea and it nearly killed me.

I walked over to him and put my hands on his arms. I felt him flinch underneath my touch, but I dragged his arms down to uncover his face and what I saw completely destroyed me. Tears were pouring from his eyes and I didn't know what to do. I ended up doing the only thing I could think of in that moment.

I put a hand on each side of his face and cradled him. His eyes were still closed when I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him. I kissed him because to me that kiss symbolized my saving him. I wanted to take away all of his pain. I thought he was going to push me away and walk out of the room, but he pulled me up close to him and spun us around.

My back slammed into the wall and his tongue was in my mouth before I could even comprehend the slight pain in my back. His hands roamed up and down my body and his mouth was ravenous. I felt like if he could he would crawl up inside of me and never come out. I thought I knew Maddox, but in that instant it all came crashing down on me in big waves that this beautiful man standing in front of me devouring me inside and out and completely consuming me was even more damaged than I was.

At some point Maddox pulled away from me and leaned his forehead up against mine. With such tenderness and compa.s.sion he started to wipe the tears away from my face. "Sweetheart, it's ok. Please don't cry. I'm sorry I told you. I've wanted to tell you, but I knew it would destroy our friendship. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm just going to be in my room when you want to talk." And with that he let go of me, opened my door and walked out.

I thought the kiss that we just shared was him giving in and allowing me to be with him, but the kiss to him was more of a goodbye and it answered so many of my questions. I fell down the wall and curled up into a ball. This was all happening so fast. I wiped the rest of the tears away from my face, but it didn't do me any good because the tears just kept coming. I tried to settle myself as best as I could and took a few calming breaths. I needed to get my bearings together in order to talk to Maddox.

A few minutes later I stood up and walked over to his room. I knocked a few times, but there were no answers so I just walked right in. Maddox was sitting on his bed with his head between his hands looking down at the floor. He didn't move when I knelt in front of him. I wanted to move his head so he would look at me when I told him my confession, but his stare would shatter me, body and soul.

"The first time I saw you I thought you were physically beautiful. As I have gotten to know who you are as a person I have learned that your physical beauty comes nowhere near in comparison with how beautiful your heart and your mind are. I spent my entire life with Cynthia telling me I'm not worth it, that I'll never be wanted, cherished, loved. I thought that what she was telling me was true because if my mom couldn't even love me why would anybody else? But that all changed when I met you and you changed everything for me.

You have shown me that people do care about my well-being and that there are good people out there. What I'm saying Maddox, is that everybody has a past and we do things we might later regret. I can't change mine and even if I wanted to I wouldn't because if I had done anything differently I might not be sitting here in front of you confessing my feelings. We might not have even met and I wouldn't be able to live with that. I already told you that I chose you and I still choose you. I might regret things I say or do, but I will never regret choosing you. I will always choose you. The question now is, what do you want? Who do you want? Who do you choose?"

Maddox looked up from the floor and put his hands on my face and swiped his finger across my lips. It looked like he was having an inner battle with himself and every second that went by my heart beat erratically quickened.

"Motherf.u.c.k. I don't deserve you Isabelle, but for as long as you'll have me I'm yours. Only yours."

I didn't think my lips could take the loneliness anymore. I was about to kiss him, but he leaned into me and kissed me with such tenderness that I became weak in the knees. It was a good thing I was kneeling in front of him, because I would have fallen straight on my a.s.s. His kisses never seemed to get old and I didn't think they ever would. They took my breath away and showed me that there was so much more out there.

After kissing me he looked at me with such thoughtfulness in his eyes. "So sweetheart, where do we go from here?"

"I don't care. It doesn't even matter where we go from here, just as long as I'm with you."

A smile touched his lips for the first time since we kissed at the front door. "I couldn't have said it better even if I tried."

"Shut the front door, you b.i.t.c.h!" Jade was jumping up and down and squealing. Sarah just had this mega watt smile on her face and her eyes were twinkling. "So what, are you guys like a couple or something? Oh my G.o.d, this is f.u.c.king crazy!"

I stood up and started to pull Jade back down to her seat. "Jade please calm down, we are in the library for goodness sakes."

The second Jade's a.s.s touched the seat she jumped back up and started to leave the library. "Jade, where do you think you're going?"

Jade stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. "Um, what does it look like I'm doing? I've never seen pigs fly. I'm just going outside to see what they look like." With that she turned and walked out of the library.

"Cheese and rice, it's not that crazy that we're dating. Is it Sarah?"

Sarah was still smiling at me and I hadn't seen in her blink in a while so I waved my hand in front of her face. "Sarah, are you ok? Are you broken or something? Do I need to reboot you?"

Sarah laughed and slapped my hand away. "Oh you smarta.s.s, I'm fine. I'm just shocked is all and extremely happy. My two best friends are dating. I just can't wait to help you pick out your wedding gown and throw you the best bachelorette party ever!"

The second I heard the word wedding my stomach dropped and I became speechless.

Sarah waved a hand in front of my face like what she had just said was not that big of a deal. "Oh sweetie, calm down. I'm just kidding around, but honestly, I could see it happening. Don't worry and don't you dare let it get to you, ok. Matter of fact, how about you just forget I said anything, ok?"

"Um, yeah. O-Ok." Like that would happen.

By the time I was done with my internal freak out Jade came back in the room and fell down into her seat. "Well, I missed them. Thanks a lot, Iz. So how amazeb.a.l.l.s is he at kissing? Did you instantly o.r.g.a.s.m?"

"Oh my gosh Jade, you really are crazy! All I will tell you is that his lips are amazing and his hands are... "

"What about my hands, sweetheart?"

My heart sped up and I started to turn around. Maddox was looking down at me with a huge smile on his face and those d.a.m.n dimples were making a s.e.xy a.s.s appearance. "Um, exactly how much did you hear? And who said I was talking about you, munchkin?"

He started to laugh and bent down and kissed me on the lips. I thought it was going to be a simple peck but he put one of his hands behind my head to deepen the kiss. Then his tongue was in my mouth swirling around with mine and the other was on my hips holding me still. I heard sighs from behind me but I was way too mesmerized by Maddox's lips. I was hypnotized. I started to put my hands up around his neck to play with his wavy hair but he broke away. His lips moved up into a devilish grin and his eyes sparkled. "So who were you talking about, sweetheart?"

Maddox knew he had me right where he wanted me. I decided to go with the truth and see what he had to say about that. "You. Only you."

His smile got even bigger and I swear I saw fireworks go off in his eyes. "So you ready to leave? I'm really hungry and am ready to have some dinner."

"Um yea-" I didn't get to finish my sentence because Maddox pulled me up over his shoulders and turned to walk away. Before we made our way out of the library I heard Gabe yelling, "Atta boy," Sarah laughing and Jade yelled, "So that's what the kids are calling it these days? Dinner? Well, I hope you two have some really spicy, hot, dirty dinner!" and then she winked at us.

Chapter 6.

I was sitting in the living room doing some homework when Maddox came up behind me and sat down on the sofa. I could tell that his eyes were on mine and I smiled. I looked over at him and he handed me a gla.s.s of wine while he took a sip from his bottle of beer.

I took the wine from him and took a good healthy sip. "Thanks munchkin." I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. I heard him moan which made me giggle and also got me really excited, a.k.a. h.o.r.n.y as f.u.c.k. I couldn't believe in a million years I was the one who was getting Maddox to make sounds like that. Made him feel those things and got the reactions he was getting.

Maddox stood up and set his beer on the coffee table and took my wine from me and set it on the coffee table as well. He then sat back down and looked at me. "Why are you always staring at me, Maddox?"

He shrugged his shoulders like it was a no brainer. Almost as if I should know his answer to my question already. "Because you're gorgeous. Beautiful. s.e.xy. h.e.l.l, those words don't even come close to describing you. It's just that I can never get enough of you. Every time I look at you I see a different emotion come across your face or a new freckle I hadn't noticed before. Why? Does it bother you?" I actually thought about it for a few seconds and then shook my head. "You know what? I thought maybe it would bother me, but, it doesn't. It actually makes me feel cherished and special."

He wrapped an arm around me to pull me closer and kissed me on the forehead. "You are very special to me Isabelle. Very special indeed." His words made me want him and before I knew it I was straddling him and crushing my mouth to his. I twined my fingers through his hair and pulled back just a little so his head would fall back onto the couch. I wanted to take control and deepen the kiss. He happily obliged and wrapped his arms around my back. I could hear him grunting and sighs were coming from my mouth and it just made me want him even more than I already did. I didn't want to leave his mouth but I started to kiss down his neck and made my way up to his earlobes to bite down on them.

My lips were getting lonely so I kissed him on the lips again and bit his lower lip. The second I did that his bulging erection pushed into my groin. Yup, I would definitely have to keep that bit of information at the forefront of my mind for later.

Then it was my turn. Maddox suckled and nibbled his way down my throat to my collarbone. He started suckling at a soft spot along my jaw. My instincts kicked in and I started rubbing up against his groin. Oh, I like that feeling!

I could feel there was a tension building up inside of me and I just wanted to set it free. I needed to find a release. My release. I started grinding into him harder which gave him all the motivation he needed. He started sucking and nipping at my neck harder and his hands moved down my back to grab and pinch my a.s.s. I knew I was getting close and the second Maddox sucked on my earlobe I completely lost it. I came and man, did I come hard.

"Oh G.o.d. OH G.o.d MADDOX! MADDOX! "

I heard Maddox grunt again and then he became still. Maddox was slowly kissing my neck and kissed me once on the lips while I was still panting and trying to catch my breath.

"Holy s.h.i.t sweetheart! The was a-f.u.c.king-mazing!"

"Holy s.h.i.tb.a.l.l.s, yeah it was." I started to blush. Oh G.o.d, I cannot believe I just did that. With Maddox.

"Um sweetheart, why are you blushing?"

"Uh, uh no reason."

"Sweetheart?"